If you're on the poker club email list, you already know we are playing this evening around 8:00 at our place. Pop, chips, and some beer will be provided. With any luck, we'll actually have some posts on the poker blog after this game.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Friday Child Blogging
Ethan is just starting to be able to say his own name. That’s one thing you don’t take into account when you’re naming a baby – how difficult is it to say the name. At least we didn’t take it into account. He’s been saying his brother’s and his mother’s names for some time now, but he’s just now starting to say his. It comes out “E-ten”, but it’s really cute. You’ll hold a picture of him up to him and say “Who’s that?” and he’ll say “E-ten”. We’ll wait a bit to work on his middle name, Wesley.
I used to look longingly at people who were with their children, wanting the relationship they had. I still look at them, but now it’s because they always remind me of my boys. Being a father is one of the best things I’ve ever done. One of the hardest too, for that matter. But definitely one of the best.
My boys. At first, when we got the news that the child Lesa was carrying was going to be a boy, I was disappointed. I had wanted a daughter. I think mothers and sons have a stronger bond than fathers and sons, and fathers and daughters a stronger bond than mothers and daughters. But that disappointment quickly faded (it took all of about five minutes after the pronouncement), and now I’m glad I have sons. I still think mothers and sons have a stronger bond than fathers and sons, and I know that, if Ethan remains as stubborn and hardheaded as he is now, which, to be fair, is as stubborn and hardheaded as I can be, then the two of us will clash heads. A lot. But I think we will still have a good bond – Lesa always says he’s daddy’s boy, and he probably is. Which is nice.
I used to look longingly at people who were with their children, wanting the relationship they had. I still look at them, but now it’s because they always remind me of my boys. Being a father is one of the best things I’ve ever done. One of the hardest too, for that matter. But definitely one of the best.
My boys. At first, when we got the news that the child Lesa was carrying was going to be a boy, I was disappointed. I had wanted a daughter. I think mothers and sons have a stronger bond than fathers and sons, and fathers and daughters a stronger bond than mothers and daughters. But that disappointment quickly faded (it took all of about five minutes after the pronouncement), and now I’m glad I have sons. I still think mothers and sons have a stronger bond than fathers and sons, and I know that, if Ethan remains as stubborn and hardheaded as he is now, which, to be fair, is as stubborn and hardheaded as I can be, then the two of us will clash heads. A lot. But I think we will still have a good bond – Lesa always says he’s daddy’s boy, and he probably is. Which is nice.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Death And The Legislature
There has been a flurry of activity in the Iowa Legislature as a response to the Jetseta Gage tragedy. In brief, she was the young girl who was kidnapped, raped, and murdered by a convicted sex offender. Our legislators are trying to look tough by proposing new laws that will prevent this sort of thing from happening.
Now, it gets a little complicated. Roger Bentley, the man who committed the crime, was able to take her in part because her mother, Trena Gage, had invited him to the family home to work on her car. Trena met Roger through his brother, James. James was Trena’s ex-boyfriend. (And, if you dig far enough into the sordid history, a man that Trena once sued for child support as the father of her son. But DNA testing said he wasn’t.) James also was jailed last November for repeatedly raping Jetseta over a two-year period. Trena claimed she had no knowledge of this, but during the time she was dating James he was arrested for another incident involving inappropriate contact with a minor. I offer none of this as exculpation for Roger Bentley, just as proof of the fact that answers to these problems sometimes can’t be found in legislative action. By that I mean that the easiest way to have prevented Jetseta Gage from being kidnapped, raped, and murdered would have been for her mother to JUST NOT HANG OUT WITH CONVICTED SEX OFFENDERS IN THE FIRST PLACE! Sorry for the all-caps, but Trena’s actions in this case, indeed throughout the lives of her children, are inexcusable. Absolutely inexcusable.
But I digress.
As I mentioned, a lot of new legislation has been proposed. A group of Republicans are trying to start a debate on the death penalty, and are being blocked in the Iowa Senate by the Senate Democratic leader who refuses to let a bill out of committee if it contains the death penalty.
Time to digress again. The Iowa Senate is currently tied, 25 Democrats and 25 Republican. The Iowa House is slightly Republican. Prior to this, Republicans had control of both chambers for about 8 years. During that time, they never once brought a bill containing the death penalty to the floor for debate. There weren’t the votes for it to pass, the governor wouldn’t sign it, and a majority of Iowans opposed it. So they didn’t bother.
But now, now they do want it brought to the floor. One of the leaders in the movement is a Republican who, last fall when he was up for election, told voters he did not believe in the death penalty. But now he wants it, because of loopholes in the sex offender law.
Not sure why he doesn’t just want to fix those loopholes, but there you are.
Anyway, to make a long story longer, I am opposed to the death penalty. I won’t go into those reasons now – it’s not the purpose of this. I will say that the only reason that appears to be valid for having it is as a deterrent. And that’s one of the grounds supporters are giving for wanting it. To deter future crimes.
