Status Update

So, I hear a lot of you asking, how are you Dweeze? What's new in your life?

I know what you mean by this - you want to know when the pool will be ready and when you can come over. Bastards!

Heh heh. Just kidding. For reasons I'll detail below, a pool party sounds like a blast.

Anyway, we had a slight setback on our way to pool readiness. The filter motor burned out, meaning we were unable to run the filter for a couple of weeks until our landlords got in replaced. So, this allowed the tadpole population to revive slightly, necessitating another large scale liquid chlorine attack. Many tadpoles knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the liquid chlorine that day, I can tell you.

However, this put the whole cleaning process back a couple of weeks. Things were further complicated by the fact that, while the chemical levels in the water are fine, more than fine, the water is still incredibly cloudy. I finally deduced that the reason for the cloudiness is the large amount of leaves that got into the pool over the winter. I had scooped out a ton, but there were still a lot slowly decaying into dirt and silt. Thus the cloudiness of the water. I am in the process of vaccuming out the bottom of the pool, but it is somewhat slow, tedious work. Further, because the best time to do it is when the sun is directly on the pool (which allows me to better see which areas need cleaning), I can't do much during the week. So the process is going slow.

See, over the winter a lot of leaves got in the pool. The answer to the problem for next winter is for either our landlords or us to spring for a hard cover for the pool. The landlords put a tarp over it this last year. This was bad for two reasons. First, a ton of leaves fell on the cover. Because it was a soft cover, and because there was still water in the pool (except for the most northern areas, it is recommended that you leave water in an outdoor pool over the winter) I was unable to clear the tarp. Then, when it snowed, the weight of the snow drove the tarp out of it's holdings into the pool, effectively dumping the leaves into the pool. Where some of them still are. But I'm getting them. Oh yes. I'm getting them.

The pool is probably swimmable now. In fact, I've been wading into it to clean it, due to the fact that, well, it's easier to clean a pool that way. It would be like swimming in a chemically treated lake. You wouldn't want to swallow any water because of the dirt and silt, but you really shouldn't swallow the water in a pool anyway. As I've mentioned before, it is amazing the amount of chemicals that get put in a pool on a daily/weekly basis. Enough chemicals, as I've written, to kill a nation of tadpoles.

So why would a pool party be fun? Because we are now in week two of Dweeze in empty house. Lesa and Ethan are gone for the summer. Lesa was gone last summer, but Ethan stayed. She left again a week ago, and now it's just me, the dogs, the cats, and the fish, and, quite frankly, the fish really aren't that much fun. I went three days over the long weekend without talking to anyone in person other than a clerk in a store.

The empty house isn't the worst part. The worst part is being without Ethan. This is the longest stretch I've been apart from him since he was born. Prior to June 27th, there had only been 11 nights since he was born in October 2002 where he and I didn't sleep under the same roof. Now there's been 11 nights in a row, with more, perhaps a lot more, on the way. Hell, there is probably a possibility that this will be the rest of my life, several month-long stretches where he is not around.

Now, I'm not telling you this because I want sympathy. I hate pity parties, hate them even more when I am the guest of honor. I'm tempted to not have comments on this post, because someone is going to post a "hang in there"or a "I'm thinking of you" or something like that. No need. I don't want it. If you're one of the folks with my email and want to drop a line, fine. But not here, not in public. Give me mock. Give me snark. Just don't give me pity.

That being said, this is tough for me. When I think of myself, the first thing I think of is father. Not son, not brother, not friend, employee, co-worker, or even husband. I think of me first and foremost as a father. But right now I am a father without sons. Drew is at his real father's for the summer. Ethan is gone. I still feel them both, particularly Ethan. I've had to deal with Drew leaving before. I haven't had to deal with Ethan being gone. I miss him. Terribly. I miss how his vocabulary increases each day. I miss him singing "You've got a friend in me" along with Toy Story. I miss reading to him, playing with him, hugging him, putting him to bed. I don't want to go all Shane Powers on you, but I can understand how a father would regard his son as his best friend. I don't feel that way - after all, it would be a little bit creepy for a 46-year old to have a 3-year old (almost 4) as his best friend. But I understand how having a son, or any child for that matter, completely changes your life, completely changes your outlook and, at a more fundamental level, who you are. I am a different man than I once was.

Right now I am basically living the life I used to live, able to do what I want when I want. There are two differences. One, now I'm living that life in a great house instead of a one-room apartment. Two, I hate it. I didn't know before what was missing from my life, and now I do know, and I hate it. I want my son here.

Sure, as he grows up it's becoming obvious he isn't going to be an ace pitcher or a quarterback like I hoped. He doesn't love throwing a ball as much as he did when he was younger. No, now it's obvious he will be a linebacker. He loves to run full speed head on into anything - people, the dogs, walls - bounce off, then run full speed into them again. But a linebacker is okay, and really, it's far better to be delivering the pain than receiving it. At least that's what my dominatrix says.

But I miss him, and can't wait til he gets back, whenever that may be. I miss Lesa too, and want her home too. I want my family in one place and the problems we've had for the, oh, past 20 months to resolve. And yes, I realize how that sounds. But it's what I want.

I don't want pity, though. So bring the hurt. Do it now, for free, so I can cut back on my "getting the hurt" spending.

Oh, forgot to include this when I first posted. It's the lyrics to Godspeed, a Radney Foster song that the Dixie Chicks recorded on their Home CD (and later rerecorded on the Top Of The World Live disc). If I recall correctly, Foster wrote it for his son when he and his wife got divorced. I sing it every night now, even though it always makes me cry. It's beautiful. It was beautiful before, it's even moreso now.

Dragon tails and the water is wide
Pirate's sail and lost boys fly
Fish bite moonbeams every night
And I love you

Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

Rocket Racer's all tuckered out
Superman's in pajamas on the couch
Goodnight Moon will find the mouse
And I love you

Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

God bless mommy and Matchbox cars
God bless dad and thanks for the stars
God hears "Amen," wherever we are
And I love you

Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

Another Boring Poker Post

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "So Dweeze, seen any cool poker hands lately?"

Well you know what I say to that? I say b'scuse me mother fucker, do I look like I could eat all that chicken by myself?

Okay, I don't say that. But if I did, it would be more than appropriate for you to respond with a hearty shut up bitch, I don't know your life.

With that out of the way, there are a couple of hands I want to talk about, one I was in and one I watched. The hand I watched was notable for what happened, the hand I was in notable for how someone reacted to it.

First the hand I watched. I was in a 90-person tourney, about a third of the way through (meaning about 30 people had already busted out). There were three big stacks at the table, all three with more than 5,000 chips, one with more than 7,000. Hand starts and I get dealt crap in the big blind. The first three people to act muck and we get to the big stack. He raises 500 chips. Next person to act folds and we get to the second largest stack. He re-raises 1,000. Next person to act is the third stack, and HE reraises another grand. Small blind folds, I fold, back to the big stack who smooth calls the 2,000 chip raises. The second stack rereraises all in, the third stack calls as does the big stack. So we've got a 15,000 chip pot at stake. The cards reveal and we see the big stack with A-Q hearts and each of the other players with pocket kings. The two sets of cowboys aren't in bad shape. True, the only way to improve their hands is to hit a flush, a straight, or a boat. But A-Q needs to hit either the heart flush, an ace, or a set of queens to win. So what is the flop? Queen of spades, queen of clubs, queen of diamonds. Big stack flops quads.

I don't know if it's ever happened to you - it's occurred a couple of times to me - but there a few things as nice in poker as flopping quads. Flop quads and you can pretty much consider that hand yours. In fact, as long as there is no straight flush draw or another quad draw on the board, you can't slow play quads too much. Let the betting come to you, or, if you feel compelled to bet, just make little value bets that give people the right odds to call. (One of the best way to improve the flopping quads experience is to have someone else at the table decide to represent that THEY flopped quads. This has happened to me twice, and both times I was able to bust the person by calling their raises after the flop and the turn. As someone said once, you can't bluff quads out of a pot.)

But the wierdest thing about the hand was yet to come. The turn comes up an Ace. The river also comes up an Ace. So not only does the guy flop quads, he also flops a set of Aces. Showing on the board at the end of the hand were four queens, four kings, and four aces and that was just with three people in the hand. Talk about your impressive boards.

As to the hand I was in, it's a 18-person tournament that pays four places. There are six of us left, and I was in fifth place but well within striking distance of both fourth and third. I get dealt K-8 on the button. First person to act, the fourth place chip holder, calls as does the next peson, the chip leader. The next person mucks, I call, the small blind folds. The big blind checks.

Flop comes down 5-5-K. Big blind checks, next guy raises 250. Big stack calls, I call, big blind folds. I figure at least one of the two others in the pot has a 5, but I'm getting pot odds to call with my two pair.

Turn comes out another K. I've hit a boat, Ks over 5s. Doesn't matter now if one of them has a five - in fact, I hope they both have fives and I'm the only one with a K. But even if I'm not the only one with a K, I'm still almost certain to split the pot.

