I'm Bummed

As many of you – check that, a couple of you – all right, probably just Matt – know, I write for a living. That’s me, Mr. Paid To Write Guy. Jealous, huh?

Anyway, I’ve been working on a project for an unnamed department of the federal government, a department which begins with E and ends with ducation. This project is a follow-up on a project I did several years back, one which resulted in a document ignored by hundreds, if not thousands, of people in financial aid offices at colleges all around the country.

The process works like this: I write something, the designer I’m working with does her artistic magic, we send it off for review, we get comments back, we incorporate those comments, we send it off again, we get more comments back and so on in a circle that guarantees several people have jobs for at least a couple of years. And before you start in on wasteful spending, one of those people is me. So shut it. Okay?

Anyway, the latest round of comments involved the following phrase: “If one of these things happens”. The comment was “Shouldn’t that be happen?” See, they were thinking the “happens” applies to the word “things”, and if it did, “things happens” would be incorrect. So it wasn’t totally off base. But the “happens” applies to the word “one”, and you wouldn’t say “one happen”. You’d say “one happens”.

We have a regular conference call on Thursdays to discuss comments. As we were thinking about the call, it was pointed out the best way to explain this particular point would be the old Sesame Street song “One of these things is not like the other”. You wouldn’t sing “One of these things are not like the other” just as you wouldn’t say “If one of these things happen”. I was so pumped up to sing the song, to break into “One of these things is not like the other” in the middle of our conference call, but when we pointed out that the original was correct, the client just said “Okay – you guys are the word people.”

And now I’m bummed. Because how often do you have a justifiable reason for singing Sesame Street songs at work? That is, how often if you are not employed by the Children’s Television Workshop?

Some Songs For An Unbelievably Crappy Tuesday Evening

(Note: Blogger wouldn't post this last night. I'm not quite at the same place I was when I did this, but I'll post it anyway. Just for the historical record, ya know?)

I'll Be Okay - Amanda Marshall

It's time to let you go
It's time to say goodbye
There's no more excuses
No more tears to cry

There's been so many changes
I was so confused
All along you were the one
All the time I never knew

I want you to be happy
You're my best friend
But it's so hard to let you go now
All that could have been

I'll always have the memories
She'll always have you
Fate has a way of changing
Just when you don't want it to

Throw away the chains
Let love fly away
Till love comes again
I'll be okay

Life passes so quickly
You gotta take the time
Or you'll miss what really matters
You'll miss all the signs

I've spent my life searching
For what was always there
Sometimes it will be too late
Sometimes it won't be fair

Throw away the chains
Let love fly away
Til love comes again
I'll be okay

I won't give up
I won't give in
I can't recreate what just might have been
I know that my heart will find love again
Now is the time to begin

Throw away the chains
Let love fly away
Til love comes again
I'll be okay


Try and Love Again - Eagles

When you're out there on your own
Where only memories can find you
Like a circle goes around
You were lost until you found out
What it all comes down to

One by one
The lonely feelings come
Day by day,
They slowly fade away

Ooh, the look was in her eyes
You never know what might be found there
She was dancing right in time
And the look she gave so fine
Like the music that surrounds her

Should I stay or go?
I really want to know
Will I lose or win
If I try and love again?

Oh, gonna try and love again
Oh, I'm gonna try and love again

Right or wrong, what's done is done
It's only moments that we borrow
But the thoughts will linger on
Of the lady and her song
When the sun comes up tomorrow

Well, it might take years to see
Through all these tears
Don't let go
When you find it you will know

Oh, Gonna try and love again
Oh, gonna try and love again

Sometimes you lose,
Sometimes you win,
Sometimes you need a friend

Gonna try, gonna try
Gonna try, gonna try

Cause We're From Iowa, IOWA

Today’s blog motto comes from Episode 22 of Lost. In it we find that Kate was actually born and raised in Iowa, adding her to the list of fictional characters to come from our fair state. The line is spoken by her ex-boyfriend Tom, a doctor, as she and Tom go to dig up a time capsule they buried in when they were kids. Here it is in context:

Tom: (Reaching into the car to grab a beer) You want a beer?

Kate: You brought beer?

Tom: No self-respecting man in Iowa goes anywhere without beer.

It’s not a bad Iowa depiction, as far as these things go. The state trooper uniforms look like Iowa State Trooper uniforms. (The trooper cars are a navy blue, though, which doesn’t cut it.) There are Iowa license plates on all the cars. The most glaring thing, though are the longhorn cattle walking by in the scene where they dig up the time capsule. Now I’m not saying there are no longhorn cattle in Iowa, but you would have to look hard to find them. It would have been better just to leave the cattle out.

On the other hand, it’s a far better depiction of Iowa than what came in last season’s 24. Sorry folks. No mountains here.

The Thing About Bifocals Is

Things get blurry if you aren’t looking at them directly. I’m sure the sign on the elementary school said “Give Your Pennies To Hurricane Katrina Victims”, but at first glance out of the corner of my eye it looked like they wanted me to give something a lot more personal and, quite frankly, I’m not through with mine yet.

Although depending on which Hurricane Katrina victim they wanted me to give it to, and with the caveat that it stays attached...

Hmmm...

This Isn’t Funny, But

Grizzly Bear, Seeking Pic-A-Nic Baskets, Attacks Two In Yellowstone Park. Film at eleven, story at Yahoo.

A grizzly bear attacked two hikers in Yellowstone National Park, but the men escaped serious injury, the National Park Service said Thursday.

Pat McDonald, 52, of Bismarck, N.D., and Gerald Holzer, 51, of Northfield, Minn., were hiking on a trail near Shoshone Lake in the park's southern section Wednesday when they noticed fresh bear scat, officials said in a written statement.

They decided to continue, but were charged by a grizzly bear "at full stride" about a quarter-mile further along the trail, the release said.

Holzer, who was in front, sidestepped the bear. McDonald stepped behind some trees and dropped to the ground, officials said. The bear ran past him, but returned and swatted at him, then turned to Holzer, who had dropped to the ground and was lying on his stomach.

The bear jumped on Holzer's back, swatted at him, then retreated briefly. During that time, McDonald retrieved the bear spray strapped to his waist and doused the bear in the face when it returned and starting biting his leg. The bear then ran off, officials said.

The two men hiked 4 miles to the trailhead and drove to the clinic at Old Faithful for treatment.

McDonald suffered a puncture wound to his leg. Holzer was not injured, and officials said his backpack protected him during the attack.

How many news stories do you see that get to use the phrase “fresh bear scat”? And yes, I do shudder to think what sort of people those words might bring to the blog.

“Let’s see what I get if I google fresh+bear+scat. Corn O’What?”

And doesn’t that fight with the bear sound like something from a Python skit?

So Sharon, Re Fox Good Day Iowa

Eadie Fawcett and Craig Johnson? What, couldn’t they find Dave Towne? Did Pete Seyfert leave the area? Did the corpse of Conrad Johnson turn them down?

(Note to non-Iowans: Sharon works for the local Fox affiliate in my minor media market. Eadie Fawcett and Craig Johnson are a retired newscaster and a retired weatherman who have been signed on to host a new morning broadcast on said Fox affiliate. The other three people I named are a retired weatherman, a retired newscaster, and a dead weatherman. There. You’re all caught up.)

Poker? I barely know her!

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “Dweeze, played any online poker lately?” Here’s my response to that.

“What do you mean by that, asshat? Fuck you and your fucking accusations!”

Sorry, acid flashback.

Anyway, yes, last night I entered the Full Tilt 2,500 chip tourney. It used to be the 9:00 tourney, but Full Tilt has moved it to 10:10 CST because they hate everyone in the central and eastern time zones. Fuckers.

But I digress.

I didn’t start out well. In fact, I was down to about 300 in chips by the end of the first half hour and I was hanging onto my tournament life by a thread. That’s when my fortunes changed. First, I tripled up, bringing me to just under 1,000. In short order I doubled up two more times, won a couple of other good pots, and found myself as the chip leader at my table. I was playing in streaks – I’d go seven or eight hands without a hand to play and then seven or eight with playable hands. It stayed that way through the first break, through the next hour, and on up to just before the second break. In the meantime the bubble had come and gone and I found myself in the money. Well, not the money. But in the chips.

In the last hand before the second break I found myself with about 25,000 in chips. I got dealt A-K offsuit. I bet double the big blind, got called by one player, and raised by another. I called him, as did the person who had called me. The flop comes 4-Q-J rainbow. I check, as does the guy who just called, and the guy who raised goes all in for about 15,000 in chips. After hesitating for a bit, I call. So does the third guy. I’ve still got chips left if I lose, but if I win the other two are gone. I show my A-K, the raiser shows pocket Js for a set, and the other guy has pocket 9s. I have no idea what he was thinking. So we brace for the turn, my only hope being the 10 for the straight, cause even if I go A-A to get a set of As or K-K to get a set of Ks the guy with the set of Js gets a full-house. The turn is the 10, the river is harmless, and I knock out two people and take a 50k pot. Add that to my chips and I’m sitting nicely at just over 60k in chips.

