Kris at Random nailed me with a meme. Now, there is a lot of stuff going along with it that feels awfully chainletterish (she her original post here), so I’m going to skip that. But I will go for the basic premise. Which is:
Five Things I Miss From My Childhood
Some caveats. I’m not feeling particularly loquacious lately, so this may be brief. I’ve got those “moving soon and damn hot and life bites and everything falls down at once on you” blues. Second, I’m not generally into the looking back thing. I’d much rather look forward. Not that my past is bad, by any means. Quite the contrary. But that my past is always with me, singing harmony. It is fully a part of me, so I don’t feel the need to look back at it.
What I didn’t include: I thought about including discovery, that feeling that everything is new and exciting. But I don’t miss that – for one thing, I still experience it, still am open to it. For another, having a two and a half year old lets you re-experience it. You can feel again the joy of seeing a train pass, or ducks, or putting a stack of blocks together. And I thought about saying a sense of wonder, but I try to approach my world that way anyway, reveling in the things God gave us, enjoying the small and large gifts. And I seriously considered freedom, lack of obligations, at least the sort that tie adults up in knots. Being able to roam, explore, feeling unfettered and alive. Nobody calling me up for favors. No one’s future to decide. That sort of thing. But I spent most of my adult life with that kind of freedom, and freedom has it’s own constraints. So I’ll stick with specific things, not concepts.
So with that in mind, the list.
1. My dad. I really don’t feel I need to go any farther down the list than that, though I will. But damn, just saying that is enough to make the tears well up a little. So, I’m not going to talk further about my dad, except to say that few days go by when I don’t think of him or miss him or wish I could talk to him about something. I’ll add my pet theory as well – men don’t truly grow up until their father passes away. Doesn’t matter how old they are, or if they have families of their own, or what they’ve gone through. As long as a man’s father is alive, he isn’t completely grown up – it’s that passing that takes you the last step, that makes you realize that there is no longer any man more significant in your life than yourself.
2. Knot hole games at Kinnick Stadium. Back when the Hawks were bad, bad, bad, and before the first stadium remodel, kids could get in free with their parents. You had to sit in the end zone bleachers, but you could run around and watch the game and generally have a great time.
3. Cheap gas. Gas was $.42 a gallon when I started driving, and didn’t reach the $1 a gallon spot for a looooooooooonnnnnnnggggggggg time. We would get in the car on a Friday night and drive, drive, drive, just seeing what there was.
4. Going to grandpa and grandma’s farm for a week every summer. Driving a tractor, annoying livestock, playing in the barns. Going into town to the A&W for a frosty mug of root beer. Seeing my cousins, hanging out with them.
5. Sleeping in the car. I used to love the feeling of sitting in the car, coming back from a relative’s house, and falling asleep to the rhythm of the road.
So there’s my list. Now, the chain letter parts involve me acknowledging where this thing has come from and challenging others to do it. Not going to do that. But I will ask any of my faithful readers if they want to take this up and do a post. So, do any of my faithful readers want to take this up and do a post?
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Friday, June 17, 2005
Thought For The Day
The issue isn't whether or not we are the same as the Nazis, the issue is that we aren't different enough. Avi Schlaim, Israeli historian.
Or, in other words, don’t we as Americans aspire to something higher than “We aren’t as bad as the worst people who ever were!”?
Or, in other words, don’t we as Americans aspire to something higher than “We aren’t as bad as the worst people who ever were!”?
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Batman Begins - Thoughts
This is a great film. This is a stunning film. This is the most perfectly realized comic book film ever. As much as I loved the two Burton films, I recognized after watching Batman Begins that Burton's films owe far more allegiance to the tv show than to the original source material. Would it really be that jarring to have a huge *BAM* or *POW* appear onscreen when Nicholson's Joker or DeVito's Penguin makes an appearance? Batman Begins, on the other hand, is a graphic novel brought to screen. The strength of the film is grounding it in a real world - I found Gotham much more effective as a real city than as the construct Burton made it. (And again, much more in line with the original source material.) The casting was excellent, other than Katie Holmes, and the problem with Katie wasn't so much the casting as the fact that, with the exceptions of Leslie Thompkins and Renee Montoya, there aren't any interesting non-costumed women in the Bat Universe.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Batman Begins Update
Matt, TanMan, and I will be attending the Batman Begins midnight show at Coral Ridge this evening. If you come, look for us playing poker in the line. Review tomorrow.
Funny Stuff
Go read this by Chris at Shield Your Eyes. Now. If nothing else, read this and the follow-up. His other stuff is good reading, too, but this? Is hilarious.
Batman Begins
Midnight showing. Tonight. Coral Ridge or Cinema 6. Who's with me?
(Offer limited to Iowa City area readers only, unless those of you in the far reaches of the country want to try to get here by midnight central, in which case let me know and I'll get tickets for you. You're on your own for popcorn, though.)
(Offer limited to Iowa City area readers only, unless those of you in the far reaches of the country want to try to get here by midnight central, in which case let me know and I'll get tickets for you. You're on your own for popcorn, though.)
Monday, June 13, 2005
Jackson Verdict In
You know, you’re such a smooth criminal with the way you make me feel. It don’t matter if you’re black or white, cause I’m dangerous. You wanna be starting something? I want to rock with you (all night), and don’t stop til you get enough. I told the man in the mirror that the girl was mine, but I just can’t stop loving you.
P.S. I told Billie Jean it was human nature to beat it, and now she’s out of my life.
P.S. I told Billie Jean it was human nature to beat it, and now she’s out of my life.
This Makes Me Feel Good
Pilots crashed because they tried to see how high their plane could go. Film at eleven, story at Yahoo.
Strange, but I am not comforted that Beavis and Butthead not only got pilot licenses but also got hired together. I was going to make up dialogue, but I didn't have to do so. Quoting from the story:
"Man, we can do it, 41-it," said Cesarz at 9:48 p.m. A minute later, Rhodes said, "40 thousand, baby."
Two minutes later, "There's 41-0, my man," Cesarz said. "Made it, man."
At 9:52 p.m., one of the pilots popped a can of Pepsi and they joked about drinking beer. A minute later, Cesarz said, "This is the greatest thing, no way."
But at 10:03 p.m., the pilots reported their engine had failed. Five minutes later, they said both engines had failed and they wanted a direct route to any airport.
Okay, I do have to make up dialogue:
"Dude, what a buzzkill, we're crashing."
