Here's A Fun Little Link

http://www.isgeorgebushpresident.com/

More Things You Don't Expect To Hear Rachel Ray Say

"Today I'm going to show you how to create an entire menu based on your nuts."

Character Thought Processes at the End of Revenge of the Sith

Ethan came back home with a serious Star Wars jones, and thanks to the TanMan, we started watching the first trilogy. In reverse chronological order. Anyway, here is my expert opinion on the thought processes of the various characters at the end of the movie.

Obi Won Kenobi: "Sure, Anakin's got to be in an incredible amount of agony, and as they say, better safe than sorry, but rather than put him out of his misery/ensure that a tremendous threat is dead, I'm just going to walk away. I mean, it's not like Darth Sidius is going to show up, rescue him, and put what remains alive in a walking tin can, right?"

Darth Vader: "Wow. An incredibly advanced society with tons of technological advances, and you can't even manage some decent skin grafts?"

Yoda: "I am too old for this shit. Yes, it's the most obvious place to put him, but I really don't give a crap that everyone will be able to figure out that Anakin's kid has been placed with Anakin's only living relatives on Anakin's home planet. Let Darth Sidious kill him in his infancy. I just want to go back to the swamp."

Darth Sidious: "Yeah, it would really cost nothing whatsoever to send a scout ship to Tatooine to see if Anakin's kid is still alive. But hey, if the Jedis say Padme died during childbirth and the kid died with her, that's good enough for me."

Padme: "I need a new agent."

Even More Things You Don't Expect Rachel Ray To Say

"I have a tendency to over-whack my meat."

Don't we all, Rachel Ray. Don't we all.

Thought For The Day

You know those commercials for Horton Hears A Hoo where the Steve Carrell character says "Putting Hoo in front of everything doesn't make it hurt less"? Well, it doesn't make it any funnier, either...

It's Been A Great News Week

Remember how I said the story in the previous post would be tough to top? Well, that may still be the case, but it's not going to be because of a lack of trying. Thursday's PC brought us this gem:

Police said officer Ryan Wood was writing a possession of alcohol under the legal age ticket for Michael Roy Schroeder outside of One-Eyed Jakes. While doing so, two friends of Schroeder ran up to the scene.

Police say one of them, Michael Stanley Fabinski, 19, grabbed the ticket book from Wood, and the other man, identified as Michael Alexander Bakerdjis, 20, pushed the officer. Police say both men ran south on Clinton Street.

Wood caught Fabinski after he fell at the corner of Clinton and Washington streets. As Wood tried to place him into custody, police say Bakerdjis grabbed the officer to try to get him off Fabinski. Police say Bakerdjis also tried to pull the ticket book away.

Police say both men were then able to get away temporarily. According to police, Bakerdjis ran south on Clinton Street but Fabinski fell again while running across Clinton Street.

Wood placed Fabinski into custody, and while he was filling out the paperwork, police say Bakerdjis walked by and was spotted by another officer. Bakerdjis attempted to hide behind some bushes but was arrested.

Police say that while the officer was occupied with Fabinski and Bakerdjis, Schroeder fled the area. He was later found and arrested at Currier Hall, where he lives.

...

Schroeder, who will be 20 next Thursday, was charged with PAULA, public intoxication and escape from custody, which is a serious misdemeanor. Kelsay said had Schroeder simply accepted the PAULA ticket and pleaded guilty to the charge, he would have only faced a $314 fine.

...

Bakerdjis, of 302 S. Gilbert St., No. 1226, is charged with two counts of interference with official acts, assault on a peace officer, obstruct prosecution and second-degree robbery. Assault on a peace officer is a serious misdemeanor; obstruct prosecution is an aggravated misdemeanor; second-degree robbery is a class C felony.

Fabinski, of 201 E. Burlington St., No. 1531, was charged with public intoxication, two counts of interference with official acts, obstruct prosecution and second-degree robbery. One of the interference with official acts charges is a serious misdemeanor.

Gives New Meaning To "Room Service"

You don't expect to see the news story of the year in February, but it's going to be tough to top this:

A judge has denied an Iowa man's claim that he shouldn't have been fired for repeatedly requesting help to procure a prostitute.

Neil Jorgensen, 62, of Kalona, worked at Riverside Casino & Golf Resort and was given a gift certificate and free night's stay at the casino hotel to mark a year's employment.

After eating and drinking at a casino restaurant, he returned to his hotel room about midnight and later called hotel managers about hiring a prostitute. When managers refused to help him, he made a call to the adjacent resort and made the same request.

"The advertisement is that it's just like Las Vegas, so I thought I was in Las Vegas," Jorgensen testified at a hearing regarding his request for unemployment benefits.

Hotel workers were sent to Jorgensen's room to ask him to stop demanding prostitutes. When they arrived at his room, Jorgensen answered the door in the nude, human resources director Tim Donovan said.

Jorgensen was fired the next day.

At the hearing, Jorgensen said his actions didn't hurt the casino, and he said he'd received strong performance reviews. He also blamed the restaurant for serving him too much alcohol.

"I was absolutely plowed," he said.

Administrative Law Judge Terence Nice turned down Jorgensen's claim for unemployment benefits.

Things You Don't Expect Rachel Ray To Say

"Once you're done, your balls will taste both sweet and spicy."

"You need a small bowl like this for the dipping sauce for your balls."

"Your balls will be a big hit at parties."

"Or just serve your balls on a nice bed of stir-fry vegetables."

"Hold on a second while I take a quick look at these balls."

"Don't mess with your balls a lot; just let them hang out."

Police Charge Man Hit By Train With Vandalism

From the Press-Citizen:

Iowa City Police filed charges Thursday against an Iowa City man who was struck by a train in September.

Officers found Shane Michael Stange, 20, under the lead engine of the train when they arrived at the scene Sept. 9. After being extracted, Stange allegedly told officers he had fallen asleep on the tracks when walking home. However, crew members from the train said that when they spotted Stange lying on the tracks, they sounded their horn and he looked up but refused to move. The 9,200-ton train had to make an emergency stop but still struck Stange, causing minor injuries.

Police said Stange had a strong odor of alcohol and slurred his speech when officers spoke to him about the incident. Stange was not charged at the time and instead was taken to the hospital for treatment. On Dec. 17, an officer involved with the incident completed charges for public intoxication and seventh-degree railroad vandalism and a warrant was issued. (Emphasis added.)

Okay. I get the public intox. But vandalism? Because he didn't move when he heard the train whistle?

Fun With Commercials

Saw a very bizarre commercial this evening. It opens with six older men in a shack, a band of some sort, playing a song. It didn't register at first, but after a few lyrics I knew it was Viva Las Vegas. Well, the bastardized version of Viva Las Vegas that Viagra is using as it's theme song. Six guys, singing the praises of Viagra, without a woman in sight. In fact, there weren't any women that appeared at any time in the commercial. Just six men, singing the praises of Viagra.

Not that there's anything wrong with it...

Even More Admissions You Don't Expect Rachel Ray To Make

"I've got a pound of sweet sausage ready to go."

So do I, Rachel Ray.

So

do

I.

This?

Is *bleep*in hilarious



(Via several sources)

More Admissions You Don't Expect Rachel Ray To Make

"A pound and a half of kielbasa will feed a lot of hungry women."

"You can either try to find a kielbasa this big or get two smaller kielbasas, but either way, make sure they have a casing covering them."

"Most of the big appetites in my family belong to the women, but sometimes my brother can keep up with us."

Admissions You Don't Expect Rachel Ray To Make

From tonight's 30 Minute Meals:

"If you're like my husband, and you love the taste of dark meat..."

Wha????