An Open Letter To The Woman Sweeping At The Tanger Outlet McDonald's This Afternoon

You know, the thing that really ticked me off wasn't when you asked if my grandson and I were having a fun afternoon. While I don't think it's particularly exceptional, I know it is probably out of the ordinary for a 48-year old man to have a five-year old son. And there is certainly a ton of gray in my goatee and what there is of my hair. I wasn't pleased, mind you, but that isn't what really ticked me off. What really ticked me off is the fact that, after I icily said "He's my son" (and yes, it was icily) you didn't apologize and disappear. In fact, you stayed, without apology, and tried to engage us in conversation.

Now, I realize that McDonald's doesn't really pay you friendly grandmother types to sweep the floor. You're there to be friendly, to make sure the customers are enjoying their individual McDonaldland experience. So engaging people in conversation is your real job. However, an important component of that job is realizing that there are some people who do not want to be engaged in conversation, particularly after you've semi-insulted them. I'm personally content sharing my McDonaldland experience only with my son, thank you, and don't feel the need to discuss the weather or the meal or our day with a total stranger. That you weren't able to figure this out, even after I replied to your offer to get us anything else with a dismissive "No thanks, we don't need anything from you" (and yes, it was dismissive), that you still tried to engage us in conversation after that, would suggest that you aren't that good at your job. So next time we come in, think twice about coming up to engage us in conversation.

Thanks

Glen and Gary and Glen and Ross

It's funny, but what might be the most famous scene from Glengarry Glen Ross isn't a part of the stage show. Mamet added the Alec Baldwin character specifically for the movie, and it ended up being the scene everyone remembers. Here's a nice little (NSFW) send-up (link via Ken Levine.)



Directing this show for Dreamwell is easily among my list of favorite things I've done in the theatre. (The only thing I would rank higher was acting as Mr. Peachum in Threepenny. Being Elwood Dodd in Harvey rounds out my top three.) The cast was great, a true all-star team, and it was a blast to work with them and watch them and help them (not that they needed it). Here's a link to some photos from the production.

Happy Birthday E!

The cutest little boy in the world turned five today. Hard to believe it's been five years - seems like only yesterday he was born. To think that if he had been born a month earlier, he would have started school this year. Here are some recent photos, courtesy the Canon A630 (everyone should have one!).

Okay, blogger is apparently having a problem with uploading images right now. So I'll get those later. In the meantime, it's enough to post to say

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ETHAN!

One Restaurant I Will No Longer Patronize

Local tenderloin joint shut down due to roach infestation. Film at eleven, story at the PC.

You know, I can understand that this is probably the death-knell for Joensy's, but this is funny nonetheless:

Joens initially denied his restaurant had roaches, according to the report. Weber pointed out live roaches to which Brian Joens said he could not see them, according to the report. It wasn't until a box was moved and several roaches scrambled down the wall the Joens admitted to seeing them, the report stated.

"Roaches? We ain't got no roaches here!" pause "Oh, those roaches!"

Dog Costume Time!

Fall is in the air. The autumnal equinox is almost upon us. Football season is underway. The leaves are turning, and Halloween is just around the corner. And we all know what that means - dog costumes! Dog costumes are among the finer forms of comedy. Here we have a dog that was apparently eaten by Big Bird.

Of course, eaten by Big Bird is a better fate than what Bert is seemingly doing to this dog.

Moving on from Sesame Street, let's look at the Star Wars selections. Yoda and Leia are annual classics - and look how happy those pups are!

Dog costume fever - catch it!

Is Clumsiness Inherited?

I was going to post on how one of the aspects of parenthood no one mentions is the way you start to see the potential in every single thing on the planet to maim or kill your child in some freakish accident. In trying to put together these thoughts, something occurred to me. See, I've had more than my fair share of freakish accidents in which I found some way to main myself. I put a hand through a screen door once, cutting it up pretty badly. I jumped onto a picnic table, slipped, and hit a nail that punctured my cheek. Once, while recreating Mt. Rushmore on a pile of dirt in the front yard, I slipped and cut my knee on a piece of metal the street workers had left. Those, and more, all happened before I had reached high school.

These incidents have carried on into adulthood. I've had cuts, bruises, burns, broken bones. I've had stitches and casts. I almost choked to death in a restaurant kitchen when I was refilling a water softener and my tie got in the way of the rush of softener salt. And let's not get started on things that could have proved dangerous but somehow didn't. Like the time in high school when a group of us tried to see who could get the best-looking stunt man roll of the hood of a (slowly) moving car. My oldest nephew actually broke some bones doing that.

So maybe it isn't that those worries are an aspect of parenthood for anyone. Maybe I'm just worried that E will turn out to be as accident-prone as myself. Here's hoping he isn't.

