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    Monday, December 31, 2007

    So How Does That Work Exactly?

    Overheard during the Gaylord Hotels-Music City Bowl broadcast.

    "Half of Florida State's front seven was suspended..."

    Okay. So one guy was only half suspended? Does that mean he gets to dress and take the field, but he can't make any effort once he's out there?

    Later on we got this.

    "I think a lot of people don't remember what it was like to be in college, and many of us, had we gotten the opportunity to cheat on a final exam, might have taken it."

    All right. Is there something you're trying to tell us? Something that's eaten at your conscience for years and years?

    Monday, December 24, 2007

    X-Mas You Tube Fun: Saving The Best For Last

    Bruuuuuuce



    Robert Earl Keen



    Judy Garland in Meet Me In St. Louis


    X-Mas You Tube Fun: MTV Edition

    Billy Squier (with my lost love Martha Quinn in the background)



    Brian Seitzer



    Hall and Oates



    John Mellencamp


    X-Mas You Tube Fun: Baby Please Come Home Edition

    Bruce Springsteen and Jon Bon Jovi



    Mariah carey



    and of course, Darlene Love



    X-Mas You Tube Fun: South Park Edition






    You Tube Fun: Pick 'Em Edition

    A



    Or B



    A



    Or B



    A



    Or B


    Friday, December 07, 2007

    Ron (Batshit Crazy Is As Batshit Crazy Does) Paul

    I was driving a lunch today, running down to Panchero's to get a burrito. (Oh right - I'm employed again - did I mention that?) I turned on the radio, and as is the case for all of us in the Hawkeye state right now, got treated to several commercials for presidential candidates. These usually all blend together, depending on the candidate's party. Every single ad for a Republican seems to be some variant of "Bad people, most of them with brownish skin but one of them being the wife of a former President, want to do bad things to you and I'm the only one who can protect you" while every single ad for a Democrat seems to be some variant of "Together, we can make the United States a better place as long as you, yes you, vote for me". Republicans sell fear, Democrats sell hope. And Ron Paul? Ron Paul sells batshit craziness.

    The commercial starts out with Ron telling us about the evils of NAFTA. So far, so good, Republican candidate traveling down fear of brown people road. But then Ron starts to go, well, most people would call it going astray, but Ron probably calls it going to the point.

    "There are powerful interests trying to eliminate the Mexican and Canadian borders." What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck? Care to name, oh, ONE of these powerful interests? I'm not saying there isn't anyone in this country who doesn't wish for the elimination of the Mexican and Canadian borders, but I'm betting the people who do are also wishing for the UFOs to land and bring us peace and prosperity. It is not a position that sane people take, certainly not publicly. Powerful interests. Powwwwwerful interests! Can someone get Ron his meds, stat?

    "The NAFTA Superhighway will extend from Mexico to Canada, going right through Iowa, destroying 4,000 family farms." Uhm, Ron? Interstate 35 already goes from pretty damn close to the Texas-Mexico border to pretty damn close to the Minnesota-Canada border, running right through Iowa. And quite frankly, most of us are glad it does. As for the family farms - well, I haven't looked the number up, but my gut instinct tells me there probably aren't 4,000 family farms left in the state. After all, with 99 counties, there would have to be over 40 family farms per county to get to four thousand family farms in the state, and that seems incredibly unlikely. Further, even if there were some new north-south highway being planned to cut across the state (and there isn't), it is doubtful that it would cross through all 99 counties. At most - a very unlikely most, but one I'm choosing for ease of mathematics - it crosses 20 counties. (Interestate 35 crosses 10 as it goes across Iowa; the Avenue of the Saints crosses 13). There would have to be 200 family farms per county for such a road to claim 4,000 family farms. There probably isn't one county in the state that has over 200 family farms in it, let alone 20.

    Wikipedia shows that there is a proposed state-wide highway in Texas which will result in the creation of several traffic corridors that run from Mexico all the way to - you guessed it - Oklahoma. Oklahoma. No talk of this running to Canada, or even Iowa, but hey - when you're a paranoid batshit crazy asshat it doesn't take much to get your imagination running.

    So Republicans, please make Ron Paul your presidential candidate. Or Rudy. Or Mitt. Or Fred. Or Huckabee. Or - well, actually, the whole Republican field is filled with nothing but second stringers, losers, and has beens, and at this point in time, at least, everyone of them would get waxed in the general election. But Ron Paul would probably be the most fun.

    Friday, November 30, 2007

    Unintentional Analogies

    So, yesterday I found myself at a stoplight behind a car with an Obama bumper sticker. Not one of the small ones, but one of the big ones. The driver was signaling a left turn, but when the light changed, he actually turned right. This struck me as a perfect, though unintentional, analogy for the entire Obama campaign.

    Saturday, November 24, 2007

    Speaking of Dogs

    I have been a dog owner for over six years of my life and a cat owner for over six years of my life. Thus, I feel I am qualified to comment on the differences between cats and dogs. The truth about cats and dogs, if you will.


    Anyway, here is the biggest difference between cats and dogs (besides cats being much more of a pain to take care of than dogs - a fact most would dispute but, if you've ever had to take care of both at the same time, you know is indisputable). If you are sitting down, and a cat is sitting next to you, and you get up to go to another room to get something, the cat will look at you disdainfully for disturbing its comfort but otherwise ignore you. If you are sitting down, and a dog is sitting next to you, and you get up to go to another room to get something, the dog will follow eagerly, because the dog is deathly afraid he or she is going to miss something important, probably food related, but possibly related to going outside.
    And that's the biggest difference between cats and dogs.

    You Tube Fun - Triumph Edition

    On Hollywood Squares



    With Bon Jovi



    2004 Presidential Debate


    Thursday, November 22, 2007

    Saturday, November 10, 2007

    Here's The Thing

    Don't know your feelings on the writer's strike, but I wholeheartedly support it. Here are some links to some posts outlining the issues at the always great Kung Fu Monkey. Be sure to read through the comments as well. Other good posts can be found at Ken Levine's Blog, and the unofficial official blog of the strike can be found at United Hollywood.

    Thursday, November 08, 2007

    Across The Universe

    (Note: This was written as a message board post, but I think it's good enough to post here as well. It's not like anyone is reading anyway.)

    Across The Universe - see it. Now.

    It's a movie - a musical that, like Moulin Rouge and Singin' In The Rain before it, uses pre-existing, not original, music for the musical numbers. However, unlike those two films, the music is all taken from one group - the Beatles. In fact, the more I think about it, the best way to describe it would be to say the movie takes place in the universe of the Beatles catalog.

