Linkage and Contests and Games, Oh My!

I’ve played around a little with the linkage. Added some, dropped others, added a new category – Games and Other Contests. This was prompted by a Press-Citizen article yesterday about a new predictive market established by some City High grads. The market, Media Predict, is run much like the granddaddy of all online predictive markets, the Hollywood Stock Exchange. Upon registering, you are given $5,000 in play money to purchase stocks in future media events. These include whether or not certain artists will receive record deals, whether or not certain books will be optioned, and whether or not a movie will gross a certain amount opening weekend. I’ve opened an account, and would love to have anyone join me who is interested. I’d also love to get a group of folks starting Hollywood Stock Exchange accounts at the same time. Who's with me?

My Friend Ethan and His Friend Andrew (And Their Friend the Kite)

You Tube Fun - Various Songs Edition

Big Head Todd and the Monsters – Bittersweet



Northern Pikes – She Ain’t Pretty



Wang Chung – Everybody Have Fun Tonight



Blind Melon - No Rain

Open Letter To The Guy Driving The Combine Down Highway 6 This Morning

Maybe, just maybe, 8:00 am is not the best time to be driving a big-ass piece of farm equipment with the max speed of about 20mph down a major secondary road. Maybe.

Dweeze

Big Butts Pirates of Penzance

This, via TBogg, is absolute genius

My Friend Ethan and His Friend Aramis

You Tube Fun - TV Musical Edition: Scrubs

Welcome To Sacred Heart



Everything Comes Down To Poo




We’re Going To Miss You, Carla



10,000 Things I Hate About You



You’ll Have To Face The Future



Guy Love



Dominican



Friends Forever/You’re Going To Be Okay

On The Double Pizza Burger In The Vending Machine

Oh double pizza burger
Tasty little minx
It’s only 8:00 am
But I cannot pass you by

My Friend Ethan and His Friends Rupert and Ariel

Man, he's gone two months and he shoots up like a tree.

Walking Rupert

Feeding Ariel

You Tube Fun - TV Musical Edition: Buffy

I’ve Got A Theory



“What’s with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?”

I’ll Never Tell



Walk Through The Fire



Something To Sing About



Where Do We Go From Here

You Tube Fun - Joe Jackson Edition

Steppin Out



Breaking Us In Two



It’s Different For Girls



You Can’t Get What You Want (Til You Know What You Want)



And the quality is bad, but a Joe Jackson You Tube would not be complete without

Is She Really Going Out With Him?

My Friend Ethan and His Friend Spider-Man

More Admissions You Don't Expect Rachel Ray To Make

"A pound and a half of kielbasa will feed a lot of hungry women."

"You can either try to find a kielbasa this big or get two smaller kielbasas, but either way, make sure they have a casing covering them."

"Most of the big appetites in my family belong to the women, but sometimes my brother can keep up with us."

Boobs In The News!

Side Notes is back blogging, and she has this link to a story from England.

Woman 'sprayed cop with breast milk'

An 18-year-old woman is due in court today accused of assaulting a police officer with breast milk. Felicha Marin, of Palmerston Road, in Acton, was charged with shoplifting and assault after being arrested on March 29.

It is alleged she was detained for trying to steal shoes from Lizard, in Hill Street, Richmond. After being arrested for theft she sprayed an officer with milk from her right breast. She is due to appear before at Richmond Magistrates' Court today.

So many questions. First off, does this mean The Benny Hill Show was a documentary? What made her think this would work? Wouldn’t you have to have great aim to succeed? Does she practice a lot when she’s alone? Will competitive target breast milk spraying be a new Olympic sport? So many questions, so few answers.

It's Bohemian Rhapsody Monday!

And now, a very special message from He-Man

You Tube Fun Bonus: People I Know In Movies Edition

A trailer and two short films starring the extremely-talented Greenman.

Count On Me trailer



Punch In



Truth Spoken

You Tube Fun Bonus - Funny Stuff

From Beaucoupkevin, via Kung Fu Monkey, the Die Hard song:



And drunk monkeys. Because if monkeys make everything better (and they do - don't try to argue the point), then drunk monkeys make everything FANTASTIC!

Great Moments In Stupidity

I don’t have the skill set to diagnose someone’s mental condition, but what the hell was this guy thinking?

University of Iowa police took a student into custody for questioning Thursday after he wore a ski mask to class at Macbride Hall and placed UI officials on alert for the second time this week.

According to a UI news release: It was about noon when a student entered Macbride Auditorium wearing a hooded jacket. He sat down and removed the hood but left the ski mask on. Another student called police.

So, a week and a half after a shooting spree on a college campus, you decide to go into a large lecture hall wearing a ski mask that covers your face and refuse to take it off? That’s not going to freak anyone, nope, not at all.

You Tube Fun - Dire Straits

Romeo and Juliet



Sultans of Swing



Tunnel of Love



Industrial Disease

Lewis Black Is Coming To Hancher!

Lewis Black is coming to Hancher!

An Open Letter To The Chick-Fil-A Employee Working The Register Closest To Panda Express Around 1:00 P.M. On Wednesday, April 25, 2007

I don’t know this for a fact, but I don’t believe the woman standing in line in front of me wanted to discuss the last haircut you got for five minutes before you took her order. Yes, she was wearing the uniform from one of the mall’s hair styling salons, but rather than signaling that she wanted to discuss the last haircut you got, to me that would have signaled that she didn’t want a conversation having anything to do with hair on her lunch break. And you know what, you could have thanked me when I gave you the dollar back after you handed me two fives, a one, and three quarters and said “Your change is $10.75.” Finally, I apologize for getting a touch testy when you handed me a small coke instead of a large coke and then tried to cover up for it by saying “That’s the size coke you get with a regular combo”, but I really wasn’t willing to overlook that statement particularly because you had just told me my order took so long because of the large fries I requested with the jumbo-sized combo. I almost said something to your manager, because he was standing right beside me out front restocking napkins and ketchup, but I figured I didn’t have to after he looked at me, rolled his eyes, and shook his head when your response to my statement that I had paid for the king-size combo was “Oh. That’s right.” You tried to blame your overall ineptitude on somebody's order fifteen minutes prior to my visit - "I'm sorry," you said, "but I've been flustered ever since that guy wanted cheese on his sandwich" - but I'm betting flustered is probably the way you go through life, not a one-time thing.