Doesn’t matter that all the statistical evidence shows that the death penalty doesn’t deter violent crime and that, indeed, states with the death penalty are the states with the highest rates of violent crime and, even further, that states that institute the death penalty see their violent crime rates go up. That should matter, but it doesn’t. And it doesn’t matter that a death penalty would not have prevented Roger Bentley from doing what he did. He wasn’t thinking about consequences, anymore than a cat thinks about consequences when it jumps a bird. He was thinking gratification of his immediate needs. He was as an animal, acting in accordance with the twisted way he was hard-wired. No, the death penalty would not have deterred him. That should matter, but it doesn’t.
(Although I will add one more complication to this, something I have wondered about. Did Roger Bentley do what he did in part to help his brother? His brother’s lawyer is saying that tapes made of Jetseta’s depositions should not be allowed in court during James’ trial because he will be unable to face his accuser. I’m not saying that went through Roger’s mind, but more of an instinctual “Hurt girl – help James” thing. We will never know unless Roger says something.)
The supporters are arguing that the death penalty would be a deterrent, and, as such, they want the death penalty for anyone that murders a child. They also want it for anyone who kidnaps a child with intent to do the child harm. And that’s what this long, rambling post is about. Because that sets off my“What? Are you high?” alarm. (Note: Sometimes the most appropriate response to a really insane idea is “What? Are you high?”)
Because it’s like this. If a person is rational enough that they are thinking about the consequences if they get caught, then why make the penalty for kidnapping the same as the penalty for murder? It’s much easier to get away with the kidnapping if you murder the victim. And if the penalty for the kidnapping is the same as the penalty for the murder, then why the hell would you let the victim live? (With the caveat that you are giving some thought to the consequences of being caught and, as such, are susceptible to being deterred, and if you aren’t giving thought to the consequences of being caught then it doesn’t really matter what the punishment is because it could be being drawn and quartered and it wouldn’t deter you) The answer? You wouldn’t. If you’re going to get punished the same for kidnapping you’ve just committed as you are for murdering the victim, you’d go ahead and murder the victim and take your chances that you wouldn’t get caught. In short, passing this law would incent criminals to commit murder.
And I don’t really think that’s a valid goal of our legislative body.
Now, it gets a little complicated. Roger Bentley, the man who committed the crime, was able to take her in part because her mother, Trena Gage, had invited him to the family home to work on her car. Trena met Roger through his brother, James. James was Trena’s ex-boyfriend. (And, if you dig far enough into the sordid history, a man that Trena once sued for child support as the father of her son. But DNA testing said he wasn’t.) James also was jailed last November for repeatedly raping Jetseta over a two-year period. Trena claimed she had no knowledge of this, but during the time she was dating James he was arrested for another incident involving inappropriate contact with a minor. I offer none of this as exculpation for Roger Bentley, just as proof of the fact that answers to these problems sometimes can’t be found in legislative action. By that I mean that the easiest way to have prevented Jetseta Gage from being kidnapped, raped, and murdered would have been for her mother to JUST NOT HANG OUT WITH CONVICTED SEX OFFENDERS IN THE FIRST PLACE! Sorry for the all-caps, but Trena’s actions in this case, indeed throughout the lives of her children, are inexcusable. Absolutely inexcusable.
But I digress.
As I mentioned, a lot of new legislation has been proposed. A group of Republicans are trying to start a debate on the death penalty, and are being blocked in the Iowa Senate by the Senate Democratic leader who refuses to let a bill out of committee if it contains the death penalty.
Time to digress again. The Iowa Senate is currently tied, 25 Democrats and 25 Republican. The Iowa House is slightly Republican. Prior to this, Republicans had control of both chambers for about 8 years. During that time, they never once brought a bill containing the death penalty to the floor for debate. There weren’t the votes for it to pass, the governor wouldn’t sign it, and a majority of Iowans opposed it. So they didn’t bother.
But now, now they do want it brought to the floor. One of the leaders in the movement is a Republican who, last fall when he was up for election, told voters he did not believe in the death penalty. But now he wants it, because of loopholes in the sex offender law.
Not sure why he doesn’t just want to fix those loopholes, but there you are.
Anyway, to make a long story longer, I am opposed to the death penalty. I won’t go into those reasons now – it’s not the purpose of this. I will say that the only reason that appears to be valid for having it is as a deterrent. And that’s one of the grounds supporters are giving for wanting it. To deter future crimes.
Doesn’t matter that all the statistical evidence shows that the death penalty doesn’t deter violent crime and that, indeed, states with the death penalty are the states with the highest rates of violent crime and, even further, that states that institute the death penalty see their violent crime rates go up. That should matter, but it doesn’t. And it doesn’t matter that a death penalty would not have prevented Roger Bentley from doing what he did. He wasn’t thinking about consequences, anymore than a cat thinks about consequences when it jumps a bird. He was thinking gratification of his immediate needs. He was as an animal, acting in accordance with the twisted way he was hard-wired. No, the death penalty would not have deterred him. That should matter, but it doesn’t.