    The main characters (and many of the minor ones) all take their names from characters in Beatles' songs. Our lead is Jude, a young Liverpudian shipbuilder who comes to the U.S. to find his father, a U.S. soldier stationed in England during WWII. While here he meets Max (Maxwell), Max's sister Lucy, and several others who all make their way to New York City. Some of the Beatles connections are obvious - we are introduced to a character named Prudence, and yes Dear Prudence is eventually one of the songs. On the other hand, though we see Max at one point banging on a fan with a big silver hammer, that song never appears. Some of the other Beatles connections are not so obvious, or at least force you to be paying attention. Jude's girlfriend in the opening scenes when he is still in Liverpool is named Molly. Near the close of the movie, Jude has returned to Liverpool and is once more working on the docks. Molly, has married Jude's co-worker Desmond. Desmond's name isn't mentioned at the start of the movie; Molly's name isn't mentioned at the end of the movie.

    The film is set in the mid- to late 60s (though the timeline is a little loose and, ultimately, not that important to the tale) with events that mirror the 60s in the real universe. One of the best things about the film is how those events are presented in a way that makes it impossible not to relate them to our current world situation, yet at no time is the viewer hit over the head with that connection. It's just there. (As Ebert says in his review "It's not political, which means it's political to it's core.")

    The performances are first-rate. The main cast is mostly unknowns, with Evan Rachel Wood being the biggest name among the leads. The leads do almost all of the singing as well, and they do it quite well, especially when you take into account that many of the musical performances used in the film were recorded live on set, a rarity in a time when most film musical performances are recorded in perfect recording situations and then dubbed in. There are three guest appearances that are absolutely perfect. Joe Cocker sings Come Together as three different characters - a homeless street singer, a pimp, and a hippie. Bono shows up as a Ken Kesey pastiche and sings I Am The Walrus. Eddie Izzard is Mr. Kite, singing, well, Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite. (Bono also sings Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds over the closing credits.)

    The film is beautifully photographed, with a bright mix of colors and several extended pyschedelic sequences (one after the characters drink the Kesey characters red Kool-Aid). It's also spectacularly choreographed. The director, Julie Taymor (director of several broadway productions, including The Lion King), does most of the choreography herself.
    The songs are used wonderfully; some are presented in a straightforward manner much like most musicals. For instance, I've Just Seen A Face takes place in a bowling alley right after Jude meets Lucy, and it could almost be a music video, it's such a literal translation of the song. On the other hand, the aforementioned I Am The Walrus begins with the main cast having just drunk the acid, slowly transforms into a psychedelic dream, melts into all the characters on the Kesey-esque bus as merry pranksters, and ends at the farm of a Doctor Geary.

    The arrangements also vary, from straightforward versions that are remarkably faithful to the originals to radical reinventions that bring out meaning you might not have seen before. One of the best examples (I was reluctant to use it, as Ebert mentions it in his review, but it is one of the best examples) is I Want To Hold Your Hand. That song takes on a poignancy, a deep sadness, when the hand belongs to a person the singer can never hold hands with.

    Like most musicals, it's not a film for literalists. It's a film that forces the viewer to commit, to relinquish themselves, to almost become a part of the film in much the same way that live theatre forces audiences to become part of the proceedings. (Yeah, that's vague - you either know what I mean or don't, and if you don't, I can't explain it any better than that.) I can't think of a film I've seen recently that had me smiling as much, that hit me as hard emotionally in the painful spots, that had me cheering inside as much that the two main characters would get together while still having doubts about whether or not they would. In spirit and energy it reminds me most of Hair, though in execution it is a far different animal. As I left the theatre I immediately set out to make two purchases - the Across the Universe soundtrack and a copy of Hair on DVD. I found the former (there were two versions, a 16-song version with selected songs and a 31-song two-disc version with all the songs from the film, which is the version I got and have listened to more or less non-stop since buying), couldn't find the latter.

    I would assume that if the film is still playing here in small-town Iowa then it shouldn't be difficult to find anywhere bigger. I intend to see it again this weekend. So you should see it. Now.
    So see it. Now.

    Trailers





    Links:
    Ebert Review
    Film Ick Review and Essay

    Sunday, November 04, 2007

    My Friend Ethan and His Spider-Man Pillow

    Ethan's gone, back with his mother, now in Delaware. More later. I just wanted to share this: we were standing at the Southwest ticket counter at Midway. Ethan was holding his Spider-Man pillow, and the attendant said "That's a cute pillow." She turned away and he motioned that he wanted to tell me something. I leaned down, and he said, exasperatedly, "It's not cute - it's cool." Which, as far as I'm concerned, is both cute and cool. That's my boy.

    Saturday, November 03, 2007

    An Open Letter To The Host Of The Golden Harvest Hawkeye Huddle Post-Game Radio Show

    Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shutupshutupshutupshutup shut the fuck up you fucking fuck. No one - NO ONE - wants to hear you interrupt the discussion of the key defensive plays of the game with your little story about you and your wife watching We Are Marshall. No one.

    Thanks!

    Dweeze

    Friday, November 02, 2007

    Scent Of A Woman

    There is a scent you find in all strip clubs. (So I am told. I do not speak from personal experience.) It's a strange mix of a floral-scented baby powder and a sharp perfume. Every dancer smells of it; the next day you can pick your shirt up and still catch the scent from where the dancer pressed herself against you during a private dance. (So I am told. I do not speak from personal experience.) You very rarely smell it outside of a strip club, and you never expect to encounter it someplace like, oh, the Children's Museum, where it radiates of the very hot mom who came in as you were leaving. (So I assume. I do not speak from personal experience.)

    Monday, October 22, 2007

    An Open Letter To The Woman Sweeping At The Tanger Outlet McDonald's This Afternoon

    You know, the thing that really ticked me off wasn't when you asked if my grandson and I were having a fun afternoon. While I don't think it's particularly exceptional, I know it is probably out of the ordinary for a 48-year old man to have a five-year old son. And there is certainly a ton of gray in my goatee and what there is of my hair. I wasn't pleased, mind you, but that isn't what really ticked me off. What really ticked me off is the fact that, after I icily said "He's my son" (and yes, it was icily) you didn't apologize and disappear. In fact, you stayed, without apology, and tried to engage us in conversation.

