From the Economist's review of McCain's Tuesday speech. (H/t Daily Kos)
Addendum: OK, I lied, there's one surprise: The terrifying death rictus grin-and-snicker after every joke line. I don't know whether Americans are ready to vote for Mr McCain, but I am prepared to pay him one million dollars not to release deadly Smilex gas over the New Year's Eve crowd at midnight.
For those wondering about the reference, go here.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Monday, June 02, 2008
The Dweeze Poetry Project: Sun and Moon
I used to write a lot of poetry. I know, I know. Big surprise there. But I've seldom shared it with anyone.
Anyway, tonight I was trying to explain to E why the sun could melt ice cream but the moon couldn't. As I was doing so, I realized "Hey! I wrote a poem that talked about this a long time ago. Too bad I have no place to ever publish that, and other poems." Then, after a long pause, I realized again "I could post it, and others, on the blog!" Now, I know Voltaire (I think it was Voltaire, and I'm too damned lazy to google it) once said "Beware a man who reads his poems in public, for he probably has other faults" but a: I'm not actually reading my poetry, and 2: It can't be more embarassing than some of the stuff I've put up here. So, here is the first post in the ongoing Dweeze Poetry Project. This is called "Sun and Moon," written in the mid-90s.
The moon has no light of its own
It can only reflect the light of the sun
I can sympathize, for I
I have no light of my own
I can only reflect the light of you
Anyway, tonight I was trying to explain to E why the sun could melt ice cream but the moon couldn't. As I was doing so, I realized "Hey! I wrote a poem that talked about this a long time ago. Too bad I have no place to ever publish that, and other poems." Then, after a long pause, I realized again "I could post it, and others, on the blog!" Now, I know Voltaire (I think it was Voltaire, and I'm too damned lazy to google it) once said "Beware a man who reads his poems in public, for he probably has other faults" but a: I'm not actually reading my poetry, and 2: It can't be more embarassing than some of the stuff I've put up here. So, here is the first post in the ongoing Dweeze Poetry Project. This is called "Sun and Moon," written in the mid-90s.
The moon has no light of its own
It can only reflect the light of the sun
I can sympathize, for I
I have no light of my own
I can only reflect the light of you
A Word Of Advice To Myself
Dear Dweeze:
Just because you bought a new blender, doesn't mean you have to have a double-sized chocolate malt every night.
Love,
Dweeze
Just because you bought a new blender, doesn't mean you have to have a double-sized chocolate malt every night.
Love,
Dweeze
Dunkin Donuts, K-Mart, And The Appropriate Response
Jolene briefly touches on the stupidest story from last week, the successful attempt by the right-wing fringe to save America by making Rachel Ray change her clothing accessories. For those that missed it, Dunkin Donuts (the clear favorite to win the 2008 Award for Corporate Cowardice) had a promotional photo with Rachel Ray wearing what some claimed was a keffiyeh (the traditional scarf worn in Middle-Eastern cultures). This was interpreted to be a shot across the bow of patriotic Amurricins everywhere, one of our biggest corporate shills wearing the Mooslim scarf of terror. Nevermind that it contained floral patterns and colors seldom found in true keffiyehs; nevermind you can see Lower Upper Class women wearing them almost anywhere you go in this country. It was a horrible thing for her to do at a time when we are at war with all of the Middle East, including those Israelis who don't agree with us, and the bold members of the lunatic fringe, led by wild-eyed howler monkey Michelle Malkin, stood up, screamed, and got Dunkin Donuts to pull the ad.
(Jolene links to this story in the Boston Glode. A funnier version of the issue can be found, as per usual, at Sadly, No!, where you can find an even funnier post about the right-wing furry who commissions comic art of himself as a skunk fucking underage skunks who was among those leading the charge that Obama lied about his great-uncle's military service during WWII. No, really. I'm not making that up.)
Last week also saw a very interesting article from Rick Perlstein, author of the new book Nixonland, a history of the conservative movement in the 70s. Perlstein talks about how many conservative commentators have asked him why he's the only liberal to treat the conservative movement seriously:
First question: "It's my general sense that liberal or popular historians don't seem to be very interested in conservative history and ideology. Why are you?" In other words: why is the left--except for Perlstein!--so condescending that they refuse to take the right seriously.