"Dude, if we had some Dew, we could jump out and float down and land on our Dew-powered bodies and walk away without a scratch."
"Dude, that would be so totally awesome! Not like this crashing and dying thing, which is so totally NOT-awesome."
"Dude, there you go with the buzzkill again."
Fortunately, the plane was empty. Doubly fortunately, these two will never fly again.
Strange, but I am not comforted that Beavis and Butthead not only got pilot licenses but also got hired together. I was going to make up dialogue, but I didn't have to do so. Quoting from the story:
"Man, we can do it, 41-it," said Cesarz at 9:48 p.m. A minute later, Rhodes said, "40 thousand, baby."
Two minutes later, "There's 41-0, my man," Cesarz said. "Made it, man."
At 9:52 p.m., one of the pilots popped a can of Pepsi and they joked about drinking beer. A minute later, Cesarz said, "This is the greatest thing, no way."
But at 10:03 p.m., the pilots reported their engine had failed. Five minutes later, they said both engines had failed and they wanted a direct route to any airport.
Okay, I do have to make up dialogue:
"Dude, what a buzzkill, we're crashing."
"Dude, if we had some Dew, we could jump out and float down and land on our Dew-powered bodies and walk away without a scratch."
"Dude, that would be so totally awesome! Not like this crashing and dying thing, which is so totally NOT-awesome."
"Dude, there you go with the buzzkill again."
Fortunately, the plane was empty. Doubly fortunately, these two will never fly again.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Linkage Part Whatever
Once again, time to update the links. I’ve added Pam at Brain Fart and Ilse at Rogue Myrmidon into the Friends and Family category. I’ve also added Balloon Juice and Kung Fu Monkey to the main listings. Balloon Juice is a conservative commentator who should not be missed; Kung Fu Monkey is a screenwriter with interesting observations on movies and TV.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Sith Happens
I took Andrew to see Revenge of the Sith on Sunday. (Lesa had seen it while she was in Portland, and we figured it would be too much for Ethan.) Now, my opinion of the movie is not colored by the fact that I saw four cool previews – the Owen Wilson / Vince Vaughn Wedding Crashers (presumably also featuring Will Ferrell and Ben Stiller, as those four are contractually bound to appear in each other’s movies and you know, the scenes of them bouncing into beds with scantily clad women were probably more inappropriate for young audience members than anything in Revenge of the Sith); Steven Spielberg’s (We Only Took The Title From H.G. Wells And Nothing Else And We Took That Not Because Most People Coming To This Movie Know The Book Or A Previous Version Of The Movie But Because It’s A Cool Title) War of the Worlds, and while I would like this movie a lot more if it didn’t have Tom Cruise in it, it still looks pretty cool; Batman Begins, which there is no chance whatsoever I won’t see; and Fantastic Four, which I am cautiously optimistic on – wait, which I’m very optimistic on – cool, cool trailer. So I was in a good mood when Sith began.
I’m going to play the “Dweeze is old” card again. I saw Star Wars in its original run, back when it was just Star Wars and not Episode Four: A New Hope. Hell, I remember seeing the original trailer. (It? Was a very cheesy trailer.) You can’t truly appreciate what Star Wars was, what it meant, unless you were there at the time. You can’t know how different it was from all that came before without that context. You just can’t. The only comparable movie-going experience I’ve had in my lifetime was seeing The Matrix. Both movies set a new bar, and if subsequent sequels didn’t reach the same bar, or didn’t also set a new bar, well, that’s how it goes.
Now I’m not saying that the elements that make up Star Wars weren’t there before. They were. But something about the way they were put together made the movie so special. Empire and Jedi were able to continue that mixture, and both are films well worth watching. Menace and Clones, perhaps because they were so far removed from the original films, were not able to recapture that specialness. Oh, they have there moments – at least Menace does. But they don’t feel like valid heirs to Star Wars. Sith does. Sith lives in that universe, recaptures that magic, and is a worthy addition to the canon.
I’m going to play the “Dweeze is old” card again. I saw Star Wars in its original run, back when it was just Star Wars and not Episode Four: A New Hope. Hell, I remember seeing the original trailer. (It? Was a very cheesy trailer.) You can’t truly appreciate what Star Wars was, what it meant, unless you were there at the time. You can’t know how different it was from all that came before without that context. You just can’t. The only comparable movie-going experience I’ve had in my lifetime was seeing The Matrix. Both movies set a new bar, and if subsequent sequels didn’t reach the same bar, or didn’t also set a new bar, well, that’s how it goes.
Now I’m not saying that the elements that make up Star Wars weren’t there before. They were. But something about the way they were put together made the movie so special. Empire and Jedi were able to continue that mixture, and both are films well worth watching. Menace and Clones, perhaps because they were so far removed from the original films, were not able to recapture that specialness. Oh, they have there moments – at least Menace does. But they don’t feel like valid heirs to Star Wars. Sith does. Sith lives in that universe, recaptures that magic, and is a worthy addition to the canon.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Inexplicable Toys
Andrew and I were at K-Mart last night, looking for one of those plastic pools because it was SO DAMN HOT! Naturally, Andrew can’t go anywhere with a toy aisle without looking at the toy aisle. The same applies to me of course. But I digress.
There, in the clearance toy aisle, on the top shelf in the clearance toy aisle, was a toy I had never seen before, a toy I would never have dreamed existed. That toy? A toy Shop-Vac.
I’ll let that sink in.
I imagine the following scene played out more or less in every household where a toy Shop-Vac has been given as a gift.
(Interior family living room, on the occasion of the son’s sixth birthday. Present are father, mother, and son.)
Father: Here’s your last present! (Hands box to son.)
Six-Year Old Son: Oh boy! It’s huge. (Unwraps, revealing toy Shop-Vac.)
Mother: What the …?
(Long, uncomfortable pause.)
Father: It’s a Shop-Vac. A toy Shop-Vac. Now, after you use your toy tools to pretend to build something, you can use your toy Shop-Vac to pretend to clean up!
(Another long, uncomfortable pause.)
Six-Year Old Son: Fuck you dad.
Father: (To mother.) Did you hear what he just said?
Mother: I could have married Carl you know. I COULD HAVE MARRIED CARL!
There, in the clearance toy aisle, on the top shelf in the clearance toy aisle, was a toy I had never seen before, a toy I would never have dreamed existed. That toy? A toy Shop-Vac.
I’ll let that sink in.
I imagine the following scene played out more or less in every household where a toy Shop-Vac has been given as a gift.