(Although I will add one more complication to this, something I have wondered about. Did Roger Bentley do what he did in part to help his brother? His brother’s lawyer is saying that tapes made of Jetseta’s depositions should not be allowed in court during James’ trial because he will be unable to face his accuser. I’m not saying that went through Roger’s mind, but more of an instinctual “Hurt girl – help James” thing. We will never know unless Roger says something.)
The supporters are arguing that the death penalty would be a deterrent, and, as such, they want the death penalty for anyone that murders a child. They also want it for anyone who kidnaps a child with intent to do the child harm. And that’s what this long, rambling post is about. Because that sets off my“What? Are you high?” alarm. (Note: Sometimes the most appropriate response to a really insane idea is “What? Are you high?”)
Because it’s like this. If a person is rational enough that they are thinking about the consequences if they get caught, then why make the penalty for kidnapping the same as the penalty for murder? It’s much easier to get away with the kidnapping if you murder the victim. And if the penalty for the kidnapping is the same as the penalty for the murder, then why the hell would you let the victim live? (With the caveat that you are giving some thought to the consequences of being caught and, as such, are susceptible to being deterred, and if you aren’t giving thought to the consequences of being caught then it doesn’t really matter what the punishment is because it could be being drawn and quartered and it wouldn’t deter you) The answer? You wouldn’t. If you’re going to get punished the same for kidnapping you’ve just committed as you are for murdering the victim, you’d go ahead and murder the victim and take your chances that you wouldn’t get caught. In short, passing this law would incent criminals to commit murder.
And I don’t really think that’s a valid goal of our legislative body.
The New Glasses Are In! The New Glasses Are In!
And it is tough to adjust to - damn tough. I'm finding it particularly difficult at the computer so far because I can't just move it farther back or up and down. I keep putting my old pair on, but then I say to myself "I need to learn how to use the new ones" and switch, then switch again because it's tough to get anything done. So if posting is slight today, that's why.
Also, I find that I now have to look directly at someone speaking. So tomorrow night at poker, if you think I'm staring, I am. But not in a bad way.
Also, I find that I now have to look directly at someone speaking. So tomorrow night at poker, if you think I'm staring, I am. But not in a bad way.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Link Fest 2005
Bunch of new links, and some rearrangement. The sidebar is now on the left, the text space is wider, the previous posts is gone, and the archives are at the bottom. New links are from all the poker group that have blogs, including Danny, Teresa at Glorious Nonsense, Theresa at 2 Hot Chicks, and the Tanman. From OT come Buggy, Supes, Republican No More and, for a return engagement, Sasha.
And I've added some baseball blogs. Cardinals baseball. The only kind of baseball.
And I've added some baseball blogs. Cardinals baseball. The only kind of baseball.
Bloggers Unite?* Bloggers UNITED!
*”Bloggers Unite!” is the battle cry of bloggers when they seek assistance from another blogger. Also acceptable are “Bloggers Assemble” and “By The Power Of The Blogosphere!” and “Advantage Blogosphere” and “It’s Bloggerin’ Time!”. And yes, there are actual bloggers who actually use one of those.
Savage Love
I love Dan Savage. For those not in the know, he is a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist. That doesn’t go far enough to describe – you just need to read him. His most recent column is dedicated to offering advice to horny 15 year old girls. The column was prompted by a letter from a horny fifteen year old girl who wrote after Savage wrote a column for of advice for a horny fifteen year old boy. Now before you climb on a high horse or get overly aroused (as the case may be), what Savage did was ask his female readers to send in advice they would give to their fifteen year old selves if they could. (This is the same thing he did with the earlier column – ask his male readers to send in advice they would give to their fifteen year old selves.) Which is an interesting idea by itself – what would you tell yourself at fifteen about relating to the opposite sex? Considering that in eight years or so I’ll be giving a fifteen year old boy advice on relating to the opposite sex, it is a relevant question for me. Maybe I’ll post more on that later.
But that’s not what prompted this post. What prompted this post was this list from a reader:
The 15 Things I Wish I Had Known When I Was 15:
1) Confidence is sexier than big boobs, a tiny waist, or long blond hair will ever be.
2) Medicated face wash will save your life.
3) 15-year-old guys are just as shy around girls as girls are around them. Beware the 15-year-old guys who can kick game.
4) Making the first move is no longer taboo.
5) Chances are, he is not picking up on the subtle "I like you" signals you're sending out. A smile here and a "Hi" there will not be enough for him to know you like him; you may have to tackle him in the hallway with a note that spells it all out, in no confusing terms.
6) At 15, three weeks constitutes a long-term relationship.
7) Rejection is not the end of the world, unless you make it that way.
8) You have the boobs; you make the rules.
9) That being said, having the power of the boobs is like having the force; be careful how and when you use it.
10) Not all guys are created equal.
11) Your mom is right; that outfit does make you look like a whore.
12) There will be rumors.
13) Being fun and funny will get you further than being catty and bitchy.
14) He's not as great as you think he is.
15) The most popular, pretty girl in school is just as awkward and confused as you are. —Adrienne H.
I can’t tell you how upset I am that this woman passed on numbers 8 and 9. That’s been the male secret for years! If women have this knowledge given to them, we’re hosed. Big time.