Perlstein then details how not only are many on the left taking the conservative movement seriously, but have actually used that movement as a model for today's liberal movement. He offers plenty of examples of liberals taking conservatives seriously. Others in the left blogosphere chime in, providing further examples.
Why do I mention these two things together? Because, while it is important to respect elements of the conservative movement, it is hard, if not impossible, to take seriously people worried about Rachel Ray starting a jihad. That is, certain opinions not only call up condescension, they demand it.
Here's an example closer to home. If you spend any time at all reading the Press-Citizen's online comment pages, you'll find a lot of barely disguised racism. Sure, it's covered in code words applicable only to Iowa City, words like "Broadway Apartments" and "Chicago transplants". Now, I've been in the area for over 30 years now, and while Iowa City isn't the "whiteville" it once was, it's a long, long way from being overrun by minorities like some at the Press-Citizen message boards claim. But when you see someone posting about how they feel unsafe going to K-Mart at any time of day because of the number of "those people" you see there, you don't know how to react. On the one hand, you want to take the concerns seriously, because this is obviously someone expressing fears they truly feel. On the other hand, it's such an idiotic fear that it's hard to take someone who would express it seriously. I go in that K-Mart every now and then on one of my area toy quests, and I've never felt the least bit threatened.
There are no easy answers, at least none I see. It almost seems that making fun of a person who has that fear, or who fears a keffiyeh, might have a better chance of reaching them, or at least reaching someone who could possibly be swayed by them, then trying a reasoned argument. The reasoned argument is sure to fall on deaf ears. Maybe mockery won't.
(Jolene links to this story in the Boston Glode. A funnier version of the issue can be found, as per usual, at Sadly, No!, where you can find an even funnier post about the right-wing furry who commissions comic art of himself as a skunk fucking underage skunks who was among those leading the charge that Obama lied about his great-uncle's military service during WWII. No, really. I'm not making that up.)
Last week also saw a very interesting article from Rick Perlstein, author of the new book Nixonland, a history of the conservative movement in the 70s. Perlstein talks about how many conservative commentators have asked him why he's the only liberal to treat the conservative movement seriously:
First question: "It's my general sense that liberal or popular historians don't seem to be very interested in conservative history and ideology. Why are you?" In other words: why is the left--except for Perlstein!--so condescending that they refuse to take the right seriously.
Perlstein then details how not only are many on the left taking the conservative movement seriously, but have actually used that movement as a model for today's liberal movement. He offers plenty of examples of liberals taking conservatives seriously. Others in the left blogosphere chime in, providing further examples.
Why do I mention these two things together? Because, while it is important to respect elements of the conservative movement, it is hard, if not impossible, to take seriously people worried about Rachel Ray starting a jihad. That is, certain opinions not only call up condescension, they demand it.
Here's an example closer to home. If you spend any time at all reading the Press-Citizen's online comment pages, you'll find a lot of barely disguised racism. Sure, it's covered in code words applicable only to Iowa City, words like "Broadway Apartments" and "Chicago transplants". Now, I've been in the area for over 30 years now, and while Iowa City isn't the "whiteville" it once was, it's a long, long way from being overrun by minorities like some at the Press-Citizen message boards claim. But when you see someone posting about how they feel unsafe going to K-Mart at any time of day because of the number of "those people" you see there, you don't know how to react. On the one hand, you want to take the concerns seriously, because this is obviously someone expressing fears they truly feel. On the other hand, it's such an idiotic fear that it's hard to take someone who would express it seriously. I go in that K-Mart every now and then on one of my area toy quests, and I've never felt the least bit threatened.
There are no easy answers, at least none I see. It almost seems that making fun of a person who has that fear, or who fears a keffiyeh, might have a better chance of reaching them, or at least reaching someone who could possibly be swayed by them, then trying a reasoned argument. The reasoned argument is sure to fall on deaf ears. Maybe mockery won't.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Best News Story Of The Week?
Easily this one:
North Liberty Police are investigating reports of a bear along Muddy Creek and the bike trail.