First guy to act bets 500. Big stack reraises 500, I don't hesitate to call. First guy to act then goes all in, with quick calls from both the big stack and me. This means both first stack and I have our tournament lives on the line. Big stack shows K-10 for a full house Ks over 5s. I show my K-8 for a full house Ks over 5s. Next guy shows 9-5 for a full house 5s over Ks. He's meat, unless of course the fourth five shows on the river. Which it doesn't. What does show is an 10, meaning big stack takes the pot with a full house Ks over 10s.

I'm out, but I stick around to wish the guy a nh. We had been talking throughout the game and I felt I owed it to him. However, the first guy, the guy with the 5s over Ks, starts ranting about getting beat by the river. I helpfully point out that he didn't get beat on the river, he got beat on the turn. I got beat on the river. Guy keeps ranting, calls me an idiot noob poker player. I point out the need for him to check the hand history and that, if he does, he'll see both big stack and I had better full boats on the turn and that he was beat at that point. He must have checked, cause a moment later he comes back with "Well I had a set on the turn and you guys called me," a statement that provoked a round of "lol"s from the people at the table. I pointed out that at the time he was probably ecstatic that we called him, that if he hadn't wanted us to call him he should have made a huge bet that we couldn't call, and that if you can't handle the fact that people will sometimes hit their draws, you shouldn't get greedy and make value bets that people will call, but by that time he had already taken off.

See, the thing is, if he had been paying attention he would have gotten more than enough information to make the right move at that point. But he didn't pay attention to anything other than the fact that he had a full house, 5s over Ks. If he was paying attention, he could have deduced when we called his initial bet that we were calling with either another 5, a K, or an over pair to the 5s or the K. Those latter two events were unlikely considering the pre-flop action (or lack thereof). And because he already had one of the 5s, if he was thinking he would have known that at least one of us had a K.

Then, after the turn, when big stack not only called but raised, he should have known that, with all probability, big stack had a K. At the very least, big stack was representing a K. Once I called, he had to know, if he was paying attention, that at least one of us, and probably both of us, had a K. Maybe you bluff-raise and represent the K, but you don't call that raise without actually having a K. Breaking it down, there were five possibilities.

The least likely is that big stack and I were both bluffing and neither of us had Ks over 5s. Like I say, extremely unlikely, but the best possibility as far as Mr. Rant was concerned. If we are both bluffing, Mr. Rant comes out no worse than a split pot (in the unlikely event a third K hit on the river). This scenario is one of only two where Mr. Rant's all-in makes sense, and, like I said, it is the least likely scenario.

The second possibilty, also unlikely, is that one of us was bluffing and one of us had 5s over Ks. While this is also unlikely, as no one paying attention would call the bluff with just 5s over Ks, Mr. Rant called with just 5s over Ks so I can't discount it completely. This is split pot between Mr. Rant and whoever had 5s over Ks (with, again, the possibilty of a third K on the river giving a split pot between everyone). Mr. Rant's all-in makes sense under this scenario, because the person with 5s over Ks might think Mr. Rant had Ks over 5s, but again this is an unlikely scenario.

The third possibility is that one of us was bluffing and one of us had Ks over 5s. In that event going all-in would chase the person bluffing, but it would not chase the person with Ks over 5s. At that point, Mr. Rant would be all-in against a better hand, needing the unlikely fourth 5 to stay in the game.

The fourth possibility is that one of us had 5s over Ks and one of us had Ks over 5s. In that event, going all-in might chase the person with 5s over Ks, but it would not chase the person with Ks over 5s and, even if it chased the person with 5s over Ks, Mr. Rant is still dead because the only card that would win the pot for him, the fourth 5, got mucked when the other person with 5s over Ks mucked.

The final possibility is that both of us had Ks over 5s. In that event, going all-in chases no one and Mr. Rant is, for all practical purposes, drawing dead, needing the fourth 5 to win the hand.

So, five possibilities, only two of which give him any reasonable chance to win the hand. The two least likely possibilities.

What then should Mr. Rant have done? Well, he could have just called, checked the river, and then folded at any sign of a bet from big stack or me. He could have also made another small rereaise, say 500 chips, an information gathering bet to see how the two of us reacted. If one or both of us were bluffing, we would fold. If one or both of us had a boat, we would call or reraise. At that point Mr. Rant could act accordingly on the river.

But he didn't, and for the sake of this blog, he shall remain forever as Mr. Rant. To Mr. Rant!

The Devil Went Down To Iowa

The following thought prompted by Charlie Daniels playing the Fourth of July Concert in Coralville this year. (And, in all seriousness, props to the Coralville folks for mixing it up with their music in the park selections: George Clinton and Funkadelic, America, Kansas, Charlie Daniels - the only thing in common is that their earning power has dropped drastically over the years, which means they are available to play a free concert in Coralville, Iowa.) (Oh, and to the clerk who excitedly told me that friends were saving her seats at the concert. If you are excited about seeing Charlie Daniels, we really don't have anything else to talk about. Although in terms of full disclosure, I did see Charlie Daniels at an Iowa Jam in 1978 along with the Marshall Tucker Band, the Climax Blue Band, Firefall, and Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen. At least I think I did. It's been 30 years and I can't find a listing for it online anywhere and, well, I was a touch messed up at the time. But I digress again.)

Anyway, who judged that damn fiddle contest - American Idol voters? The devil was more technically sound, more musically capable, and overall did a better performance. Johnny had a backwoods charm, was a better showman, but musically was derivative and bland. Yet he won. Rigged I tell ya. Rigged.

To Bill Brasky!

This is from Ask The Bunny, a regular feature at Wizard Magazine’s (a comic book industry magazine) Web site.

Bunny, How different would “Lost” be if Jack Bauer was on that plane?
Tom

Well, for starters, the whole thing would be over real fast. It would take about a day at the most. (Funny, most things in Jack’s life are like that.) Jack would probably find a way to crash the plane into the Others whilst scattering debris on all of the island’s other mysterious threats. With no people left to talk tersely to, Jack would then take a polar bear hostage and force it at gunpoint to tell him all of the secrets of the show, the Dharma Corp. and the island. Jack would then just start walking to Los Angeles—underwater, like Godzilla, except cooler because Godzilla doesn’t carry a rad messenger bag and rarely shoots suspects’ wives in the thigh. Stupid Godzilla.

To Jack Bauer!

This?

Really brings the funny. It's a good blog anyway, well worth reading, but this goes beyond the normal level of funny into extreme funny. Rapebear funny.

Lyle Lovett Week Is Here!

It’s Lyle Lovett week here at Corn’O’Copia. Pay attention – there may be a theme!

If You Were To Wake Up (from the album Lyle Lovett and His Large Band)

If you were to wake up
And I were beside you
Would you gently smile dear
And whisper my name?

And would you remember
The way that I held you?
And would you want me
To hold you again?

Time reaches to you
Just like a willow
That bends to the water
And clings to the shore

And there was a time dear
That once you did love me
And there was a time when
You loved me no more

Rain on your window
Light on your pillow
The way you lie sleeping
Is it like before?

For there was a time dear
That once you did love me
And there was a time when
You loved me no more

Somehow

I imagine alcohol played a part in this.

Local authorities launched a rescue effort early this morning after receiving a report of a man who fell into the Iowa River off the Burlington Street Bridge and went over the dam.The search for the man halted after about three hours — when he called police to say he was OK.

Yes, 23-year-old Jonathan Fasselius of Coralville did indeed fall off the Burlington Street bridge about 2:19 a.m. And yes, he was immediately swept over the dam beneath said bridge.According to a press release from the Johnson County Sheriff’s Office, Fasselius said he was looking for a friend on the eastbound side of the bridge. He then decided to cross over to the westbound side, not realizing that the two sides are actually two separate bridges. You can guess what that led to.

It was then that Iowa City resident Kimberly Fensterbusch heard a splash, and saw Fasselius in the water yelling for help. She called 911.

After hitting the water just up river from the bridge, Fasselius then went over the dam and underwater for a period of time. Amazingly, he was able to make it out of the water downstream. Unaware that anyone even saw him go in, let alone called for his rescue, Fasselius walked home.

Meanwhile, the Johnson County Sheriff’s Office, Iowa City Police Department, Johnson County Ambulance Department, Iowa City Fire Department, Hills Fire Department, Coralville Fire Department and Johnson County Emergency Management responded and got to work on a search and rescue mission for a man who was toweling off back at his pad in Coralville.

About 5:30 a.m., Fasselius called Iowa City Police to say that he had heard they were looking for someone in the Iowa River, and that he just might be the guy they were looking for.Fasselius suffered minor injuries.

My favorite line there? You can guess what that led to. Next favorite? got to work on a search and rescue mission for a man who was toweling off back at his pad in Coralville.

“Toweling off back at his pad”? Yeah baby! That’s shagadelic!