It got better from there before it got worse. I remained right around 60k for the next hour, sometimes going up a little, sometimes going down, never straying far from the 60k mark. That changed shortly into the fourth hour. The chip leader at our table had about 100k in chips. I get dealt A-J. The chip leader raises the big blind, and everyone scrambles but me. I call. The flop goes A-3-4. He raises twice the big blind and I call. The turn is a 7. He checks and I go all in. I figure we both have an A. My J makes a decent kicker. I figure if he had a better kicker, or if he had matched the board earlier, he would have bet higher. He calls, shows A-10. I show my A-J. The only thing that hurts me is a 10 on the river. But it’s not a 10. It’s another 4, and I win.

And now I’m sitting pretty. I check the tourney info, and I’m in 5th place overall with over 120K in chips. There are only 30 people left in the tourney, and I have a pretty clear path to the final table – bet smart, don’t get too aggressive, and I’m in.

The next hand I lose 65K.

Here’s how it started. I get dealt A-K clubs. One person bets pre-flop, raising twice the big blind. I’m the only one who calls. The flop goes Qc-Jc-6d. The other player goes all in. It’s 60k to call.

Now scroll back up. This is almost the mirror image of the earlier hand, the hand that started me off to a good tourney. The difference? This is a better hand. Not only do I have the straight draw, I also have the flush draw. Even better – I have a straight flush draw. So I call. How could I muck? As far as this tourney is concerned, this is my lucky hand.

He shows pocket Js, for a set of Js. The hand my opponent had in that earlier hand. Again, another omen that this was my hand.

Now, if you play a lot of online poker, you see a lot of things you never expect to see. It’s inevitable. The more hands you see, the more the odds work in your favor of seeing unexpected stuff. Once, I got both four of a kind and a straight flush not only in the same tournament, but within four hands of each other. In another tournament I was part of a deal where one player got pocket As, one player got pocket Ks, and another player got pocket Qs. Hell, earlier in this hand I had a streak where I got dealt pocket 6s on three consecutive hands. (Won with all three of them.) So while it is unusual to say the least that this almost mirror hand happened, it’s not unheard of. Still, it’s unique enough to suggest to me that it was a good omen. I mean, look at all the fricking outs I had. Any club gives me the nut flush. Any 10 gives me the straight. A 10c gives me the straight flush.

I don’t remember what the turn and river were – I’ve blocked it – but suffice it to say it contained neither a club or a 10.

So with that I was down to 60k. If I were smart, I would have mucked a few hands before playing any. But I kept getting good cards. Unfortunately, others got better. Finally, I was down to about 9k in chips when I got dealt K-J suited. I was short stack for the tourney, and figured that was as good a place to make my stand as any. The blinds were 1,000-2,000, the ante 200, and I would be blinded out in short order anyway. So I went all in. Unfortunately, the player who called me had pocket Ks. It played out as expected, and I finished in 20th place.

Not a bad night though. Really. I mean that.

Coming Soon, For Your Reading Pleasure

Two new endeavors - What's So Amazing? and Survive This. Check 'em out starting, oh, say early next week.

Fake Motivational Posters, Baseball Style

Two Cincinnati Reds bloggers, Red Hot Mama and Reds and Blues, got together and made fake motivational posters for every major league club. Here are a couple - be sure to go see all of them.


Link via Bellyitcher

Footaball

This is all I want to say about my football weekend. It will be a nice counterpart to Landru’s very lengthy post about his football weekend.

My favorite pro team and my favorite college team combined scored fewer points than nine baseball teams scored yesterday.

And that’s completely ignoring the fact that I went 1-3 in fantasy football games this weekend.

Thoughts On The Tube

No, not the tube. Or the Tubes (Don't touch me there!). The Tube. A new music video channel. The thing is, we don’t technically have it. I stumbled across it while working through the channels one night. What do they play? Take it away, press release!

In a vast departure from the way music has traditionally been presented on television, The Tube features a bold fusion of music that crosses multiple formats and spans several time frames. The Tube delves into the music video archives for classic videos from artists such as Duran Duran, The Eurythmics, Peter Gabriel, INXS and Talking Heads and features them alongside just-released promotional videos by current artists including Norah Jones, Dave Matthews, Joss Stone, Jet, John Mayer and Los Lonely Boys.The Tube features catalog artists such as Bob Dylan, Tina Turner, Eric Clapton, Bob Marley and The Rolling Stones prominently, and provides a forum for new tracks from favorite artists such as Elvis Costello and The Eagles. Live concerts on DVD from acts including The Red Hot Chili Peppers, ColdPlay and U2 also contribute a significant portion of programming.Further differentiating The Tube is the undercurrent of purity that pervades every aspect of the channel. The images and channel promos that round out more than 50 minutes of music every hour contribute a distinct look and feel to the channel without detracting from the music.

That’s right – over 50 minutes of music every hour. They play nothing but music videos. What an idea! A music video channel that plays music videos! What will they think of next?

Anyway, here are some thoughts on videos I have seen – you guess the video and artist.

1. Dave Coulier? No shit? Wow.

2. If you’re looking for a girl to be a crazy woman in your video, you can do far worse than Juliette Lewis.

3. And if you’re looking for a slinky, sexy woman, you can do far worse than Heather Graham.

4. The only artist I can thing of other than Frampton to use that funky “talking guitar” sound in a song, this video is a concert video from an artist that I can’t believe is still doing solo contests (and that I can’t believe could get that many people to a concert).

That’s enough for now – that last one is a doozy.

More Reading

Chilling story in Newsweek. If you've started to suffer from outrage fatigue, read this. Here is a sample:

The reality, say several aides who did not wish to be quoted because it might displease the president, did not really sink in until Thursday night. Some White House staffers were watching the evening news and thought the president needed to see the horrific reports coming out of New Orleans. Counselor Bartlett made up a DVD of the newscasts so Bush could see them in their entirety as he flew down to the Gulf Coast the next morning on Air Force One.

How this could be—how the president of the United States could have even less "situational awareness," as they say in the military, than the average American about the worst natural disaster in a century—is one of the more perplexing and troubling chapters in a story that, despite moments of heroism and acts of great generosity, ranks as a national disgrace.

President George W. Bush has always trusted his gut. He prides himself in ignoring the distracting chatter, the caterwauling of the media elites, the Washington political buzz machine. He has boasted that he doesn't read the papers. His doggedness is often admirable. It is easy for presidents to overreact to the noise around them.

But it is not clear what President Bush does read or watch, aside from the occasional biography and an hour or two of ESPN here and there. Bush can be petulant about dissent; he equates disagreement with disloyalty. After five years in office, he is surrounded largely by people who agree with him. Bush can ask tough questions, but it's mostly a one-way street. Most presidents keep a devil's advocate around. Lyndon Johnson had George Ball on Vietnam; President Ronald Reagan and Bush's father, George H.W. Bush, grudgingly listened to the arguments of Budget Director Richard Darman, who told them what they didn't wish to hear: that they would have to raise taxes. When Hurricane Katrina struck, it appears there was no one to tell President Bush the plain truth: that the state and local governments had been overwhelmed, that the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) was not up to the job and that the military, the only institution with the resources to cope, couldn't act without a declaration from the president overriding all other authority.

Required Reading

Some great Katrina-related posts at No Quarter, the blog of retired CIA-officer Larry Johnson.

And on a lighter note, W's Katrina Thought Process, courtesy of the Progressive Programmer. (Click to enlarge.) (The picture.)

A Serious Aside

"The responsibility for the public safety is absolute and requires no mandate. It is in fact, the prime object for which governments come into existence." Winston Churchill

Over at that other place, a thread got started called WTF which quickly denigrated into a discussion of things evacuatees from NO have said. Things like “People are complaining that their pizza is cold or people are refusing to be evacuated to cruise ships in Galveston or the cops in NO are cowards.” Me? My personal WTF list would primarily be made up of comments from this thread.

I haven’t posted on this until now because I’m angry. Fuck I’m angry. I’m angry at the President, whose policies beforehand and dithering afterwards cost many American lives. I’m angry at his legion of apologists, those enablers who try to hide the dripping blood on their hands by dancing around the issues. I’m angry at those who make incredibly repugnant statements and then try to back away with passive-aggressive dissembling because they didn’t mean anything by it. I’m angry at those who think they can put the experiences of these people into a frame of reference from their own experience.

The situation these people have experienced is unlike anything anyone on this thread has ever experienced. It is as beyond the personal experience of most people posting here as talking about living on Mars would be. I AM NOT GOING TO JUDGE SOMEONE WHO COMPLAINS THAT THEIR PIZZA ISN’T HOT ENOUGH OR WHO DOESN’T WANT TO GO TO GALVESTON BECAUSE I CANNOT, AND I HOPE TO GOD I WILL NOT EVER BE ABLE TO, BEGIN TO IMAGINE WHAT THEY HAVE GONE THROUGH IN THE LAST FEW DAYS.

(And I’m not even going to begin to comment on calling police officers cowards, except to say that the firemen and police officers who ran into those collapsing towers didn’t have to keep running into the collapsing towers for five days straight. For the most part, they didn’t have to worry if their family members were alive or dead. It makes a big difference.)

