Savage Love

I love Dan Savage. For those not in the know, he is a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist. That doesn’t go far enough to describe – you just need to read him. His most recent column is dedicated to offering advice to horny 15 year old girls. The column was prompted by a letter from a horny fifteen year old girl who wrote after Savage wrote a column for of advice for a horny fifteen year old boy. Now before you climb on a high horse or get overly aroused (as the case may be), what Savage did was ask his female readers to send in advice they would give to their fifteen year old selves if they could. (This is the same thing he did with the earlier column – ask his male readers to send in advice they would give to their fifteen year old selves.) Which is an interesting idea by itself – what would you tell yourself at fifteen about relating to the opposite sex? Considering that in eight years or so I’ll be giving a fifteen year old boy advice on relating to the opposite sex, it is a relevant question for me. Maybe I’ll post more on that later.

But that’s not what prompted this post. What prompted this post was this list from a reader:

The 15 Things I Wish I Had Known When I Was 15:
1) Confidence is sexier than big boobs, a tiny waist, or long blond hair will ever be.
2) Medicated face wash will save your life.
3) 15-year-old guys are just as shy around girls as girls are around them. Beware the 15-year-old guys who can kick game.
4) Making the first move is no longer taboo.
5) Chances are, he is not picking up on the subtle "I like you" signals you're sending out. A smile here and a "Hi" there will not be enough for him to know you like him; you may have to tackle him in the hallway with a note that spells it all out, in no confusing terms.
6) At 15, three weeks constitutes a long-term relationship.
7) Rejection is not the end of the world, unless you make it that way.
8) You have the boobs; you make the rules.
9) That being said, having the power of the boobs is like having the force; be careful how and when you use it.
10) Not all guys are created equal.
11) Your mom is right; that outfit does make you look like a whore.
12) There will be rumors.
13) Being fun and funny will get you further than being catty and bitchy.
14) He's not as great as you think he is.
15) The most popular, pretty girl in school is just as awkward and confused as you are. —Adrienne H.

I can’t tell you how upset I am that this woman passed on numbers 8 and 9. That’s been the male secret for years! If women have this knowledge given to them, we’re hosed. Big time.

So if there are any fifteen year old girls reading this, or women in general, I want to say that 8 and 9 are a lie. A complete lie. We men have the you know what, we make the rules. And pay no attention to where my eyes are looking.

And yes, that outfit does make you look like a whore.