So if there are any fifteen year old girls reading this, or women in general, I want to say that 8 and 9 are a lie. A complete lie. We men have the you know what, we make the rules. And pay no attention to where my eyes are looking.
And yes, that outfit does make you look like a whore.
But that’s not what prompted this post. What prompted this post was this list from a reader:
The 15 Things I Wish I Had Known When I Was 15:
1) Confidence is sexier than big boobs, a tiny waist, or long blond hair will ever be.
2) Medicated face wash will save your life.
3) 15-year-old guys are just as shy around girls as girls are around them. Beware the 15-year-old guys who can kick game.
4) Making the first move is no longer taboo.
5) Chances are, he is not picking up on the subtle "I like you" signals you're sending out. A smile here and a "Hi" there will not be enough for him to know you like him; you may have to tackle him in the hallway with a note that spells it all out, in no confusing terms.
6) At 15, three weeks constitutes a long-term relationship.
7) Rejection is not the end of the world, unless you make it that way.
8) You have the boobs; you make the rules.
9) That being said, having the power of the boobs is like having the force; be careful how and when you use it.
10) Not all guys are created equal.
11) Your mom is right; that outfit does make you look like a whore.
12) There will be rumors.
13) Being fun and funny will get you further than being catty and bitchy.
14) He's not as great as you think he is.
15) The most popular, pretty girl in school is just as awkward and confused as you are. —Adrienne H.
I can’t tell you how upset I am that this woman passed on numbers 8 and 9. That’s been the male secret for years! If women have this knowledge given to them, we’re hosed. Big time.
So if there are any fifteen year old girls reading this, or women in general, I want to say that 8 and 9 are a lie. A complete lie. We men have the you know what, we make the rules. And pay no attention to where my eyes are looking.
And yes, that outfit does make you look like a whore.
Englert and ICCT News
Those in Iowa City (or who just like to look at the Press Citizen online) may have seen this article announcing that a contract has been signed between ICCT and the Englert Civic Theatre. Our productions of Fiddler on the Roof and My Fair Lady will take place there next season. We’ll also have a fundraiser this summer. So that’s good news. The bad? The deal is just for one year at this point. The really bad? Our beloved president can’t (or won’t) do a good job of selling ICCT to the press. Check these graphs out:
Early on in the Englert renovation project, Buddin said community theater members were told that they would just have to pay a small fee for performances because of the group's large contribution of $50,000.
Some leaders in the initial grassroots effort to restore the Englert even told members that they would have partial ownership, she said.
There isn’t a true statement in either sentence. We weren’t told we would pay a small fee – in fact, the deal as negotiated is probably a lesser charge than what we had negotiated before. The key there is that a deal was negotiated before, and the current board wasn’t willing to honor it and we weren’t willing to do what we had to do to get them to honor it. And nothing was ever said about partial ownership. Nothing. Jeebus, I was there for almost every meeting for close to a year and a half. You think I would know if anyone would.
Early on in the Englert renovation project, Buddin said community theater members were told that they would just have to pay a small fee for performances because of the group's large contribution of $50,000.
Some leaders in the initial grassroots effort to restore the Englert even told members that they would have partial ownership, she said.
There isn’t a true statement in either sentence. We weren’t told we would pay a small fee – in fact, the deal as negotiated is probably a lesser charge than what we had negotiated before. The key there is that a deal was negotiated before, and the current board wasn’t willing to honor it and we weren’t willing to do what we had to do to get them to honor it. And nothing was ever said about partial ownership. Nothing. Jeebus, I was there for almost every meeting for close to a year and a half. You think I would know if anyone would.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Note To Self
The two-day-old microwave reheated Turkey Loaf is substantially worse than the freshly cooked Turkey Loaf which, truth be told, wasn’t that great to begin with when we had it Sunday night. Since I selected, and prepared, said Turkey Loaf, perhaps I need to look in a different direction for my future turkey needs.
World’s Most Dangerous Jobs (TV Division)
The Fictional Character Occupational Health and Safety Administration (FCOSHA) announced the results of it’s latest occupational hazard survey. The survey, conducted once every three years, reviews the data to determine which fictional occupations are the most hazardous. In a stunning turn of events, the post which has held the top spot since the survey was implemented in the 1960s, Star Trek Away Team Member, has dropped to the number two position. The top spot is now held by CTU Los Angeles Field Ops Team Member. While going out in large groups of CTU Los Angeles Field Ops Team Agents is generally fairly safe, going out in a party of one or two, especially in the company of a lead CTU Agent such as Jack Bauer or Tony Almeda (or even, as was shown last night, Chloe O’Brien) is likely to prove fatal. A spokesman for the agent’s union said “We all dread getting the call to go out with Jack. I mean, the guy hacked off his daughter’s boyfriend’s hand! Who wants to partner with a guy like that?” Agent Bauer was unavailable for comment.