    Now, I realize that McDonald's doesn't really pay you friendly grandmother types to sweep the floor. You're there to be friendly, to make sure the customers are enjoying their individual McDonaldland experience. So engaging people in conversation is your real job. However, an important component of that job is realizing that there are some people who do not want to be engaged in conversation, particularly after you've semi-insulted them. I'm personally content sharing my McDonaldland experience only with my son, thank you, and don't feel the need to discuss the weather or the meal or our day with a total stranger. That you weren't able to figure this out, even after I replied to your offer to get us anything else with a dismissive "No thanks, we don't need anything from you" (and yes, it was dismissive), that you still tried to engage us in conversation after that, would suggest that you aren't that good at your job. So next time we come in, think twice about coming up to engage us in conversation.

    Thanks

    Sunday, October 21, 2007

    Glen and Gary and Glen and Ross

    It's funny, but what might be the most famous scene from Glengarry Glen Ross isn't a part of the stage show. Mamet added the Alec Baldwin character specifically for the movie, and it ended up being the scene everyone remembers. Here's a nice little (NSFW) send-up (link via Ken Levine.)



    Directing this show for Dreamwell is easily among my list of favorite things I've done in the theatre. (The only thing I would rank higher was acting as Mr. Peachum in Threepenny. Being Elwood Dodd in Harvey rounds out my top three.) The cast was great, a true all-star team, and it was a blast to work with them and watch them and help them (not that they needed it). Here's a link to some photos from the production.

    Monday, October 15, 2007

    Happy Birthday E!

    The cutest little boy in the world turned five today. Hard to believe it's been five years - seems like only yesterday he was born. To think that if he had been born a month earlier, he would have started school this year. Here are some recent photos, courtesy the Canon A630 (everyone should have one!).

    Okay, blogger is apparently having a problem with uploading images right now. So I'll get those later. In the meantime, it's enough to post to say

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY ETHAN!

    Friday, October 05, 2007

    One Restaurant I Will No Longer Patronize

    Local tenderloin joint shut down due to roach infestation. Film at eleven, story at the PC.

    You know, I can understand that this is probably the death-knell for Joensy's, but this is funny nonetheless:

    Joens initially denied his restaurant had roaches, according to the report. Weber pointed out live roaches to which Brian Joens said he could not see them, according to the report. It wasn't until a box was moved and several roaches scrambled down the wall the Joens admitted to seeing them, the report stated.

    "Roaches? We ain't got no roaches here!" pause "Oh, those roaches!"



    Tuesday, September 18, 2007

    Dog Costume Time!

    Fall is in the air. The autumnal equinox is almost upon us. Football season is underway. The leaves are turning, and Halloween is just around the corner. And we all know what that means - dog costumes! Dog costumes are among the finer forms of comedy. Here we have a dog that was apparently eaten by Big Bird.

    Of course, eaten by Big Bird is a better fate than what Bert is seemingly doing to this dog.


    Moving on from Sesame Street, let's look at the Star Wars selections. Yoda and Leia are annual classics - and look how happy those pups are!





    Dog costume fever - catch it!

    Thursday, September 13, 2007

    Is Clumsiness Inherited?

    I was going to post on how one of the aspects of parenthood no one mentions is the way you start to see the potential in every single thing on the planet to maim or kill your child in some freakish accident. In trying to put together these thoughts, something occurred to me. See, I've had more than my fair share of freakish accidents in which I found some way to main myself. I put a hand through a screen door once, cutting it up pretty badly. I jumped onto a picnic table, slipped, and hit a nail that punctured my cheek. Once, while recreating Mt. Rushmore on a pile of dirt in the front yard, I slipped and cut my knee on a piece of metal the street workers had left. Those, and more, all happened before I had reached high school.

    These incidents have carried on into adulthood. I've had cuts, bruises, burns, broken bones. I've had stitches and casts. I almost choked to death in a restaurant kitchen when I was refilling a water softener and my tie got in the way of the rush of softener salt. And let's not get started on things that could have proved dangerous but somehow didn't. Like the time in high school when a group of us tried to see who could get the best-looking stunt man roll of the hood of a (slowly) moving car. My oldest nephew actually broke some bones doing that.

    So maybe it isn't that those worries are an aspect of parenthood for anyone. Maybe I'm just worried that E will turn out to be as accident-prone as myself. Here's hoping he isn't.

    Wednesday, September 12, 2007

    Congrats

    Congrats to Colleen Coover and Paul Tobin, who recently got married in Portland, Oregon. Regular customers at Daydreams Comics, here in Iowa City, will recognize the couple as former Daydreams workers. What you might not know is that both of them have been doing work recently for Marvel. Colleen has drawn back-up stories in X-Men First Class, Paul has written some pieces for Spider-Man Family, and the two have a story written by Paul and drawn by Colleen coming up in October's Spider-Man Family. You two probably don't know me as Dweeze, but you might remember me as David. Congrats on the wedding and the career!

    Linkage Tweakage

    Did some major linkage updates - one thing I want to point out and the rest you can explore on your own, IF YOU DARE!

    Sorry. Got carried away. Anyway, a new link I want to point out. Matt's started a blog devoted to the Iowa City theatre scene called, appropriately enough, The Iowa City Theatre Blog. I'll be posting there from time to time.

    Tuesday, September 11, 2007

    I Am Such A Geek

    The Iron Man trailer, debuting May 2, 2008



    Downey looks absolutely perfect. It's brilliant casting.

    Sunday, September 02, 2007

    You Tube Fun: Robot Chicken Star Wars Edition




    "Who's they? What the hell is an aluminum falcon?....Do you have any idea what this is going to do to my credit?"

    You Tube Fun: Pick 'Em Edition

    A



    Or B?



    A



    Or B?



    A



    Or B?



    The correct answers are:

    A, B, A

    Friday, August 31, 2007

    My New Toy

    When I was working my temp assignment, one of my old co-workers had just returned from vacation in Colorado. Prior to going, he had purchased a new digital camera at a shop in Cedar Rapids. He was quite taken with the camera, and had some great pictures. The kicker was, the camera was very reasonably priced. So, the day Ethan was scheduled to come back, I went up to the shop in Cedar Rapids and picked one up for myself. Camera (an 8-pixel Canon A-630 Powershot), 2 G memory card, and case were $300. Well, actually, $300.59.

    So far, I'm loving the camera. Here's some shots I took this afternoon at the Family Fun Night at Coral Ridge Mall.


    And we'll see if this uploads, but the camera even takes digital video. (Note: The video was huge - 37 M - and after an hour of trying to get it to load, I gave up. But it looks great.)

    Wednesday, August 22, 2007

    Grand Theft Doggo

    It's amazing how far video games have come. I mean, look at this old Atari cartridge I found lying around the house.