Now here’s the part where the apologists jump up at say “You can’t imagine what the President is going through either!” And I can’t. But I don’t have to be able to do that to criticize him, to judge him. The President is elected precisely to handle events such as this. That applies to any President – but with Bush, the bar is raised higher still because his whole 2004 campaign was based on the theme “Bush will keep you safer than the other guy.” That is the standard he asked to be judged by, and it is the standard to which he should be held.

Because this isn’t just about what happened last week. This is about the systematic gutting of the federal agency responsible for emergency management. A systematic gutting that took place AFTER a major terrorist attack on U.S. soil showed us the importance of emergency management. A systematic gutting that took place after we were faced with the reality that someday we might have to evacuate a major American city. The blame game isn’t about getting Bush – it’s about accountability.

The following is from Cunning Realist.

This is why what happened was a fundamental betrayal that transcends spin and political ideology. For as much as they suffered, those people in New Orleans were not the only ones who were failed. This was a betrayal of every citizen who goes to work and pays taxes to assure that if this tragedy befell him, the federal government would uphold its part of the bargain. It's incumbent on each of us to react as if this happened to our friends, our parents, our children, or us. Because one day that might be the case, and by then it will be too late to demand accountability.

…

The response to Katrina should have shown conservatism at its best. Those calling themselves conservatives who disagree with this need to explain exactly what they think the federal government should do and why it should exist at all. I happen to think it should not do much more than field a strong military, defend the borders, collect taxes, maintain national infrastructure, enforce laws that are beyond the purview of the states, and respond to historic disasters such as this. But for God's sake, it must do those things competently and not embrace an almost Soviet type of failing-upwards cronyism. The most senior federal officials learning from television reports about thousands of people trapped and dying for days in a single place is not competence.

I’ll pull one sentence out for those who say it is inappropriate to be playing the blame game. I’ll also (mostly) ignore the fact that for people who are supposedly so high on accepting personal responsibility, you sure are reluctant to assign blame. (Or is personal responsibility only for those less fortunate than you?)

Because one day that might be the case, and by then it will be too late to demand accountability.

What happens if another hurricane forms in the next few weeks and hits hard? What happens if our enemies choose this moment when our forces are stretched to the breaking point and our response ability is in disarray to attack us? The first inquiry into the bombing at Pearl Harbor was launched TWO DAYS after the attack. It was launched because we realized we needed to know what went wrong to prevent it from going wrong again. The same is true here. Blame must be focused now, because if it isn't, those who deserve it will do all they can to escape it's grasp. It's not always true, but those who say "let's not play the blame game" are usually doing so because they know they are the ones to blame.

And that’s about as far as I can go right now without the anger taking over completely.

So Sue Me

I'm not a big fan of the color blue.

New Blog Motto Up

In honor of those responsible for me having four teleconferences today.

Yeah

I'm 46 today. So what.

Dog Days

How much do you hate your dog if you are willing to do this to him? And is this really appropriate for a Weimaraner or a Dachsund? And isn't there something a little too self-referential about a dog in a Goofy costume?

Is This Really A Shock?

A Yahoo article on looting in News Orleans contains these lines:

Denise Bollinger, a tourist from Philadelphia, stood outside and snapped pictures in amazement.

"It's downtown Baghdad," the housewife said. "It's insane. I've wanted to come here for 10 years. I thought this was a sophisticated city. I guess not."

Uhm, Denise? This is a city where women regularly flash their breastesses for beads. I don’t think sophisticated is quite the word you were looking for.

Some New Links

For the comic geeks.

Okay, just for me. But still...

A Vertiable Cornucopia of Corn O'Copia

I figured I better put something new up here before the natives got restless again. So voila! A new post.

A new crap post.

A new crap post because I don’t want to say anything.

The thing is, I don’t know if you would consider it a case of writer’s block. I have things I want to say. I just lack the motivation to say them.

I compose posts in my mind – in the shower, mowing the lawn, driving. But when I sit down to write, they’re gone. Instead, all I’ve been doing is leaving comments on much better blogs than this. Perhaps you’ve seen some.

(Of course, that makes me sound like Troy McClure. “Hi! You may remember me from such comments sections as Kung Fu Monkey, The Poor Man, and You Are My Minions.)

So maybe – maybe – if I throw some things together, I can get a decent post out of it. And then one step at a time I’ll be back to regular postings. It’s worth a shot.

Random shoutout time – Good luck devil boy on the upcoming “procedure”. Remember – you’re not losing the functionality of a vital body part, you’re gaining whatever you budget each month for protection.

Watched Sin City last night. I liked it, but I kept thinking back to the source material. There was a cheesiness to the movie that wasn’t in the comics. I don’t think it was there intentionally, mind you. But when you are trying to transplant comics panels to the screen, you have to fill in the spaces between the panels, and that, for me, is where the cheesiness occasionally crept in. For instances, when Marv jumps feet first threw the windshield of the cop car. That is a great visual, in both the comics and the film. But the comic doesn’t have to show him leaping and in mid air and hitting the car. The movie does, and it didn’t work for me. Pity, cause I wanted to love this movie and instead just liked it. Nothing wrong with that, mind you, but still a touch of a disappointment. I mean, when you finish watching a movie adaptation of anything and your first thought is “I want to go reread the original again” hasn’t the movie failed on some level?

The new Nickel Creek cd is also somewhat disappointing. To me, the last two releases just haven’t lived up to the promise of the first two cds. Some good songs, though, and Chris Thile’s voice is marvelous.

No such qualms about the latest Brad Paisley.

Although it's fantasy football time again, I will not bore you with details of my various fantasy teams. I have four. Likewise, I will not bore you with details of my golf outing on Saturday. I already hit the self-indulgence border with my poker tales; I'm not going to scream and run and leap over the border with fantasy football or golf stories.

School started yesterday. You would think it would get at least marginally easier to drop a second grader off than it is to drop a first grader or a kindergartener. And you would be right. But it’s still tough.

It’s funny. Even if you didn’t know which group of kids was which, if you’d been around kids much, you could probably figure it out. And it’s easy to pick out the parents of kindergarteners. They’re the ones with several cameras and the ones who look the saddest. Their kids are dressed better than the kids in the older grades, and they look more nervous than the other kids as well.

One last school thought – or at least, one last second grader thought. Last Thursday was the back to school ice cream social. Drew didn’t want to go at first. I said that was okay, but told him to tell me if he decided he wanted to go. He asked if I thought Corinne would be there. Corinne used to live by us, and was in his class in kindergarten and first grade. She is, according to Drew, his girlfriend. So I said she might be there, and we would only find out if we went. So we went.

There were a lot of people there. We found his room, and in checking the class list saw that none of his good friends, including Corinne, were in the same class. We also looked around everywhere for Corinne, but couldn’t find her. So we left the building, got some ice cream, ate it, and started walking to the car.

Which is when we saw Corinne and her mother coming towards us. Drew jumped up and down excitedly, Corinne jumped around excitedly, and when they were finally face to face they

did and said nothing.

Nothing.

Even though he had talked all night about Corinne. Even though ever since he got back from spending the summer at his dad’s he had talked about seeing Corinne. Even though Corinne usually runs up and hugs him when she sees him. They said and did nothing.

Nothing.

So Corinne’s mom and I made small talk for a bit, then we all went our merry ways. And after we got in the car, Drew could talk about nothing but how great it was to see Corinne.

So it’s nice to see that the opposite sex can even paralyze a second grader.

Well, that’s it. I’ve primed the pump, and now…

Heh. Heh. I said primed the pump….

So, Last Night

I made it to the final table of the 9:00 tournament at Full Tilt. Of the 900 people who started, I made it to the final nine.

And I made it in pretty good shape, too. There were four people with over 200,000 in chips. There were four people with under 60,000 in chips. And there was me with about 120,000 in chips. A nice, solid fifth place.

I was really happy with my play the whole night. I was aggressive, but not too aggressive. I folded some winners, and played out some losers, but overall I was really happy with my selection. There are only two hands along the way to the final table that stand out as hands I should have done differently. In the first, I mucked aQ-6 offsuit in the small blind. I was tempted to play it, but the guy in the big blind had been raising pre-flop all night, and while I thought it was worth half the big blind to call, I didn't want to call only to have him raise. Of course, the flop went 6-Q-3, the turn another 6, and I would have picked up a nice pot. The other hand I called an all-in I shouldn't have called. In that hand the river gave me a straight, but it also was the third diamond to show on the board. I thought there was a chance that the guy who went all in had the flush, but considering how the betting had gone, I decided that he wouldn't have hung in with just a flush draw. But he had. That one cost me 30,000 in chips.

But those didn't matter, because I made the final table. The final table!

One hand at the final table. Sheesh.

The blinds were 2,000/4,000 with a 1,000 ante. I get dealt Q-10 clubs in the big blind. Three people call the blind, the small blind also calls, and I check. So, before the flop, there is 29,000 in the pot.

The flop goes 2-10-3. I've got top pair, and not a bad kicker. The small blind checks and I bet the pot. One player calls - he's at around 300,000 in chips - the others muck. The turn is another 2. I go all in - about 90,000 in chips.