Seriously though, this is gold. Guy presumably gets very drunk, drunk enough to be walking along the eastbound Burlington Street bridge looking for a friend. Guy decides friend is not on the eastbound, then decides to look on the westbound bridge. Guy decides to just climb over the rail from the eastbound bridge to the westbound bridge, apparently not noticing the six-seven foot gap between the bridges where there is nothing but air and, after a 15-20 foot fall, the river. Just above the dam. Guy hits the rvier, presumably after saying fuck at least once, goes over the dam, goes underwater, somehow manages to get to the surface, gets himself to shore, then walks several miles home like nothing happened, yet somehow manages, three hours later, at 5:00 am in the morning, to find out that police and emergency services are looking for someone in the Iowa River, as if that knowledge just got beamed down into his brain somehow, at which point he calls the cops and says "uh, you might be looking for me". I love this story.

Meme Time

I don't usually do the Meme thing, but this was kinda fun. It's courtesy Side Notes, who got it from 2 Hot Chicks, who got it from someplace.

Type “(Your name) Needs” into Google and list the results. Here are some of what I go:

Some are concerned about my health and well being

David needs a liver.
David needs help with his medication
David needs to protect himself
David needs to lose weight and build muscle
David needs a Tylenol
David needs a break

Some are worried about my personal hygiene

David needs a bath
David needs a new makeover and he asks you to help

Some sound like a performance review

David needs to show some evidence to support this
David needs to give more attention to making the team successful
David needs to see if he can get practical support
David needs help in dealing with his difficulties with comprehension

Still others can’t really be classified

David needs a family that would be willing to love and care for David
David needs three
David needs to relax when the music calls for it
David needs lots of attention
David needs to know who you are
David needs to consistently finish in the top five each race
David needs to collect five smooth stones in the stream

But in the end it doesn’t really matter, because as we all know:

David needs no introduction

(Note: I got no results with "Dweeze needs". So I had to go with my real name.)

OMG

Pete Townsend has a blog. Pete Fucking Townsend has a blog.

You can have the Stones, cheap posers that they are. You can have the Beatles, geniuses that they are. I’ll take the Who any day of the week and twice on Sundays. The only artist higher in my personal music pantheon is Bruce, and long before Bruce became Bruce, Pete and the boys were the Who. Long Live Rock!

Random Stuff

Not enough worthy of a whole post, but hey.

Sad day here in Dweezeland. Drew left this morning to spend the summer at his dad's. That always makes for a depressing first few days, and a sense of loss the entire time he is gone. He is always happy to go, though, which makes it much easier. It's hard to believe he is going to be a third grader when he gets back - I could swear kindergarten was just last week.

Some happy news for Iowa Citians in general, though. The Randi Rhodes show is coming to KXIC radio. It will be the first Air America syndication in the area. Her show will air right after the Hanity show ends. I'm hoping that once KXIC's current contracts with Hanity expire they will add on more Air America broadcasts. It's strange to say KXIC is my favorite radio listening spot, but I do like the morning show mix of news, weather, sports, and local events; I do like listening to Jim Rome during the noontime hours; and of course, KXIC is the official local home of all Hawkeye sports broadcasts.

Courtesy of MJ's Big Blog, a hilarious bit Idol's Kellie Pickler did for the Tonight Show. I can't get blogger to embed it, so follow through the link at MJ's.

Finally, tangentally Idol related, the Daily Show ended their coverage of Al-Zarqawi with a retrospective of his career put to the Bad Day song Idol uses to close out their show. Priceless!

Poker In The Back

I know that you, my loyal readers, are wondering how things have been lately pokerwise. Dweeze, you ask, how the cards treating you?

Pretty good, thanks, and is that a new hairdo? It looks nice.

Anyway, played in my first live tourney last week. It was the freeroll at the American Legion, and Greenman, Tanman, Matt, and I entered as something to do before the midnight showing of X3. Ja and Josh, other regulars from our weekly game, showed up as well.

I was a little nervous as I sat down. For one thing, they didn’t identify the chips when they handed them to me. I wasn’t sure what was what amount. For another, I wasn’t sure what it would be like to play face to face against strangers.

The chip thing solved itself immediately. I got an ace when cards were dealt to see who would deal, resulting in me being the first person to deal. Because I wasn’t in the blinds right away, I could see how others were using their chips and figure out the denominations that way.

The second thing was fine, too. I guess I’ve played enough games online against complete strangers to get a quick comfort level. The big difference, of course, is that you can watch and read other people’s reactions. But the basics of play were exactly the same, and I was fine.

There was another area where playing online helped. Because it was a freeroll, with $3 rebuys for the first hour, there were a lot of people pushing, going all in with low pairs or draws on the theory that they could always buy back in. This was similar to what happens in online tourneys, where people push all in with little because it didn’t cost them anything to enter the tourney. What I learned online, to sit back and bide my time, mucking a lot of playable hands yet playing the hands I chose to play aggressively, helped a lot here. In that first hour I only entered three hands when I wasn’t in the blinds and I won all three, taking down another player (who quickly bought back in) each time. Not only did I not have to rebuy, I came out of the first hour with a nice stack of chips.

I continued to build on that stack for awhile until that table got broken up. (After the first hour, as people got busted and the number of people remaining in the tourney shrunk, people were reassigned to other tables so that there were always at least 6-7 people at a table.) At that point I got sent to a table where Greenman and Ja were sitting. I wasn’t the big stack, but I was in okay position. It stayed that way for awhile, but I then hit a streak where I wasn’t able to consistently build on the stack. I ended up calling a couple of all ins that I lost, though I have no regrets about the calls. One time I called a A-10 with A-J and the 10 hit. Another time I had Q-Q and lost to someone who hit their A. So it wasn’t bad calls on my part, just poker. Still, I remained in the game as the number of people dropping out grew.

Our weekly game represented itself well, too. Eighty people started the tourney, six from our game. All six made the final twenty-five. Four of us, including me, made the top ten. And three of us, including me, made the final table. Unfortunately for me, I went out eighth and the tourney only paid six spots. I was on the lower end of the chip count when the final table started, and I couldn’t catch anything. My all in hand was Js, and I was close to doubling up, when the chip leader, the only person to call me, hit her A on the river. The bad thing was, not only was it a river loss, but she was one of the people I had knocked out during the rebuy period. But again, that’s poker. The other two members of the weekly game to reach the final table, Tanman and Greenman, finished fifth and second respectively.

There’s tourneys at the Legion every Tuesday and Thursday, and I may go again tonight. It’s a pay tourney, $10 with no rebuys, but they pay more places. So we’ll see.

Another poker story, from playing last night. I don’t believe in bad beats – any cards can come up at any time, no matter the odds against it happening – so any beat is possible. But I do believe in hard beats, and I saw an incredibly hard one last night.

It was at a 10,000 chip 18 person sit and go. These pay four places. It was down to five people left, and the play got very tight because no one wanted to miss the bubble. The chip leader had about 10,000 in chips, second was about 8,000, third about 7,000, I had around 1,500, and the short stack had 500. Blinds were at 250/500, and the short stack was about to hit the big blind. The big stack was small blind, second place the big blind. The big stack called, second stack raised, big stack called.

The flop comes down 8s-Ks-Qh. Big stack acts first, bets about 1,000. Second stack calls. Turn comes down Qd. Big stack checks, second stack bets 2,000, big stack calls. Right now there is about 8,000 in the pot. Turn comes down Js. That makes a flush draw and a straight draw on the board. Big stack checks, second stack goes all in, big stack calls. Second stack shows Q-J, for a full house queens over jacks. Big stack shows a K-Q, for a full house queens over kings, knocking the second stack out and putting the rest of us in the money.

Think about that. There you are, thinking you have the best hand (at least from the turn forward), then making your boat only to discover that you never had the best hand, you were behind from the start, and the person with more chips than you not only had a bigger boat, but they had it a card earlier. That’s a hard beat.

Blog Motto

The new blog motto was spoken, then sung, sometime during last Saturday's poker night. Not really remembering how we got to it, but the conversation it sprang out of began as such:

Side Notes: Every year my grandmother puts out

Tanman and Dweeze (interrupting simultaneously): Your grandmother puts out?

Greenman: Should have seen that coming

I Am Dweeze

I am Dweeze, destroyer of tadpole nation. I am Dweeze, whose name in the ancient tadpole language means “Cleaner of the Pool.” Tadpole wives grieve for their husbands lost in the pool attack of 2006. Tadpole mothers mourn sons they outlived. Tadpole children ache for fathers they will never see again.

I am Dweeze.

Somewhere, wherever the tadpole war crimes tribunal sits, they are writing a bill of particulars against me. My main crime is chemical warfare, dumping eight gallons of liquid chlorine into what was once a thriving tadpole metropolis. This chemical attack wiped out an entire tadpole colony, leaving no survivors.

I am Dweeze.

My name will be used to frighten future generations of tadpole children. Lamentations will be sung, horror stories told, nightmares created due to my efforts.

I am Dweeze.

Chatting With Barbaro

Via Deadspin, here’s a link to a chat robot that pretends to be Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro. Here is a chat I did:

Q - What was it like working with Gabe Kaplan on Welcome Back Kotter?
A - Much the same as working with Gabe Kaplan on Welcome Back Kotter would be for you.