    (Made with the Atari label maker. H/t to Dave's Long Box.)

    Tuesday, August 21, 2007

    More Open Letters

    To The Lady In The Silver Gray Corolla In Front Of Me At The 965-Commerce Drive Intersection:

    If the light turns yellow and the rear tires of your car are already in the intersection, you don't have to stop. Indeed, at that point it's probably for the best that you keep going forward, because the person behind you waiting at the light has probably A: seen the light turn yellow, B: seen your car in the intersection, C: assumed that you weren't some sort of idiot who was going to hit the brakes and back up out of the intersection and therefore D: gunned it in order to make it through the yellow light, thus resulting in a near collision.

    Thanks

    The Guy Who Almost Rammed Your Car This Afternoon

    Even More Admissions You Don't Expect Rachel Ray To Make

    "I've got a pound of sweet sausage ready to go."

    So do I, Rachel Ray.

    So

    do

    I.

    Saturday, August 18, 2007

    Why?

    My son is now in the "Why?' stage of life. Almost everything he gets told is responded to with a "Why?" It's an interesting stage. On the one hand, it's an opportunity to educate, to inform, to teach. On the other, it's incredibly annoying. Plus, after you've said that the sun is hot because it's a flaming ball of gas, there really isn't a satisfactory answer to the question "Why is the sun a ball of gas?" other than "Because". Still, it's nice to be regarded as someone who knows everything, because I know it won't be long until I'm regarded as someone who knows nothing.

    Where's The Beef? In MY Pants!

    Man arrested after trying to shoplift two steaks from John's Grocery by stuffing the steaks down his pants. Film at eleven, story in the Press Citizen.

    Iowa City police arrested a man Thursday after trying to steal two Angus ribeye steaks from the meat cooler at John's Grocery at 401 E. College St.

    But the defendant, Earl Scott Surette, 47, of North Liberty didn't just try to walk out with the steaks. According to police, an employee at John's saw Surette stick the two steaks down his pants and walk out the front door without paying.

    ...

    Police reports state Surette had red, bloodshot and watery eyes, slurred speech and smelled of alcohol. He also had an open container of alcohol and "directed profanity at officers." The police report also states Surette had "problems with judgment."

    Problems with judgment. Good thing that's not a crime.

    Monday, August 13, 2007

    So Where Were We Part Deux

    Okay, I'm pushing violating my own "You must post at least once a month" rule, and I'm sure we're all tired of that You Tube post by now. So where were we?

    Oh yeah, I had just been punted from my job. What have you been doing since then, Dweeze, you're all wondering. My, you're a nosy bunch. But I'll tell you anyway.

    As for the job search - well, let's call it more of a job scan. I haven't really put much effort into it yet, for a variety of reasons. I did just finish (last Friday) a temporary assignment at my old employer. It wasn't in the department I was in when I got canned, but the department I was in 10 years ago. It was strange doing work I used to do, work I was good at though didn't really love. It was also strange working with people I worked with a decade ago. Indeed, aside from three people who were new, everyone else was still there from when I was there last. That struck me, and continues to strike me, as rather bizarre. It's an operations department, the people are all very smart, and only a few have left for greener pastures. The rest have stayed.

    It was very nice and yet very wierd. It was nice because it offered me some small shred of dignity after getting tossed out unceremoniously after 15 years. Nice because of the number of people who stopped me to tell me how shocked they had been that I got let go. I got told several times that "If you could get re-organized out, no one is safe." Very nice words to hear. It was weird, in addition to the situation described above, because I feld sadder leaving last Friday than I did the day I was canned, and I feel emptier today than I did the first day after I got canned. I'd say it was because this time I don't think I'll ever be back, but I didn't think I would ever be back last time. No, it's because when I left last time I was in shock, and I stayed in shock for a week or so. No shock this time. Just the sensation of being unemployed.

    Still, it has it's benefits. Chief among them is the fact that later today I will see Ethan for the first time since March. He'll be here for a few months, and me not working means I can spend much more time with him than I could if I were employed. So that's a benefit, and I'm sure I'll have more to say about it later.

    Another benefit has come healthwise. I was going to make this another post, but that was a couple of months ago. Shortly before I was let go, I had finally decided to go to the doctor. I hate going to the doctor, but I was having pains in the chestal area, and I don't want to ever catch Landru in the "Major Cardiac Event" category. This, however, wasn't enough to get me to go to the doctor. The tipping point came during AED-Defibrulator training, when I realized that I didn't want to be a statistic. The doctor did an EKG, and the heart was normal. No worries there. My weight, on the other hand, as well as my blood sugar, cholesterol, and blood pressure, were extremely high.

    I've been put on medication for the blood pressure and cholesterol and I'm watching the diet and exercising for the blood sugar and weight. I'm down over 20 pounds in two months time, and the blood pressure has dropped considerably as well. As much as I want to credit what I've done, it's more what I haven't done - without vending machines to go to, I go all day without snacking. I briefly shot up the first week of the temp assignment, then forced myself into a strict no-sweets policy during the day, and I'm back almost to where I was when I began the assignment. So that's a positive. I had been at 283, I had gotten to 258, and right now I'm at 262. My goal by the end of the year is 220. Ambitious, yes, but worth it if I can get there. For one thing, those chest pains? Gone. I don't know if it was related to carrying the extra weight around, but they're gone.

    One other positive thing. The casino in Riverside is having a $100,000 guarantee tournament Labor Day weekend. Seats are $600, or you can win a seat in a $30 qualifier tournament. Guess who won a seat? Yep. There were over 70 people in the tourney, 6 people won seats, and I was one of them. Later that week I went to a cash tourney, made the final table, took tenth place, and won $65 from a $30 entry. In three trips, to three different tourneys, I've made the final table twice. Not bad if I do say so myself.

    Anyway, that makes for a nice catch-up post. I'll do my best to keep posting. Or posting more regularly. Or keeping regular. Something like that.

    Friday, July 06, 2007

    You Tube Fun: Derek and the Dominos Edition

    From one of the best albums of all time, Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs, from one of the best supergroups of all time.

    Bell Bottom Blues



    Why Does Love Got To Be So Sad?



    and, of course, Layla



    Special Derek and the Dominos related bonus song:

    Wednesday, July 04, 2007

    So Where Were We?

    Oh yeah. I lost my job.