This is the stupidest thing I've done all night in four hours of tournament play. I can't justify it at all, no matter how hard I try. At the time I figured that even if he had a 10 himself, he wouldn't call. The all-in after the 2 would have said to me that I made a set. And it took him a long time to call. A long time. You are on a clock at Full Tilt, and your avatar starts to blink as a warning that your time to act is ending. His avatar was blinking, and time had almost run out when he called.

And showed pocket Ks.

So there he is with two pair, Ks over 2s. And there I am with two pair, 10s over 2s. The only card that helps me is another 10. Did I get it? Of course not. To add insult to injury, the river is a third K.

Sigh

But I made the final table!

Random Funnies

Some funny stuff courtesy of various blogs. From the Poor Man we have badgers and these interviews with various action figures. From Cardnilly we have this listing of Major League Baseball Teams and Simpson characters. (Hint. The Yankees are Mr. Burns.)

Linkage Tweakage

I've done some linkage tweakage. If you'll notice in the daily reading section, I've removed the links to the big time blogs - Kos, Atrios, Tbogg, TPM. I figure anyone who is remotely interested in those already knows about them. I've replaced them with a bunch of people who are less well known, but who should be better known. I don't agree with all of them, but I read and respect the opinions of all of them, and I think you should too. Especially Kung Fu Monkey. There are a lot of people who consider themselves writers here, so you particularly should be reading Kung Fu Monkey. I'll make it easy. Here is a post where he indexes all of his posts. Scroll down to the section headed writing, and start working through them. You'll thank me later. And here are two funnies from Kung Fu Monkey - Lost: "You Uncurious Motherf*ckers" and Top Ten John Wayne Movies That Could Also Be Porn Titles. And for Wheezy and Kimmah, here's a post titled I Miss Republicans.

In case you hadn't noticed, I really like Kung Fu Monkey.

I've beefed up the baseball links, added a section of spoiler and comic book links. I don't have a full section of OT links because, well, Goth does such a great job of capturing them, though I have a couple he doesn't have. But if you aren't there it isn't personal, it's just that I don't want a list of links that goes all the way down the page. Plus, I hate you.

So there. Linkage Tweakage.

You Don't Care But

Chris "Jesus" Ferguson is entered in tonight's 2,500-150 chip tournament at Full Tilt. I'm not too surprised - he is one of the founders of Full Tilt. I looked around, and he's playing at a couple of the cash tables and entered in a couple of the cash tournaments. I hope I end up at a table with him - it would be nice to win a hand against one of the world's greatest poker players. Hell, it would be nice to get knocked out of the tourney by one of the world's greatest poker players.

It must be pro night at Full Tilt. Clonie Gowen, one of the top female players and another Full Tilt founder, is entered in one of the cash tourneys. Even her avatar is hot.

So Now I Am In Blue

Except for that at the top of the page. Anyone figure out where I need to put a #0038A8 in to change that?

(Thanks Pantone conversion chart!)

UPDATE: Figured out how to get the top blue by myself. Now having trouble with the little bar that separates the top from the body.

Of the blog.

UPDATE THE SECOND: Thanks to the incomparable Toots for showing me how to remove the gif bar. So what do you folks thing of the new look?

Okay, This Is Cool

Nice to know you can do this in blogger - so much easier than posting pictures other ways.

Also cool? PostSecret...

I wonder if you can post two pictures at once though.






Yes. Yes you can.

Thanks to incomparable Toots for the tips and the incomparable Ice Cat for the pictures.

I Just Realized

How much the green color on this blog looks like the color of the water that comes out of the pool backflush after cleaning the pool.

Perhaps it is time to look for another template...

Did We Really Need This Headline

The front page of Yahoo news proclaims:

NASA Relieved After Discovery Lands Safely

Shouldn’t that have been a given? Wouldn't "NASA Loses Billions Betting On Astronaut Fireworks" have been more newsworthy?

On the plus side, the article contains several uses of the phrase “Smooth re-entry”. Here's how you use it properly:

"Hey baby, if you let me land my shuttle, I promise a smooth re-entry..."

Please Tell Me I'm Not The Only One

Whose first thought, upon seeing a bag of home-grown cucumbers in the break room with a sign on them that said "Help Yourself - Enjoy!", was extremely rude.

Corn O'Copia is your safe place in an unsafe world!

New blog slogan courtesy of the Sloganizer. It was either that or "Halleluja, it's a Dweeze."

IDiots

I’m going to pimp Kung Fu Monkey again, or at least this post from yesterday regarding Bush’s support for Intelligent Design. Read it. Any post that includes the following sentences

If you don't understand that there's absolutely no contradiction between believing in God and evolution, then frankly I'm not going to waste the time trying to jam a rhetorical screwdriver into your pineal gland's butterfly valve and crank up the air flow.

and

Never mind voting Democrat: if my choice were between these cowards who would turn back the Enlightenment and anal-probing yet intellectually honest Martians, I would grit my teeth, vote for the Martians and learn to visualize my Happy Place during my Probe-Center appointments.

shouldn’t be missed. Here are a few more key graffs. But please. Read the whole thing.

Am I reading too much into this statement? Am I making too big a deal of this? In one word, fuckno. This is just a symptom of what is, to me, the most destructive thing to occur in America in twenty years.

Even if your kids aren't directly taught ID or aren't in one of the new Bible Class districts, the overarching cultural damage has already been done. Through this group of RadicalRighties' constant rhetoric, they consistently strip away the idea that there is indeed a rigorous scientific process through which certain non-negotiable physical truths can be ascertained. They have suffused the county with with an intellectual laziness and a terrifying narcissism. Opinion has been enshrined as superior to fact. No longer need a person take into account the way the world works when forming their worldview -- they can instead hunt down "facts" and "theories" which support their own comfort zone, and what's worse, we can NO LONGER CALL BULLSHIT. Because if our leaders -- pardon me, your leaders -- don't call bullshit, who will? They have undermined the very process by which we know WHEN to call bullshit!

. . .

Look my conservative pals, we have our agreements and disagreements but on this one, you've got to just take the hit. Don't ever look me in the eye again and try to play the cynicism-dressed-as-realism card again. Seriously. There's no high ground left here whatsoever. The ultimate representative of your political party, standing on the limitless future's shrouded shores, has decided he needs no compass, no maps, no guides, no stars with which to plot his course. Just a shrug and a chuckle before he casts off, eyes closed, into the darkness.

You wouldn't trust your children to an airplane pilot who did that, or a Scoutmaster. If your doctor said "You know what, we're going to blow off all the currently available research and treat your child's cancer with a completely untested, never scientifically proven bit of guesswork which, however, reinforces my world-view. Because what does science really know?" you'd be pulling out of the parking lot before he finished the sentence. But when it's public policy, it's OKAY?

Sure, it's just my opinion. But this is bigger than budgets, or how to fight wars, or how to manage our environment or resources, because where we stand on facts, reason, science, that informs every other decision we make in all those fields and every other. This is what determines whether societies live or die.

Again, our motto at Kung Fu Monkey: "Everybody who wants to live in the 21st century over here. Everybody who wants to live in the 1800's over there. Good. Thanks. Good luck with that."

News Updates

No body in the pool. Oh well. So much for the stuff of cheap mystery novels.

In other Iowa news, a cow that was suspected of having mad cow disease was cleared. According to the researchers who did the testing, the cow was "not mad - just a little peeved".

Are You Reading

Alien Loves Predator? You should be. Kung Fu Monkey (who you also should be reading - check out this and this from yesterday on writng in general and screenwriting in particular as a profession) says it "captures the real spirit of living in New York better than every episode of Seinfeld.Ever.Combined." It won’t take long to go through the archive, and it's well worth it.

Body Heat

There’s a story out of Dubuque today concerning the destruction of an area motel, specifically the motel pool. Apparently, the pool has long been rumored to be the final resting place of a young woman who disappeared in the early 70s. The woman was last seen walking out of a bar on her way to a party in the company of two men. Her path would have led her past the motel, which was then under construction. She was never seen again, and in the late 70s rumors began spreading that she was buried under the pool. Now the motel is closed and being torn down so a bigger, fancier hotel can be built on the spot. The pool is being taken out today, and Dubuque police are going to be onsite in case a body is discovered.

I suppose it will be somewhat interesting if they find her body. But you know what would be really cool? If they found the bodies of two men, the men she was supposedly walking with. That, my friends, would be a great first chapter to a mystery novel.

UPDATE: They are digging today. Don't know if there was a change in plans or the radio story I heard yesterday was wrong.

Random TV Thoughts

Do you suppose Iron Chef Morimoto wanted to slug that smug woman on Iron Chef America who just complained that his sashimi wasn't "traditional" enough? "I had to hear that carp every week on the old show, which by the way was tons better than this one, and now I have to hear it from you Ms. Whitebread? Asshat."

Lee Iacocca? Does Chrysler really think the answer to their flagging car sales is reanimating his corpse and throwing it on TV? Who the fuck is their target audience - folks jonesing for a "Murder She Wrote-Matlock" reunion special?

And while we're at it, did Jason Alexander lose a bet with someone? I can't believe he's co-starring with Lee in one of those Chrysler commercials for the money - his grandkids' grandkids will be living off the Seinfeld cash. No, there's either a wager or photos involved.