Dweeze

Things About eBayers I Don’t Understand

I don’t understand why, when there are several identical items up for auction like, oh, let’s say the Cars Diecast Movie Moments Two-Pack with Sarge and Fillmore, and those items are listed at an identical price, with identical shipping costs, and nearly with identical ending times as if, oh, say, they were all listed by the same seller at roughly the same time, why, given that, would someone bid on the item someone else has already bid on instead of one of the other items that no one has bid on?

Admissions You Don't Expect Rachel Ray To Make

From tonight's 30 Minute Meals:

"If you're like my husband, and you love the taste of dark meat..."

Wha????

Excuse Me

Pardon me if I step on some toes.

Yesterday, some members of the sports blogosphere decided to change the blog highlights to the colors of Virginia Tech. They did this, so they said, to honor the dead and to show support for the living. They did this to proclaim, as one blog said, that while they may have gone to different colleges, for yesterday, they were Hokies.

Uhm, no.

Now, I'm not feeling all that fond of the sports blogosphere lately anyway. There's only so much overt homophobia, implicit misogyny, and implied racism one intelligent adult can take. But this particular gesture struck me as even more, well, crass than the sports blogosphere usually is. And believe me, that's awfully crass.

Don't get me wrong - I have nothing but sympathy for those who were directly or indirectly affected by Monday's events. But the 32 people murdered on Monday weren't the only people murdered last week. They weren't the only people who died last week. They weren't the only victims of a horrendous act last week. Further, the others who died last week were no less worthy of being honored, their families no less in need of support, then those at Virginia Tech. So where's the show of solidarity for those folks? Where's the proud proclamations on their behalf?

That's why I find the gesture so crass. When your only connection is tangential at best - "Hey! I'm in college too!" or "Hey! I'm a human being too!" - it's not about supporting or honoring. It's about co-opting the grief of others to show how wonderful you yourself are. It's about proclaiming to the world that "I am a good, kind, caring person." It's self-serving, not supportive, and it's offensive.

You Tube Fun - Social Commentary Edition

I Don’t Like Mondays – Boomtown Rats



Your Flag Decal Won’t Get You Into Heaven Anymore – John Prine



Fortunate Son – John Fogerty



I Feel Like I’m Fixin’ To Die Rag – Country Joe McDonald and the Fish

You Tube Fun Palette Cleaner

I'm sorry you all had to see that last post, but SOMEONE WAS ASKING FOR IT!!! As you all should know by now, my You Tube Fu is strong.

And now, a little something to cleanse the palatte

Bonus Mid-Week Cheesy You Tube Fun

Not

My Friend Ethan and His Friends The Horses

The Never-Ending Pool

So, I'm flipping channels this afternoon, and briefly land on a commercial for the Never Ending Pool. This is a pool with a huge pump that constantly forces water at you, making you continually swim forward or else get pushed to the end of the pool. You can swim laps forever, never hitting the end of the pool. Unless, of course, you are Prince Namor, the Sub-Mariner.


Prince Namor scoffs at your never-ending pool

I'm just about to switch to another station when, in the middle of the testimonials, a woman says
"It's just like having a treadmill in your basement!"

The hell?

A 15-foot, $5,000 swimming pool is just like having a treadmill? Except for the whole, well, almost $5,000 cheaper and staying dry thing, maybe. Maybe.

I mean, is that really the pitch that's going to convince a skeptical buyer that the never-ending pool is for them? "Well, I was doubtful, but, man, if it's just like that treadmill I could buy for a couple hundred, I'm in!"

I went into the wrong field.

You Tube Fun - Steve Earle

Copperhead Road



Hard-Core Troubadour



Jerusalem



I Ain’t Never Satisfied

RIP, Kurt Vonnegut

Kurt Vonnegut - great writer associated with the Iowa Writer’s Workshop or the greatest writer associated with the Iowa Writer’s Workshop?

Certainly right up there among the other former faculty members – also in the conversation would be John Cheever and Philip Roth. However, everyone knows, or at least it used to be that everyone knows (knew?), exactly where the Vonnegut house was on the north side of Iowa City. I have no idea where Roth or Cheever used to live.

Expanding the conversation to people who attended the Writer’s Workshop, you’ve got Raymond Carver, John Irving (who does a hell of a book read, if you ever get the chance), and Flannery O’Connor who can be included in the same conversation as Vonnegut. Much as I might like T. Coraghessan Boyle or W.P. Kinsella, I can’t toss them in there. Same with Jane Smiley.

So that leaves Cheever, Roth, Carver, Irving, and O’Connor as people associated with the Writer’s Workshop in the same league as Vonnegut. I think you have to hand Kurt the title of greatest writer associated with the Iowa Writer’s Workshop. In fact, if it weren’t for a guy by the name of Tennessee Williams, you’d have to give him the title of greatest writer associated with the University of Iowa. But I’m gonna give that one to Mr. Williams.

RIP, Kurt.

Snow and Global Warming

As Matt points out, snow at this time of year allows those who are so inclined to say “Global warming? See, there’s no such thing as global warming!” The problem is, at least with regards to this, is that global warming is the name of the phenomena, not the results of the phenomena. Global warming refers to the fact that the base temperature of the planet has gradually (or not so gradually, in the overall scheme of things) increasing over time.

Now, this is something that is not in dispute. The base temperature of the planet has been gradually (or not so gradually, in the overall scheme of things) increasing. Check out this graph.

Sorry. Let’s try that again. Check out this graph.

You can argue the cause of this increase, you can argue the results of this increase. But you can’t argue that the base temperature of the planet has been gradually (or not so gradually, in the overall scheme of things) increasing. Global warming is a given.

Still, because people want to ignore that we as humans could be the primary cause of the increase, or that we as humans can’t do anything to reverse the trend, people will pick up on the name of the phenomena and try to belittle any way they can. Snow in April? Guess that proves there’s no such thing as global warming! (Of course, to go that route one must ignore the fact that we didn’t get any measurable snow until the last week in January, and ignore the fact that there were days in April colder than it was on Christmas or New Year’s. But the ability to ignore facts is one of the strengths of the “there’s no such thing as global warming” crowd, so this shouldn’t be a problem.) But how do we get around this problem?