Monday, April 25, 2005
Callings
Jo at Major Disaster asks why, if Cardinal Ratzinger didn't want to be Pope (see article here) didn't he (Cardinal Ratzinger) just say no. Well, when God calls, you can't say "No". I think the best you can manage is to say you aren't there or you're busy and you'll call back later, but if you do that, God eventually calls back and sooner or later you'll wind up talking to him. I mean, God can make any name show up on your caller ID, so you can't avoid him that way. The phone will ring, and the caller ID will show "Salma Hayek", and you'll answer the phone, and a voice sounding just like Salma's will ask for you by name, and you'll say "This is he" and then the voice will switch to God's and he'll say "Punk'd" and "I knew you were home" and "You guys playing cards tonight?" and "You want to be Pope?" and you'll end up inviting him over to play poker even though you don't want to and then he'll lecture you about your card play but lose and not think twice about the irony of that. So yeah, you might as well just answer God when he calls and agree to be Pope and let him play cards and hope he goes out early.
Friday, April 22, 2005
Fun With Keebler
Lesser-known animals* found in Ernie’s** Animal Round-Up, the hidden word puzzle on the back of my package of Keebler Frosted Animal Cookies:
Xurd
Fenoy
Bers
Robbletmar
Alice
*The clue says the only animals there are bear, gorilla, seal, sheep, hippopotamus, lion, horse, ram, elephant, buffalo, and rhinoceros. But the clue lies. Oh yes. The clue lies.
**What self-respecting Elf names their son “Ernie”?
Xurd
Fenoy
Bers
Robbletmar
Alice
*The clue says the only animals there are bear, gorilla, seal, sheep, hippopotamus, lion, horse, ram, elephant, buffalo, and rhinoceros. But the clue lies. Oh yes. The clue lies.
**What self-respecting Elf names their son “Ernie”?
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
In A Week Or So, I'll Be Bi
Focaled, that is. I went to the opthamaloogist, oppthemalogist, eye doctor yesterday and he said I need bifocals. They’ll be ready in about a week. I’m getting progressives, so no one can look at them and tell they are bifocals. Cool new frames, too, and a slight tint to the lenses. The whole thing is only costing me $100, thanks to the Vision Service Plan. Go VSP!
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
If It's Tuesday, There Must Be A New Pope
Because the new Pope gets a new name, were I to become Pope, I would thereafter be known as (wait for it)
Pope N'Fresh
Pope N'Fresh
Monday, April 18, 2005
More Theatre Thoughts
Kris had this post up awhile back regarding a PC article about theatre finances. I sent the following letter to the PC, but they didn’t publish it. I wonder why?
Thanks for the interesting article on the struggles of local theatres to survive. While the article mentions several things that have led to this struggle, I would like to comment on one thing that is not mentioned.
I am currently the Past President of the Iowa City Community Theatre (ICCT). For the four years prior to this, I served as President of ICCT. During that time I noted that there was a definite difference in attendance for productions that were well covered in the local papers and productions that received little or no coverage. Productions that received a nice article, with a picture or two, in the Go Section of the Press Citizen were always better attended than productions that received nothing. And productions that were reviewed almost always got an attendance boost from that review.
Unfortunately, during my time as President, the amount of coverage we received from the Press Citizen and other media outlets dropped. It’s been close to four years since the Press Citizen provided a review for an ICCT production. Were the Press-Citizen to devote a few more of its resources to covering local theatres and reviewing local theatres productions, there would, based on past experience, be greater attendance at those same productions. How much of an attendance boost would occur is open to debate. But I think it’s safe to say that for all our local theatres, at this time any attendance boost, no matter how small, would be a wonderful thing.
Think it hit too close to home?
Thanks for the interesting article on the struggles of local theatres to survive. While the article mentions several things that have led to this struggle, I would like to comment on one thing that is not mentioned.
I am currently the Past President of the Iowa City Community Theatre (ICCT). For the four years prior to this, I served as President of ICCT. During that time I noted that there was a definite difference in attendance for productions that were well covered in the local papers and productions that received little or no coverage. Productions that received a nice article, with a picture or two, in the Go Section of the Press Citizen were always better attended than productions that received nothing. And productions that were reviewed almost always got an attendance boost from that review.
Unfortunately, during my time as President, the amount of coverage we received from the Press Citizen and other media outlets dropped. It’s been close to four years since the Press Citizen provided a review for an ICCT production. Were the Press-Citizen to devote a few more of its resources to covering local theatres and reviewing local theatres productions, there would, based on past experience, be greater attendance at those same productions. How much of an attendance boost would occur is open to debate. But I think it’s safe to say that for all our local theatres, at this time any attendance boost, no matter how small, would be a wonderful thing.
Think it hit too close to home?