Dispatchers with the North Liberty Police Department and the Johnson County Sheriff’s Office reported they received 11 calls of a black bear lurking along the CRANDIC railroad tracks and bike trail along Muddy Creek south of Zeller Street in North Liberty. Most of the reports were on Wednesday, with the latest coming in around 10 p.m. Wednesday night, North Liberty Police Chief James Warkentin said.
...
Police called in the Iowa Department of Natural Resources and Iowa City Animal Control, who spent parts of Thursday searching for the bear. Tim Thompson, a biologist with the IDNR, said he investigated reports of bear tracks in North Liberty around 6 p.m. Wednesday, only to determine they came from a dog. However, he said it was likely that if a bear was loose, it was a smaller animal, about the size of a large dog, and possibly somebody’s pet. He said the publicity surrounding its sighting could bring its owner forward. He also said the bear likely would be fairly harmless unless it was provoked or cornered.
“They’re primarily herbivores,” Thompson said. “They’ll scurry away like a raccoon. It’s probably running terrified.”
Now, when people were first talking about this at work, I flashed back to where we used to live outside of North Liberty. It was a little development (maybe 12-15 houses total) built in a wooded area near the lake. And I do mean wooded area - in summer time, you could only see the houses right next to us and the house across the street. Everything else was surrounded by trees and hilly terrain, and a bear in that area didn't seem too unlikely. After all, I had seen deer and fox in the yard on several occasions.
But no, the area where the "bear" was seen was not in the woods, but in a fairly open area. So the chances of it actually being a bear seem pretty remote. Unless it was one of those hobo bears that jumped a train and then jumped off there. Or a bigfoot. Bigfoot is my best guess.
Anyway, we had a lot of fun with the idea at work, finding bear pictures online to put on our area maps. But trust me - if you Google Bear Pictures, read the results carefully before clicking on the link. You'll be glad you did.
North Liberty Police are investigating reports of a bear along Muddy Creek and the bike trail.
Dispatchers with the North Liberty Police Department and the Johnson County Sheriff’s Office reported they received 11 calls of a black bear lurking along the CRANDIC railroad tracks and bike trail along Muddy Creek south of Zeller Street in North Liberty. Most of the reports were on Wednesday, with the latest coming in around 10 p.m. Wednesday night, North Liberty Police Chief James Warkentin said.
...
Police called in the Iowa Department of Natural Resources and Iowa City Animal Control, who spent parts of Thursday searching for the bear. Tim Thompson, a biologist with the IDNR, said he investigated reports of bear tracks in North Liberty around 6 p.m. Wednesday, only to determine they came from a dog. However, he said it was likely that if a bear was loose, it was a smaller animal, about the size of a large dog, and possibly somebody’s pet. He said the publicity surrounding its sighting could bring its owner forward. He also said the bear likely would be fairly harmless unless it was provoked or cornered.
“They’re primarily herbivores,” Thompson said. “They’ll scurry away like a raccoon. It’s probably running terrified.”
Now, when people were first talking about this at work, I flashed back to where we used to live outside of North Liberty. It was a little development (maybe 12-15 houses total) built in a wooded area near the lake. And I do mean wooded area - in summer time, you could only see the houses right next to us and the house across the street. Everything else was surrounded by trees and hilly terrain, and a bear in that area didn't seem too unlikely. After all, I had seen deer and fox in the yard on several occasions.
But no, the area where the "bear" was seen was not in the woods, but in a fairly open area. So the chances of it actually being a bear seem pretty remote. Unless it was one of those hobo bears that jumped a train and then jumped off there. Or a bigfoot. Bigfoot is my best guess.
Anyway, we had a lot of fun with the idea at work, finding bear pictures online to put on our area maps. But trust me - if you Google Bear Pictures, read the results carefully before clicking on the link. You'll be glad you did.