I propose a simple solution. Instead of referring to it by a name that is a description of the phenomena taking place, global warming, let’s call it Freaky-As-Shit Weather Patterns Caused By An Increase In The Planet’s Base Temperature! That way, we’re describing the result, not the phenomena, and we make it a lot tougher for the anti-science crowd to dismiss.

You’re welcome.

On The Radio

Despite the fact that the new BMW (and it’s hard to call a 1990 vehicle new, believe me) came with a six-CD changer, I indulged myself and purchased an XM receiver. It came with both a car deck and a home deck, so that I can use it in both. Best Buy installed the car deck, and it works wonderfully.

The deck has 30 presets, though I have been using only ten. I’ve mapped out all the presets I want to use, however, and will get them established. One of my favorite presets is Channel 12, X Country, the home of Alt Country (or Progressive Country or Americana, whichever name you prefer).

(My second favorite preset is Channel 7, XM 70s. It’s like a radio station straight from my junior high, high school, and college days. It’s great to hear the songs I loved from those days; it’s even fun to hear songs I hated. For instance, I couldn’t stand BTO – Bachman Turner Overdrive – back in the day. Now, I find myself singing along with Takin’ Care Of Business or You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet if they come on, proving the old adage, it might be crap, but it’s my crap.)

Anyway, I’m driving home yesterday and hit the preset for Channel 12, where I am treated to the Ricky Skaggs-Bruce Hornsby bluegrass version of (wait for it)

Rick James’ Super Freak

(Listen to a snippet here.) This immediately becomes the second best bluegrass version of a funk/hip hop song, the best being, the Gourds’ version of Snoop Dogg’s Gin and Juice. Which I tried, but failed, to insert into this post. It failed because the link where the song was changed everytime, which mean the link I was directing the MP3 player to was never right after first usage. If I can figure it out, I'll re-edit.

Snow

Snow? SNOW? SNOW!!!!!

Just when you think winter's gone, they drag it back in. Oh well, at least the effect of having snow on fresh, green grass is really pretty. But still.

SNOW!!!!!

You Tube Fun Extra - Dire Straits

Twisting By The Pool

Gas For Life And Other Prizes

I was gassing up the other day – the car, not me – and noticed that B “You’ll always be Amoco to me” P is giving away gas for life. I got to reading the fine print, because I’m a fine print reading kind of guy, and noticed that they are defining gas for life as approximately $95,000 over 35 years. Now, my first thought was that $95,000 over 35 years wasn’t bad – roughly $2,700 a year, or $52 a week. My next thought was that 35 years is hardly a life, until I considered that, at 47, 35 years would put me at 82, and if I’m still around and driving at the age of 82, I wouldn’t be upset that my free gas was running out.

Along those lines, the Chick-Fil-A opening at Coral Ridge Mall on April 19th will give free food for a year to the first 100 customers they get next week. Chick-Fil-A defines free food for a year as one combo meal a week for 52 weeks. They will begin forming the line on Wednesday, April 18th, at 7:30 am.

Now, I am fond of Chick-Fil-A. I was very happy to see one was going to be opening. But waiting a day and a half for one combo meal a week for 52 weeks? Not me. That’s not who I am; that’s not how I roll.

Bonus You Tube Fun - Alanis Morissette Covers My Humps

You Tube Fun - Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse (h/t to Occasional Superheroine)

Rehab



Back To Black



You Know I’m No Good

Me And Mr. Jones

My Friend Ethan and His Brother Andrew

I love the "Dude! I'm trying to eat my pizza!" expression on Ethan's face.

More Tuesday Fun

Lawyerbear. He’s a bear and an attorney.

Tuesday Funny

Via Kung Fu Monkey, the email inbox of the worst Star Wars engineer. Here’s a sample:

Subject: Trash Compactor
From: Death Star Detention Level Janitor oldroscoe@empiremail.com
Date: A Long Time Ago 7:46 PM
To: Nardo Pace npace@empiremail.com

Hey, kid. That trash compactor you designed is up and running and I've got to say it looks great. Lots of grime, a magnetically sealed hatch that can't be opened from the inside, a tentacled garbage creature that practically serves no purpose at all. It's got everything a salty old janitor could ever want.

One thing, though. It takes an awful long time to flatten garbage. I'm talking a minute or more, depending on how many flimsy poles I toss in there. If our capital ships can boogie at faster than light speeds, why can't we make a few walls slide toward one another at a speed that outpaces a Hutt's leisurely stroll?

Republican Profiles In Courage

I’ve been avoiding politics lately because, well, there are so many others who do it better. Why repeat what everyone else is saying? Still, sometimes, something comes up that is so perfect in its absurdity that you have to comment.

Case in point: Last week, Senator John McCain (R-Pandering) declared that the recent troop surge was a success and told radio host and degenerate gambler William Bennett (R-Hypocrisy) that there are neighborhoods in Baghdad where “you and I could walk” today. McCain took quite a beating for those comments, and to prove his detractors wrong, he went to Baghdad and took a walk yesterday, afterwards stating at a press conference that his visit was proof that you could walk freely in some areas of Baghdad.

Here’s the thing. McCain was joined on his little stroll by 100 American soldiers, three Blackhawk helicopters, and two Apache gunships.

John. I’ve got some straight talk for you. (Ha. No one else will use that joke. And if they do, they owe me royalties!) If you need 10 soldiers and one helicopter to accompany you on a walk, you aren’t walking freely. If you need 100 soldiers and five helicopters, then you’re putting American lives at risk to prove a talking point that was immediately disproved by the fact that you needed 100 soldiers and five helicopters to make the walk.

He sure looked cute in the bulletproof vest, though.

Iowa Basketball: Part One - A New Hope

I'm an Iowan, a grad of the U of I, and a fan of Hawkeye athletics. As such, I am required by state law to have an opinion on the basketball coaching situation. Fortunately for all of my readers (both of my readers?), I do. Let's organize them into some nice groups, split them into several posts, and with any luck, I finish before a new coach is named. Let's start by discussing the man of the moment, Steve Alford.

One of the things you see said most often is that Alford caused a split among Hawkeye fans. He didn't. The split existed before he got here. It was a split between fans who liked Dr. Tom Davis, the previous coach, and those who wanted him gone, despite the fact that he was incredibly successful and a wonderful human being. These were the people who wanted a coach to take us to the next level, because competing for a Big Ten title every year, making a postseason tournament and winning a game or two every year, well, that just wasn't good enough. No, these fans wanted a different coach, and they were loud enough and vocal enough that they convinced the Athletic Director to give Dr. Tom his walking papers. Oh, sure, he was given one last year before he was forced out, but he was forced out, and the fans played the greatest role in that process. More on those fans later.