A Lawn Again, Naturally
I’m one of those people who think a nicely mown lawn is a piece of art. I’m also one of those who like to do the mowing themselves. (I think a nicely shoveled driveway is also a piece of art, but I’d rather not be the one doing the shoveling. I figure that with Andrew hitting the age of ten in three years, and Ethan hitting it five years after that, I’ll have a good 13 year period where I don’t need to shovel snow.) I know that the first mowing of the year always looks a little rough, and you need a follow-up mowing shortly after (but not right away) to get it to look good. I know a lot about mowing. But what I didn’t know, what I found out after Lesa turned me on to the fact that I am actually a dog person, is that the freshly-mown lawn is the golden toilet of the canine world. Apparently, there is no better crapping in the world than crapping on a freshly-mown lawn. The dogs literally can’t wait until I get done mowing – there have been times where they are crapping on part of the lawn I just mowed even before I finish the entire thing. The bad thing about this is that I had to scoop crap before I mowed, and now there is more dog crap to scoop. The good thing is that it’s incredibly easy to find.
So how was your weekend?
So how was your weekend?
Friday, April 15, 2005
Colonel? Dead. Perdue? Dead. Revolución!
A truck transporting chickens for slaughter “accidentally” crashed in Kentucky, freeing over 5,000 chickens. Accidentally. That’s just what the chickens want us to think. I? I suspect fowl play...
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Englert Bookings
Doofus Doolittle, Branson’s Funniest Fiddler, is coming to the Englert. (Here’s how you need to say that name to get the full effect. Draw out the “Doofus Doolittle”, taking a full two seconds to get it out. Take the volume up a notch on the “Branson’s”, then spit out “Funniest Fiddler” as fast as you can. Like this. Doo-fus Doo-lit-tle, Branson’s FunniestFiddler.) Now, I imagine if you had told the community that one of the acts brought to town in the Englert’s first season would be Doo-fus Doo-lit-tle, Branson’s FunniestFiddler, I – well, I can’t imagine what the response would have been.
Fun Fact 1: Doo-fus Doo-lit-tle, Branson’s FunniestFiddler, is the great-grandson of Eliza Doolittle and the son of James Doolittle. According to his bio, exposure to the Fat Man (or was it Little Boy?) warped James Doolittle’s DNA, making Doofus a Doofus. And a funny fiddler. Fun Fact 2: None of that is true.
Not that I have anything against Branson. We spent a week in Branson last summer with my mom and my older sister’s family and my younger sister’s family, and we had a blast. Branson has some great theme parks, and I loves the theme parks. Seriously. I love theme parks. And there’s good boating, fishing, swimming, hiking, and lots of rural arts and crafts to be found. And some fine food. But the worst part of Branson are the stage acts – thankfully, Ethan wouldn’t sit still when we went to see Ray Stevens and Lesa and I were able to book out early. So although there are many good things about Branson, the stage shows aren’t one of them. You see all of them advertised as you drive up and down the main strip, big billboards and big theatres for all of Branson’s stars.
Although now that I mention it, I never saw one for Doo-fus Doo-lit-tle, Branson’s FunniestFiddler. So maybe he isn’t really Branson’s FunniestFiddler. Maybe he’s a fraud, and the reason he plays shows outside of Branson is because Branson’s real FunniestFiddler, whoever that might be, won’t let him show his lying doofus face around Branson. Something to think about.
In other Englert bookings, Steve Jepson performed there last weekend. Now the people who saw him probably thought of him as a decent baritone with many appearances in many operas around the world. But anyone who was in the Hawkeye Marching Band from 1978-1981 or so (like I was) know him as one of the most annoying human beings ever to grace the planet. They (like I), know him as an egotistical twit, the sort of guy who probably Googles his name once a day to see what people are saying about him. (Hi Steve!) Why the Englert booked him I’ll never know – probably just another sign that Kerchner had no clue what Iowa City was about. (And Steve, if you are reading this - all those times when the saxophone section would yell "Shut Up, Jepson"? That wasn't done in playful fun. We really wanted you to shut up. But you never did.) As for Doo-fus Doo-lit-tle, Branson’s FunniestFiddler – that was probably another of Kerchner’s little farewell presents to Iowa City.
In the interest of fairness, the Del McCoury Band is playing at the Englert this (Thursday, April 14th) evening. If you like bluegrass, and I’m probably the only one reading or writing here that does, and you don’t have family obligations preventing you from going to see a concert at the last minute, you should see Del McCoury. He’s great.
Fun Fact 1: Doo-fus Doo-lit-tle, Branson’s FunniestFiddler, is the great-grandson of Eliza Doolittle and the son of James Doolittle. According to his bio, exposure to the Fat Man (or was it Little Boy?) warped James Doolittle’s DNA, making Doofus a Doofus. And a funny fiddler. Fun Fact 2: None of that is true.
Not that I have anything against Branson. We spent a week in Branson last summer with my mom and my older sister’s family and my younger sister’s family, and we had a blast. Branson has some great theme parks, and I loves the theme parks. Seriously. I love theme parks. And there’s good boating, fishing, swimming, hiking, and lots of rural arts and crafts to be found. And some fine food. But the worst part of Branson are the stage acts – thankfully, Ethan wouldn’t sit still when we went to see Ray Stevens and Lesa and I were able to book out early. So although there are many good things about Branson, the stage shows aren’t one of them. You see all of them advertised as you drive up and down the main strip, big billboards and big theatres for all of Branson’s stars.