Congrats

Congrats to Colleen Coover and Paul Tobin, who recently got married in Portland, Oregon. Regular customers at Daydreams Comics, here in Iowa City, will recognize the couple as former Daydreams workers. What you might not know is that both of them have been doing work recently for Marvel. Colleen has drawn back-up stories in X-Men First Class, Paul has written some pieces for Spider-Man Family, and the two have a story written by Paul and drawn by Colleen coming up in October's Spider-Man Family. You two probably don't know me as Dweeze, but you might remember me as David. Congrats on the wedding and the career!

Linkage Tweakage

Did some major linkage updates - one thing I want to point out and the rest you can explore on your own, IF YOU DARE!

Sorry. Got carried away. Anyway, a new link I want to point out. Matt's started a blog devoted to the Iowa City theatre scene called, appropriately enough, The Iowa City Theatre Blog. I'll be posting there from time to time.

I Am Such A Geek

The Iron Man trailer, debuting May 2, 2008



Downey looks absolutely perfect. It's brilliant casting.

You Tube Fun: Robot Chicken Star Wars Edition

"Who's they? What the hell is an aluminum falcon?....Do you have any idea what this is going to do to my credit?"

You Tube Fun: Pick 'Em Edition

A



Or B?



A



Or B?



A



Or B?



The correct answers are:

A, B, A

My New Toy

When I was working my temp assignment, one of my old co-workers had just returned from vacation in Colorado. Prior to going, he had purchased a new digital camera at a shop in Cedar Rapids. He was quite taken with the camera, and had some great pictures. The kicker was, the camera was very reasonably priced. So, the day Ethan was scheduled to come back, I went up to the shop in Cedar Rapids and picked one up for myself. Camera (an 8-pixel Canon A-630 Powershot), 2 G memory card, and case were $300. Well, actually, $300.59.

So far, I'm loving the camera. Here's some shots I took this afternoon at the Family Fun Night at Coral Ridge Mall.

And we'll see if this uploads, but the camera even takes digital video. (Note: The video was huge - 37 M - and after an hour of trying to get it to load, I gave up. But it looks great.)

Grand Theft Doggo

It's amazing how far video games have come. I mean, look at this old Atari cartridge I found lying around the house.

(Made with the Atari label maker. H/t to Dave's Long Box.)

More Open Letters

To The Lady In The Silver Gray Corolla In Front Of Me At The 965-Commerce Drive Intersection:

If the light turns yellow and the rear tires of your car are already in the intersection, you don't have to stop. Indeed, at that point it's probably for the best that you keep going forward, because the person behind you waiting at the light has probably A: seen the light turn yellow, B: seen your car in the intersection, C: assumed that you weren't some sort of idiot who was going to hit the brakes and back up out of the intersection and therefore D: gunned it in order to make it through the yellow light, thus resulting in a near collision.

Thanks

The Guy Who Almost Rammed Your Car This Afternoon

Even More Admissions You Don't Expect Rachel Ray To Make

"I've got a pound of sweet sausage ready to go."

So do I, Rachel Ray.

So

do

I.

Why?

My son is now in the "Why?' stage of life. Almost everything he gets told is responded to with a "Why?" It's an interesting stage. On the one hand, it's an opportunity to educate, to inform, to teach. On the other, it's incredibly annoying. Plus, after you've said that the sun is hot because it's a flaming ball of gas, there really isn't a satisfactory answer to the question "Why is the sun a ball of gas?" other than "Because". Still, it's nice to be regarded as someone who knows everything, because I know it won't be long until I'm regarded as someone who knows nothing.

Where's The Beef? In MY Pants!

Man arrested after trying to shoplift two steaks from John's Grocery by stuffing the steaks down his pants. Film at eleven, story in the Press Citizen.

Iowa City police arrested a man Thursday after trying to steal two Angus ribeye steaks from the meat cooler at John's Grocery at 401 E. College St.

But the defendant, Earl Scott Surette, 47, of North Liberty didn't just try to walk out with the steaks. According to police, an employee at John's saw Surette stick the two steaks down his pants and walk out the front door without paying.

...

Police reports state Surette had red, bloodshot and watery eyes, slurred speech and smelled of alcohol. He also had an open container of alcohol and "directed profanity at officers." The police report also states Surette had "problems with judgment."

Problems with judgment. Good thing that's not a crime.

So Where Were We Part Deux

Okay, I'm pushing violating my own "You must post at least once a month" rule, and I'm sure we're all tired of that You Tube post by now. So where were we?

Oh yeah, I had just been punted from my job. What have you been doing since then, Dweeze, you're all wondering. My, you're a nosy bunch. But I'll tell you anyway.

As for the job search - well, let's call it more of a job scan. I haven't really put much effort into it yet, for a variety of reasons. I did just finish (last Friday) a temporary assignment at my old employer. It wasn't in the department I was in when I got canned, but the department I was in 10 years ago. It was strange doing work I used to do, work I was good at though didn't really love. It was also strange working with people I worked with a decade ago. Indeed, aside from three people who were new, everyone else was still there from when I was there last. That struck me, and continues to strike me, as rather bizarre. It's an operations department, the people are all very smart, and only a few have left for greener pastures. The rest have stayed.