Finally, are car manufacturer's really incapable of getting one idea out of the industry at a time? First it was zero financing, now it's the "employee discount for everyone". And no, adding special bonus cash back to the employee discount for everyone does not radically alter the sameness of the deal. Maybe we need to spend a little more on the promotions budget so we are leading, not following, Mmmkay?

Well, that's all for now - back to playing poker.

Live Tourney Blogging

So I'm playing in the 2,500-150 chip tourney at Full-Tilt and I says to myself, "Self, let's live blog!" So I am.

I'm sitting pretty nicely at the moment - we're 20 minutesinto the tourney and I'm at number 21 out of the original 900 (350 of whom have already exited). How did I get here you ask?

The first big move for me came on the eighth hand - I was dealt As-3s. I called the big blind, as did two other people. The flop went 4s-5s-Ac. The first person to act went all in. The next person folded, and I called. The first person showed 2c-3h for a straight. I figure odds aren't bad of me hitting the fifth spade for the flush. The turn is 9s, giving me the flush and the win. To add insult to injury, the flop is 2s, giving me the straight flush.

The next big hand for me is hand 17. For some reason, I call the big blind on a 9d-7d. Three of us stay to see the flop. One of the other two is the chip leader. The flop comes up 7s-8h-8c. Someone bets 100, two of us call. The turn comes up 7c. I've now got a full boat. The first person checks. I go all in. The third person mucks, the first person calls. I show my 9d-7d, he shows 8d-Qs. I'm dead. The only card that can help me is the fourth seven, the seven of hearts. Guess what comes up? The seven of hearts. In the course of eleven hands I've had four of a kind and a straight flush. As for the chip leader? He went on tilt and was out of the tourney in three more hands.

Okay, we're now just 20 minutes before the first break. I've still go about 5k in chips, but I've dropped to 79th overall. Haven't won a hand since the four of a kind. I knew that the straight flush and the four of a kind would cut into my available luck, didn't know it would be this soon. And now pocket eights. Some idiot goes 250 as an opening bet. I call, but then much after the flop when he goes all in. He gets called, and shows only an A-J. Beat me, I guess, but still. Pretty stupid. I hate low to medium pocket pairs. My next hand is 4-4, I bet to the flop, then muck again.

Finally, another winner! I'm in the big blind and get dealt 2h-3h. Five people call the blind, but no one raises. The flop goes 3-4-3. I bet the pot, everyone drops. Whoo Hoo! But another few hands later I'm down to 2k in chips when I go all in with two pair, Qs and 3s. I get called, win, and now I'm at 4k. I win two of the next three, winning about 8k in chips, and at the first break I am at 11,827 chips.

Time for a snack!

A total of 628 people went out before the first break. There are 272 remaining. The top 90 will get paid back. The overall chip leader has 19,890 chips. I am in 20th place as we resume play.

Dullness.

Misfortune - went from 12k to 2k in two hands. Don't really want to talk about it, but let's say my two pair, Ks and Qs, looked damn good. Not sure why the guy I lost to hung in with pocket threes, but he caught a set on the river. That was the biggie.

I'm back up to 3k now. Trying to hold on to make the bubble. Now up to 4k. Can I get back to the top? No, I'm sure not. But I'm going down trying.

Going to post this now. I'll update later.

UPDATE

Okay, I'll admit. The blogging weenied out because I was doing poorly. But I just quadripled up back to 9k, 50th place, and I'm feeling good again. I was worried after so many called my all in on Ad-Jd, and really worried when three hearts flopped, but I took the hand anyway. Yay me!

Just got sent to a new table. Been at my original table for almost 110 minutes. Longest I've gone without getting shuffled. My first hand there I call the blinds with a 6-10 suited. The short stack goes all in, two of us call, and I flop a straight. Back over 10k in chips again. Seven minutes to the next break, and ten more people to go until we hit the top 90. If past tourneys are any indication, the pace will slow now as people don't want to go out this close to the bubble. Once the bubble hits, people will drop like flies. They made the money, and they don't care. But right now, everyone is playing tight. If I make the money, and I should, it will be the third time this week.

Second break. I'm at just under 7k, in 61st place. There are 91 people left. Going to post and update later.

UPDATE

Finished 39th. I got back up around 14k, but then made a couple of bad decisions. I was hovering near the bottom of the remaining players for a long time, waiting for a good spot. On the other hand, I didn't want to wait til my stack was so small that even if I doubled up I would still be in last place, so I finally went all in on a Ad-Jd with about 5k left. Got called by a guy with pocket 5s. An A come out on the flop, and I was sitting good. Unfortunately, the river was the third 5, and I was done. Oh well. Picked a good spot, had a good chance, lost.

UPDATE

Looked at my hand history when I went home at lunch to let the dog out. Kicked myself for what I saw. The hand that did me in (not the all in hand - don't feel bad about that) but the one that took me from 14k to under 7k was calling a 4,000 chip bet with nothing more than Qs and an A kicker when there were already three diamonds on the board. Result? I lost to the diamond flush. No idea why I did it - no sign from the hand history that the guy had been doing a lot of bluffing. I'm betting (ha - betting) I felt pot committed.

Sometimes we need to look in the mirror to see the fuckwit.

Testing One, Two, Three

I don't usually do these, because I have problems with the whole concept - the tests are not usually complex enough to measure anything. That being said, I've seen this one a number of places (starting with Matt) so I thought I would jump in.

The Provocateur (56% dark, 34% spontaneous, 44% vulgar)

your humor style: VULGAR COMPLEX DARK You'll crack on anything, and you're often witty, even caustic, about it. Therefore, your sense of humor is polarizing. You're transgressive, and you've got a seriously sharp 'edge'--maybe too much for some folks. If they get you, people think you're one of the funniest (and smartest) people in the world. If they don't, they think you're an ass. Whatever, right? While some might question your judgment, your comic intellect is unquestionably respected. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Chris Rock - Lenny Bruce - George Carlin

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on OkCupid Free Online DatingI can handle these results.

(NOTE THE FIRST: Yes, the title is a Wiggles reference. I have an almost three-year old son [I'll let Matt tell the "getting the stroller" story]. I know more about the music of the Wiggles than I ever cared to know.)

(NOTE THE SECOND: In case you are wondering about the number breakdowns, I scored 99%higher on the vulgar scale than most people my age and gender. I'm sure this comes as a surprise to no one.)

Just For Comparison's Sake

Comparing temperatures straight up, it's 25 degrees cooler today than it was at this time yesterday. Comparing heat indices, it's 36 degrees cooler.

Thank God for cold fronts.

And The Beats Go On

Pokerblogen seems to be on life-support, so I’ll post this here.

I was playing in the 9:00 Full-Tilt 2,500-250 chip tourney last night. It was third hand, I was on the button, and I had just lost about 100 in chips from the small blind. The deal comes out, and I’m looking at K-K.

Now, generally speaking I’m a slow player. And a lot is going to depend on what the betting goes like before it gets to me. But I’m still thinking a bet of 60, or double the big blind, is in order. I don’t want to overbet and chase off all the possible action.

The betting goes fold, fold, call, call, fold. Now the action is to the player to my right. He bets 200. I raise it to 400, not worried anymore about betting too high and chasing people off. Chasing people off is desirable at this point - it’s far better to be in a two-player battle than a multi-player batter. The blinds both fold, and we’re back to the first player who called.

He goes all in.

Now, I assume he has a playable hand and isn’t just trying to steal a pot, but it still seems a little curious. After all, why limp in?

The next player folds, and we’re back to the guy who started the betting.

He calls the all in.

Now I’m really thinking. I’m certain he’s got a good hand, based on his original bet. But I’m looking at pocket Kings – pocket Kings! – and there is only one starting hand better.

So I call the all in.

The cards are revealed, and the first player to go all in shows Q-Q. The guy to my right shows A-A. And I show my K-K.

Now, I know I’m an underdog. And I know I’m all in, and if the odds hold up, I’m going out. But still. Q-Q, A-A, K-K? That’s pretty cool. That’s pretty damn cool.

And if you think about it, at least I’m not the Q-Q guy. I mean, he’s got Q-Q and it’s still just the third best hand showing.

Until the flop goes J-7-Q rainbow, that is. Then he’s sitting with a set of Qs, in a pretty commanding position.

But then the turn comes up a 10, giving me an open-ended straight draw. An A or a 9 on the river gives me the win. The odds improve for me, albeit very slightly. And they shrink even more, albeit slightly, for the guy with A-A. The only card that gives him a win now is a K, for an Ace-high straight. Anything other than a A, K, or 9, and the guy with Q-Q wins.

The river comes up a 3, and both A-A and I are gone.

But still, I really didn’t feel badly about it. I was in second position after the deal, and I lost. That is how it should be.

I’m sure the guy with A-A didn’t feel the same way, though.

Mowits

Kris at Random Mentality links to this Press Citizen piece. I commented over at Kris', a short one act play involving future divorce proceedings between the author and his wife, but I've been thinking about this a lot. Thinking about it and getting madder.

See, I'm willing to bet that my politics are a lot closer to Mr. Rediger's politics than they are different from Mr. Rediger's politics. And that's what makes me so mad. Cause it's shit like this that gives politics like mine a bad name. Shit like this gives right-wing fuckwits a chance to say things like

I suppose I need look no farther than the tag "School of Social Work" to see this guy coming for a mile. (NOTE: Actual blog comment from an actual right-wing fuckwit.)