Enter Steve Alford. Alford was hired from a small school in a mid-major conference. In his four years there he had two teams that did well and two teams that didn't. He had never coached at a major college in a major conference. But a deep run in the NCAA tourney that year made him the hot coach, and everyone thought we were lucky to get him. Everyone including Alford. See, he was a cocky guy - always had been, going back to his playing days. But that's what we wanted, see, we wanted that cockiness, that swagger, because, well, because. These were things that were common knowledge about the man when we hired him.

But here's the thing. There's a very thin line between being cocky and being an arrogant prick, and guys who have had only a moderate level of success at a small college are going to have a lot to learn about coaching at a major college in a major conference. Which means that we had, in essence, hired an arrogant prick who had a lot to learn. Guess how well that went over, especially among fans who had regarded Alford as the savior come to lead us to the promised land.

Well, he didn't. Instead he came in and got off to a rough start among Iowa faithful. There's a litany of fan complaints - he never took responsibility for anything that went wrong, he blamed his players, he took all the credit, he didn't recruit well, he was a bad in-game coach, he rubbed people the wrong way with his attitude - and they are all accurate. At least they were all accurate with regards with his first few years here.

But there's this thing human beings do - they grow, they change, and Alford was no exception. He changed, he grew, and by the time he left last week most of those complaints were no longer valid, or at least were not valid to the extent to which they were when he first came here, because we all occasionally fall back on our old habits, no matter who we are. But the instances of the behavior fans complained about, that fans still complain about (check out some of the fan letters in today's Press-Citizen for examples, and keep that link handy, because we'll be coming back to it in Part Two), became fewer and farther between.

There was one complaint that didn't go away, however, the complaint that he rubbed people the wrong way. Now, I think it's fair to ask if people would have been so annoyed with him if the Alford we got the last four years had been the Alford we got the first four years. Personally, I don't think they would have been. But that's irrelevant speculation at best, because the fact of the matter is that by the time Alford left last week, there was a vast contingent of fans so thoroughly annoyed with the man that it didn't matter what future success he might have here, he was never going to be accepted.

Don't believe me? Then you're wrong. The aforementioned Dr. Tom had the sort of record many fans now claim is what they want most. Further, even his detractors regarded him as a genuinely nice human being. Yet it wasn't good enough. It wasn't the mythical next level. Alford, who these fans regard as Satan incarnate - well, maybe not Satan incarnate, but Lord knows, they don't like him - would not be given any breaks for anything. How do I know that? Because he wasn't given any this year.

Think back to our season last year - we contended for the Big Ten regular season title, we won the Big Ten tourney, we didn't lose a game at home, and we graduated two of the most popular players in recent history. If there was ever a coach who had earned himself a free pass for a year, it was Alford. And what did he do this year? He took a young and inexperienced team that was a preseason favorite to finish ninth in the Big Ten and finished in a tie for fourth. Fourth! His reward for finishing fourth? A de facto vote of no confidence from the Athletic Director and fan scorn.

So he left. Took another job. You can't really blame him for that. You can blame him, however, for his return to form that he had seemed to have shaken, for the potshots at the school and the program, for his "so long suckers" attitude in his departure. Tough to blame him entirely, though, because certainly many Iowa fans and media have earned that attitude. But that's better saved for another post.

(Yes, I know A New Hope is actually the title of what is now Star Wars 4. So sue me.) (I don't mean sue me literally - you'd have no grounds for any sort of court action.)

You Tube Fun - Dixie Chicks

Top Of The World



Lubbock Or Leave It



Godspeed



Goodbye Earl

You Know What's Weird?

You know what’s weird? Turning on MSNBC just before Countdown comes on, during the last few minutes of Hardball, and seeing a guy you went to law school with talking to Chris Matthews. Actually, “went to law school with” doesn’t go anywhere near far enough – there are plenty of people I went to law school with I never spoke with or knew personally. So let’s make that seeing a guy you went to law school with, a guy who was in your accelerated program class, a guy you went out drinking with fairly regularly, a guy who quarterbacked the flag football team you played on, a guy who came up with the idea of going to your ex-girlfriend’s house the night you broke up and demanding that she give the flowers you gave her to try to smooth things over back or at least reimburse you the cost of the flowers and was convincing enough about it that a bunch of you got in a car to go over and do it before deciding it was a bad idea after all, to see that guy, who is now, apparently, a fairly famous Democratic consultant, talking with Chris Matthews. That’s weird.

Cross-posted at DTV.

For Your Amusement

My Friend Ethan and His Friend Daddy

My Friend Ethan

Somewhere along the way, Ethan started referring to things as "My friend" as in "My friend Grandma" or "My friend Magic" (or "My friend Gunner", depending on which dog he was talking about) or my favorite, "My friend Daddy". Well, yesterday I left him and his mother at Midway airport in Chicago, after driving him in and spending a couple of days together as a family again. And now, I sit here trying not to cry, thinking about the fact that my friend Ethan is not with me, and I won't see him for another four months or so.

So much will change in that time, so many changes I won't see take place. In the last few weeks he had taken to opening his car door himself, and he could pull the seat belt all the way to the latch (though he wasn't able yet to figure out how to latch it). By the time I see him again he will be able to, and he won't need me to do that for him anymore, just as there are a dozen other things he doesn't need me to do for him anymore.

I miss him so much. It's amazing to feel both totally empty and yet filled with sorrow. I guess sorrow has no calories. I miss my little boy, who won't be quite so little the next time I see him. I miss how he affects others - as we were walking into a restaurant in Chicago a woman walking out saw him, smiled, and then said "He is going to break a lot of hearts when he grows up." I miss the fact that his favorite thing in the world was to jump on me, oftentimes catching me completly off-guard with a pounce on the stomach. I miss my friend Ethan. I miss my son Ethan.