(Interior family living room, on the occasion of the son’s sixth birthday. Present are father, mother, and son.)
Father: Here’s your last present! (Hands box to son.)
Six-Year Old Son: Oh boy! It’s huge. (Unwraps, revealing toy Shop-Vac.)
Mother: What the …?
(Long, uncomfortable pause.)
Father: It’s a Shop-Vac. A toy Shop-Vac. Now, after you use your toy tools to pretend to build something, you can use your toy Shop-Vac to pretend to clean up!
(Another long, uncomfortable pause.)
Six-Year Old Son: Fuck you dad.
Father: (To mother.) Did you hear what he just said?
Mother: I could have married Carl you know. I COULD HAVE MARRIED CARL!
Statistically, It Was Bound To Happen Someday
A team coached by Larry Brown will play a team formerly coached by Larry Brown for the NBA Championship.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Presidents Of The United States
Matt has a post here about the Presidents in his lifetime. This struck me as a cool idea, and since the blogosphere would be nothing without people taking other people’s ideas, I thought I would jump in with my rankings of the President’s in my lifetime (1959-2005).
Starting from the bottom:
10. Bush II: Not just the worst President of my lifetime. The worst President ever. Heads an administration that is ten times more corrupt than Nixon but with none of the pragmatic streak Nixon had. The nicest thing I can say about him is that I think he sincerely believes the crap he spews. The worst thing I can say about him is that I think he sincerely believes the crap he spews. The deaths of thousands of Americans, and tens of thousand Iraqis, are directly on his head.
9. Reagan: Overrated hack. His sole contribution to the end of the Cold War was to stand around doing nothing, this despite the protestations of the intelligence community requesting action. By this standard, Reagan should also get credit for the sun rising every day, my graduating from college and law school, and the Challenger disaster. Signed into law the largest single tax increase in U.S. history, and if you want to see a young Republican’s head explode, you can point out that fact.
8. Kennedy: Pretty boy who looked Presidential instead of being Presidential. Unable to get a single piece of substantive legislation passed. Gave birth to phrase “Vote Early, Vote Often”. His becoming President may have been the single worst thing to happen to the Democratic party in the history of the party – it added a great deal of fuel to the paranoia Nixon exhibited, it put the Dems in position to suffer the consequences of Vietnam, and it gave the Republicans the opportunity to craft the Southern Strategy that would serve them very well in seven Presidential elections.
7. Ford: Caretaker President. More notable as punch line to a joke or assassin’s target than as President. On the other hand, didn’t actively try to make society worse, and didn’t inspire cult of devoted and deluded followers.
6. Bush I: Nice guy, smart guy, way in over his head guy. Very knowledgeable about foreign affairs, yet let others wrangle foreign policy away from him.
5. Carter: Not given anywhere near enough credit for what he actually did. Despite popular misperception, economy actually stronger under Carter than any of the three Republicans who followed him (Reagan, Bush I, Bush II). Devoted humanitarian who truly cared about people.
4. Eisenhower: Led country to strong economy, peace, and stability. Perfect post-war President.
3. Johnson: Effective Senator who became an effective President. Got more substantive pieces of legislation passed before noon than most Presidents get passed all day. Put in place framework for Great Society that improves lives to this day. Refused to run for re-election rather than try to defend indefensible foreign policy decisions.
2. Nixon: Rated solely on his crimes, he’d be in ninth. Rated on the good qualities, second. Those crimes are well documented: domestic spying, authorizing break-ins, assassination plots. Not so well documented are the good things he did – improved the economy, ended the war, opened up China and the Soviet Union (this did much, much more to end the Cold War than Reagan ever did). Truly cared about working class families and working class people, as that is where he came from. Hated wealthy people who pretended to be working class (he had a hatred of the Bush family so intense that Bush I was considered by many to be the most likely candidate for Deep Throat). Supposedly won enough money playing poker in the service (where he actually, you know, SERVED) to finance his first run for Congress.
1. Clinton: One of the top five Presidents ever. Maybe top three. By any qualitative measure, country was better off after eight years of Clinton than any other period this century. Would STILL be President today if not for those pesky term limitations. Lied about sex to the American public, causing harm to no one, prompting Republican outrage orgy, unlike Bush II, who lied about the existence of weapons of mass destruction, causing the deaths of tens of thousands, prompting nary a peep from the Republican party. Beautiful political instincts mixed with, what is by all accounts of people who have met him, a genuine concern about the people. It was an honor to vote for him twice.
Starting from the bottom:
10. Bush II: Not just the worst President of my lifetime. The worst President ever. Heads an administration that is ten times more corrupt than Nixon but with none of the pragmatic streak Nixon had. The nicest thing I can say about him is that I think he sincerely believes the crap he spews. The worst thing I can say about him is that I think he sincerely believes the crap he spews. The deaths of thousands of Americans, and tens of thousand Iraqis, are directly on his head.
9. Reagan: Overrated hack. His sole contribution to the end of the Cold War was to stand around doing nothing, this despite the protestations of the intelligence community requesting action. By this standard, Reagan should also get credit for the sun rising every day, my graduating from college and law school, and the Challenger disaster. Signed into law the largest single tax increase in U.S. history, and if you want to see a young Republican’s head explode, you can point out that fact.
8. Kennedy: Pretty boy who looked Presidential instead of being Presidential. Unable to get a single piece of substantive legislation passed. Gave birth to phrase “Vote Early, Vote Often”. His becoming President may have been the single worst thing to happen to the Democratic party in the history of the party – it added a great deal of fuel to the paranoia Nixon exhibited, it put the Dems in position to suffer the consequences of Vietnam, and it gave the Republicans the opportunity to craft the Southern Strategy that would serve them very well in seven Presidential elections.
7. Ford: Caretaker President. More notable as punch line to a joke or assassin’s target than as President. On the other hand, didn’t actively try to make society worse, and didn’t inspire cult of devoted and deluded followers.
6. Bush I: Nice guy, smart guy, way in over his head guy. Very knowledgeable about foreign affairs, yet let others wrangle foreign policy away from him.
5. Carter: Not given anywhere near enough credit for what he actually did. Despite popular misperception, economy actually stronger under Carter than any of the three Republicans who followed him (Reagan, Bush I, Bush II). Devoted humanitarian who truly cared about people.
4. Eisenhower: Led country to strong economy, peace, and stability. Perfect post-war President.
3. Johnson: Effective Senator who became an effective President. Got more substantive pieces of legislation passed before noon than most Presidents get passed all day. Put in place framework for Great Society that improves lives to this day. Refused to run for re-election rather than try to defend indefensible foreign policy decisions.