Yeah, because anyone in the "School of Social Work" is automatically suspect as a slack-brained commie pinko weanie sympathizer who can never say anything or contribute anything of value to society. Typecast much? Here's hoping Mr. Fuckwit and his never need the services of anyone who ever graduated from a "School of Social Work" someplace.

Oh, and what's with the quotation marks around School of Social Work? Does Mr. Fuckwit not believe in the existence of Schools of Social Work and thus has to show his nonbelief with quotation marks? Or, as is more likely, is it just another dig at Schools of Social Work? Fuckwit.

Speaking of fuckwits, I think the thing that pisses me off the most here, the thing that most plays into right-wing stereotypes of liberal behavior, is the mealy-mouthed passive-aggressive behavior Mr. Rediger exhibits throughout the entire incident. He can't just out and out ask "Can we stand here and watch for free?" No, he has to come up with various lame excuses. You know, I've worked the gate at various artistic events. If someone came up, loitered around like they were trying to watch for free without paying all the while trying to act like they weren't trying to watch the show for free, I would probably skip the acting contemptuous towards them part and jump straight to the openly mocking part. "Concessions? Yeah, right. Concessions." Geez. Spongebob showed more cajones when he was trying to get into the Salty Spittoon.

But this embarassment isn't enough. To top the passive aggression off, after leaving Mr. Rediger considers coming back, driving his car through the park, and honking his horn to punish the patrons who actually did pay, as if paying to see a Riverside show isn't already punishment enough. But of course he doesn't, because that would cross the line from passive-aggression to aggression, and we certainly can't have that. Instead, he sits at home, stewing over the "economic segregation". (WTF? Charging people for something is a form of segregation? News to everyone who ever went to law school, or, for that matter, lives in the real world.) No, he doesn't go back, because he doesn't want to shame his wife. Instead he writes, and submits, an op-ed piece so he can be openly mocked not only in Iowa City, but throughout the world. This, presumably, won't shame his wife.

Moron. Fuckwit. Fuckron. Mowit.

The Pause That Refreshes

Is there a company that strives as hard to offend one of its most important target audiences as Coke? First the series of commercials featuring the young documentary team searching the country to tell the tales of the people their age and how they live their lives. I've heard this hooted by an audience of primarily college-aged filmgoers. And before you say they were just complaining about commercials, none of the other ads got the same reaction. And now the whole "I'd like to teach the world to chill" commercials, a homage (pastiche? remake? sequel?) to the classic "I'd like to teach the world to sing" commercial of the 70s, except substituting the word "chill" for "sings". Cause, you know, it's what the kids say. It's the word on the street. And the good folks at Coke are nothing if not "down" with the street.

I can't imagine those ads are hitting the target any better than the psuedo-documentary ads. I momentarily wondered if Coke wasn't really trying to reach the "older folks pretending to be hip" market with these, but figured even that market wouldn't be buying these ads. It's certainly the case that the "older folks who actually are cool" market, of which I am one, doesn't think these ads work.

No Kumbaya For You!

Via Matt, I find that I've been linked at IowaPolitics.com. It's been a while since I've done anything all that political, so for the benefit of anyone who may have found me from there, I give you the following.

There's a problem with making statements like "Republicans do this" and "Democrats do that" because, quite obviously, in the real world neither party is a monolithic entity. Oh, they try to appear that way, and I think it's a fair observation that the Republican party pulls it off much better than the Democratic party, but at the end of the day as soon as you say something like that someone will come along and point to something that contradicts it. Writing in those terms only courts trouble, and, in a fair and just and honest world, should be avoided.

But we don't live in a fair and just and honest world, do we? No, we don't, and so sometimes we have to make general statements in order to try to make our points. We can add caveats, say that when we say "x" we mean the "x" leadership in the White House, the "x" leadership in the Senate, the "x' leadership in the House of Representatives, and the "x" national party leadership, but eventually those caveats become cumbersome and we need to go on. An appearance of a caveat once or twice should be sufficient to drive your point home, but even if you do that, someone will still seize upon a general statement and try to throw it back at you. These are the risks. With them in mind, on with the show.

You see a lot of the following everywhere:

I'd like to see the executive branch and Congress get down to serious legislative work to resolve some urgent global and national problems now, rather than continuously engage in games of partisan rhetoric. We elected them and pay them their salaries to work constructively on critically important national issues. (NOTE: Actual comments from an actual human being on an actual Internet message board.)

The press parrots this sort of thing a lot as well. The problem is, one side is not interested in working constructively on critically important national issues. One side is not interested in putting aside games of partisan rhetoric. Those things, putting aside partisan games in order to work constructively together, are part of a process called "governing" that one side has no interest in taking part in. And, unfortunately for all of us, that side currently controls the legislative branch and the executive branch. That side is also bound and determined to completely control the judicial branch.

There. I've said it. Republicans, or, out of respect for the caveat that opened this piece, the Republican leadership in the White House, the Republican leadership in the Senate, the Republican leadership in the House of Representatives, and the Republican national party leadership, has no interest in governing. The Republicans, or, out of respect for the caveat that opened this piece, the Republican leadership in the White House, the Republican leadership in the Senate, the Republican leadership in the House of Representatives, and the Republican national party leadership, is only interested in ruling.

Now you might say to yourself, "Self, I don't see a difference between ruling and governing." If your self is smart, it will respond with "Well, there's a huge difference. Governing involves compromise, it involves engaging different viewpoints and opinions and attempting to use all of these in formulating the most effective and efficient responses to problems. Ruling, on the other hand, involves none of that. Ruling involves telling people what you want and having them do it."

We are a nation founded on a strong belief in governing. We are a nation founded on the notion that rulers are not desirable. We are nation founded on the notion of compromise, of all participants having input. We are a nation founded on the notion of working together constructively and ignoring partisan games.

The problem is, that only works if all participants do it. In the structure of a two-
party system, that only works if both parties do it.

And both parties don't do it.

Oh they once did. It was once the case that the leadership in both parties strived to find solutions, not to score political points. Yes, there was partisan sniping. There has always been partisan sniping. But clearly it has never been as bad as it is now. Clearly it has never been the case that one party was so hell-bent on single party rule as one party is now.

As with most things, I blame Reagan.

Reagan is famous for saying "Government is part of the problem, not part of the solution." Can you imagine a more horrible statement for a man running for President to make? Can you imagine a stupider one? Why would anyone who says something like that want to be President? Why would anyone elect someone who says something like that? I mean, if you are conducting interviews for Hy-Vee, and a candidate for a position says "Grocery stores are part of the problem, not part of the solution", are you going to hire that guy? No, no, a thousand times no. You'll send him on his way with a "We'll be in touch" or a "I don't think we have anything appropriate for you at this time."

See, government is neither problem nor solution. Government is what the people in government make it. If the people in government try to make it a force for good, if the interest is acheiving answers that take into account everyone, government can be an effective part of the solution. If the people in government have no interest in doing good works, if the interest is in getting your way and ignoring everyone else, government can be an impediment to success. If you want to rule instead of govern, government is by definition a bad thing. And as I said, Republicans, or, out of respect for the caveat that opened this piece, the Republican leadership in the White House, the Republican leadership in the Senate, the Republican leadership in the House of Representatives, and the Republican national party leadership, want to rule. And so, they disregard anyone who disagrees with them.

Don't believe me? You need look no further than the discussion about judicial appointments. After eight years of using every trick in the book to block Clinton's appointments, after years of saying that Democratic presidents need to consult Republicans on judicial appointments, the mantra became "Everyone of the President's choices should get an up or down vote. The Constitution doesn't give the Senate a role in who becomes an appointment." This despite the fact that the Constitution has long been interpreted as giving the Senate such a role. Rush Limbaugh, one of the leading spokesmen of the right (and really folks, when Rush Limbaugh is one of your leading spokespeople, shouldn't you be indulging in a little soul searching?) has sent frequently in the past few months "You want input on judges? Win elections." As if the President won re-election (or, to be more factually correct, election) by more than 51%. As if the President weren't President of all Americans. As if a Senator from Iowa isn't Senator for all Iowans. As if only the people who vote for you count.

And let's be honest, shall we? Let's cast aside the caveat. This attitude, this "You aren't one of us so you don't exist" attitude has filtered down to all levels of society. The folks behind Justice Sunday and Justice Sunday 2: Eclectic Boogaloo, folks with strong ties to this administration, have basically said that you can't be a Christian if you are a Democrat. And no one in the administration could be bothered to say "Anyone can be a Christian." And it goes beyond that, as we found out this week when it became a national news story that a so-called Christian adoption agency in the south, an agency that received state tax proceeds, refused to provide services to Catholics because they don't believe the right things. Hmmm. Refusing to deal with someone because they don't believe the right things. Sound familiar?