Q - Oops, I'm sorry. That was Barbarino. Who are you again?
A - Oh. Do you really mean it? I thought it was too. Once more? I am Barbaro. Who are you?

Q - Dweeze. I am Dweeze.
A - I lost my train of thought. What are you wearing? Good gossip: you are Dweeze.

Q - Why do you want to know what I am wearing? What kind of sicko are you?
A - My prime directive is to collect new knowledge. What kinds of sicko are you are there?

Q - The usual kind. You know, tentacle hentai.
A - Is that a fact. I know very little about tentacle hentai. Tell me more.

Q - Well, it's, uhm. Well. Can we talk about something else?
A - How about that. Really. uhm is? Well what? Sure we can talk about whatever you want.

Q - Who do you like in the Belmont?
A - It's going to be a tough race for me. It's a little farther than I'm used to.

Q - That and the whole broken ankle thing...
A - Let us try to break it down into parts.

Q - Too late for that, huh? Know what I mean?
A - Yup. Too what? Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. What.

Q - You know what they say, a nudge is as good as a wink to a blind horse...
A - That's a good question. OK I will say "a nudge is as good as a wink to a blind horse" to you.

Q - You're with me, Brittle Ankles...
A - I will tell my botmaster you said I am with me Brittle Ankles.

Q - I'm sure he or she will appreciate that. Bye now!
A - I get it. User or she will appreciate that. Right now? Thanks for chatting, User.

Chicks Coming Home To Roost

The new Dixie Chicks cd, Taking The Long Way, was released today. Buy it. You'll be glad you did. Pick up the Wreckers Stand Still - Look Pretty too, while you're at it.

Chicks Coming Home To Roost

The new Dixie Chicks cd, Taking The Long Way, was released today. Buy it. You'll be glad you did. Pick up the Wreckers Stand Still - Look Pretty too, while you're at it.

Chickens Coming Home To Roost

You know, the chickenhawk line really seems to work young conservatives up. The following is a transcript of a conversation between Randi Rhodes and Ben Ferguson, a young conservative pundit.

RHODES: Listen, you should be in Iraq. You’re 22. When I was 22, I was in the military. Why aren’t you there?

FERGUSON: I’m 24 years old.

RHODES: Why aren’t you there? Then go.

FERGUSON: And just because I support something doesn’t mean I have to always go fight.

RHODES: You go. You go. Go ahead. You go and then you come back because you know what happens when we come back?

FERGUSON: I support the Yankees doesn’t mean I wear their uniform.

Here’s what I would have said back. First, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he meant to say “Just because I support the Yankees doesn’t mean I wear their uniform.”

Here’s the thing. You can’t join the New York Yankees. You can’t. There isn’t a local New York Yankees recruiting office where you can go, fill out the paperwork, take a physical, pass the intelligence tests, and then join the Yankees.

On the other hand, you can join the Army. Or the Navy. Or any of the other divisions of the Armed Services. If you are of the proper age range for military service, there is a local recruiting office where you can go, fill out the paperwork, take the physical, pass the intelligence tests, and then join the military. Now I can understand why the physical and the intelligence tests might scare you off. I understand that completely. But they are getting pretty lenient about that stuff these days. Hell, there was an episode in Oregon recently where a recruiter got an autistic kid to sign up and then, when his parents complained, the recruiter refused to release him from the commitment. So, if they will take an autistic kid, I’m sure they will take you.

Here’s the further thing, the reason for the chickenhawk appellation. If you truly believe that the threat posed by Islamofascism is the greatest threat facing our country, and you are of proper age to serve in the military, and you choose not to do so, you choose not to face the greatest threat posed to our country, then, well, the word that comes to mind first is coward.

Quote Of The Day

From the Rude Pundit:

Watching the President is a little like watching the last marathon runner at the Special Olympics. Gosh and darn, you want the limping fella to make it to the finish line, but mostly we just want him to give up so we can go home and get on with our lives.

Strange Days Indeed

So I'm driving home at noon the other day, going down Front Street. In the distance I can see a woman pushing a stroller and walking an animal on a leash. As I get closer, I can tell that she is older, somewhat heavyset, and that the animal on the leash is a cat. As I get even closer, I can tell that there are two more cats in the stroller. And as I drive past her, I see she is wearing a bay carrier with a fourth cat in it.

For Your Reading Pleasure

It’s been a while since I linked to him, but John Rogers has a great post about the NSA scandal. Here’s a nice long section from near the end.

Oh, and to save some time in the Comments section:Comment: You can't ask the President to protect us, and then not let him do his job!

Answer: There is nothing stopping the President from doing his job. That law may well be the easiest law in the world to follow, subject to the loosest court in the land. To boil it down mathematically, if you had an arrangement by which you could fuck other women, then three days later tell your wife, and 98% of the time your wife said "Sure, whatever," you would still be working under stricter rules than the FISA law.

To extend the metaphor, if you told me you can not get laid enough under that relationship, I can only surmise that is because you are up to some very, very dodgy stuff. The legal equivalent of furries. Trek Furries. Scat Trek Furries. With Electro.

Comment: "This is no big deal, and you have to trust the people in power to do the right thing."

Answer: Ahem. The entire FUCKING POINT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA IS THAT YOU DON'T "JUST TRUST SOMEONE" BECAUSE THEY ARE IN POWER. Thomas Jefferson would stab you in the neck with a spoon if he heard you say that.On a more specific note, there may be some Administrations I would barely consider trusting with this sort of behaviour. The one with Karl Rove in it? Not so much. Even if there's no malice aforethought, these are the people who fucked up New Orleans. These are the people who fucked up Iraq. They are just very bad at their jobs. If they were at least efficient, I would sleep better. As far as I know, a list of all my phone calls are currently sitting in a dumpster next to the name of the guy carrying the nuclear football.

Comment: "We need to catch the bad guys, and anything is worth --"

Answer: Have you secured the ports yet? Secured the chemical plants? Figured out a way to scan all the luggage on US flights? Worked out the kinks in the retarded "No Fly" list? Started buying up some of the 2,000 loose nukes in Russia? Gotten first responders the equipment they need in case of emergency? Fixed FEMA and Homeland Security? Caught Osama Bin Laden? Tell you what, nail down the jobs that don't require you to wipe your ass with the Constitution first.

The Evolution Of Dance

Via Side Notes, who is, by the way, a very fine poker player. Are we playing this week?

Be sure to watch with sound on.

Etiquette Question

What's the appropriate number of times to thank someone for sending you information? That is, I requested several pieces of data about printing capabilities from a colleague. The colleague responded with three separate emails. Do I say "Thanks!" three times? Or just once? I'm leaning towards once, but don't want to offend.

The Wages of Fear

Matt has a great post up about fear and how it has driven the country. Nice post. Within in it, he quotes a Bush supporter.

First, you need to understand my one fundamental assumption: that Islamic Fundamentalism must be stopped now, and that any price we pay now will be less than the price we pay if we do not confront immediately and aggressively....

Going back to my fundamental assumption, you have to understand that I feel we're in a time where we may have to do a great many shitty things to come out of this alive. You're worried about moral high ground, and I'm worried about Americans everywhere still being able to suck oxygen.Any temporal, ethical, or spiritual price we pay will be terrible, but it will be infinitely less terrible than the price we have to pay if we continue to ignore the wolves at our door. All in all, it would seem that my willingness to do the exact opposite of what I was taught would make me a pretty poor Christian. I'm not happy about that, but I accept it. If it means that the next generation can finally have a chance to grow up in an era without fear, then I'll support any number of ruthless deeds without hesitation.

Two problems here. First, this shows a basic misunderstanding of Islam and the threat posed by Bin Laden and his forces. Simply put, there is no monolithic Islamic threat looking to tear down the west. None. Never has been. Our actions, including torture and abuse, have done far more to grow the size of the threat against us than anything Bin Laden ever did. W. is the single biggest recruiter for Islamic terrorism in the history of the world. He couldn't have done more to create and incite an enemy against us if he had tried.

Second, the statement shows a glaring lack of knowledge of U.S. history. There has never been a generation to grow up without fear, and there will never be a generation to grow up without fear. Further, the threat we currently face is nowhere near as significant as threats we have faced in the past, and yet we didn't have to resort to these sorts of measures (at least not on this scale) to prevail. There are no wolves at the door, at least not any wolves more dangerous or more frightening than the wolves that have been at the door in the past. For just one example, no one with any sense or knowledge of history can reasonably claim that the threat from Islamic terrorist is greater than the threat of nuclear destruction posed during the Cold War. And yet we didn’t completely abandon our principles and freedoms to fight that threat. We didn’t need to; we don’t need to now.

Further, it’s not just that going against what you were taught is proper conduct makes you a bad Christian, it also makes you a bad American. The freedoms and rights in the U.S. Constitution don’t just make America different from other nations – these are the things that make us the greatest of all nations. How can one sell out these freedoms and rights and still make a claim to being an American? There is no America without them.