I've been quiet the last couple of weeks as the time came to say goodbye for awhile. I'll probably be quiet for a few more as I readjust to things. (And it's not just me - as I started typing that sentence, I got a call from Lesa - Ethan was missing me and wanted to talk to me. And while he didn't talk, he did listen, and I talked and sang and made him smile. I tell ya, that kid and I are in tune with each other.) But just to prove I'll eventually be okay, I'll leave you with this:

You Tube Fun - Bruce Edition

Several Springsteen vids from a concert at the Hammersmith Odeon in 1975.

10th Avenue Freezeout



Spirits In The Night



Born To Run



She’s The One



and of course, Rosalita

Bribe, Scmibe

You know, part of me thinks this is funny.

Police took an Iowa City woman to jail for allegedly offering an officer a $17 bribe Wednesday morning.

While at the Summit Bar about 1:10 a.m., Iowa City Police said officers asked Amber Breanne Gordon, 19, of 801 Crosspark Ave. Apt 2B, for her ID. Gordon gave the officer the ID of another person, passing it off as her own, police said.

Gordon then asked if she could be let go with a warning, according to police reports. Police told her no, so then Gordon asked if she could give them money to let her go. Later, Gordon said she was "kind of joking" but said if the officer was "down," then she would pay, police said. Police said Gordon told the officer she had between $15 and $20. She actually had $17, police said.

Bribery is a class D felony punishable by up to five years in prison and a $7,500 fine. She also was cited for unlawful use of another's ID and possession of alcohol under the legal age.

She offered a bribe of $17 to make it go away, and she directly said she would give the money if the officer was “down”. She’s a moron. And who the fuck says “down”?

But then we get to this:

Iowa City Police Sgt. Troy Kelsay said he thinks attempted police bribes happen more frequently than what is charged.

"This is the way the officer decided to go," he said.

So, even though the cop had the discretion to do so, even though she was caught dead to rights on two other very serious charges, Officer Hardass decided to bust her on the bribery charge as well. What? Offended that the amount was too low? She may rank high on the moron scale, but Officer Fucktard ranks far higher on the asshole scale.

New Used Car

The replacement for the dead 1995 BMW 530i? A 1990 BMW 750i with fewer miles than the 1995 when we got it in 2002. It's in great, great condition - I had it checked out before purchasing, and the price was a reasonable $6,000. Let's face it - the only way I am ever going to afford a $70,000 car is to buy it when it's 17 years old.

The 7 series is a significantly bigger model than the old car, so those who rode in the old car, and who will probably ride in it again (I'm looking at you, Greenman) will have a lot more room. Which, considering the old car was fairly spacious, is saying a lot. It also has a huge engine - it's a frickin' 12-cylinder! It's also jet black, just like the old car, and has the same basic shape.

See ya on the road!

Don't Cry Over Spoilt Milk

Let me set the scene. Tuesday evening. I'm making supper for Ethan, Spongebob mac and cheese. I've boiled the mac and am getting ready to add the butter, milk, and processed cheese mix. There's a small amount of milk in one gallon at the front of the fridge. Ethan and I both usually drink water for supper, so that last bit has been there for awhile. I grab it, open it, take a quick swig, all without thinking. I'm swallowing before I realize it's sour.

I look at the expiration date, and it's over a week ago. It's too late to spit it out; it's already down. The taste will linger with me all night, staying with me past my supper, past ice cream, past brushing my teeth. It lingers with me til I get to sleep. But my first thought after drinking it stays with me as well: "I'm glad Ethan didn't taste that." And that, my friends, is to me the essence of parenthood. Being willing to drink the spoiled milk so your children don't have to.

Speaking Of Susanna Hoffs: You Tube Fun - Bangles Edition

Because you can never have enough Bangles. (Thanks to Landru for the inspiration.)

Walk Like An Egyptian



Live Walk Like An Egyptian



If She Knew What She Wants



Hazy Shade of Winter

You Say It's Your Birthday

I was doing some random Wiki reading on Pixar, and in the process tumbled onto the fact that there is a Wiki listing for births by year. Curious to see whether or not they listed me, I searched for 1959, then found the section for 1959 births. Sadly, no listing for Dweeze. There were names I knew I shared a birth year with: Bryan Adams, Rosanna Arquette, Rebecca De Mornay, Magic Johnson, Val Kilmer, John McEnroe, and Aidan Quinn among them. There were people I never knew I shared a birth year with but who I found it extremely cool to share a birth year with, people like Simon Cowell, Vincent D'Onofrio, Susanna Hoffs, Hugh Laurie, Keith Olbermann, David Hyde Pierce (that's uncanny, eh?), and Brian Seitzer. But there was one, extremely disturbing discovery I made there, and that was that I? Am older than Emeril. By 44 days, which means Emeril shares a birthdate with Ethan. Guess I need to teach him to say "Bam!"

I then proceeded on to the Wiki page for September 1, thinking maybe they had me listed there. I was familiar with many of the people born before me on September 1 - such folks as Edgar Rice Burroughs, Ann Richards, Lily Tomlin, Barry Gibb, and Gloria Estefan. There were others I didn't know, mostly born after me, like Clinton Portis, Zach Thomas, Jason Taylor, and notorious titfucker Brian Bellows. (Note: Language in video not safe for work, children, small animals, or people with common sense. H/T to Deadspin. If the video isn't playing, you can find it at Google Video here.)




However, I was dismayed to see several names sharing my birthday. Kenny Mayne is on there, and he actually shares my birthdate. Dr. Phil is a September 1 baby, as is Tim Hardaway. But the bad person to share a birthday with king is Mohammed Atta. I'm hoping I don't need to explain who he is; I imagine we're all familiar with his work. There's also not much farther you can go by way of making jokes after putting that fact out there, so if this post feels like it ends a bit abruptly, it's because it does end a bit abruptly.

Things You Don't Expect To See

I stopped at Target yesterday morning, after I dropped Ethan off at daycare. It was right after they had opened, and hardly any customers were in the store.

I was looking for a die cast Mater, from the movie Cars. Ethan already has one, but it’s disappeared someplace, and though we spent a good fifteen minutes last night looking for it, we couldn’t find it. I figured it would be much easier to buy a replacement, cause you really need two anyway, then spend more time tonight looking. You might call it laziness, but I call it a good use of $3.44. I also call it lazy.

So I headed back to toys, but before looking for the Cars cars, decided to look at action figures first. I did this because I always like to see what Toy Story toys are in stock. They are always coming out with new Buzz stuff, but hardly ever any new Woody toys. It’s Ethan’s favorite movie, but although he likes his Buzz Lightyears (of which he has, oh, ten or so different Buzz toys), he likes his Woody better.