2. Nixon: Rated solely on his crimes, he’d be in ninth. Rated on the good qualities, second. Those crimes are well documented: domestic spying, authorizing break-ins, assassination plots. Not so well documented are the good things he did – improved the economy, ended the war, opened up China and the Soviet Union (this did much, much more to end the Cold War than Reagan ever did). Truly cared about working class families and working class people, as that is where he came from. Hated wealthy people who pretended to be working class (he had a hatred of the Bush family so intense that Bush I was considered by many to be the most likely candidate for Deep Throat). Supposedly won enough money playing poker in the service (where he actually, you know, SERVED) to finance his first run for Congress.
1. Clinton: One of the top five Presidents ever. Maybe top three. By any qualitative measure, country was better off after eight years of Clinton than any other period this century. Would STILL be President today if not for those pesky term limitations. Lied about sex to the American public, causing harm to no one, prompting Republican outrage orgy, unlike Bush II, who lied about the existence of weapons of mass destruction, causing the deaths of tens of thousands, prompting nary a peep from the Republican party. Beautiful political instincts mixed with, what is by all accounts of people who have met him, a genuine concern about the people. It was an honor to vote for him twice.
24 This And That
To me, this from the 24 Insider, who was able to accurately spoil every episode at least one week before it aired, just screams David Palmer dying in a bombing at the UN.
I’m hearing that the season will start off with the terrorist bombing of a “high-value target”. It’s unclear if the high-value target is a person or a building but it's looking more and more like a combination of both a prominent building and a high-ranking government official who will be among the many killed in the terrorist attack. There are several other scenarios I’ve heard rumblings about and every single one of them has the same concept of a terrorist bombing of a building with extremely strong international ties. They are also thinking about bringing back a former character to be among the many dead in the massive explosion.
It makes sense that they would kill Palmer – he is the toughest character to figure out a way to work into the plot, and yet a character people will always demand to see. At the UN, or some other international target, makes sense because the best way to bring Jack Bauer back, and resolve the issue of the Chinese, is to make it so Jack has to SAVE THE WORLD!
Also, in today’s Ask Ausiello column in TV Guide, it is revealed that a scene was filmed where Behrooz was found alive and the script originally had Michelle committing suicide when she thought Tony had died. The latter fact led Ausiello to comment that Tony and Michelle would be coming back next year.
I’m hearing that the season will start off with the terrorist bombing of a “high-value target”. It’s unclear if the high-value target is a person or a building but it's looking more and more like a combination of both a prominent building and a high-ranking government official who will be among the many killed in the terrorist attack. There are several other scenarios I’ve heard rumblings about and every single one of them has the same concept of a terrorist bombing of a building with extremely strong international ties. They are also thinking about bringing back a former character to be among the many dead in the massive explosion.
It makes sense that they would kill Palmer – he is the toughest character to figure out a way to work into the plot, and yet a character people will always demand to see. At the UN, or some other international target, makes sense because the best way to bring Jack Bauer back, and resolve the issue of the Chinese, is to make it so Jack has to SAVE THE WORLD!
Also, in today’s Ask Ausiello column in TV Guide, it is revealed that a scene was filmed where Behrooz was found alive and the script originally had Michelle committing suicide when she thought Tony had died. The latter fact led Ausiello to comment that Tony and Michelle would be coming back next year.
My Life As Expressed As An Old Henny Youngman Bit*
Actual conversation with an actual seven-year-old who bruised his knee at recess yesterday.
Seven-Year-Old: My knee hurts.
Me: Does it hurt all the time?
Seven-Year-Old: It hurts when I do this (pushes on knee).
Me: Then don’t do that!
*Actually, all Henny Youngman bits are old Henny Youngman bits.
Seven-Year-Old: My knee hurts.
Me: Does it hurt all the time?
Seven-Year-Old: It hurts when I do this (pushes on knee).
Me: Then don’t do that!
*Actually, all Henny Youngman bits are old Henny Youngman bits.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Fortunes and Glory
Yesterday's Fortune Cookie Fortune: There is a prospect of a thrilling time ahead of you.
Today's Fortune Cookie Fortune: Do not hesitate to tackle to most difficult problems.
Apparently, it's going to be thrilling to tackle problems.
Today's Fortune Cookie Fortune: Do not hesitate to tackle to most difficult problems.
Apparently, it's going to be thrilling to tackle problems.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Conservative Blog Post Recipe
In light of the previous post, I wrote this sometime ago during the Schiavo debacle. Seems like now is a good time to post it.
Ingredients:
1 vaguely homoerotic nickname
3-4 opinions from prominent conservative commentator (may be substituted with one opinion of one’s own repeated loudly and frequently)
3-4 facts, twisted
2 cups exaggeration
1 tablespoon gross exaggeration
Prominent Democrat reference (one for Hilary, two for Bill – may be substituted with 1 reference to Ted Kennedy, 3 references to Nancy Pelosi, or one positive reference to Joe Lieberman)
1-2 Incompetent and/or Liberal Press references (may use more as a substitute for a reference to a prominent Democrat)
Equation of opposition to evil, stupid, or both to taste
Paranoia to taste
Directions:
Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Mix ingredients well, being careful not to let any humor or deference to others you might disagree with accidentally get into the batter. Pour into greased cake pan, place in right side of oven on the uppermost rack. Bake until halfway done. Remove. Serve.
Notes:
Keep ingredients handy (a well-stocked conservative pantry will always have plenty of each).
If you’re using Coulter or Savage as your prominent conservative commentator, you only need to use half as much. Oh, and don’t forget the Powerline!
Feel free to use references to prominent local Democrats or local press outlets!
Ingredients:
1 vaguely homoerotic nickname
3-4 opinions from prominent conservative commentator (may be substituted with one opinion of one’s own repeated loudly and frequently)
3-4 facts, twisted
2 cups exaggeration
1 tablespoon gross exaggeration
Prominent Democrat reference (one for Hilary, two for Bill – may be substituted with 1 reference to Ted Kennedy, 3 references to Nancy Pelosi, or one positive reference to Joe Lieberman)
1-2 Incompetent and/or Liberal Press references (may use more as a substitute for a reference to a prominent Democrat)
Equation of opposition to evil, stupid, or both to taste
Paranoia to taste
Directions:
Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Mix ingredients well, being careful not to let any humor or deference to others you might disagree with accidentally get into the batter. Pour into greased cake pan, place in right side of oven on the uppermost rack. Bake until halfway done. Remove. Serve.