Not That I'm Complaining, But
Can anyone explain to me why gas is $.10 a gallon cheaper in Williamsburg than it is in Iowa City? It's the same question that's always bothered me about Cedar Rapids, except now I can get the cheaper gas without driving someplace I wouldn't otherwise be driving. You would think that there wouldn't be any additional cost factor to delivering gas to Iowa City that doesn't also apply to delivering gas twenty miles away in Cedar Rapids or Williamsburg. So what is the difference? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Posting
I am constantly thinking of posts. In fact, I mentally write far more posts than I actually, you know, post. I’ll completely create a post in my head, then never bother to write it down and post it. Not sure why that is – perhaps I’m just bored with the post by the time I get to physically writing it. I think that’s why the short posts show up more often than the long ones. I’ve got about a third of a post on the recent Englert brouhaha written – hell, I actually spent time researching the effectiveness and justification of TIF districts – just sitting as a draft. There’s also a post that’s been brewing about why Obama, or more specifically, Obama supporters, scare the hell out of me. I hope to get some of these written and posted in the next few days. Til then – kid stories and innuendo (though not in the same posts)!
S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G
Ethan does really well with numbers. He knows his street addresses in both Iowa and Delaware, he reads off the street addresses of every house as we drive down the street, he can count to 100, and he can do basic addition. But he hasn’t been that good on his letters, and he still doesn’t really know his ABCs.
Kindergarten is just four months away, so we’ve started working on his letters. He can now spell his name, and it only took him two days to get there. We’ve spent a lot of time spelling names, and while he can’t spell them all, he knows that D is for Daddy, M is for Mommy, and A is for Andrew.
Last night we went through a long period of spelling names, every name E could think of. We finished, and for some reason I spelled the word “clock” – probably because clocks are among his favorite things, because they are always showing (and changing) numbers. In response, he said “Clock isn’t a name.” I patiently explained that clock was a word, and that all words, not just names, were made up of letters, and that anything made up of letters could be spelled. You could see the connections being made in his mind as I spoke, a whole new world of information opening up to him, and we spent the next twenty minutes or so spelling every word he could think of.
I couldn’t be prouder of him. I really couldn’t.
Kindergarten is just four months away, so we’ve started working on his letters. He can now spell his name, and it only took him two days to get there. We’ve spent a lot of time spelling names, and while he can’t spell them all, he knows that D is for Daddy, M is for Mommy, and A is for Andrew.
Last night we went through a long period of spelling names, every name E could think of. We finished, and for some reason I spelled the word “clock” – probably because clocks are among his favorite things, because they are always showing (and changing) numbers. In response, he said “Clock isn’t a name.” I patiently explained that clock was a word, and that all words, not just names, were made up of letters, and that anything made up of letters could be spelled. You could see the connections being made in his mind as I spoke, a whole new world of information opening up to him, and we spent the next twenty minutes or so spelling every word he could think of.
I couldn’t be prouder of him. I really couldn’t.
Dweeze's Deep Thoughts
Saw a Sports Center broadcast this morning on the Roger Clemens affair thing, and in the clip Clemens was shown climbing into his Humvee and driving off away from the media. This confirmed a long-time pet theory of mine, that there are only two reasons to buy a Humvee – 1. You’ve got a military, 2. You’re an asshole. I think we can safely assume Roger Clemens does not have a military.
(Note: I don’t like using the word “Hummer” to describe the vehicle, because I don’t think a wonderful, beautiful thing like a hummer should be dragged through the mud that way. More importantly, writing “buy a Hummer” makes me giggle uncontrollably.)
(Note: I don’t like using the word “Hummer” to describe the vehicle, because I don’t think a wonderful, beautiful thing like a hummer should be dragged through the mud that way. More importantly, writing “buy a Hummer” makes me giggle uncontrollably.)
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Character Thought Processes at the End of Revenge of the Sith
Ethan came back home with a serious Star Wars jones, and thanks to the TanMan, we started watching the first trilogy. In reverse chronological order. Anyway, here is my expert opinion on the thought processes of the various characters at the end of the movie.
Obi Won Kenobi: "Sure, Anakin's got to be in an incredible amount of agony, and as they say, better safe than sorry, but rather than put him out of his misery/ensure that a tremendous threat is dead, I'm just going to walk away. I mean, it's not like Darth Sidius is going to show up, rescue him, and put what remains alive in a walking tin can, right?"
Darth Vader: "Wow. An incredibly advanced society with tons of technological advances, and you can't even manage some decent skin grafts?"