Shortly after 9-11, the popular statement was that the terrorists hated us for our freedoms. It's not true, obviously not true. It was our actions, not our beliefs, that made us a target. (Let me insert the mandatory disclaimer that our actions around the globe did not justify the attacks on 9-11.) The past few years have shown that the people who truly hate our freedoms are the Administration and their supporters. But if the terrorists truly hated us for our freedoms, wouldn't we want to do all we can to support and celebrate and encourage and protect those freedoms? If they truly hate us for our freedoms, isn't restricting or eliminating those freedoms actually a form of caving in to the terrorists?

True Crime Thoughts

Not to diminish in the least what happened to these two girls, but how can anyone seriously be surprised that a guy with numerous arrests and citations for violent behavior killed a couple of people? I mean, isn't a guy who once pointed a shotgun in the face of another person over a game system and who beat a stranger in the WalMart parking lot over some perceived slight that happened in the store precisely the sort of person you would expect to commit this type of crime?

Summaries

I had to pull double duty on summaries this week, pitching in for others who couldn't. See TAR here, Survivor here.

Movie Thoughts

Who else has seen a commercial for the new movie The Wild? (It might help if you are in regular association with kids or just like to watch Nick.) Who else can't hear Kiefer (who is the voice of the lion whose son is taken) say "We're getting my son back!" without thinking "Those zookeepers shouldn't be pissing off Jack Bauer." I hope there is a scene where the lion grabs someone by the neck and throws him/her against a wall. It won't be the same if there isn't one.

The Importance Of Punctuation

The song Jesus Take The Wheel takes on a lot different meaning if you add an exclamation point after Jesus and wheel. Try saying it.

Jesus! Take the wheel!

Sounds like something from Family Guy’s version of Passion of the Christ 2, doesn’t it?

FYI: Miranda Lambert was Carrie Underwood first, except Miranda writes her own songs, plays her own guitar, is a better singer, and is hotter. Giggity.

Touch A Touch A Touch Me

Here's the thing. I would never have played a touchplay machine if the nervous nellies of the Iowa legislature hadn't decided that the damn things were the source of all evil on the Earth and needed to be removed from all locations post haste. But because the bulk of the early part of the legislation session was spent on this one issue, I decided to play. And it was nothing special, just a variation on a slot machine, the lowest and boringest form of gambling. Did they need to be banned? Nope. Maybe tougher restrictions on placement, but no need for banning.

The interesting thing is, many of the legislators braying the loudest about this are also among those braying the loudest about the need to strengthen Iowa's laws vis emminent domain. That is, those most worried about government's ability to take some one's private property were the one's most willing and most eager to inviolate the private contracts - the private property, if you will - of business owners. Isn't it ironic? Don't you think?

Music For A Tuesday

This? One of my all-time favorite songs. It's one I can listen to over and over again, just set the repeat button and go. Like I am doing right now. Great lyrics, great sax, great guitar. Granted, that applies to a lot of Steely Dan songs. Bodhisattva. Doctor Wu. Everyone's Gone To The Movies. Josie. Peg. Rikki Don't Lose That Number. But my all-time favorite Steely Dan song is this one, My Old School.

I remember the thirty-five sweet goodbyes
When you put me on the Wolverine
Up to Annandale
It was still September
When your daddy was quite surprised
To find you with the working girls
In the county jail
I was smoking with the boys upstairs
When I heard about the whole affair
I said oh no
William and Mary won't do

Well I did not think the girl
Could be so cruel
And I'm never going back
To my old school

Oleanders growing outside her door
Soon they're gonna be in bloom
Up in Annandale
I can't stand her
Doing what she did before
Living like a gypsy queen
In a fairy tale
Well I hear the whistle but I can't go
I'm gonna take her down to Mexico
She said oh no
Guadalajara won't do

Well I did not think the girl
Could be so cruel
And I'm never going back
To my old school

California tumbles into the sea
That'll be the day I go
Back to Annandale
Tried to warn you
About Chino and Daddy Gee
But I can't seem to get to you
Through the U.S. Mail
Well I hear the whistle but I can't go
I'm gonna take her down to Mexico
She said oh no
Guadalajara won't do

Well I did not think the girl
Could be so cruel
And I'm never going back
To my old school

My Bracket Was Gone

With apologies to the Pretenders

I looked in at Yahoo
But my bracket was gone
There was no Wisconsin
There was no MSU
Indiana had disappeared
All my favorite picks
My bracket had been pulled down
Reduced to empty pages
Cough, choke, way to go Iowa

Well I went back to Yahoo
But my bracket was gone
I read all the game scores
I had few teams left
I was stunned and amazed
My careful picks
Slowly swirled past
Like water in the toilet
Cough, choke, way to go Illini

I went back to Yahoo
But my pretty bracket
Had been torn down the middle
By college teams that had no pride
The teams of the Big Ten
Had been replaced by other squads
And sadness filled the air
From gyms to dorm halls
Cough, choke, state university of Ohio

Blame Canada

I'm in the office on a Sunday, having been here since 9:00 am, on an all-day (8-hour) conference call for a bid for a contract with the Canadian government, and we're already an hour behind schedule, and I can't imagine we're going to pick up time, indeed I am certain we will continue to lose time, and I've got a kernel of popcorn stuck in my teeth from seeing V for Vendetta last night which I will try to review tomorrow - the movie, not the popcorn, because who would review popcorn? - and it's really annoying me right now - the popcorn kernel, not the movie, which was actually good though not great - and I'm trying to get at it with a toothpick, and we're partnering with a couple of Canadian firms so the accents on the call are rather amusing at times, but all in all I can think of a lot of things I would rather be doing, and we're almost at the point where we are going to review the section I storyboarded myself, though I have to stay on because I am the proposal manager on this effort so I have to hear comments on all of our (and when I say our, I mean my company's) sections, and those sections are spread throughout the document, and maybe I can head home and do the rest of the call from there though it will be touch cause the boys will want to be talking, and it's weird to look out my window to the front parking lot and see a car pull up every now and then and see some other unlucky soul who has to be working on a Sunday morning come in, and it sucks to think that there are almost six more weeks on this bid, and I never knew that Canada used the term aboriginals to describe native groups, and I almost coughed right then without hitting mute first, and again we're almost at my section but the main commenters keep talking about the section right before mine, and I wonder if this post has gotten really annoying yet for you the home reader, and did I mention we are an hour off schedule in fact at this point we are an hour and fifteen minutes behind schedule, and I can't believe that the only comment I got was that I didn't get into enough detail on my storyboard because the reason I didn't go into more detail is because it is a fucking storyboard and storyboards are supposed to be in a bullet-point outline format that gives reviewers an indication of the sort of detail - DETAIL - you will write about when you actually write the section and perhaps that is the reason why I didn't spell out the acronyms I used and my fucking God how can we have been at this for almost three hours and still have covered ONLY two sections that are ONLY worth 4% of the total fucking score possible on this bid and now we just went through a section that is worth 20% of the total response in 20 minutes. ARRRRGGGHHHHHHH!H!!!!!H!H!H!H!H!HH!

The Chicks Are Alright

The Dixie Chicks have a new album coming out in May. (Does anyone even call them albums anymore? Is that a word that automatically dates you? New CD? New release? Anyway…) The first single was released to the Web yesterday, and it’s great. Absolutely great.

Now, I generally don’t factor in someone’s politics when I decide whether or not I like their music. I was a Chicks fan from the moment I heard Wide Open Spaces. Their political stances after the invasion of Iraq neither increased nor decreased my liking for their music. (Similarly, while I can’t stand the song Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue, the politics behind it, or some other statements he has made, I still like Toby Keith and I still think How Do You Like Me Now? is one of the best songs released in any genre in the past ten years. But I digress.) Nonetheless, I would be lying if I said that their political stances didn’t increase my appreciation for the Chicks as people. The new single, I’m Not Ready To Make Nice, increases that appreciation. It’s a no-holds barred statement about what they experienced. Here’s a sample from the middle section

Made my bed and I sleep like a baby
No regrets and I don’t mind saying
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger

And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter saying that I better
Shut up and sing or my life will be over?

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and I don’t have time
To go round and round and round

Click over to MSN and listen to the song here. It’s not very countryish – not countryish at all, if you ask me.

Things That Make You Go Hmmm

How can Yahoo have a link in their sports section to full coverage of the Iditarod but have nothing about the NCAA Wrestling Championships? I would think that interest in the latter would clearly outweigh interest in the former.

Oh, and Go Hawks!

New Links - Get Yer New Links Here

I’ve added a sports link column, and put Deadspin, SportsBiz, and Sportszilla in there. Also removed some links (Dark Horizons, Fourth Rail), added some (Comics Should Be Good), and updated others (24 Insider). Finally, I added a contests column for Filmwise and Screenplay, two very fun movie games. Filmwise takes screen shots from movies, removes the people, and then you have to guess what movie the shot is from. Screenplay has five different quizzes that update each week. My name at Screenplay, coincidentally enough, is Dweeze, so you can see how I score each week. If you sign up, post your name in the comments so we can track everyone's scores.

(Note: I really did update the links, though Blogger isn't being very accomodating about it right now.)