Notes:
Keep ingredients handy (a well-stocked conservative pantry will always have plenty of each).
If you’re using Coulter or Savage as your prominent conservative commentator, you only need to use half as much. Oh, and don’t forget the Powerline!
Feel free to use references to prominent local Democrats or local press outlets!
Fili-busted!
You know, I was all set to dislike the filibuster compromise. After all, anything that potentially allows a Janice “God Trumps The Constitution” Brown or a Priscilla “I Killed Willie Searcy” Owen to sit on a Court is not a good thing. But anything that causes raving lunatics to froth at the mouth like this deal has done can’t be a bad thing. I’d do some linkage, but you can’t swing a dead cat around the Web today without hitting a Conservative In Name Only blogger complaining about how they have been sold out.
Here’s the thoughts of a true conservative, John Cole at Balloon Juice. He’s someone who actually has the temerity to think for himself instead of just drinking the Powerline Kool-Aid and writing posts that mirror what the unholy trio have to say.
First, I have felt that all along that nominees deserve a vote. That just seems fair and appropriate. It does not, however, have any historical foundation in fact.
…
This was nothing more than a brazen power grab by my side, and everyone knows it. Fortunately, we get a few nominees put through, things go back to normal, and the Senate will not shut down. Life will go on.
As usual, the extremists will be screaming for heads. The evil moderates snatched 'defeat from the jaws of victory' (you will see phrase over and over again in the next few days) and they have betrayed the center-right coalition, and must be punished.
…
What Hugh and others fail is that the Republicans won because they wrap themselves up in the moderation of the centrists, presenting themselves as all cozy and warm and as 'compassionate conservatives.'
In other words- Bush is President in large part because moderates voted for him. It was Arnold Schwarzanalphabet and Rufy Guiliani and John McCain who were the most effective campaigners for Bush in 2004. I didn't see Dobson speaking at the GOP Convention. Republicans control the Senate and House because of moderate support. Try to organize a Republican leadership without the moderates. It fails.
At any rate, I voted for the Republicans, and all they have done is shit all over me since election day. The bankruptcy bill, the censorship calls, the pandering to the religious right, the new mandatory minimus bill, the Patriot Act II, and so on and so forth. It is about time we gave in to some 'moderation.' What else am I getting out of this coalition that demands my pure loyalty but offers me nothing in return?
The hard-liners don't get it, though. They think because you support them some of the time, you must support them all of the time. They think in terms of permanent lock-step coalitions, not coalitions about ideas or issues. They are wrong.
At any rate, calls for conservative purity should fall on deaf ears. The Republicans are in control of the government in large part because of the moderates, not in spite of them. Go give money to these seven, they are going to get shit on by the extremists for the next few years. You should support them. (emphasis added)
Here’s the thoughts of a true conservative, John Cole at Balloon Juice. He’s someone who actually has the temerity to think for himself instead of just drinking the Powerline Kool-Aid and writing posts that mirror what the unholy trio have to say.
First, I have felt that all along that nominees deserve a vote. That just seems fair and appropriate. It does not, however, have any historical foundation in fact.
…
This was nothing more than a brazen power grab by my side, and everyone knows it. Fortunately, we get a few nominees put through, things go back to normal, and the Senate will not shut down. Life will go on.
As usual, the extremists will be screaming for heads. The evil moderates snatched 'defeat from the jaws of victory' (you will see phrase over and over again in the next few days) and they have betrayed the center-right coalition, and must be punished.
…
What Hugh and others fail is that the Republicans won because they wrap themselves up in the moderation of the centrists, presenting themselves as all cozy and warm and as 'compassionate conservatives.'
In other words- Bush is President in large part because moderates voted for him. It was Arnold Schwarzanalphabet and Rufy Guiliani and John McCain who were the most effective campaigners for Bush in 2004. I didn't see Dobson speaking at the GOP Convention. Republicans control the Senate and House because of moderate support. Try to organize a Republican leadership without the moderates. It fails.
At any rate, I voted for the Republicans, and all they have done is shit all over me since election day. The bankruptcy bill, the censorship calls, the pandering to the religious right, the new mandatory minimus bill, the Patriot Act II, and so on and so forth. It is about time we gave in to some 'moderation.' What else am I getting out of this coalition that demands my pure loyalty but offers me nothing in return?
The hard-liners don't get it, though. They think because you support them some of the time, you must support them all of the time. They think in terms of permanent lock-step coalitions, not coalitions about ideas or issues. They are wrong.
At any rate, calls for conservative purity should fall on deaf ears. The Republicans are in control of the government in large part because of the moderates, not in spite of them. Go give money to these seven, they are going to get shit on by the extremists for the next few years. You should support them. (emphasis added)
Monday, May 23, 2005
Linkage News
More linkage. Added Pooh back, cause she started posting again. Wheeze decided she needed to rename her blog. Put in three more baseball (Cardinal, of course) links. Enjoy!
Ice Machine Update
I know you're all wondering what is up with the ice machine here at my work. Today, this sign was on it:
The Ice Machine is dispensing ice in large sheets. A part is on order.
Whew. I never would have know it was dispensing ice in large sheets without that. Thanks!
Morons.
The Ice Machine is dispensing ice in large sheets. A part is on order.
Whew. I never would have know it was dispensing ice in large sheets without that. Thanks!
Morons.
Friday, May 20, 2005
Scenes From The Mall
I ate lunch at Panera Bread today.
I don’t usually eat lunch at Panera Bread. For one thing, I don’t usually have the car to go to the mall to be able to eat lunch at Panera Bread. For another, I don’t really care for Panera Bread all that much.
But with Lesa out of town, I had the car. I also had to get some stuff at Target, and while I could have waited until tomorrow and taken the boys, then I would have had to spend a half hour in the toy aisle. So I went today.
Further, I had a gift card from Panera Bread that I got from Young Footliters for directing The Poet and the Rent. So, I thought to myself, why not use some of it.
So I did.
Now, I don’t know if there are Panera Breads where you live. And when I say you, I mean my non-Iowa readers. I think it’s primarily a Midwest chain, its origins in either Kansas City or St. Louis. I suppose that’s information I could glean from their Web site, but doing that search would indicate a level of caring about the answer that bears no relation to my actual level of caring about the answer. So I won’t.