Yoda: "I am too old for this shit. Yes, it's the most obvious place to put him, but I really don't give a crap that everyone will be able to figure out that Anakin's kid has been placed with Anakin's only living relatives on Anakin's home planet. Let Darth Sidious kill him in his infancy. I just want to go back to the swamp."
Darth Sidious: "Yeah, it would really cost nothing whatsoever to send a scout ship to Tatooine to see if Anakin's kid is still alive. But hey, if the Jedis say Padme died during childbirth and the kid died with her, that's good enough for me."
Padme: "I need a new agent."
Obi Won Kenobi: "Sure, Anakin's got to be in an incredible amount of agony, and as they say, better safe than sorry, but rather than put him out of his misery/ensure that a tremendous threat is dead, I'm just going to walk away. I mean, it's not like Darth Sidius is going to show up, rescue him, and put what remains alive in a walking tin can, right?"
Darth Vader: "Wow. An incredibly advanced society with tons of technological advances, and you can't even manage some decent skin grafts?"
Yoda: "I am too old for this shit. Yes, it's the most obvious place to put him, but I really don't give a crap that everyone will be able to figure out that Anakin's kid has been placed with Anakin's only living relatives on Anakin's home planet. Let Darth Sidious kill him in his infancy. I just want to go back to the swamp."
Darth Sidious: "Yeah, it would really cost nothing whatsoever to send a scout ship to Tatooine to see if Anakin's kid is still alive. But hey, if the Jedis say Padme died during childbirth and the kid died with her, that's good enough for me."
Padme: "I need a new agent."
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Deep Thought For The Day
The song says you can't hurry love. Well, it's also pretty tough to make a five-year old move faster than he wants to move.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
300
No, not the movie. The thread count on the new sheets I bought. And yes, I know there are much higher thread counts. But this is the highest I've ever gotten for myself, and girllllllfriend, they feel goooood.
Speaking of 300
Speaking of 300
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Because Really, What This Story Needed Was More Bat-Shit Crazy People
I haven't written about this because it really hit me hard. The fact that one of the kids was Andrew's age and named Ethan is what got to me. So those of you who aren't from here haven't heard about it. But this, about the fine Rev. Phelps and the plans for the WBC to come protest at the funeral, made me break my silence.
See, you out-of-staters might not know it, but God apparently hates Iowa. First, there was the court that allowed gay couples to get married. Then, there was the state law prohibiting protests within 500 yards of a funeral. Finally, there is the fact that Iowa City is among the gay-friendliest cities in America.
(Really, we are. City law states that if a gay person asks us to perform a sex act with them, we have to do it. That's how gay-friendly we are!)
So God hates Iowa, and to demonstrate that hate, God - and I'm quoting here - "sent the shooter" as punishment for Iowa's sins. (Note: As anyone who can read could tell you, there was no shooter, no shots, and no shooting victims. Facts are funny things.)
Now, I don't want to get into the strangeness of someone professing to be a Christian apparently never having heard of the New Testament God (aka the friendly God). Nor do I want to get into the strangeness of God sending a hitman to kill innocent children as young as three. I mean, if God really was trying to send a message, especially a message about the evils of homosexuality, you'd think he send a hitman to take out some gay people. And not take them out in the way that Iowa City city law requires us to take out gay people - no, in the killing way of taking out people.
To me, if you want to use the logic that God targets the innocent to drive home how sinful we Iowans are to the ultimate extreme, you realize that God shouldn't just be targeting the innocent - God should be targeting those who actively protest against homosexuality. That would really drive home how angry God was at us. So, until someone takes out the entire Phelps family (again, not the good way of taking out), I'm going to assume that God isn't sending hitmen to kill Iowa's innocents.
Of course, the notion that Steve Sueppel was a hitman for God makes as much sense as any other theory people have put forward for why he did what he did. Let me reiterate what I said about the Virginia Tech shootings - as much as we want to see a reason, we won't. To quote the Rats of Boomtown, we can see no reasons because there are no reasons. The silicon chip inside his head got switched to overload and Sueppel went totally bat-shit crazy. It wasn't because of his legal problems, it wasn't because he didn't want his family to deal with the shame, it wasn't because of the harshness of the legal system - it's because he went crazy. We'll never know why - he made sure of that himself - but it doesn't matter why. All that matters is that he went nuts, two adults and four children are dead, and the Desperate Attention Whores from Kansas are coming to town.