Ladies…

So I like to go to the action figure aisle for that reason, and not to check out the Marvel Legends line of toys, and certainly not to see if they had the Marvel Legends Planet Hulk figure, which they did, and which was TEH AWESUM!!!!!

I’m standing there looking at Toy Story toys, and not, as I hope I made clear, TEH ABSOLUTELY AWESUM!!!!! Marvel Legends Planet Hulk figure, when I hear conversation coming from the next aisle. Because of the early hour, I assumed it was employees, until I caught this snippet of conversation.

Man One: So, what are you looking for?

Man Two: Hot Wheels 66 Camaro.

Man One: I thought you already had the ’66 Camaro?

Man Two: There’s a new paint variant.

Now, I know what the words “new paint variant” mean. It means there’s a new version of the collectable (toy) and for the true collector, new versions must be obtained. Kinda like the new Marvel Legends Planet Hulk action figure, but obviously not as AWESUM!!!!!

The conversation registers with me, but I don’t think twice about it. I’m a big time comic book collecting geek myself, and I am understanding and accepting of other people’s collecting geek natures. And face it, I’ve used the comic version of “paint variant” in serious conversation before.

I move out of the action figure aisle and start looking for the aisle where the Cars die cast cars are located. Coincidentally enough, or maybe obviously enough, they were in the same aisle as the Hot Wheels die cast cars, which just so happened to be the aisle from which the voices were emanating.

I turn down that aisle, and there, discussing Hot Wheels paint variants, were two men who can only be described as old and grizzly. They were straight out of a central casting prospector casting call. Mid-sixties, white hair and beards, ball caps, workman coats. These were the men talking about Hot Wheels paint variants.

But that’s not the good part. This is the good part.

I see several racks of Cars die cast cars. One of the old men has just set several packages of Hot Wheels on the shelf right in front of the Cars cars. When he sees me heading towards the racks, he immediately assumes I am making a move on his Hot Wheels, rushes to them, and snaps at me “These are mine!”

Yep. I got snarled at by a grizzled old man who was worried I was trying to take his toys. Is there any better way to start your day?

The other man laughs, dismissively says “He’s just looking at those movie cars”, and then laughs again. I say nothing, looking solely at the movie cars long enough to figure out they didn’t have what I wanted, then head out. But not before I hear one ask the other “You going to Wal-Mart next or getting breakfast?” and ascertaining that they do this every day new stock is put on the shelves which I completely understand, since every Wednesday much lunch time is taken up going down to Daydreams to pick up new comics.

So rock on, Hot Wheels collecting old man. Rock on.

Belated You Tube Fun

I forgot to do a You Tube post last Friday, so let’s consider this either a very late Friday You Tube or a double You Tube for this week.

You Tube is a wonderful place. I know it makes for easy blogging, but it’s nice to find the clips I like there, then post them here where I can access them easier. And did I mention it makes for easy blogging?

Dweeze Solves Problems

Apparently, VP Dick Cheney is making noises about taking steps to stop the resurgence of the Taliban in Afghanistan. Well, we are Corn’O’Copia are always anxious to help. So here is my simple three step plan to stop the resurgence of the Taliban.

Step One: Get a functioning time machine, go back to the summer of 2002.

Step Two: Scrap plans for invasion of Iraq.

Step Three: Get her to open the box. Wait, that’s something else. Forget that.

Step Three: Ramp up U.S. forces in Afghanistan.

See how easy that was? And not only did I stop the resurgence of the Taliban, a group that actually helped attack us, but I prevented the worst foreign policy disaster in our nation’s history, the invasion of a country that had nothing to do with the attacks on us and which posed no threat whatsoever to us. Further, aside from the time machine thing, it’s so simple, a child could do it!

Oh #&%*^

I saw my first ad of the 2008 presidential campaign tonight.

Let me repeat that for my non-Iowa readers.

My first ad of the 2008 presidential campaign.

That's right, less than four months after the 2006 mid-term elections, during which ads seemed to be nonstop, candidates are already airing ads in Iowa in anticipation of the 2008 caucuses.

Now I know there are those who decry the fact that Iowa and New Hampshire have the traditional opening rounds of the presidential election. I think there is a good argument for having those two states as the opening effort. But there is a drawback, aside from the sniping we get from other states, and that drawback is that

THE FIRST ADS OF THE 2008 CAMPAIGN ARE ALREADY FUCKING AIRING!!!!!

Our offender? Mitt Romney, who, though there was no chance in hell was getting my vote, is definitely crossed off the Dweeze list for airing

THE FIRST FUCKING AD OF THE 2008 CAMPAIGN IN FEBRUARY 2007!!!!!!

For Those Who Had 02/20/07 In The Pool

Britney checks into rehab.

I Want My DTV

DTV, the new blog, is now on the air.

Speaking of Buffy

Well, it wouldn’t be Friday without some You Tube fun, right? So let’s start out with a musical cat, courtesy of Daily Kos.



But this post mentioned Buffy, right? Right. It did. How observant of you. That’s because Sarah Michelle Geller appears near the very end of this next video. It’s a fun, fun little song by Bree Sharp called David Duchovny. This clip was supposedly made as a birthday present for Duchovny by the X-Files crew and other friends. There are a ton of celebrity cameos. The video transfer is bad, but the audio is okay and it’s worth watching.



The lyrics, in case you’re interested:

It's Sunday night, I am curled up in my room
The TV light fills my heart like a balloon
I hold it in as best I can
I know I'm just another fan
But I can't help feeling I could love this secret agent man
And I can't...

Wait any more for him to discover me
I got it bad for David Duchovny
David Duchovny, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me?

My friends all tell me,
"Girl, you know it's just a show,"
But deep within his eyes
I see me wrapped up like a ball
Watching the sky for a sign
The FBI is on my mind
I'm waiting for the day
When my lucky stars align
In the form of...

David Duchovny floating above me
In the alien light of the spaceship of love, I need
David Duchovny hovering above me
American Heathcliff, brooding and comely
David Duchovny, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me?

So smooth and so smart
He's abducted my heart
And I'm falling apart
From the looks I receive
From those eyes I can't leave
Well you can say I'm naïve
But he told me to believe...