But if you don’t have a Panera Bread, you do. It’s your standard upscale deli with fancy-schmancy sandwiches, salads, soups, pastries, and coffees. Panera Bread is the sort of place that has table tents that say things like:
All-natural chicken tastes better because it is raised to taste better. Chickens live stress-free with plenty of fresh air and clean water to help them grow at a more natural pace. With plenty of exercise, they don’t require antibiotics and they develop firm, tender meat.
Like I said, if you don’t have a Panera Bread, you have someplace that has something like that on its table tents. Everyone does. I’m betting even Buggy does, and she lives in Bumfuck, Texas.
(By the way, all that description is missing is something about the intellectual stimulation the chickens receive. And yes, I stole the table tent, thank you very much.)
So that’s why I generally avoid Panera Bread, and why I wouldn’t have gone if I didn’t have the gift card. (Also by the way, if the gift card had been from Best Buy, it wouldn’t have gone unused since the first weekend in March. But I digress.) Because here’s the thing.
Don’t try to sell me your sandwich. Don’t try to craft loving language to entice me. Don’t give me marketing twaddle. Just tell me what’s in it. If it sounds good, I’ll try it. If it tastes good, I’ll get it again. If it’s really good, I’ll say to my friends “Hey you know what’s good? The peppercorn steak sandwich at Panera.” And if it isn’t good, all the flowery language in the world won’t get me to order it again.
Cause that’s what’s important. A recent survey found that 90% of the people who took the survey felt a friend’s recommendation was the most important factor when determining to try a new restaurant. To be fair, the other 10% thought I was “making that up” and that “no actual such survey exists” and “Dweeze is pulling stuff out of his ass again.” But who cares what those losers think?
By the way, if you’re going to Panera? Skip the peppercorn steak sandwich and get something else.
I don’t usually eat lunch at Panera Bread. For one thing, I don’t usually have the car to go to the mall to be able to eat lunch at Panera Bread. For another, I don’t really care for Panera Bread all that much.
But with Lesa out of town, I had the car. I also had to get some stuff at Target, and while I could have waited until tomorrow and taken the boys, then I would have had to spend a half hour in the toy aisle. So I went today.
Further, I had a gift card from Panera Bread that I got from Young Footliters for directing The Poet and the Rent. So, I thought to myself, why not use some of it.
So I did.
Now, I don’t know if there are Panera Breads where you live. And when I say you, I mean my non-Iowa readers. I think it’s primarily a Midwest chain, its origins in either Kansas City or St. Louis. I suppose that’s information I could glean from their Web site, but doing that search would indicate a level of caring about the answer that bears no relation to my actual level of caring about the answer. So I won’t.
But if you don’t have a Panera Bread, you do. It’s your standard upscale deli with fancy-schmancy sandwiches, salads, soups, pastries, and coffees. Panera Bread is the sort of place that has table tents that say things like:
All-natural chicken tastes better because it is raised to taste better. Chickens live stress-free with plenty of fresh air and clean water to help them grow at a more natural pace. With plenty of exercise, they don’t require antibiotics and they develop firm, tender meat.
Like I said, if you don’t have a Panera Bread, you have someplace that has something like that on its table tents. Everyone does. I’m betting even Buggy does, and she lives in Bumfuck, Texas.
(By the way, all that description is missing is something about the intellectual stimulation the chickens receive. And yes, I stole the table tent, thank you very much.)
So that’s why I generally avoid Panera Bread, and why I wouldn’t have gone if I didn’t have the gift card. (Also by the way, if the gift card had been from Best Buy, it wouldn’t have gone unused since the first weekend in March. But I digress.) Because here’s the thing.
Don’t try to sell me your sandwich. Don’t try to craft loving language to entice me. Don’t give me marketing twaddle. Just tell me what’s in it. If it sounds good, I’ll try it. If it tastes good, I’ll get it again. If it’s really good, I’ll say to my friends “Hey you know what’s good? The peppercorn steak sandwich at Panera.” And if it isn’t good, all the flowery language in the world won’t get me to order it again.
Cause that’s what’s important. A recent survey found that 90% of the people who took the survey felt a friend’s recommendation was the most important factor when determining to try a new restaurant. To be fair, the other 10% thought I was “making that up” and that “no actual such survey exists” and “Dweeze is pulling stuff out of his ass again.” But who cares what those losers think?
By the way, if you’re going to Panera? Skip the peppercorn steak sandwich and get something else.
Still More Questions
From Talia at Collecting Shards.
1. Who is the best living playwright?
Tough one. For me, it’s either Mamet or Albee. Of the two, Albee wrote the best play (Virginia Wolff), but I think Mamet’s overall body of work is both more impressive and shows a wider range of ability. So I’ll go with Mamet.
2. You will lose one of your senses, but you may select the one you will do without. Which one is it and, of course, why that one?
Smell, by the process of elimination. Sight and sound are the two most important to me – I wouldn’t want to go the rest of my life without being able to see or hear my family. Taste is the second tier. I love food too much, the diversity that can be found within food, to lose it. Which leaves touch and smell, and of those, feeling the warmth of another person, or the fur of a dog, or the feel of grass beneath bare feet, trumps the value from smell.
3. Underwear has suddenly disappeared from the universe. How are you affected?
Less laundry. More chafing.
4. Why does the Iowa caucus matter? (For all you voyeurs, this is a conversation I wish I could spend 6 hours having with the weasel. Feel free to move along.)
This is also a conversation I could spend six hours writing about. If you don’t mind, I’m going to do a whole post on this one. Look for it early next week.
5. Outside of your family, who most influenced the parts of you that you like?
Perhaps the toughest of the questions for me. I don’t have that one teacher many people seem to have, that person who was inspirational, who showed me things within me that I didn’t know were there, who believed in me, etc. Those people were my family. Generally speaking, I got “Why don’t you work harder” speeches from teachers.
So to answer, I’ll think about the parts of me I like the most. And one of those is my writing. I’m pretty proud of my writing talent. I’d like to think that some of personal voice is present in everything I write. Even the work stuff, the dry stuff, I think you can see me in it. And for that I owe all credit to Hunter S. Thompson. HST showed that you can put yourself into what you write, no matter what you are writing. He showed that ultimately it was all personal, and that wasn’t a bad thing. He’s been the greatest influence on me as a writer, and I owe him tons for that.
1. Who is the best living playwright?
Tough one. For me, it’s either Mamet or Albee. Of the two, Albee wrote the best play (Virginia Wolff), but I think Mamet’s overall body of work is both more impressive and shows a wider range of ability. So I’ll go with Mamet.