    Last Wednesday I got reorganized out of my position. I'm getting a very nice severance package - almost 15 weeks - plus full benefits during that time. It came as a shock - I was told at 2:00 pm that I had to be out by the end of the day. I was repeatedly reassured that it had nothing to do with job performance, that my job functions were being absorbed elsewhere. Still, though, it would be more understandable if it were performance-related. I mean, I gave 15 years of what, in the balance, can only be called very high-quality service to the company, and I get dumped without warning with a two hour window to get out? That's a shock. I wasn't even given a chance to try to find another position, even though I was assured that I was welcome to apply to get back into the company. On the other hand, who would want to return to a company that punted them that unceremoniously?

    So, I find myself at a crossroads. No, not this crossroads.



    Or this one



    Or even this one



    But a crossroads in my life as to what to do next. Fifteen weeks of severance means I'm not in a rush to find something, though if I could, it would mean double income for awhile. And that's always nice. And I haven't had a vacation in forever, so I've been taking it easy the past few days. But the hunt for the next phase of my life needs to begin in earnest soon. Yes, I'm waiting for my real life to begin.



    I'm not ruling out anything, including moving to try to put our family back together in what would probably be our last chance of making things work. So if anyone has any suggestions, feel free to pass them on. In the meantime, as you can tell if you read the post below, I'm making nice headway on my "to be read" pile.

    Coming Soon in the next installment of "So Where Were We?": Dweeze goes to the doctor and finds out he has high blood pressure, elevated cholesterol, and a troublesome blood sugar level.

    Brief Editorial Comment

    Hmm. Posts are being written yet not appearing. In that case, I'll take this opportunity to tell the Bush Administration:

    YOU GO TO HELL! YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!

    Potterpalooza!

    I have a confession to make. I've never read any of the Harry Potter books. At least, I never had, prior to last Sunday.

    Sure, I owned them all. I had a nice box set of the first five books and a trade paperback of the sixth, but other than an aborted attempt to read the first one with Drew a couple of years ago, nothing. I had told myself I would wait until the final book was about to be released, then read them.

    So I waited. Finally, getting a touch nervous about the fact that the last book is due in a few weeks and I might not get them all read by then, I figured I better get started. I picked up the first one Sunday and haven't looked back since.

    It's Wednesday, four days later, and I'm a couple hundred pages into the fourth book. I shouldn't just have everything read by the time the final book comes out, I might have everything read before the next movie comes out.

    By the way, I haven't seen any of the movies, either. At this point, I don't know what my course of action will be in regards to those, whether I should wait til all seven movies are released and then watch them all, or get through with all the books and then watch the movies. Tough call, that.

    It's funny. Part of me is pissed at myself for not reading these before. They're quite good, quite quick reads. On the other hand, reading them all back to back shows more clearly, I think, how skilled Rowling is at putting all of the chess pieces on the board, not just in the book in which a particular action takes place but in the series as a whole. It shows more starkly how minor items in one book come into their own in a later volume. I can't put them down, and look forward to making it through Half-Blood Prince and then getting the final piece of the puzzle.

    A very hearty four paws up.

    True Tales of the Drive-through

    Overheard at the Arby's drive-through today:

    Employee: What kind of shake sir?

    Customer: Uhm. Uhm. Do you mean flavor?

    Employee: Yes sir. What flavor of shake.

    Customer: Oh. Uhm. Uhm.

    Employee: We have chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, and right now banana.

    Customer: Uhm. Uhm. What were they again?

    Employee: They're listed on the menu board right beside you sir.

    Customer: Uhm. Okay. Uhm. Just give me the first one.

    Employee: Chocolate sir?

    Customer: Sure.

    This has been another edition of True Tales of the Drive-through!

    Wednesday, June 27, 2007

    Friday, June 22, 2007

    Revealed: The Never Before Seen Final Shot From The Final Episode Of The Prisoner

    Via Kissing Suzy Kolber. As Drew says there, “I dare you not to watch it 40 times in a row.” Although, having watched it 40 times in a row, I think it really needs a "The end...?" to close it out.




    (Note: Moved to the top because I just CAN'T STOP WATCHING THIS!)

    You Tube Fun - Warren Zevon Edition

    You can find anything online. You can find the set list from an October 1984 Warren Zevon concert you attended. This was a great show by a great artist. I mean, look at the songs:

    01 Lawyers, Guns & Money
    02 Detox Mansion 03 Boom Boom Mancini 04 Johnny Strikes Up The Band 05 Roland The Headless Thompson Gunner 06 Banter 07 Jungle Work 08 Accidentally Like A Martyr 09 Band Intros 10 Sentimental Hygiene 11 The Envoy

    01 Veracruz 02 Carmelita 03 Play It All Night Long 04 Ain't That Pretty At All 05 Reconsider Me 06 Mohammed's Radio 07 Werewolves Of London 08 Poor Poor Pitiful Me 09 Excitable Boy 10 Desperados Under The Eaves 11 Jeannie Needs A Shooter

    I recently purchased Crystal Zevon’s memoir of Warren and two of the three Rhino CDs, Stand in the Fire and The Envoy. Remarkably, it is the first time either has had a major CD release. Even more remarkably, both are as good as I remember them being. Indeed, The Envoy is better than I recall. So without further adieu, some Warren Zevon You Tube.


    Lawyers, Guns, and Money



    Excitable Boy



    Jeannie Needs A Shooter



    Keep Me In Your Heart


    Friday, June 15, 2007

    You Tube Fun - Toby Keith Edition

    How Do You Like Me Now?



    Who’s That Man?



    Stays In Mexico



    Who’s Your Daddy?



    Should’ve Been A Cowboy


    Monday, June 11, 2007

    This?

    Is *bleep*in hilarious



    (Via several sources)

    Welcome To The World

    A big Corn O'Copia welcome to Piper June, born to Matt and Sharon on June 10 at 5:20 PM. According to the press release (okay, the email sent to friends) she weighed 7 lbs. 1 oz and measured 19 3/4 inches and is a good eater and snuggler and has a lot of dark hair. Piper's mom is feeling good and her sisters are both thrilled to have a little sister. Welcome Piper!

    Friday, June 08, 2007

    My Friend Ethan and His Friends at the Zoo











    You Tube Fun - Men At Work Edition

    Land Down Under



    Overkill



    It’s A Mistake



    Who Can It Be


    Monday, June 04, 2007

    Steve Gilliard, RIP

    I don't post about politics as much as I used to, for a couple of reasons. First off, I no longer feel like my viewpoint is being ignored. Hell, if polls are to be believed, most of my opinions are shared by the vast majority of people in the country right now. Secondly, there are many people writing about politics doing a much better job of it than I, or at least expressing the opinions I have better than I think I could. One of those people was Steve Gilliard, operator of the News Blog, the only blog where I ever contributed money. Well, after a longish illness, he passed away on Saturday. His was a wonderful voice, and I am among the many who will miss it.