Ooooooooo....

My bags are packed, I am ready for my flight
Want to put an end to my daydream days and sleepless nights
Sitting like a mindless clone
Wishing he would tap my phone
Just to hear the breath of the man, the myth, the monotone
And I would say...

David Duchovny, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me? Why won't you love me?
David Duchovny, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me? Why won't you love me?
David Duchovny I want you to love me
To kiss and to hug me, debrief and debug me
David Duchovny I know you could love me
I'm sweet and I'm cuddly - I'm gonna kill Scully!
David Duchovny, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me? Why won't you love me?

Yeah...

I'll be waiting...
In Nevada...

Speaking of celebrity cameos, here is Brad Paisley’s Celebrity video, proving once and for all (as if there were any doubt) that there is nothing – repeat, nothing – William Shatner can’t do.



Finally, because I am contractually bound to run it every once in a while, Bruce McCulloch and the Kids in the Hall with These Are The Dave’s I Know

The Return Of Buffy!

Put March 7 on your calendars, boys and girls, because that’s the date that Buffy Season 8 begins. Oh it won’t be airing on your television. If you want to “see” Buffy Season 8, you’ll need to visit your local comic shop. As this article at Comic Book Resources explains, Josh Whedon is bringing Buffy Season 8 to Dark Horse Comics as an open-ended comic series. It takes up about a year after the show ended, and. Well. Why not just visit the link and read.

New Template

Okay, this is unrelated to my remark a few days ago about starting a new blog. That's still on the way. In the meantime, I finally took the plunge and updated my template to a new blogger template.

Some thoughts:

* Yes, that’s a big ass list of links. Yes, the new blogger does make adding and taking out links a lot easier. Yes, I tried to make it a comprehensive list of links I visit (or try to visit) on a regular basis. Yes, there are a couple of people left out who I regularly visit, but a: I wasn’t sure they wanted linkage or b: THEY NEVER POST! I’m looking at you, Greenman and Side Notes.

* Yes, comments from earlier posts are gone. No, I don’t know where they went. Yes, I am sorry they are gone because there was occasionally something witty or pithy or interesting or heartfelt there.

* Yes, it’s a lot of black space. Yes, we’ve come a long way from the green template (symbolizing corn, don’t ya know). No, I didn’t have as many template options because I want my links on the left, not the right, as all proper thinking Americans should.

RIP, BMW 530i - 1995-2007

Goodbye old friend - enjoy your journey to the great open roads of the beyond, where cars run forever and never have to worry about transmissions wearing out and the other ills that beset cars on this mortal plane. You were a great car - a great friend - and I mourn your passing. Know that, whatever vehicle takes your place, a part of me will always wish it was you still with me. Godspeed 530i. Godspeed.

Friday Music

I'm in the process of creating and launching a new blog, so rather than a post, here's another collection of You Tube clips. Which, we all know, pretty much constitutes most of my posts these days. The theme? Female alt-country artists Dweeze is incredibly fond of.

Neko Case



Lucinda Williams



Kasey Chambers

Best Halftime Show Ever! Or At Least In A Long Time

I’m a Prince fan, have been since Dirty Mind came out. He had a great run there in the 80s, and to me is one of the few living people one can legitimately call a musical genius. One of the things I liked about him, or at least how he used to be, was that he was both reclusive and accessible. A married couple who are both good friends of mine used to live in the suburbs of Minneapolis, and I would go up there two or three times a year, and they lived in the burb right next to where Prince lived. Indeed, we would often drive by Paisley Park on our way to one location or another. They used to talk about how Prince would go to the downtown clubs at random and announce he was having a party at Paisley Park and everyone was invited. One time when I was there he even had a garage sale at the studios, letting the public wander the grounds. I didn’t go, but I loved that he did it. So I was excited to hear he was the Super Bowl half-time show, and was very happy that it was such a great show. If you missed it, here it is.









And in case you missed it, and you probably did, his mid-week press conference. Apparently the answer to the first question was Johnny B. Goode.



Keeping with the theme, the most awesome Prince song ever: I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man

Worst Thing About New Blogger?

Strangely enough, the fact that it posts right away and that you don't get the "This will take a few moments, if you have a big blog" message. I loved that message. It always made me giggle a little inside, giggle like a teenage girl.

Things I Don't Understand

Had some errands to run today. They took me approximately three miles north of work and three miles south of work. As most of my travel time was spent on 965, I saw a lot of gas stations. The price per gallon for unleaded with Ethanol, my usual selection, varied from $2.02 to $2.03 to $2.09 to $2.15 to $2.18. Huh? Same product, more or less, right? Indeed, the $2.02, $2.09, and $2.15 were all at different BP stations. Let's add gas prices to the list of things Dweeze doesn't understand.

Friendly Technology Tip

Do yourself a favor and pick up a decent DVD-CD cleaner, particularly if you have kids and you play the same DVDs over and over again. I picked one up over the weekend and have since cleaned about 15 movies. Once again, we have the first three seasons of Spongebob clean and playable.

Because All The Cool Kids Are Doing It

I switched to the new Blogger.

Concert News!

The Wreckers are going to be at the Riverside Casino as part of the casino's Country Fest in late February. Pat Green is going to be at the First Avenue Club in March. Anyone want to go with me? Cause I'm going, even if I have to go by myself. And for the music portion of the post, here's The Wrecker's singing Leave The Pieces:



Followed by Pat Green singing Feels Just Like It Should and then Wave On Wave:





I couldn't find a video of my current favorite Pat Green song. It's called I'm Trying To Find It, and it's off the new, or relatively new, release Cannonball. It's a great, great song, and here are the lyrics

There's a road that goes to an old friends house
Where we grew up, where we hung out
I've been on this highway for three hours now
And I'm trying to find it

And I remember an old pinball arcade
Where I lived out all my yesterdays
And I'm sure it's torn down and gone away
But I'm trying to find it

And there's a feeling that I left behind
I felt it once running down my spine
The fear of God the joy of life
And I'm trying to find it

There's a spot on earth a man can go
To find himself and free his soul
A place somewhere between hell and heaven
Where no one hurts and all's forgiven

A door that leads to light and grace
But the keys are in the darkest place
Though it feels like I've been there before
Though I dont know what I'm looking for