2. You will lose one of your senses, but you may select the one you will do without. Which one is it and, of course, why that one?
Smell, by the process of elimination. Sight and sound are the two most important to me – I wouldn’t want to go the rest of my life without being able to see or hear my family. Taste is the second tier. I love food too much, the diversity that can be found within food, to lose it. Which leaves touch and smell, and of those, feeling the warmth of another person, or the fur of a dog, or the feel of grass beneath bare feet, trumps the value from smell.
3. Underwear has suddenly disappeared from the universe. How are you affected?
Less laundry. More chafing.
4. Why does the Iowa caucus matter? (For all you voyeurs, this is a conversation I wish I could spend 6 hours having with the weasel. Feel free to move along.)
This is also a conversation I could spend six hours writing about. If you don’t mind, I’m going to do a whole post on this one. Look for it early next week.
5. Outside of your family, who most influenced the parts of you that you like?
Perhaps the toughest of the questions for me. I don’t have that one teacher many people seem to have, that person who was inspirational, who showed me things within me that I didn’t know were there, who believed in me, etc. Those people were my family. Generally speaking, I got “Why don’t you work harder” speeches from teachers.
So to answer, I’ll think about the parts of me I like the most. And one of those is my writing. I’m pretty proud of my writing talent. I’d like to think that some of personal voice is present in everything I write. Even the work stuff, the dry stuff, I think you can see me in it. And for that I owe all credit to Hunter S. Thompson. HST showed that you can put yourself into what you write, no matter what you are writing. He showed that ultimately it was all personal, and that wasn’t a bad thing. He’s been the greatest influence on me as a writer, and I owe him tons for that.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Remember When?
Remember when the ice in the ice machine here at work came out in cubes instead of book-sized sheets? Good times. Gooood times.
So what ultimately-totally-irrelevant thing is annoying you in your world today?
So what ultimately-totally-irrelevant thing is annoying you in your world today?
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Curse You, Activist Massachusetts Judges!
Kris has this post about a love affair gone bad that ended up in the courts.
Well, technically, there isn’t anything there indicating that love was involved. Here’s the, uhm, money graffs:
The plaintiff and the defendant were in a long-term committed relationship. Early in the morning of September 24, 1994, they were engaged in consensual sexual intercourse. The plaintiff was lying on his back while the defendant was on top of him. The defendant's body was secured in this position by the interlocking of her legs and the plaintiff's legs. At some point, the defendant unilaterally decided to unlock her legs and place her feet on either side of the plaintiff's abdomen for the purpose of increasing her stimulation. When the defendant changed her position, she did not think about the possibility of injury to the plaintiff. Shortly after taking this new position, the defendant landed awkwardly on the plaintiff, thereby causing him to suffer a penile fracture.
Penile fracture, though sounding extremely unpleasant, is fun to say. Penile fracture! Penile fracture!
Although this was generally a position the couple had used before without incident, the defendant did vary slightly the position previously used, without prior specific discussion and without the explicit prior consent of the plaintiff. It is this variation that the plaintiff claims caused his injury. While the couple had practiced what the defendant described as "light bondage" during their intimate relations, there was no evidence of "light bondage" on this occasion. The plaintiff's injuries were serious and required emergency surgery. He has endured a painful and lengthy recovery. He has suffered from sexual dysfunction that neither medication nor counseling have been able to treat effectively.
You know, maybe if he wouldn’t sue a woman (apparently an extremely limber woman), who inadvertently injured him during sex (and, presumably, he could have said “Take it easy Olga Korbut – that hurts”) thus rendering him an unfit sexual partner for both paid and unpaid prospective partners ("No way, penile fracture boy"), he wouldn’t be suffering from what I am assuming is severe depression over the extreme unlikelihood that he will ever enjoy sexual congress (as opposed to sexual Congress, which none of us want to consider) again.
Well, technically, there isn’t anything there indicating that love was involved. Here’s the, uhm, money graffs:
The plaintiff and the defendant were in a long-term committed relationship. Early in the morning of September 24, 1994, they were engaged in consensual sexual intercourse. The plaintiff was lying on his back while the defendant was on top of him. The defendant's body was secured in this position by the interlocking of her legs and the plaintiff's legs. At some point, the defendant unilaterally decided to unlock her legs and place her feet on either side of the plaintiff's abdomen for the purpose of increasing her stimulation. When the defendant changed her position, she did not think about the possibility of injury to the plaintiff. Shortly after taking this new position, the defendant landed awkwardly on the plaintiff, thereby causing him to suffer a penile fracture.
Penile fracture, though sounding extremely unpleasant, is fun to say. Penile fracture! Penile fracture!
Although this was generally a position the couple had used before without incident, the defendant did vary slightly the position previously used, without prior specific discussion and without the explicit prior consent of the plaintiff. It is this variation that the plaintiff claims caused his injury. While the couple had practiced what the defendant described as "light bondage" during their intimate relations, there was no evidence of "light bondage" on this occasion. The plaintiff's injuries were serious and required emergency surgery. He has endured a painful and lengthy recovery. He has suffered from sexual dysfunction that neither medication nor counseling have been able to treat effectively.
You know, maybe if he wouldn’t sue a woman (apparently an extremely limber woman), who inadvertently injured him during sex (and, presumably, he could have said “Take it easy Olga Korbut – that hurts”) thus rendering him an unfit sexual partner for both paid and unpaid prospective partners ("No way, penile fracture boy"), he wouldn’t be suffering from what I am assuming is severe depression over the extreme unlikelihood that he will ever enjoy sexual congress (as opposed to sexual Congress, which none of us want to consider) again.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Not That You Care, But
Having 24 on Monday night really throws me off because after three years of it being a Tuesday evening staple, I'm conditioned to think it's Tuesday when I watch it and, hence that the next day, in this case, today, is Wednesday, which means the work week is half over, but it's not, it's only about 40% over.
Which bites.
And they better damn well not kill Tony. I know we've got a major recurring male character set to die yet this season, but it better not be Tony. Kill David Palmer. As long as he's alive, people will want to keep having him come back in future seasons, and as this season shows, it's tough as hell to work him in. Tony, on the other hand, is easy to work in. I'd even settle for Michelle being offed if it kept Tony alive.
Remember, you read it hear first. Tony Almeida, Private Eye. It'd be a great show, and it's not like Fox couldn't use another great show or two.
Which bites.