Although now that I mention it, I never saw one for Doo-fus Doo-lit-tle, Branson’s FunniestFiddler. So maybe he isn’t really Branson’s FunniestFiddler. Maybe he’s a fraud, and the reason he plays shows outside of Branson is because Branson’s real FunniestFiddler, whoever that might be, won’t let him show his lying doofus face around Branson. Something to think about.
In other Englert bookings, Steve Jepson performed there last weekend. Now the people who saw him probably thought of him as a decent baritone with many appearances in many operas around the world. But anyone who was in the Hawkeye Marching Band from 1978-1981 or so (like I was) know him as one of the most annoying human beings ever to grace the planet. They (like I), know him as an egotistical twit, the sort of guy who probably Googles his name once a day to see what people are saying about him. (Hi Steve!) Why the Englert booked him I’ll never know – probably just another sign that Kerchner had no clue what Iowa City was about. (And Steve, if you are reading this - all those times when the saxophone section would yell "Shut Up, Jepson"? That wasn't done in playful fun. We really wanted you to shut up. But you never did.) As for Doo-fus Doo-lit-tle, Branson’s FunniestFiddler – that was probably another of Kerchner’s little farewell presents to Iowa City.
In the interest of fairness, the Del McCoury Band is playing at the Englert this (Thursday, April 14th) evening. If you like bluegrass, and I’m probably the only one reading or writing here that does, and you don’t have family obligations preventing you from going to see a concert at the last minute, you should see Del McCoury. He’s great.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
In Comic Strip News
This piece on the Press Citizen’s editorial page today mentions that some people felt that a BC comic strip that ran last week was offensive towards Native Americans. This naturally prompts the following thought: People still read BC? Seriously? That thing hasn’t been funny for the last 20 years. Judge Parker is more entertaining. What was once a snarky, sarcastic strip has become saccharine and maudlin since Hart was born again. Why the hell would anyone do more than glance at it as they are moving from Dilbert at the top of the comics page to Doonesbury at the bottom?
Monday, April 11, 2005
This Post Has No Title
I hate the Rod Stewart song Broken Arrow. I’ve never understood the line “Who else is going to bring you a broken arrow?” I mean, isn’t the correct answer to that one “Hopefully no one”. Who wants a broken arrow? But a thought occurred to me over the weekend. Perhaps the broken arrow isn’t really a broken arrow, but a metaphor for all those little things we like or dislike that nobody but the person closest to us knows about. Maybe the person being sung to really likes broken arrows for some reason, and the singer discovered that by chance, and so when he says “Who else is going to bring you a broken arrow?” what he’s really saying is “Who else is going to do the little things you love to have done that no one knows about?” That makes the song much deeper and much sadder, cause it seems like maybe the broken arrow recipient doesn’t appreciate the singer or is considering leaving the singer but in either event it seems that there is trouble in the relationship and the singer is trying to convey the message that he really does know the broken arrow recipient. But maybe he should just come out and say that instead of couching things in code terms like “broken arrow” or “a bottle of rain” that just make the broken arrow recipient go “WTF?” I think if the singer did that, these two crazy kids just might have a chance.
And don’t get me started on the relationship problems of the couple in the Pina Colada Song...
And don’t get me started on the relationship problems of the couple in the Pina Colada Song...
Thursday, April 07, 2005
So. Where Were We?
Terri died. The Pope died. Frank Perdue had the bad sense of timing to die between the two of them, so the only people who know he died are obsessive news junkies, his family, illegal immigrants, and the world’s chicken population, the latter group throwing a party the likes of which hasn’t been seen since Colonel Sanders shuffled off this mortal coil. Saul Bellow and Prince Rainer died. True fact number one: I didn’t realize either were still alive. True fact number two: I had the biggest crush on Princess Caroline when I was in high school. She was slightly older, beautiful, had a hot body, rich, and a Princess. What’s not to crush on? Johnny Cochran died, prompting writer Peter David to comment on his blog “If Johnny don’t breathe, you must bequeath.” That one was for the lawyers, as is this, my favorite lawyer joke: Lawyer dies and goes to hell. Satan says “Wow, you lived to be 115!” Lawyer says “You must have me mistaken for someone else. I died at 73.” Satan replies “Not according to your billable hours.” None of these people who died were in my dead pool. Joe Namath, my out on the limb dead pool pick, went into rehab to get cleaned up. Bastard.
Speaking of the Pope, WTF? Flags are at half-mast for the Pope? The Pope? He’s still just a religious leader, right? And even though Catholicism is the world’s largest denomination, Protestants still outnumber Catholics in the world and the United States. So why flags at half mast? Why round the clock coverage? Why dominating the news cycle? And at some level, isn’t all this idolatry of the Pope somewhat unchristian? And am I the only one somewhat infuriated by the fact that every news story about the Pope’s death mentioned how good it was the he was able to die in the manner he chose while at the same time the Pope’s spokesmen (and it had to be them – he couldn’t carry on a conversation at that point) issued statements about how wrong it would be to pull the tube on Terri?