And I'm trying to find it
I'm trying to find it

There's an attic in my old mans house
Full of history I need to know about
Of a life I've lived too long without
And Im trying to find it

And I know you're up there in your room
And I want so bad to heal the wound
But I've hurt you in so many ways
And I dont know why you choose to stay

And I know it's me that let it die
And there's a fire that's gone when I look in your eyes
An innocence that you once had
A piece of you I miss so bad

And I'm trying to find it

Well It's three AM and I'm on my knees
She cries and her eyes looked down on me
As I searched for the book
She loves to hear her daddy read
And I'm trying to find it

There's a road that goes to an old friends house
Where we grew up where we hung out
I've been on this highway for three hours now

New Links

Two new links – Ken Levine’s blog and Monkey Punch Dinosaur. Ken Levine is an award-winning tv writer from such shows as Cheers and M*A*S*H. Monkey Punch Dinosaur is, well, a collection of artwork, photos, etc. of monkeys punching dinosaurs. You can’t go wrong with monkeys punching dinosaurs.

Sweet Baby James

I love singing to Ethan. I’ve sung to him since he was a baby, mostly at night. When he was very young, he would wake in the middle of the night and the only way to get him back to sleep was to drive around. Many times I’d find myself driving him around town at 3:00 am or so, singing. I sang songs I loved, songs I knew by heart, I made up songs for him. One song I loved, one song I sang, was Sweet Baby James.

Sweet Baby James is the title song from James Taylor’s second album. Also on the album are Country Road and Fire and Rain. Think about it. Sweet Baby James, Country Road, and Fire and Rain all on the same album. Those three songs would be a great career for someone, and James Taylor had them all on the same album.

I know Fire and Rain by heart too, and love it dearly, but it’s not much of a lullaby. It’s very downbeat, even depressing, though a wonderfully written song. I mean, that opening lyric is great

Just yesterday morning, they let me know you were gone

How painful is that? And the close to the chorus,

I always thought that I would see you again

Takes on more and more meaning as you get older.

But Sweet Baby James, there’s a lullaby. And it’s optimistic, at least to me, with notions of setting out on your own, of being comfortable with who you are, not to mention wonderfully evocative. I've never seen the Berkshires, but I have an image of them I will never shake.

There is a young cowboy, he lives on the range
His horse and his cattle are his only companions
He works in the saddle and he sleeps in the canyons
Waiting for summer, his pastures to change

And as the moon rises, he sits by his fire
Thinking about women and glasses of beer
And closing his eyes as the dogies retire
He sings out a song which is soft but it's clear
As if maybe someone could hear

Goodnight, you moonlight ladies
Rockabye sweet baby James
Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose
Won't you let me go down in my dreams
And rockabye sweet baby James

Now the first of December was covered with snow
And so was the turnpike from Stockbridge to Boston
Lord, the Berkshires seemed dream-like on account of that frosting
With ten miles behind me and ten thousand more to go

There's a song that they sing when they take to the highway
A song that they sing when they take to the sea
A song that they sing of their home in the sky
Maybe you can believe it if it helps you to sleep
But singing works just fine for me

So, goodnight, all you moonlight ladies
Rockabye sweet baby James
Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose
Won't you let me go down in my dreams
And rockabye sweet baby James.

But we were talking about singing to Ethan, weren’t we?

So the other night, it’s bedtime. He’s not feeling the best, and he asks me to sing to him. I sing Old McDonald, and let him choose the animals. I sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I sing You Got A Friend In Me from Toy Story, his favorite movie. I then ask what else he wants me to sing, and he says “the cowboy song”. I’m puzzled, because I can’t think of a cowboy song, then it hits me. I sing the first lines of Sweet Baby James, stop and ask if that’s the one. He smiles, says yes, and I sing it for me. I don't know if he remembers it from when he was a baby - I sang it to him again just a few weeks ago - but I like that he remembers it.

And yes, I posted that in part because it gives me a chance to use this again – James Taylor and the Dixie Chicks singing Sweet Baby James.

Shoveling

So, as those who made it out to the old house know, the driveway (at least the one by the front door) was small. I’d say roughly a car and a half long and barely wide enough that when you got out of the car you stepped on driveway and not grass. I parked there in the wintertime, too. The garage was detached from the house, and sat at the bottom of a steep hill. The one time I parked in the garage and it snowed, it took a half hour to back the car far enough down the lane that I could get enough of a running start to get up to the top of the hill over the snow and ice. After that, I just parked in the driveway. So, when it snowed, it took maybe 10 minutes to clear the car and shovel the snow enough to get the car out. My mother’s house, on the other hand, has a two-car wide driveway that is two and a half car lengths long. Shoveling is a much lengthier proposition. This Sunday marked the second week in a row I spent about 45 minutes shoveling a driveway. Needless to say, I was not thrilled at this. Here’s hoping for little snow the rest of the winter.

Hey! Actual Text!

Sure, it's links to stuff other people did. But still. It's an improvement over You Tube clips.

Anyway, for the Star Wars fans, I give you a link to a person explaining how R2D2 is the genius behind the whole rebel alliance.

When you're done with that, here's the Buffalo Beast's 2006 50 Most Loathsome List. A sample:

14. Britney Spears
Charges: Boozy celebrity bimbos are replicating at an alarming rate these days, but the difference is this bilious tramp has two doomed children, both cursed with the warped ribonucleic helices of a beer-chugging swamp princess with a defective larynx and a lucky low-rent wannabe hustler who may actually be the more responsible parent. Spears’ marriage to a universally detested embarrassment to humanity was trashy in two flavors: showbiz in its brevity and trailer in its impressive babies-per-year output. But the worst thing about their unholy matrimony is that we ever had to know who Kevin Federline is. His fame is entirely her fault, and her fame has by far outlasted her initial perverse schoolgirl/jailbait appeal.

Exhibit A: If Britney had shown the world her bald crotch four years ago, it would have caused widespread rioting and possibly a national holiday. Today, even Madonna thinks it’s gross.

Sentence: Thrown from an airplane with a parachute that will only open if she can hit the high E above middle C.

Box In A Box

Because equal time is important

March of the Emporers

Very, very cool ad.

Fiesta Time!

Yes, the slow evolution of Corn O'Copia into a You Tube blog continues. But I couldn't pass this up - it's the last few minutes of the Fiesta Bowl, with the best ending to a college football game ever.