I can't decide. Am I too damn old, or are there just an overabundance of absolutely unbefuckinglevieably idiotic commercials? Burger King seems to be the worst offender. I can't decide which is worse - the "We took the Whopper off the menu" series or the "Whopper Junior/Spicy Chicken visit other fast food places" series. The only people the latter series could appeal to would be the people who freak out when they're told they can't get a Whopper. The Coke Zero commercials with the Coke employees who want to sue Coke make my head spin as well. Who thinks these are funny?
And let's not forget the Cuba Gooding Jr. Hanes commercials. I see those and feel so sorry for the dude. I mean, he's basically reduced to shucking and jiving for the benefit of Michael Jordan. Still, he doesn't seem too embarassed. I guess once you've starred in Snow Dogs, everything else is a step up.
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You know what commercials don't make sense to me? These hotels.com commercials where they say that the hotel is giving the people special treatment because they know they're going to write a review for hotels.com. Which says to me, don't trust the reviews on hotels.com because they're all written by people who got special treatment that won't necessarily be given to everyone. Seems like that isn't quite the message they would want to convey.
Although one of them makes me laugh - the one where the bellhops are carrying the guy to his room - because the actor in it was in episode of Alias where he gets tied up at a sex club and ends his scene by saying in an exaggerated, high-pitched German accent, "Could someone get me my pants?" I imagine that most people would not make that association, however, so it's probably not an effective commercial strategy.
Also, I have seen many ads for a new drug called Aciphex. I don't remember what it's for, but all I know is it sounds just like Ass-effects. You'd think that might be something they'd catch in a focus group or something, as perhaps maybe not the best name for a drug.
Well, it depends on what it does. It's a great name for an anti-flatulence drug.
Okay, I looked it up - it's an anti-heartburn (acid reflux) drug. So I don't know that it works. I'm not sure I want my heartburn drug to give me any ass effects. Doesn't seem like a good tradeoff.
Oh, and the start of the baseball season means the return of local New England cable commercials. There's a men's clothing store whose slogan is something like "you'll be as comfortable in our clothes as you will be in our stores." To which I always think, that's utterly meaningless - it could mean you'll comfortable in both, but it could also mean you'll be uncomfortable in both! What if your stores creep me out? What then?? (All hypothetical of course, given that they don't sell women's clothing, but still - what then??)
Well, your (hypothetical) heartburn is probably giving you ass effects anyway. So maybe taking the drug eliminates the ass effects.
I saw a truck today with this on the side "Haul 'n' Ass Transport Service". Now, I could see "Hauling Ass" or "Haulin' Ass" - but to me, "Haul 'n' Ass" implies either a Hall and Oates tribute band or some service Eliot Spitzer would use.
I laugh EVERY time I hear aciphex advertised. What cabal of executive nitwits let that one slide through?
Ass effects.
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