But enough about death. What about sports and entertainment? Let’s see. God has some beef with the PGA Tour. Baseball started, and the Cardinals are 1-1. The NBA is winding down, and the Lakers have missed the playoffs (for the first time in eleven years), which gives Kobe Bryant a lot more time for ass-fucking white chicks. I suck at poker. Scott Savol is apparently going to have to beat up some girl on stage to get voted out of American Idol. Sin City led the box office last week on the day the Pope died. (There’s an American Pie parody in there somewhere.) Lost rocks. So does 24. Did I mention I suck at poker? My friend Bob turned 50, which means I am only five years away from the same milestone. DC Comics have decided to remove every trace of humor from the DC universe, retconning out stories that didn’t take themselves seriously and replacing them with stories that take themselves very seriously. Very, very seriously. Very, very seriously, and very proud of their seriousness. Ponderously, over-pompously, seriously.
In the world of politics, the Republican Terri Schiavo Talking Points memo, which the asshats at Powerline, among others, claimed was a forgery done by Democrats, was proven to be real yesterday when Senator Mel Martinez (R–FLA) admitted the memo was created and distributed by a member of his staff. This after Senator Martinez had spent a couple of weeks denying that the memo was created and distributed by a member of his staff. Chances of Powerline et al ever admitting they were wrong? Normally I would say none, but Michelle Malkin of all people has come out and admitted she was fooled. And then there’s Tom Delay, who after forcing his face into prominence during the Terri affair, has found an almost constant stream of revelations of past misconduct working their way into the press. The Wall Street Journal editorial board, among others, have suggested that perhaps it’s time for Delay to step down. So has Senator Lindsay Graham (R-SC), although Delay has marshaled the Republican side of the House to stand by him. Democrats are torn – on the one hand, it would be nice for Delay to remain in power and as a prominent symbol of Republican greed and corruption. On the other hand… Wait. There is no other hand. You go Tom! Hang in there! Stick around until at least the fall of 2006! Oh, and in the Iowa Legislature Senators and Representatives are scrambling all over one another to overreact to a crime that would have been prevented if the mother of the victim just didn't hang out with sex offenders.
So that was the past 10 days or so. Whew! I guess there’s a reason why I need to post everyday.
Speaking of the Pope, WTF? Flags are at half-mast for the Pope? The Pope? He’s still just a religious leader, right? And even though Catholicism is the world’s largest denomination, Protestants still outnumber Catholics in the world and the United States. So why flags at half mast? Why round the clock coverage? Why dominating the news cycle? And at some level, isn’t all this idolatry of the Pope somewhat unchristian? And am I the only one somewhat infuriated by the fact that every news story about the Pope’s death mentioned how good it was the he was able to die in the manner he chose while at the same time the Pope’s spokesmen (and it had to be them – he couldn’t carry on a conversation at that point) issued statements about how wrong it would be to pull the tube on Terri?
But enough about death. What about sports and entertainment? Let’s see. God has some beef with the PGA Tour. Baseball started, and the Cardinals are 1-1. The NBA is winding down, and the Lakers have missed the playoffs (for the first time in eleven years), which gives Kobe Bryant a lot more time for ass-fucking white chicks. I suck at poker. Scott Savol is apparently going to have to beat up some girl on stage to get voted out of American Idol. Sin City led the box office last week on the day the Pope died. (There’s an American Pie parody in there somewhere.) Lost rocks. So does 24. Did I mention I suck at poker? My friend Bob turned 50, which means I am only five years away from the same milestone. DC Comics have decided to remove every trace of humor from the DC universe, retconning out stories that didn’t take themselves seriously and replacing them with stories that take themselves very seriously. Very, very seriously. Very, very seriously, and very proud of their seriousness. Ponderously, over-pompously, seriously.
In the world of politics, the Republican Terri Schiavo Talking Points memo, which the asshats at Powerline, among others, claimed was a forgery done by Democrats, was proven to be real yesterday when Senator Mel Martinez (R–FLA) admitted the memo was created and distributed by a member of his staff. This after Senator Martinez had spent a couple of weeks denying that the memo was created and distributed by a member of his staff. Chances of Powerline et al ever admitting they were wrong? Normally I would say none, but Michelle Malkin of all people has come out and admitted she was fooled. And then there’s Tom Delay, who after forcing his face into prominence during the Terri affair, has found an almost constant stream of revelations of past misconduct working their way into the press. The Wall Street Journal editorial board, among others, have suggested that perhaps it’s time for Delay to step down. So has Senator Lindsay Graham (R-SC), although Delay has marshaled the Republican side of the House to stand by him. Democrats are torn – on the one hand, it would be nice for Delay to remain in power and as a prominent symbol of Republican greed and corruption. On the other hand… Wait. There is no other hand. You go Tom! Hang in there! Stick around until at least the fall of 2006! Oh, and in the Iowa Legislature Senators and Representatives are scrambling all over one another to overreact to a crime that would have been prevented if the mother of the victim just didn't hang out with sex offenders.
So that was the past 10 days or so. Whew! I guess there’s a reason why I need to post everyday.
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