Or take the right-wing blogs. Except for a couple of very notable exceptions, all the major right-wing blogs parrot everything the Bush Administration says. When they aren't parroting, they are carrying water by trying to discredit anyone who dares to question the wisdom and statements of the administration. What makes this remarkable is the extent to which it carries down to even the smallest right-wing blogs. All the Powerline and Instapundit wannabes fall in line repeating everything their mentors say, and the end result is that the entire right-wing blogosphere generally speaks not just with the same voice, but with the same thoughts. There are exceptions, true, but those exceptions end up getting attacked and smeared just as relentlessly as the right-wing blogosphere attacks and smears anyone who dares criticize Bush.

(There is no similar phenomenon on the left-side of the blogosphere or in Democratic politics in general. Indeed, this is a difficult thing for Democrats to do. For one thing, as Will Rogers said years ago, "I don't belong to an organized political party - I'm a Democrat." For another, Democrats have traditionally enjoyed attacking other Democrats as much, if not more than attacking Republicans.)

But it's not just people who disagree with this administration who are not wanted. It's information as well. Here's this from a June 15th, 2003 piece in the Washington Post. Keep in mind that this was written BEFORE Joe Wilson's New York Times op-ed piece.

A key component of President Bush's claim that Iraq had an active nuclear weapons program -- its alleged attempt to buy uranium in Niger -- was disputed by a CIA-directed mission to the central African nation in early 2002, according to senior administration officials and a former government official. But the CIA did not pass on the detailed results of its investigation to the White House or other government agencies, the officials said. The CIA's failure to share what it knew was one of a number of steps in the Bush administration that helped keep the uranium story alive until the eve of the war.

A senior intelligence official said the CIA's action was the result of "extremely sloppy" handling of a central piece of evidence in the administration's case against then-Iraqi President Saddam Hussein.

A senior CIA analyst said the case "is indicative of larger problems" involving the handling of intelligence about Iraq's alleged weapons programs and its links to al Qaeda, which the administration cited as justification for war. "Information not consistent with the administration agenda was discarded and information that was consistent was not seriously scrutinized," the analyst said.

Leaving aside what that bit implies about Plamegate, think about that last sentence again.

"Information not consistent with the administration agenda was discarded and information that was consistent was not seriously scrutinized"

Can there be a greater damning statement about this, or any, Presidential administration?

"Information not consistent with the administration agenda was discarded and information that was consistent was not seriously scrutinized"

Isn't information that is not consistent with the administration's agenda the information to which the administration should be paying most attention? Isn't information consistent with the viewpoint the information that should be most seriously scrutinized? I mean, we aren't talking about whether or not to have spaghetti or pizza for supper. We aren't talking what movie to see. We are talking about the decision to go to war, to send troops to their death. We are talking the most important decision a President can ever make. And in making that decision, this administration ignored anything that didn't support their agenda and didn't question anything that did support it. Post-war planning? Prepare for an occupation? Put sufficient troops on the ground to hold down an insurrection? No need. The people of Iraq will welcome us with open arms. Given this statement

"Information not consistent with the administration agenda was discarded and information that was consistent was not seriously scrutinized"

is it any wonder that we are now bogged down in a situation where there are no good options?

So I ask again? Can there be a greater damning statement about this, or any Presidential administration?

Why yes there can, thanks for asking. And it's this: the highest ranking members of this administration were willing to out an undercover CIA operative to discredit someone who dared to have the temerity to question the administration's lies about the reasons for going to war with Iraq.

And that's why we can't just hold hands around the campfire and sing Kumbaya and all just get along right now. Because if one side is willing to out undercover CIA operatives and their operations in the name of attacking enemies, if one side is willing to do that, there is nothing that side is not going to be willing to do.

Which is why now, more than ever, it is important for the Democrats to fight back. Because one of the two or three most fundamental rules of life is that the bully will not quit punching you until you start punching the bully back. Howard Dean understands this, and as a result has come out of the gate swinging. This scares a lot of the establishment Dems, who are fearful of losing power within the party. But it delights the party faithful, it fires them up, and it shows in the increased volunteerism and the record fund-raising the Democratic party is experiencing.

More importantly, it scares the Republicans (or, out of respect for the caveat that opened this piece, the Republican leadership in the White House, the Republican leadership in the Senate, the Republican leadership in the House of Representatives, and the Republican national party leadership). The last thing they want are Democrats who fight back. They want Democrats who let themselves get walked all over (see Kerry, John). They want Democrats who believe their extensive resume is the reason they should be President (see Kerry, John). They want Democrats who want to be elected on that resume, not be forced to actually run a decent campaign (see Kerry, John). The more the Republicans (or, out of respect for the caveat that opened this piece, the Republican leadership in the White House, the Republican leadership in the Senate, the Republican leadership in the House of Representatives, and the Republican national party leadership) squawk about bipartisanship and needing the play nice and blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda, the more it shows how scared they are of Democrats fighting back.

Because they have reason to be scared. All signs point to a historic blow-up on the Republican side of things, a blow-up that could result in a total revamping of the Republican party as we know it. And Republicans (or, out of respect for the caveat that opened this piece, the Republican leadership in the White House, the Republican leadership in the Senate, the Republican leadership in the House of Representatives, and the Republican national party leadership) are starting to realize it. They have pressed down on all opposition for so long, both within and without of the party, and they can't hold it down much longer. And the more Democrats are willing to fight back, to no longer take it, the harder it will be for the Republicans to hold the opposition down. But that won't stop them from trying, and the harder they push down, the more explosive the eventual blow-up will be.

Considering the amount of time, money, and energy the Republicans, or, out of respect for the caveat that opened this piece, the Republican leadership in the White House, the Republican leadership in the Senate, the Republican leadership in the House of Representatives, and the Republican national party leadership, are spending to keep a lid on things right now in the face of all the dissent and scandals, it will probably happen during the 2006 mid-terms. After all, mid-term elections are traditionally the time when steam gets vented from the boiler of American politics. But if it doesn't happen then, if by some chance they can keep it together and not have it blow up in their faces in 2006, it will happen in 2008.

And afterwards we can hold hands around the campfire and sing Kumbaya and all just get along.

Huzzah!

As with any move, there are casualties. For us, it was my stereo speakers. (Old floor speakers, the kind that weigh a ton and put out a ton of sound.) When I hooked them up after moving, one speaker didn't work and the other was slightly garbled. After two weeks of nearly buying a cheap home-theatre speaker system, I gave one last chance towards getting the old speakers to work today. And guess what? They did! Huzzah! Now I don't have to devote the rest of my life to Inigo Montoya-ing the man who killed my speakers (actual paraphrase of an actual quote from an actual online friend). Which is good, because as I pointed out to him, the man who killed my speakers (or at least appeared to kill my speakers) was most likely me.

The Blog Motto

Don't ask. If you aren't already in on the joke, I can't explain it.

Catching Up

Moving bites. It sucks. It’s a bitch. It’s hell. The best part of moving is when it’s over, which, fortunately, it almost is. The garage needs to be put in order. There is a stack of boxes in the basement that need to be organized in the spare bedroom down there. The boys’ room, while having all the furniture set up, has boxes of clothes and toys that need to be put away. But for the most part, the place is set up. And, as the folks who came out to play poker last Friday can attest, it’s a beautiful house. The outside needs new siding, or at least new paint, but the inside is wonderful and the pool area very nice. Likewise the bar downstairs where we will put the tournament-type poker table once we get one. (Something like this. Note the reasonable price and the unreasonable shipping charge.) I need to shock the pool and then clean the bottom, but it’s almost ready to go too. And trust me, unless you’ve dealt with one, you wouldn’t believe the crap that goes in an outdoor pool on a daily basis. I’m not talking debris – I’m talking the chemicals to keep it usable.

So that’s been the bulk of my time. I was also in somewhat of a writing funk for a variety of reasons. It happens every now and then; nothing to worry about. But there is plenty to talk about. And with luck, I’ll start talking about it again.

Wheezy Says

I have 24 hours to post something new or she will never come back.

So, this is it! See my shiny new post!

Common Sense Posting

This article ran on the front page of the PC on Saturday, June 25. (I see it’s originally from USA Today from June 15. Apparently the PC was unable to find anything more worthy of below the fold space on the front page of the paper in the intervening 10 days. But I digress.) The article uses Peter Whitney, who was fired from his job at Wells Fargo for talking about work at his blog, as a cautionary tale. Here’s the money quote:

“Right now its too gray. There needs to be better guidelines” said Whitney, who has found another job. “Some people go to bars to complain about workers, I do it online. Some people say I deserve what happened, but it was really harsh. It was unfair.”

Uhm, Peter? You deserved to be fired for gross stupidity, if nothing else. See, unless the bars people talk in somehow preserve everything said in them and broadcast it to every single individual on the planet, there is no comparison. The Internet is forever. It is undeniable. Even if you edit, someone can probably find the original in some cache someplace. Bars aren’t like that. If I gripe to co-workers in a bar, and I am careful about who I am griping to, there is no record and no one to say anything. But if you post it on the Internet? Anyone, and I mean anyone, can find it. Treat it that way, and they’ll be no problems in the future, mmmkay?

Everybody Was Kung Fu Monkey...

If you read just one blog listing today, then you probably have a lot to do at work. But try not to miss this from Kung Fu Monkey.