It was very nice and yet very wierd. It was nice because it offered me some small shred of dignity after getting tossed out unceremoniously after 15 years. Nice because of the number of people who stopped me to tell me how shocked they had been that I got let go. I got told several times that "If you could get re-organized out, no one is safe." Very nice words to hear. It was weird, in addition to the situation described above, because I feld sadder leaving last Friday than I did the day I was canned, and I feel emptier today than I did the first day after I got canned. I'd say it was because this time I don't think I'll ever be back, but I didn't think I would ever be back last time. No, it's because when I left last time I was in shock, and I stayed in shock for a week or so. No shock this time. Just the sensation of being unemployed.

Still, it has it's benefits. Chief among them is the fact that later today I will see Ethan for the first time since March. He'll be here for a few months, and me not working means I can spend much more time with him than I could if I were employed. So that's a benefit, and I'm sure I'll have more to say about it later.

Another benefit has come healthwise. I was going to make this another post, but that was a couple of months ago. Shortly before I was let go, I had finally decided to go to the doctor. I hate going to the doctor, but I was having pains in the chestal area, and I don't want to ever catch Landru in the "Major Cardiac Event" category. This, however, wasn't enough to get me to go to the doctor. The tipping point came during AED-Defibrulator training, when I realized that I didn't want to be a statistic. The doctor did an EKG, and the heart was normal. No worries there. My weight, on the other hand, as well as my blood sugar, cholesterol, and blood pressure, were extremely high.

I've been put on medication for the blood pressure and cholesterol and I'm watching the diet and exercising for the blood sugar and weight. I'm down over 20 pounds in two months time, and the blood pressure has dropped considerably as well. As much as I want to credit what I've done, it's more what I haven't done - without vending machines to go to, I go all day without snacking. I briefly shot up the first week of the temp assignment, then forced myself into a strict no-sweets policy during the day, and I'm back almost to where I was when I began the assignment. So that's a positive. I had been at 283, I had gotten to 258, and right now I'm at 262. My goal by the end of the year is 220. Ambitious, yes, but worth it if I can get there. For one thing, those chest pains? Gone. I don't know if it was related to carrying the extra weight around, but they're gone.

One other positive thing. The casino in Riverside is having a $100,000 guarantee tournament Labor Day weekend. Seats are $600, or you can win a seat in a $30 qualifier tournament. Guess who won a seat? Yep. There were over 70 people in the tourney, 6 people won seats, and I was one of them. Later that week I went to a cash tourney, made the final table, took tenth place, and won $65 from a $30 entry. In three trips, to three different tourneys, I've made the final table twice. Not bad if I do say so myself.

Anyway, that makes for a nice catch-up post. I'll do my best to keep posting. Or posting more regularly. Or keeping regular. Something like that.

You Tube Fun: Derek and the Dominos Edition

From one of the best albums of all time, Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs, from one of the best supergroups of all time.

Bell Bottom Blues



Why Does Love Got To Be So Sad?



and, of course, Layla



Special Derek and the Dominos related bonus song:

So Where Were We?

Oh yeah. I lost my job.

Last Wednesday I got reorganized out of my position. I'm getting a very nice severance package - almost 15 weeks - plus full benefits during that time. It came as a shock - I was told at 2:00 pm that I had to be out by the end of the day. I was repeatedly reassured that it had nothing to do with job performance, that my job functions were being absorbed elsewhere. Still, though, it would be more understandable if it were performance-related. I mean, I gave 15 years of what, in the balance, can only be called very high-quality service to the company, and I get dumped without warning with a two hour window to get out? That's a shock. I wasn't even given a chance to try to find another position, even though I was assured that I was welcome to apply to get back into the company. On the other hand, who would want to return to a company that punted them that unceremoniously?

So, I find myself at a crossroads. No, not this crossroads.



Or this one



Or even this one



But a crossroads in my life as to what to do next. Fifteen weeks of severance means I'm not in a rush to find something, though if I could, it would mean double income for awhile. And that's always nice. And I haven't had a vacation in forever, so I've been taking it easy the past few days. But the hunt for the next phase of my life needs to begin in earnest soon. Yes, I'm waiting for my real life to begin.



I'm not ruling out anything, including moving to try to put our family back together in what would probably be our last chance of making things work. So if anyone has any suggestions, feel free to pass them on. In the meantime, as you can tell if you read the post below, I'm making nice headway on my "to be read" pile.

Coming Soon in the next installment of "So Where Were We?": Dweeze goes to the doctor and finds out he has high blood pressure, elevated cholesterol, and a troublesome blood sugar level.