Murphy's Law

So, I finally get some spare time where I can write some posts. And what happens? Blogger goes down.

And not in the good way.

Obligatory Work Is Heavy Right Now Post

That's why posting has been light. And fluffy.

Arrrgggh! Arrrggh!

A passage at the end of this article had me spitting mad on Saturday. It’s an article about Roger Bentley’s sentencing hearing for his conviction for raping and murdering Jetseta Gage. The passage is describing the point in the hearing where the victim’s mother, Trena Gage, spoke.

The Gage family has become less trusting of others since Jetseta's murder, Trena Gage said.

"Don't trust anyone," she said. "Unless you know that person, their history or anything else, don't invite them in."

What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK? Jesus Fucking Christ, what more did you need to know other than the fact that Roger Bentley was the brother of the man who repeatedly raped your daughter over a three-year period? I mean, if that fact by itself wasn’t enough to make you stay away from anyone else in the Bentley family, it should at least have been enough to make you wary, to make you maybe talk to the police and check into Roger’s background a little. "Unless you know that person, their history or anything else, don't invite them in.” You knew all you needed to know, Trena. You knew all you needed to know.

You know, I do not believe in the death penalty. But let’s add “knowingly, willingly, and recklessly putting your children in contact with a sex offender” to the short list of crimes I could be convinced should be punishable by death (along with election fraud and Enron-level defrauding of the public).

Idol Thoughts - Separated At Birth?

More Reasons I Love My Job

Our insertion devices are equipped with thickness detectors.

A Picture is Worth 1,000 Words, or Even 14,000

I was cleaning up my hard drive (no, that's not code) and found a bunch of pictures from various things. The following is worth posting, though it's old and you may have seen it before. It was from a realtor.com listing, and I can't remember where it was I originally found it. See if you can spot the, uhm, animal friendly feature this house has!

Spoilers. Beware!

I know I shouldn't be suprised - after all, if it can be spoiled, it seems like it will be spoiled - but I just discovered that there are AI spoilers to be had. See a list of the possible top 48 here, and the same list with speculation about the final 24 here.

Required Reading

Here's a great post from Glenn Greenwald that summarizes why the FISA/NSA issue is so important.

WTF????

President Washington, President Lincoln, President Wilson, President Roosevelt have all authorized electronic surveillance on a far broader scale. U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez, February 6, 2006

Don’t believe me? Watch him say it here at Crooks and Liars.

Four Things

Side tagged me with this, so blame her if you want. Course, Simplicity tagged her. Will the circle of tagging never end?

Four Things

Four jobs I've had:

1. Test Scorer
2. Video Store Manager
3. Grill Cook
4. Corn Detassler (Note: Mandatory job for kids growing up in small town Iowa)

Four movies I can watch over and over:

1. Casablanca
2. Incredibles
3. Bull Durham
4. Joe Vs. The Volcano

Four places I've lived:

1. Williamsburg, Iowa
2. Iowa City, Iowa
3. Coralville, Iowa
4. North Liberty, Iowa

Four TV shows I love:

1. Lost
2. 24
3. Amazing Race
4. Celebrity Poker Showdown

Four highly-touted TV shows I detest:

1. Apprentice
2. Desperate Housewives
3. Office
4. Fear Factor

Four books I'd recommend to anyone, anytime:

1. Lonesome Dove, Larry McMurtry (fiction)
2. The Secret Parts of Fortune, Ron Rosenbaum (essays, perhaps my favorite form of writing)
3. The Making of the Atomic Bomb, Richard Rhodes (nonfiction)
4. WE3, Grant Morrison (comic series collected as tradepaperback)

Four places I've vacationed:

1. Walt Disney World
2. Branson
3. Mt. Rushmore
4. Yellowstone

Four of my favorite dishes:

1. Plate
2. Saucer
3. Bowl
4. Satellite

or else

1. Stuffed Green Peppers
2. Grilled Iowa Chops
3. Authentic Jamabalaya
4. Kung Pao Chicken

Four sites I visit daily:

1. Firedoglake
2. Kung Fu Monkey
3. Dave's Long Box
4. Viva El Birdos

5. Circle Of - considering I'm a partial founder and a mod, I do need to pimp the place

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. Home
2. New York City
3. Walt Disney World
4. Anchorage

Four bloggers I am tagging:

1. Alice
2. Carey
3. Jo
4. TanMan (yes, it's a blatant attempt to get him to blog again)

Link Update

Added Glenn Greenwald’s Unclaimed Territory to the links. It’s the place to go for legal analysis of FISA/NSA warrantless illegal domestic spying issues.

Housekeeping

Pointing out a new link and pimping an old one.

To my non-Iowa readers, the name Bob strikes fear in the heart. But there is another Bob, a Bob we might also call Stef, a Bob as worthy of the name Bob as our favorite chemist. So visit her blog. Convince her to come to Circle Of.

While we’re at it, that whole Circle of thing applies to some of my other favorite Iowa bloggers as well, including, but not limited to, Greenman and Side Notes. Join us. Join us. Matt's already there!

Circle Of – It’s the message board’s message board. Whatever that means.

You Can Call Him Al

Great speech. Judging by the reaction, he drew blood.

"The founders of our country faced dire threats. If they failed in their endeavors, they would have been hung as traitors. The very existence of our country was at risk.

Yet, in the teeth of those dangers, they insisted on establishing the Bill of Rights.

Is our Congress today in more danger than were their predecessors when the British army was marching on the Capitol? Is the world more dangerous than when we faced an ideological enemy with tens of thousands of missiles poised to be launched against us and annihilate our country at a moment's notice? Is America in more danger now than when we faced worldwide fascism on the march -- when our fathers fought and won two World Wars simultaneously?

It is simply an insult to those who came before us and sacrificed so much on our behalf to imply that we have more to be fearful of than they. Yet they faithfully protected our freedoms and now it is up to us to do the same."

I’d vote for him again in a heartbeat. I wish he had run in the last election. Re-Elect Gore in 2004 would have been a great slogan.

To Establish Network Connectivity...

Yesterday afternoon I submitted a 102 page document that was completed in a little over two week’s time. Don’t get me wrong: while I oversaw completion of the document, I didn’t write the whole thing. But I easily wrote about 60-70 pages of it. Of that, 20-25 pages were from scratch. The rest were boilerplate passages I modified to fit the needs of the document. So as I sit here today, with no current assignment other than waiting to see if there are questions about the document, I am feeling a great deal of relief. I am also feeling a great sense of wonder about the fact that so much has sunk in over the years regarding telecommunications, network security, business continuity/disaster recovery, and contact center operations. Obviously, having that knowledge doesn’t add to my popularity at parties, but it does make doing my job a hell of a lot easier.

Anyway, just wanted everyone to know I had time on my hands again, so look for more posts.

Oh, and FYI. Everytime I have to work a passage that talks about the inserting department in our warehouse, and the fact that some packages have to be processed by manual fulfillment, I giggle like a little girl.

Work

Gotta love a job where you get to use phrases like rigorous penetration testing and an attempt will be made to satisfy all callers electronically.

Post Of The Year

From ReddHedd at firedoglake. As with the best writing, it's tough to summarize. Go read it. They'll be a quiz later. Here's a sample from near the end:

The bottom line is this: there are some really tough choices facing this nation (and the discussion above is my no means a comprehensive list), and we need to approach them carefully because the results of our action or inaction have long-term ramifications for our children. Democrats used to own these issues because they listened to the voices of those people who needed help, who needed a hand up, and who were willing to do the work on their end to get the job done. And they spoke up for them, gave them a voice in the halls of power.

Ever since 9/11, Republicans have hijacked the message. It's been all security, all fear, all the time. It's been "we tell you what to think about morals" and never mind that what you are being taught is to hate your neighbor because he thinks differently than you do.

Well, I've had it with this divide and conquer strategy, and I'm standing up today to say that this nation deserves better. My child deserves better, and so does yours.

The ends do not justify the means. That only works if you are on the top end of the food chain and don't give a rat's ass about anyone underneath you.

Growing up, my folks taught me that I was no better than anyone else. Period. But they also taught me that no one else was better than me, either, and that sense of self has helped me to question things that I thought were wrong my whole life. It's one of the reasons that I started blogging.

But it isn't enough that I want more for myself and my family. Every person in this nation needs to wake up and realize that they deserve more as well. That's a message that Democrats could take to the bank, I'm sure of it. I know it is a message that would resonate here in West Virginia. People are hungry for hope, they are hungry for someone who will value them -- and not just use them as a pawn.

More than that, they deserve to be valued. It's a question of doing what is right, not just what is politically expedient in the moment to win the election or raise more money or whatever else seems to be driving political power these days. Let's give the little guy a voice again -- help him to stand on his own two feet and make something for his children, and you help the whole country. That goes for moms, too, I can tell you that.

Good Reading

Been a long time since I linked to a Kung Fu Monkey post. Not because I don’t still go there everyday, but because, well, the proprietor, John Rogers, has been busy with his real world writing, including a new Blue Beetle comic series. But this is a gem. It’s a New Year’s resolution, a resolution we all should share, a resolution to dissent more. I’m quoting awfully extensively here, but please, please go read all of it.