    Friday, June 01, 2007

    You Tube Fun - Blondie Edition I

    Heart Of Glass



    Dreaming



    X Offender



    Rapture


    Thursday, May 31, 2007

    Linkage and Contests and Games, Oh My!

    I’ve played around a little with the linkage. Added some, dropped others, added a new category – Games and Other Contests. This was prompted by a Press-Citizen article yesterday about a new predictive market established by some City High grads. The market, Media Predict, is run much like the granddaddy of all online predictive markets, the Hollywood Stock Exchange. Upon registering, you are given $5,000 in play money to purchase stocks in future media events. These include whether or not certain artists will receive record deals, whether or not certain books will be optioned, and whether or not a movie will gross a certain amount opening weekend. I’ve opened an account, and would love to have anyone join me who is interested. I’d also love to get a group of folks starting Hollywood Stock Exchange accounts at the same time. Who's with me?

    Friday, May 25, 2007

    You Tube Fun - Various Songs Edition

    Big Head Todd and the Monsters – Bittersweet



    Northern Pikes – She Ain’t Pretty



    Wang Chung – Everybody Have Fun Tonight



    Blind Melon - No Rain


    Wednesday, May 23, 2007

    Open Letter To The Guy Driving The Combine Down Highway 6 This Morning

    Maybe, just maybe, 8:00 am is not the best time to be driving a big-ass piece of farm equipment with the max speed of about 20mph down a major secondary road. Maybe.

    Dweeze

    Big Butts Pirates of Penzance

    This, via TBogg, is absolute genius


    Friday, May 18, 2007

    My Friend Ethan and His Friend Aramis


    You Tube Fun - TV Musical Edition: Scrubs

    Welcome To Sacred Heart



    Everything Comes Down To Poo




    We’re Going To Miss You, Carla



    10,000 Things I Hate About You



    You’ll Have To Face The Future



    Guy Love



    Dominican



    Friends Forever/You’re Going To Be Okay





    Thursday, May 17, 2007

    On The Double Pizza Burger In The Vending Machine

    Oh double pizza burger
    Tasty little minx
    It’s only 8:00 am
    But I cannot pass you by

    Wednesday, May 16, 2007

    My Friend Ethan and His Friends Rupert and Ariel

    Man, he's gone two months and he shoots up like a tree.



    Walking Rupert

    Feeding Ariel

    Friday, May 11, 2007

    You Tube Fun - TV Musical Edition: Buffy

    I’ve Got A Theory



    “What’s with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?”

    I’ll Never Tell



    Walk Through The Fire



    Something To Sing About



    Where Do We Go From Here


    Friday, May 04, 2007

    You Tube Fun - Joe Jackson Edition

    Steppin Out



    Breaking Us In Two



    It’s Different For Girls



    You Can’t Get What You Want (Til You Know What You Want)



    And the quality is bad, but a Joe Jackson You Tube would not be complete without

    Is She Really Going Out With Him?


    Monday, April 30, 2007

    More Admissions You Don't Expect Rachel Ray To Make

    "A pound and a half of kielbasa will feed a lot of hungry women."

    "You can either try to find a kielbasa this big or get two smaller kielbasas, but either way, make sure they have a casing covering them."

    "Most of the big appetites in my family belong to the women, but sometimes my brother can keep up with us."

    Boobs In The News!

    Side Notes is back blogging, and she has this link to a story from England.

    Woman 'sprayed cop with breast milk'

    An 18-year-old woman is due in court today accused of assaulting a police officer with breast milk. Felicha Marin, of Palmerston Road, in Acton, was charged with shoplifting and assault after being arrested on March 29.

    It is alleged she was detained for trying to steal shoes from Lizard, in Hill Street, Richmond. After being arrested for theft she sprayed an officer with milk from her right breast. She is due to appear before at Richmond Magistrates' Court today.


    So many questions. First off, does this mean The Benny Hill Show was a documentary? What made her think this would work? Wouldn’t you have to have great aim to succeed? Does she practice a lot when she’s alone? Will competitive target breast milk spraying be a new Olympic sport? So many questions, so few answers.

    It's Bohemian Rhapsody Monday!









    And now, a very special message from He-Man


    Friday, April 27, 2007

    You Tube Fun Bonus: People I Know In Movies Edition

    A trailer and two short films starring the extremely-talented Greenman.

    Count On Me trailer



    Punch In



    Truth Spoken


    You Tube Fun Bonus - Funny Stuff

    From Beaucoupkevin, via Kung Fu Monkey, the Die Hard song:



    And drunk monkeys. Because if monkeys make everything better (and they do - don't try to argue the point), then drunk monkeys make everything FANTASTIC!


    Great Moments In Stupidity

    I don’t have the skill set to diagnose someone’s mental condition, but what the hell was this guy thinking?

    University of Iowa police took a student into custody for questioning Thursday after he wore a ski mask to class at Macbride Hall and placed UI officials on alert for the second time this week.

    According to a UI news release: It was about noon when a student entered Macbride Auditorium wearing a hooded jacket. He sat down and removed the hood but left the ski mask on. Another student called police.


    So, a week and a half after a shooting spree on a college campus, you decide to go into a large lecture hall wearing a ski mask that covers your face and refuse to take it off? That’s not going to freak anyone, nope, not at all.

    You Tube Fun - Dire Straits

    Romeo and Juliet



    Sultans of Swing



    Tunnel of Love



    Industrial Disease


    Thursday, April 26, 2007

    Lewis Black Is Coming To Hancher!

    Lewis Black is coming to Hancher!

    Wednesday, April 25, 2007

    An Open Letter To The Chick-Fil-A Employee Working The Register Closest To Panda Express Around 1:00 P.M. On Wednesday, April 25, 2007

    I don’t know this for a fact, but I don’t believe the woman standing in line in front of me wanted to discuss the last haircut you got for five minutes before you took her order. Yes, she was wearing the uniform from one of the mall’s hair styling salons, but rather than signaling that she wanted to discuss the last haircut you got, to me that would have signaled that she didn’t want a conversation having anything to do with hair on her lunch break. And you know what, you could have thanked me when I gave you the dollar back after you handed me two fives, a one, and three quarters and said “Your change is $10.75.” Finally, I apologize for getting a touch testy when you handed me a small coke instead of a large coke and then tried to cover up for it by saying “That’s the size coke you get with a regular combo”, but I really wasn’t willing to overlook that statement particularly because you had just told me my order took so long because of the large fries I requested with the jumbo-sized combo. I almost said something to your manager, because he was standing right beside me out front restocking napkins and ketchup, but I figured I didn’t have to after he looked at me, rolled his eyes, and shook his head when your response to my statement that I had paid for the king-size combo was “Oh. That’s right.” You tried to blame your overall ineptitude on somebody's order fifteen minutes prior to my visit - "I'm sorry," you said, "but I've been flustered ever since that guy wanted cheese on his sandwich" - but I'm betting flustered is probably the way you go through life, not a one-time thing.