In other words, no happy endings here.
See, you out-of-staters might not know it, but God apparently hates Iowa. First, there was the court that allowed gay couples to get married. Then, there was the state law prohibiting protests within 500 yards of a funeral. Finally, there is the fact that Iowa City is among the gay-friendliest cities in America.
(Really, we are. City law states that if a gay person asks us to perform a sex act with them, we have to do it. That's how gay-friendly we are!)
So God hates Iowa, and to demonstrate that hate, God - and I'm quoting here - "sent the shooter" as punishment for Iowa's sins. (Note: As anyone who can read could tell you, there was no shooter, no shots, and no shooting victims. Facts are funny things.)
Now, I don't want to get into the strangeness of someone professing to be a Christian apparently never having heard of the New Testament God (aka the friendly God). Nor do I want to get into the strangeness of God sending a hitman to kill innocent children as young as three. I mean, if God really was trying to send a message, especially a message about the evils of homosexuality, you'd think he send a hitman to take out some gay people. And not take them out in the way that Iowa City city law requires us to take out gay people - no, in the killing way of taking out people.
To me, if you want to use the logic that God targets the innocent to drive home how sinful we Iowans are to the ultimate extreme, you realize that God shouldn't just be targeting the innocent - God should be targeting those who actively protest against homosexuality. That would really drive home how angry God was at us. So, until someone takes out the entire Phelps family (again, not the good way of taking out), I'm going to assume that God isn't sending hitmen to kill Iowa's innocents.
Of course, the notion that Steve Sueppel was a hitman for God makes as much sense as any other theory people have put forward for why he did what he did. Let me reiterate what I said about the Virginia Tech shootings - as much as we want to see a reason, we won't. To quote the Rats of Boomtown, we can see no reasons because there are no reasons. The silicon chip inside his head got switched to overload and Sueppel went totally bat-shit crazy. It wasn't because of his legal problems, it wasn't because he didn't want his family to deal with the shame, it wasn't because of the harshness of the legal system - it's because he went crazy. We'll never know why - he made sure of that himself - but it doesn't matter why. All that matters is that he went nuts, two adults and four children are dead, and the Desperate Attention Whores from Kansas are coming to town.
In other words, no happy endings here.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
We'll Be Right Back After A Word From Our Sponsors
I can't decide. Am I too damn old, or are there just an overabundance of absolutely unbefuckinglevieably idiotic commercials? Burger King seems to be the worst offender. I can't decide which is worse - the "We took the Whopper off the menu" series or the "Whopper Junior/Spicy Chicken visit other fast food places" series. The only people the latter series could appeal to would be the people who freak out when they're told they can't get a Whopper. The Coke Zero commercials with the Coke employees who want to sue Coke make my head spin as well. Who thinks these are funny?
And let's not forget the Cuba Gooding Jr. Hanes commercials. I see those and feel so sorry for the dude. I mean, he's basically reduced to shucking and jiving for the benefit of Michael Jordan. Still, he doesn't seem too embarassed. I guess once you've starred in Snow Dogs, everything else is a step up.
And let's not forget the Cuba Gooding Jr. Hanes commercials. I see those and feel so sorry for the dude. I mean, he's basically reduced to shucking and jiving for the benefit of Michael Jordan. Still, he doesn't seem too embarassed. I guess once you've starred in Snow Dogs, everything else is a step up.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Even More Things You Don't Expect Rachel Ray To Say
"I have a tendency to over-whack my meat."
Don't we all, Rachel Ray. Don't we all.
Don't we all, Rachel Ray. Don't we all.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Maintenance Issues
Changed my profile name back to Dweeze - too many Davids, and I hated being one of many. I figure I now have the best of both worlds - y'all now know me as David (if you didn't before), but I can still post as Dweeze. I like Dweeze - he's become a major part of me.
New Review
I've got a new review up at the Iowa City Theatre Blog - an ICCT show that's well worth seeing. Well, you only have today (Sunday) left to see it, so chances are you won't. But it was really good.
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