Listen, I may well be all for the goddam Iraq War if someone, anyone, could lay out the operational goals and specific strategies, with progress benchmarks, for the conflict. You may scream at me, you may think I'm a traitor for even asking, fine, but my point is even if you think I ought to be in a John Ashcroft Re-Education Camp, you ought to be able to answer the question. But no, that's "defeatist" thinking. Or, I'm "Monday Morning Quarterbacking" the "fine patriotic folks who are working so hard." Because it's not results that matter in this Bizarro World we've wound up in, it's intent. It doesn't matter that the President's broken the law, it's okay because he meant well. A rationalization we wouldn't let our eleven year old get away with, we let the President slide.…

I can smell that the people trying to pull off The Big One, the fat bastards in suits who've been nursing hella-grudges since it all went to shit during the Nixon Administration know that this is their last shot. Things are going to get ugly hard, kids, and the reason I despair is because all I have is reason. I can't -- nobody can -- have an intelligent, reasonable disagreement with people who believe that there were really WMD's in Iraq, or that the President shanking the Fourth Amendment is a good thing, or that everything's going swimmingly in Iraq. I can disagree and discuss things with someone who thinks things are going better in Iraq than I believe, sure, but to deal with someone who points out that it's going great is, again, literally beyond my ken.
…

Because we are in a war here, make no mistake about it. There is indeed a Culture War, but it's not the sides you think, not faith and science, not Democrat and Republican. It's between those who believe in a bright open future and those who seek refuge in the shadowy past. Between those willing to shoulder the burden of fear and those who seek a comforting King. Between the people who know the world is a messy grey masterpiece and those who crave a black-and-white past that never really was. A fundamentalist is a fundamentalist be he from Al-Queda or Al-abama.

…

For what little it's worth, my New Year's Resolution in 2006, is to disagree more. To dissent -- and welcome dissent and well-reasoned arguments from those who hold opposite views. Because they are not the enemy. The people who say "... just because", in all its myriad forms, are the enemy.

Dora Redux

I see some were disturbed by my previous post. Well, you ain't seen nothing yet. I told you I could get more vile. Here goes. This is the Dora post, vile edition:

The best part of a Dora the Explorer episode? At the very end, when Dora says “What did you like best?” and then pauses for the child to say what they liked best, and then Dora says “I liked that too!” That’s the best part of the episode because you can say the most vile things imaginable after Dora says “What did you like best?” and Dora will always say “I liked that too!” If you so choose, after Dora says “What did you like best?” you can say “When we got together and fixed the pre-war intelligence to make it look like Saddam had WMDs and we lied to the American public about links between Saddam and Osama and sent tens of thousands of people to their deaths for no discernable reason whatsoever” and Dora will say “I liked that too!” I bet you did Dora. I bet you did.

I'm sorry you folks had to see that.

Dora, Dora, Dora!

The best part of a Dora the Explorer episode? At the very end, when Dora says “What did you like best?” and then pauses for the child to say what they liked best, and then Dora says “I liked that too!” That’s the best part of the episode because you can say the most vile things imaginable after Dora says “What did you like best?” and Dora will always say “I liked that too!” If you so choose, after Dora says “What did you like best?” you can say “When you met me behind the 7-11 and went to town on my crank like a starving hooker*” and Dora will say “I liked that too!” I bet you did Dora. I bet you did.

*Note: "When you met me behind the 7-11 and went to town on my crank like a starving hooker" is far from the most vile thing I can imagine. But you already knew that.

Stones In The Field

I went to the urologist yesterday. It was part regular check-up, part because of some ongoing kidney stone pain I’ve been having. I develop kidney stones on a fairly regular basis, and sometimes they can be quite painful. The analysis the lab did of my urine showed a high amount of blood, one of the surest signs of a stone. There’s really not a whole lot you can do for a kidney stone, particularly small ones. You just have to let them take the time to pass.

However, some doctors in Italy have developed a new treatment, and my doctor decided to put me on it. It’s called the Italian Protocol. Now, although it’s very cool to be on a treatment that sounds like the name of a Ludlum novel, that’s not why I am writing. See, the treatment involves taking muscle relaxers right before bedtime. Because the urethra is just one long muscle (and longer in some than others, if you know what I mean and I think you do), the hope is that it will relax, open wider, and allow for a larger urine stream and thus a greater chance for small stones to come out. But that’s not why I am writing. No, I am writing because the medicine I am taking for this is called Flomax. That’s right. Flomax. Flomax, because apparently Morepee wasn’t subtle enough.

Coralville, Rain Forest Decide To See Other People

Film at eleven, story at the Iowa City Press Citizen.

"Really, it's not you - it's me. I'm just not in the right place for this relationship right now."

New Link, New Site

I've added a fine new site, the Circle Of bulletin board, to the links. It's another fine Circle of Friends production from the folks (like me) who bring you Survivor and TAR summaries. Check it out. If you're in my online friends book, you'll see a lot of familiar faces. If you're in my real friends book, I think you'll find some fun, interesting, argumentative at times, conversations. So drop in!

Happy Birthday Andrew

To the best eight-year-old in the world: I know sometimes I expect too much of you, especially compared to your younger brother. I apoligize for that, and please know that I am trying to remember you are still just a second-grader, still growing, still learning. I see you though, and you carry yourself so well - so very well - and it is hard to believe you are just eight. You have the best heart of any young man I have ever met, and one of the best hearts of anyone I have ever met. I am pleased to be able to call you my stepson. Pleased to know you are a part of my life. As with your brother, I look forward to watching you grow into the man you will become, and am fortunate that I can be a part of that.

Love, David

P.S. It's so cool you have such a strong aptitude for math - you might not be my biological son, but at least in that regard you are mind of my mind.

Live Nude Poker Blogging

Okay, so I'm not nude. But I am live poker blogging, and three out of four ain't bad.

I don't know how much of this sit and go I'm going to blog, but I did want to write about this first hand.

I get dealt a pair of jacks out of third position. The person proceeding me raised the blind once. First hand, so I was content to call. One other person called, the blinds dropped out.

Flop comes 9-7-9 rainbow. First guy to act checks, I check, next guy bets 210 - the size of the pot. Guy before me mucks.

Now, I'm willing to believe the guy who bet has a 7, but for some reason I don't think he has a 9. I think you slow play a set in that instance, especially top set. So I call. I don't hesitate in doing so, either.

Next card is a 4 of a different suit than what came before. So no flush draw. Possible straight draw, but still no card over mine. I figure I still have top pair. But I check.

He bets 630 - again, the size of the pot. And again, I'm just not buying that he has a set. My mind is trying to talk me out of calling, but my gut says call. So I do. I take a little longer to do it, but I do.

The river comes up a 3. So no straight, no pair over mine, and only a boat or a set to mess me up. I check, the guy goes all in with his last 600 chips.

Now, all I have left is 600 chips. First hand, remember? First hand and I am pretty damn pot committed. So I call. Took my time doing it, but I call. I just didn't believe him.

He shows Q-8. Q-8!! He didn't even have a pair. He was running a stone cold bluff and got caught at it. I showed the pair of Js, took a pot of more than 3,000 chips, and basically started out the game with twice as many chips as everyone else.

So, more as the game progresses.

Or not. It was a long fought battle, but I finally won - $22.50 to the Dweeze fund. Yay! The guy I ended up head's up against was good - real good. Better than me. But I won anyway. We played head's up for almost an hour - when the game ended, the blinds were at 400-800. That puts me up about $50 for the week so far. Yay me!

My Survivor Summary Is Posted

Read it here. I must say, I'm rather proud of it.

Here's The Mail It Never Fails

Every day when I log onto Outlook at work, there is a message from the Quarantine Center. This is the place where spam and junk mail is routed. (Although considering the amount of spam and junk that makes it through, I’m not sure what the routing rules are.) There are little icons by each piece of mail to tell you why it got sent to Quarantine – a gift-wrapped package for special offers, a letter for bulk email, XXX for sexually explicit mail, etc. And here I have some questions as well. Like, why is Natuarl Large Breasted Teen Fucks listed as a special offer and not sexually explicit? (And yes, all spelling is taken from the email titles as is.) Why is The Larger the Better bulk mail and Pen!S Enhancement sexually explicit? And don’t get me started on Viagra. (Well, I guess that depends on what you want to do with me after you get me started on Viagra. But I digress.) It Only Takes A Few Moments To Order Viagra is sexually explicit, Viagra At $1.59 Per Dose is bulk mail, and Viagra Works For Men Of All Ages a special offer. Can we get some consistency here people? I mean, if, if I say, I want to delete out all the bulk mail and special offers so I can concentrate on sexually explicit, I don’t want to worry that I’ve missed out on a natural large breasted teen who fucks. Although come to think of it, that is kind of a special offer. But still. If I am looking for busty girls, and I do an XXX sort, I’ll get the Sweet Busty Girl Getting A Loud Orgasm but miss out on the Busty Teen Brunette Fucked On Campus and Nasty Busty Girl Cumshooted. And that’s just not right.