More Crank Call Funny

A week or so I linked to a piece that Chris at Shield Your Eyes did on a crank call he made. He’s made another, to the Betty Crocker Hotline, that had me laughing so hard the folks at work asked what was up. Here it is.

By the way, in case you were wondering, the phrase "hot beef injection" is among the five funniest phrases ever developed in the English language.

Remembrance Of Things Past

Yesterday's post prompted me to reflect on other things that are gone, specifically places in Iowa City that are no more that I wish were still around. Here's a top ten list of those. This is a long post that I should have broken up into two, but didn't. Tough. Note: Midget sex stories ahead.

BJ’s Records – The closet thing Iowa City has ever had to the Electric Fetus in Minneapolis, the best record store in the world. A great selection, decent prices, and always good music playing. I bought the first copy of Springsteen’s The River sold in Iowa City at BJ's.

Breadline – The best Iowa City restaurant no one ever went to, though not for lack of trying on my part. I took dates there, took friends there, went to eat there by myself. Still, even on a Friday night there was never more than a handful of people. Maybe that’s what happens when your theme is the Great Depression. The tables didn’t match each other, the chairs didn’t match the tables, and the tableware didn’t match. (The idea being that because it was the Depression, it cost too much to have coordinated décor and plates and such.) The food was great, the service tolerable (way slow, though always pleasant to look at). Just didn’t last.

Burger Palace – If you lived in the area while the Palace was open, you know the song.

“Everybody loves Burger Palace
Appetizing Burger Palace
Everything you’re looking for
Hamburgers and so much more
Your good taste will recall
Burger Palace has it all
Come on in and have a ball
Listen to your good taste call for
Burger Palace!”

Or, as I used to sing while working there:

“At the Palace
The Burger Palace
The hottest spot north of Dallas
At the Palace
The Burger Palace
Burgers and French fries were always the best buys at
The Palace!”

The food was good (if you ever saw a reference to Snack Packs in Bloom County, that was us – Breathed used to come in all the time), the service eccentric (who can forget Doug the foot fetishist running the register), and the clientele, uhm, bizarre.

One of my favorite things to do was sweep and mop the dining room floor after lunch rush. Seriously. You got to hear the best conversations. One time as I was mopping, Quasar (how many of you hear that and know who I am talking about – probably none) was standing in the middle, waving his hands. Quasar always waved his hands, talking to the air. Always. Everywhere he went, he was animatedly carrying on a conversation with no one. (Rumor had it that he was riding in a car, carrying on a conversation with a friend, when the car hit a truck and the friend was decapitated. I’m sure rumor was untrue.) Anyway, on this occasion, I noticed something different. Quasar had quit moving his hands. Instead, he held his (constant companion) cigarette at arm’s length, staring at it. Suddenly he whispered “Fuck You!” to the cigarette, threw it to the floor, and turned and started walking away. But no sooner had he done that then he turned back around again, picked the cigarette up, apologized to it, and walked out waving his arms talking to the air. Or the cigarette.

But that’s not my favorite mopping the floor story. On another occasion, as I neared a booth where a man and a woman were sitting, I saw him place a small box on the table. She opened it, revealing an engagement ring as he asked her to marry him. This struck me as pretty cool, as something they would always remember, as – wait. She’s frowning. I kept mopping, and heard the following:

“Uhm Steve, we’ve only been going out for two weeks.”

“Yes, but I feel like I know you so well.”

“Uhm Steve, we only went out twice.”

“Yes, but they were such great dates, and I know they meant as much to you as to me, because why else would you ask to meet me here today?”

“Uhm Steve, I asked to meet you here because I thought it best to tell you in person that I didn’t want to go out with you anymore.”

Silence. Dead silence.

“But I, but”

“Steve, I didn’t have fun the first time we went out. In spite of that, I agreed to go out a second time in case the first was a fluke. It wasn’t. I’m not wasting my time with a third date, but I wanted to tell you that in person. I figured that was the decent thing to do.”

“I need to go.”

And he left, and I admired her class and composure.

Charlie’s – Yeah, a Charlie’s is still with us. But not THE Charlie’s. Charlie’s first place, a little hole-in-the-wall place, had a great jukebox, didn’t feel like a sports bar, and was a wonderful place to hang out. I’m glad Charlie has been successful enough to open her nice huge place, and it is good she always does great business. But I still miss the old place.

Coralville Country Kitchen – Another place I worked, but that’s not the reason. First off, the counter. Dining counters rule. Second, the breakfast menu – skillet scramble with wheat toast, over easy farm skillet with wheat toast, sausage biscuit skillet with poached. Mmmm.

Fieldhouse – Not the bar, the place where they used to play winter sports. Yeah, the seats were crappy, the view often obstructed, and it was falling down. But it was a hellishly intimidating place for opposing teams, much more so than Carver-Hawkeye has ever been.

Green Pepper Pizza – On the strip where Randy’s is now, the Green Pepper had the best pizza in town. They put sauce in the crust way, way before Pizza Hut ever came up with the idea, and every pizza had a slice of green pepper on it. At the time Iowa City pizza choices primarily consisted of Pagliai’s, Happy Joe’s, and the Green Pepper, and Green Pepper was the best.

Magoo’s – WARNING: Midget sex talk ahead. For those who don’t know where it was, Magoo’s occupied that space between Rentertainment and Taste of China. Can’t remember what is there now – the Chill And Grill was there for awhile. Magoo’s was a neighborhood bar with a great jukebox. We would always go there on Wednesday’s during law school. Sure, we’d start out at the Airliner with every other law student, but after a few hours we would walk to Magoo’s.

But I was a Magoo’s regular long before that. I used to live a block away, and would always go there when in need of a beer. Hooked up quite a few times out of Magoo’s, the geekiest being a time a friend I was with saw other friends of his. I struck up a conversation with one of the females, and it turned out she was also a big comics fan. A DC fan. At the time I was pure Marvel, so we had a huge DC-Marvel debate the whole evening until she invited me to her place to see some of her favorite DC comics. Geeks in lust.

Still Magoo’s didn’t turn into the place I loved and missed until later, when I was working at Country Kitchen in Coralville. I was working second shift, getting home around 11:30. Every work night, unless a bunch of folks were going out from work, I would get home, shower, then take the block trip to Magoo’s. After a few weeks of this, it got to the point that, whenever I walked in the door, no matter who was working (unless they were brand new), the bartender would say “Hi Dweeze”, draw my beer, grab a bag of pretzels, and set it down at an open space at the bar. I didn’t drink a lot – normally only a beer or two – and then say good night and head home.

But one time the bartender on duty did much more than that for me. For some reason, I was drinking hard. Hard. And when the cute girl I was talking to asked if I wanted to sit at a table with her, I said sure. As she scampered down off the bar stool, I realized that she wasn’t just short, she was a midget. Undeterred, we went to a table, where I was soon locking lips with her. We made plans to go to her place. She excused herself to go to the bathroom, and that’s when the bartender stepped in.

“Dweeze” he said, “normally we enjoy watching patrons make fools of themselves. But you’re one of the few regulars we tolerate, and as much as seeing a drunk make out with a midget usually sends us laughing, we would prefer that it be someone other than you.”

“But she’s cute!” I protested.

“No she’s not. Trust me, she’s not. She’s not nice either. Now, I will cover for you – tell her you had a phone call and had to leave. But you better go fast.”

And I did. Later, when I saw her again, I realized he was right. She asked where I had gone to, I said my girlfriend had called looking for me, and she let it drop.

BONUS MIDGET SEX STORY

Why my fear of midget sex? My sophomore year in college I ended up rooming first semester with an alcoholic freshman and a born-again hair-lipped nursing student. Yeah, you heard me right. It was in Daum, where the floors alternated men and women. Up on one of the women’s floors lived a midget, though not the same one I would later encounter. So one Friday evening, or more accurately, early Saturday morning, I awoke to the sounds of a fight from the bunk underneath mine. A male voice was pleading with a female voice to stay, that this had never happened to him before, and the tiny female voice replied “You’re too drunk to even get it up Jim!” And with that I heard her leave the bed, walk to the door, open it, and saw a very small shadow get cast into the room. Later, when I asked him about it, he said “I got drunk and thought ‘When am I going to have the chance to nail a midget again?’,” and while that is certainly a fine philosophy, you also don’t want the whole midget community discussing your inability to perform under pressure. So discretion, as always, is the better part of valor.

Pearson’s Drug – Even if the lunch counter is still at That’s Rentertainment (and I thought I read that they were taking it out), it wasn’t the same as going to the counter when it was Pearson’s. Where else could you get an egg salad on whole wheat toast, a malt, a cup of soup, and have change for a $5? Special props because Pearson’s was where I always got comics before the first comic shop opened in Iowa City.

Red Stallion – I can’t believe the Iowa City area doesn’t have a live-music country bar. The Stallion was great, and not just because I scored there a few times. (Most movie-like pickup: One night during law school, a few of us were out there. I asked a woman to dance, and as we were on the floor slow-dancing, she asked what I did. I said “I go to law school.” She said “Like a cop? You going to be a cop? I love cops!” Me, pausing, then “Yes. I’m going to be a cop.”) I also spent several months in the mid-80s as the Twist Champion, finally losing the title when I didn’t show up for the monthly contest. Good times. Goooood times.