    Dweeze

    Tuesday, April 24, 2007

    Things About eBayers I Don’t Understand

    I don’t understand why, when there are several identical items up for auction like, oh, let’s say the Cars Diecast Movie Moments Two-Pack with Sarge and Fillmore, and those items are listed at an identical price, with identical shipping costs, and nearly with identical ending times as if, oh, say, they were all listed by the same seller at roughly the same time, why, given that, would someone bid on the item someone else has already bid on instead of one of the other items that no one has bid on?

    Monday, April 23, 2007

    Admissions You Don't Expect Rachel Ray To Make

    From tonight's 30 Minute Meals:

    "If you're like my husband, and you love the taste of dark meat..."

    Wha????

    Saturday, April 21, 2007

    Excuse Me

    Pardon me if I step on some toes.

    Yesterday, some members of the sports blogosphere decided to change the blog highlights to the colors of Virginia Tech. They did this, so they said, to honor the dead and to show support for the living. They did this to proclaim, as one blog said, that while they may have gone to different colleges, for yesterday, they were Hokies.

    Uhm, no.

    Now, I'm not feeling all that fond of the sports blogosphere lately anyway. There's only so much overt homophobia, implicit misogyny, and implied racism one intelligent adult can take. But this particular gesture struck me as even more, well, crass than the sports blogosphere usually is. And believe me, that's awfully crass.

    Don't get me wrong - I have nothing but sympathy for those who were directly or indirectly affected by Monday's events. But the 32 people murdered on Monday weren't the only people murdered last week. They weren't the only people who died last week. They weren't the only victims of a horrendous act last week. Further, the others who died last week were no less worthy of being honored, their families no less in need of support, then those at Virginia Tech. So where's the show of solidarity for those folks? Where's the proud proclamations on their behalf?

    That's why I find the gesture so crass. When your only connection is tangential at best - "Hey! I'm in college too!" or "Hey! I'm a human being too!" - it's not about supporting or honoring. It's about co-opting the grief of others to show how wonderful you yourself are. It's about proclaiming to the world that "I am a good, kind, caring person." It's self-serving, not supportive, and it's offensive.



    Friday, April 20, 2007

    You Tube Fun - Social Commentary Edition

    I Don’t Like Mondays – Boomtown Rats



    Your Flag Decal Won’t Get You Into Heaven Anymore – John Prine



    Fortunate Son – John Fogerty



    I Feel Like I’m Fixin’ To Die Rag – Country Joe McDonald and the Fish


    Wednesday, April 18, 2007

    You Tube Fun Palette Cleaner

    I'm sorry you all had to see that last post, but SOMEONE WAS ASKING FOR IT!!! As you all should know by now, my You Tube Fu is strong.

    And now, a little something to cleanse the palatte


    Sunday, April 15, 2007

    The Never-Ending Pool

    So, I'm flipping channels this afternoon, and briefly land on a commercial for the Never Ending Pool. This is a pool with a huge pump that constantly forces water at you, making you continually swim forward or else get pushed to the end of the pool. You can swim laps forever, never hitting the end of the pool. Unless, of course, you are Prince Namor, the Sub-Mariner.


    Prince Namor scoffs at your never-ending pool

    I'm just about to switch to another station when, in the middle of the testimonials, a woman says
    "It's just like having a treadmill in your basement!"

    The hell?

    A 15-foot, $5,000 swimming pool is just like having a treadmill? Except for the whole, well, almost $5,000 cheaper and staying dry thing, maybe. Maybe.

    I mean, is that really the pitch that's going to convince a skeptical buyer that the never-ending pool is for them? "Well, I was doubtful, but, man, if it's just like that treadmill I could buy for a couple hundred, I'm in!"

    I went into the wrong field.

    Friday, April 13, 2007

    You Tube Fun - Steve Earle

    Copperhead Road



    Hard-Core Troubadour



    Jerusalem



    I Ain’t Never Satisfied


    Thursday, April 12, 2007

    RIP, Kurt Vonnegut

    Kurt Vonnegut - great writer associated with the Iowa Writer’s Workshop or the greatest writer associated with the Iowa Writer’s Workshop?

    Certainly right up there among the other former faculty members – also in the conversation would be John Cheever and Philip Roth. However, everyone knows, or at least it used to be that everyone knows (knew?), exactly where the Vonnegut house was on the north side of Iowa City. I have no idea where Roth or Cheever used to live.

    Expanding the conversation to people who attended the Writer’s Workshop, you’ve got Raymond Carver, John Irving (who does a hell of a book read, if you ever get the chance), and Flannery O’Connor who can be included in the same conversation as Vonnegut. Much as I might like T. Coraghessan Boyle or W.P. Kinsella, I can’t toss them in there. Same with Jane Smiley.

    So that leaves Cheever, Roth, Carver, Irving, and O’Connor as people associated with the Writer’s Workshop in the same league as Vonnegut. I think you have to hand Kurt the title of greatest writer associated with the Iowa Writer’s Workshop. In fact, if it weren’t for a guy by the name of Tennessee Williams, you’d have to give him the title of greatest writer associated with the University of Iowa. But I’m gonna give that one to Mr. Williams.

    RIP, Kurt.

    Snow and Global Warming

    As Matt points out, snow at this time of year allows those who are so inclined to say “Global warming? See, there’s no such thing as global warming!” The problem is, at least with regards to this, is that global warming is the name of the phenomena, not the results of the phenomena. Global warming refers to the fact that the base temperature of the planet has gradually (or not so gradually, in the overall scheme of things) increasing over time.

    Now, this is something that is not in dispute. The base temperature of the planet has been gradually (or not so gradually, in the overall scheme of things) increasing. Check out this graph.



    Sorry. Let’s try that again. Check out this graph.


    You can argue the cause of this increase, you can argue the results of this increase. But you can’t argue that the base temperature of the planet has been gradually (or not so gradually, in the overall scheme of things) increasing. Global warming is a given.