I was going to end it there, and let that be the post. I think it’s funny, it plays on an image I sometimes cultivate, and it works. It’s not a true image, of course, and I would never consider opening a sexually explicit email at work. I like, and need, my job. But then, as I was deleting the emails in the Quarantine Center, I came across one that was so tempting to open. So tempting. Here’s the header, and the ellipse at the end is part of it:

If Your Penis Is Smaller Than Your Wife’s…

Now tell me that isn’t a tough to resist opening line. I mean, don’t you want to know how it ends? Your wife’s what? Your wife’s penis? Point one, can you consider her your wife if she has a penis? Point two, is she really hanging around your life if your penis is smaller than hers, unless she has a really huge one, in which case we are back to point one. This, my friends, is quality marketing. When you get someone totally uninterested in your product wondering what your ad pitch is, you’re onto something. Bravo, I say. Bravo.

My Rain Forest Position

The leaders of the Iowa Rain Forest project sent the Coralville city council a letter with several demands that they wanted met or else they would seek a new location. (Read about it here. Or not. I really don't care either way.) The demands include a larger piece of land, a site farther away from I-80, and a letter of support signed by each member of the city council. But these weren't the only demands. Oh no. The project also wants the city council of Coralville to agree to:

* Build a dome over the stretch of I-80 that runs by the project to keep noise down
* Sign a letter stating that Carrot Top is a misunderstood genius
* Agree that Wednesday's in the Rain Forest will be "Carnivale Day" where all female staff and visitors go topless
* Sign a letter stating that the works of Pauly Shore, particularly Bio-Dome, are among the Best.Movies.Ever
* Reroute the Iowa River further east so that there is less chance of flooding
* Sign a letter stating that people who oppose the project are doodyheads

No word yet on whether or not the council will agree to these demands.

Now here's the thing. I actually am not opposed to the project. It's a cool idea - no, it's a great idea. It's a bold, unique vision, and if it ever opened, I know we would go. I could see us going about as frequently as we attend the Children's Museum, which is 4-5 times a year. Indeed, I think that, all things being equal, if it opened, it would be a rousing success.

The arguments against the project seem to be based primarily on the inital visceral reaction some folks have to the concept. I have seen more virulent fact-challenged rants related to this project than to any other Iowa issue. Innocuous letters to the editor that dare to suggest the project might not be a bad idea spark lengthy diatribes criticizing the letter writer's intelligence and motives.

But visceral reaction aside, the arguments against fall into two main categories. First, that the place wouldn't be successful. They argue that there wouldn't be enough traffic to keep the Rain Forest open. People who think this obviously never worked a summer shift in a restaurant on First Avenue. It's one of the busiest stretches of one of the busiest highways in the world. The people would come. Oh yes Ray, the people would come.

The other argument is that it is a waste of taxpayer money. The flip argument against that is that if you support Bush, or you support the war in Iraq, you have permanently forfeited your right to ever complain about wasteful federal spending.

Screw that. It's not a flip answer. If you support Bush, or if you support the war in Iraq, you have permanently forfeited your right to ever complain about wasteful federal spending. Hell, the CPA lost $8 billion in U.S. cash and you don't hear a peep about that from the anti-Rain Forest folks. The Iraq war costs over $9 million dollars an hour. The total project cost is currently slated at $180 million. In other words, the total cost of the project could be funded with what we spend in less than a day in Iraq. So if the money is the thing, and you support Bush and the war, complain about that for awhile and maybe you'll get your right to gripe about wasteful federal spending back. Otherwise, shut the fuck up.

And for those of you who didn't vote for Bush, and don't support the war, and still worry about wasteful spending, think about this. This is a project designed to appeal to a wide base. It is both educational, scientific, and cultural in nature. Funding this project would create a unique resource available to many, many people. Isn't this exactly the sort of project that should have federal funding? Hell, isn't this exactly the sort of project that should be more or less completely funded by the feds? If this isn't, what would be?

And despite having said all that, I now find that I can't support the project as it currently stands.

Do you see that wiggle room I put up there, that thing about all things being equal? It's there for a reason.

See, all things are not equal. The leadership of this project couldn't sell ice water in hell. I have no faith in the management team of this project to do things right. It has been completely mismanged from the get go, and not only has it not gotten better as time has gone on, it has gotten worse. Take that demand letter they sent to the Coralville city council. If I was a member of the Coralville city council, even being generally in favor of the project as I am, I would tell them to go to hell. (Where, as I mentioned, they would fail in their endeavor to sell ice water.) It is a childish, amatuerish stunt, and it is not the first, though it is definitely the biggest to date. Had they passed the project on to people capable enough to see the thing through, I would still be with them. But they haven't, and I'm not.

So if you want to rant about project leadership, I'll join you. If you want to rant about the other stuff, well, count me out.

Headlines We Love To See

Cyclones Blow Chance To Win Big 12 North - it was attached to this story. The headline was on the main Yahoo NCAA Football page, though it isn't there now. Pity.

Poker Friends, Unite!

I've started playing for cash at Full Tilt. I'm doing pretty well - I haven't made money, but I haven't lost any either. I am still at about the same level I was when I first opened an account. Oh I've gotten close to going bust, but I've built it back up again. So I'm happy with that.

Further, when I first put the cash down, I played a lot of $24-$2 tourneys. Now these payout pretty well, but it's also a lot tougher to cash out. Indeed, I never made the money in any of the tourneys. So I switched to playing $5-$.50 Sit and Gos. These are nine or eighteen player mini-tourneys. They run constantly, and start whenever nine (or eighteen) players sit down at a table. One launches every 20 seconds or so. Three places are paid on a nine player Sit and Go - $22.50 for first, $13.50 for second, $9.00 for third. Four places are paid on an 18 player Sit and Go - $36 for first, $27 for second, $18 for third, and $9 for fourth. As a result, it is a lot easier to finish in the money - all you have to do is beat six (or fourteen) other people. Not only do I finish in the money more than half the time, I win probably 15% of the Sit and Gos I enter.

Here's my question. The other day, there were four of us left in a nine player game. I was short stack with around 2,000 chips left. The third place player had slightly more, about 2,200. I get dealt K-Q suited (Diamonds). The blinds are 80-160 and I am in the Big Blind. First player to act folds, second player calls, small blind (the guy with 2,200) calls, and I raise it three times the Big Blind, a raise of 480 to 640 all together. The first guy to act folds, the small blind takes a few moments but eventually calls. So, at this point, I have over a quarter of my chips in the pot. He's in the same boat.

The flop comes down Ad-7d-3c. He bets the blind, 160. I go all in. He doesn't hesitate a moment to call. Not one moment. I show my K-Q, he shows A-J. I catch neither a diamond, a K, or a Q, and I am out.

Here's where I get wondering. Why call my bet? Sure, you've got top pair. Sure, you've got a decent kicker. But if it were me, I would be thinking "he got a set" or "he hit two pair". A raise of approximately 1,200 chips in that place, a raise that puts me all in but 200 or so chips, would make me fold.

I work hard to cultivate a tight table image. I don't run a lot of high chip bluffs. Most of my bluff plays are small, two or three times the pot after a flop if I am in position and no one else has bet. And indeed, I had a decent draw on this hand. And maybe that tightness is why I would never dream of calling a bet like I made, at least not with just top pair.

Now, am I just smarting because I got beat on the hand? Or am I right in thinking this was an idiotic call on the part of the guy who called me?

Linkage Update Update

Added the wonderful Major League Baseball Trade Rumors blog to the side roll.

Linkage Update

Added firedoglake to the links. Great site - your one-stop shop for the Plame investigation.

Doughboy Dance Party

Go Doughboy! Go Doughboy! It's your birthday! Go Doughboy!

(Make your own dancing Doughboy here. Link courtesy of The Poor Man. Offer void in Wisconsin.)

The Thing Is

For, or, say 7-8 months of the year, my job is a 8:15 to 4:30 thing. I can usually fill my days up, but I have plenty of time for writing and reading and other good stuff.

But for the remaining 4-5 months, my job is nuts. Case in point – last Friday night at – sorry, last Saturday morning at 2:00 am I was sitting at my kitchen table with my laptop working on stuff that had to be completed in a few more hours. And that was the prelude to my weekend.

Fortunately, that period ended today. Oh yeah, I have another assignment. But it’s not a major assignment, and my spare time at work will increase exponentially. So, expect more posts in the near future.

I See How It Is

Pictures of cute toddler? Tons of comments. Post about cute toddler tossing his cookies (literally - barfed oreos are not pretty)? One comment, courtesy of the ever-wonderful Alice.

Fair weather commenters, all of ya...

So Far This Morning

I've cleaned up toddler puke and cat puke. If the dog ralphs, the trifecta pays off at 43-1. Sadly, I didn't purchase a ticket, but I wanted to keep those of you who did informed.

A Quick Interlude

Interrupting my work-related posting lull to say that this? Is the

cutest

three-year old

ever.