    Still, because people want to ignore that we as humans could be the primary cause of the increase, or that we as humans can’t do anything to reverse the trend, people will pick up on the name of the phenomena and try to belittle any way they can. Snow in April? Guess that proves there’s no such thing as global warming! (Of course, to go that route one must ignore the fact that we didn’t get any measurable snow until the last week in January, and ignore the fact that there were days in April colder than it was on Christmas or New Year’s. But the ability to ignore facts is one of the strengths of the “there’s no such thing as global warming” crowd, so this shouldn’t be a problem.) But how do we get around this problem?

    I propose a simple solution. Instead of referring to it by a name that is a description of the phenomena taking place, global warming, let’s call it Freaky-As-Shit Weather Patterns Caused By An Increase In The Planet’s Base Temperature! That way, we’re describing the result, not the phenomena, and we make it a lot tougher for the anti-science crowd to dismiss.

    You’re welcome.

    Wednesday, April 11, 2007

    On The Radio

    Despite the fact that the new BMW (and it’s hard to call a 1990 vehicle new, believe me) came with a six-CD changer, I indulged myself and purchased an XM receiver. It came with both a car deck and a home deck, so that I can use it in both. Best Buy installed the car deck, and it works wonderfully.

    The deck has 30 presets, though I have been using only ten. I’ve mapped out all the presets I want to use, however, and will get them established. One of my favorite presets is Channel 12, X Country, the home of Alt Country (or Progressive Country or Americana, whichever name you prefer).

    (My second favorite preset is Channel 7, XM 70s. It’s like a radio station straight from my junior high, high school, and college days. It’s great to hear the songs I loved from those days; it’s even fun to hear songs I hated. For instance, I couldn’t stand BTO – Bachman Turner Overdrive – back in the day. Now, I find myself singing along with Takin’ Care Of Business or You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet if they come on, proving the old adage, it might be crap, but it’s my crap.)

    Anyway, I’m driving home yesterday and hit the preset for Channel 12, where I am treated to the Ricky Skaggs-Bruce Hornsby bluegrass version of (wait for it)

    Rick James’ Super Freak

    (Listen to a snippet here.) This immediately becomes the second best bluegrass version of a funk/hip hop song, the best being, the Gourds’ version of Snoop Dogg’s Gin and Juice. Which I tried, but failed, to insert into this post. It failed because the link where the song was changed everytime, which mean the link I was directing the MP3 player to was never right after first usage. If I can figure it out, I'll re-edit.

    Snow

    Snow? SNOW? SNOW!!!!!

    Just when you think winter's gone, they drag it back in. Oh well, at least the effect of having snow on fresh, green grass is really pretty. But still.

    SNOW!!!!!

    Tuesday, April 10, 2007

    You Tube Fun Extra - Dire Straits

    Twisting By The Pool


    Gas For Life And Other Prizes

    I was gassing up the other day – the car, not me – and noticed that B “You’ll always be Amoco to me” P is giving away gas for life. I got to reading the fine print, because I’m a fine print reading kind of guy, and noticed that they are defining gas for life as approximately $95,000 over 35 years. Now, my first thought was that $95,000 over 35 years wasn’t bad – roughly $2,700 a year, or $52 a week. My next thought was that 35 years is hardly a life, until I considered that, at 47, 35 years would put me at 82, and if I’m still around and driving at the age of 82, I wouldn’t be upset that my free gas was running out.

    Along those lines, the Chick-Fil-A opening at Coral Ridge Mall on April 19th will give free food for a year to the first 100 customers they get next week. Chick-Fil-A defines free food for a year as one combo meal a week for 52 weeks. They will begin forming the line on Wednesday, April 18th, at 7:30 am.

    Now, I am fond of Chick-Fil-A. I was very happy to see one was going to be opening. But waiting a day and a half for one combo meal a week for 52 weeks? Not me. That’s not who I am; that’s not how I roll.

    Friday, April 06, 2007

    Bonus You Tube Fun - Alanis Morissette Covers My Humps


    You Tube Fun - Amy Winehouse

    Amy Winehouse (h/t to Occasional Superheroine)

    Rehab



    Back To Black



    You Know I’m No Good



    Me And Mr. Jones

    Thursday, April 05, 2007

    My Friend Ethan and His Brother Andrew


    I love the "Dude! I'm trying to eat my pizza!" expression on Ethan's face.

    Tuesday, April 03, 2007

    More Tuesday Fun

    Lawyerbear. He’s a bear and an attorney.

    Tuesday Funny

    Via Kung Fu Monkey, the email inbox of the worst Star Wars engineer. Here’s a sample:

    Subject: Trash Compactor

    From: Death Star Detention Level Janitor oldroscoe@empiremail.com
    Date: A Long Time Ago 7:46 PM
    To: Nardo Pace npace@empiremail.com

    Hey, kid. That trash compactor you designed is up and running and I've got to say it looks great. Lots of grime, a magnetically sealed hatch that can't be opened from the inside, a tentacled garbage creature that practically serves no purpose at all. It's got everything a salty old janitor could ever want.

    One thing, though. It takes an awful long time to flatten garbage. I'm talking a minute or more, depending on how many flimsy poles I toss in there. If our capital ships can boogie at faster than light speeds, why can't we make a few walls slide toward one another at a speed that outpaces a Hutt's leisurely stroll?

    Monday, April 02, 2007

    Republican Profiles In Courage

    I’ve been avoiding politics lately because, well, there are so many others who do it better. Why repeat what everyone else is saying? Still, sometimes, something comes up that is so perfect in its absurdity that you have to comment.

    Case in point: Last week, Senator John McCain (R-Pandering) declared that the recent troop surge was a success and told radio host and degenerate gambler William Bennett (R-Hypocrisy) that there are neighborhoods in Baghdad where “you and I could walk” today. McCain took quite a beating for those comments, and to prove his detractors wrong, he went to Baghdad and took a walk yesterday, afterwards stating at a press conference that his visit was proof that you could walk freely in some areas of Baghdad.

    Here’s the thing. McCain was joined on his little stroll by 100 American soldiers, three Blackhawk helicopters, and two Apache gunships.

    John. I’ve got some straight talk for you. (Ha. No one else will use that joke. And if they do, they owe me royalties!) If you need 10 soldiers and one helicopter to accompany you on a walk, you aren’t walking freely. If you need 100 soldiers and five helicopters, then you’re putting American lives at risk to prove a talking point that was immediately disproved by the fact that you needed 100 soldiers and five helicopters to make the walk.

    He sure looked cute in the bulletproof vest, though.