And they better damn well not kill Tony. I know we've got a major recurring male character set to die yet this season, but it better not be Tony. Kill David Palmer. As long as he's alive, people will want to keep having him come back in future seasons, and as this season shows, it's tough as hell to work him in. Tony, on the other hand, is easy to work in. I'd even settle for Michelle being offed if it kept Tony alive.
Remember, you read it hear first. Tony Almeida, Private Eye. It'd be a great show, and it's not like Fox couldn't use another great show or two.
More Questions
This time from Wheezy. See rules in prior posts.
1. What is one major news story or world event that you recall clearly from your childhood, and how did it affect you?
I remember the Kennedy assassination, because coverage of it pre-empted the Saturday morning Bugs Bunny cartoons.
Hey. I was four.
2. Deep down, are you more like Tom or Ian?
I was going to say Tom because I’m 40, not early 20s, but even at Ian’s age I wouldn’t have let Tom and Kate send me on the guilt trip that Ian let them send him on. So Tom it is.
3. What is your opinion on body piercing?
Mine? No way. Lesa? Ears are okay, but it’s her choice. My kids? When they’re older, if that’s what they want, okay. Anyone else? It’s okay if that’s what you want.
4. I overheard a conversation recently. Two people, both of whom were disgusted with Republicans and Democrats, suggested that maybe it was time for a third political party in America. How would you respond to this suggestion?
Did you vote? Do you take part in the political process otherwise, by contacting party leaders or taking part in party meetings? Cause perhaps it would be better to attempt to influence the existing parties instead of creating something new. Oh, and finally, how can you really compare what the Republican party is doing with the Democratic party? The leadership of the Republican party (not Republicans themselves, mind you, but the leadership) is attempting to subrogate all the rights and responsibilities we have had since the founding of the country. The Democratic party is one of the few things standing in their way preventing the establishment of a theocracy.
5. What would you consider to be the most dreadful occupation in the world, and why?
Dog costume photographer.
1. What is one major news story or world event that you recall clearly from your childhood, and how did it affect you?
I remember the Kennedy assassination, because coverage of it pre-empted the Saturday morning Bugs Bunny cartoons.
Hey. I was four.
2. Deep down, are you more like Tom or Ian?
I was going to say Tom because I’m 40, not early 20s, but even at Ian’s age I wouldn’t have let Tom and Kate send me on the guilt trip that Ian let them send him on. So Tom it is.
3. What is your opinion on body piercing?
Mine? No way. Lesa? Ears are okay, but it’s her choice. My kids? When they’re older, if that’s what they want, okay. Anyone else? It’s okay if that’s what you want.
4. I overheard a conversation recently. Two people, both of whom were disgusted with Republicans and Democrats, suggested that maybe it was time for a third political party in America. How would you respond to this suggestion?
Did you vote? Do you take part in the political process otherwise, by contacting party leaders or taking part in party meetings? Cause perhaps it would be better to attempt to influence the existing parties instead of creating something new. Oh, and finally, how can you really compare what the Republican party is doing with the Democratic party? The leadership of the Republican party (not Republicans themselves, mind you, but the leadership) is attempting to subrogate all the rights and responsibilities we have had since the founding of the country. The Democratic party is one of the few things standing in their way preventing the establishment of a theocracy.
5. What would you consider to be the most dreadful occupation in the world, and why?
Dog costume photographer.
Costumed Dogs: The Sequel
I realize I should also have linked to this. Remember – friends don’t let friends get their dogs stoned…
Monday, May 16, 2005
Some Like It Ruff
Comics Funnies. Or Is That Funnies Funnies?
Some days you've just got nothing, so here is some funny from other folks: Superman Is A Dick (courtesy of Glorious Nonsense), and Seanbaby's page of Hostess Cupcake Comic Ads. If you read comics in the 70s and 80s you know what I'm talking about. Otherwise, you don't. Sorry.
Friday, May 13, 2005
Waiter, There's A Finger In My Chili
Authorities have finally identified the source of the finger that the woman in California put in the Wendy’s chili. Film at eleven, story at Yahoo.
The finger that a woman said she found in a bowl of Wendy's chili came from an associate of her husband who lost the digit in an industrial accident, police said Friday.
"The jig is up. The puzzle pieces are beginning to fall into place, and the truth is being exposed," Police Chief Rob Davis said.
The man is from Nevada and lost a part of his finger in an accident last December, Davis said. His identity was traced through a tip made to Wendy's hot line, he said.
He said authorities "positively confirmed that this subject was in fact the source of the fingertip."
…
The man who lost the finger, whose name was not released, had given the finger fragment to Plascencia, Davis said. Davis would not disclose details of the investigation but said the man was cooperating.
Well, that was certainly nice of him to lend a hand…
The finger that a woman said she found in a bowl of Wendy's chili came from an associate of her husband who lost the digit in an industrial accident, police said Friday.
"The jig is up. The puzzle pieces are beginning to fall into place, and the truth is being exposed," Police Chief Rob Davis said.
The man is from Nevada and lost a part of his finger in an accident last December, Davis said. His identity was traced through a tip made to Wendy's hot line, he said.
He said authorities "positively confirmed that this subject was in fact the source of the fingertip."
…
The man who lost the finger, whose name was not released, had given the finger fragment to Plascencia, Davis said. Davis would not disclose details of the investigation but said the man was cooperating.
Well, that was certainly nice of him to lend a hand…
Satan Gets A Blog
Added a link for the Devil’s own.
Okay, it’s just a cartoon. He’s not really Satan. And if my real life friends don't know who I'm talking about, just know that it's another one of my online friends.
Okay, it’s just a cartoon. He’s not really Satan. And if my real life friends don't know who I'm talking about, just know that it's another one of my online friends.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Rebuild Them!
Keith Olbermann doesn’t blog often, but when he hits it, he hits it. See this post on what should go up on the site of the World Trade Center.
Republican Sex Junkies
The Rude Pundit (caution: rudeness ahead) has a wonderful round-up of Republican kink, from bestiality (anti-abortion extremist Neal Horsley), homosexuality (former Spokane Mayor Jim West), buggery/anal rape (W. David Hager, a Bush appointee to the FDA advisor committee on reproductive health drugs) to forced wife swapping and group sex (John Bolton).
This exchange between Horsley and Alan Colmes from Colmes’ radio show is priceless:
In the course of the interview, however, Colmes asked Horsley about his background, including a statement that he had admitted to engaging in homosexual and bestiality sex.
At first, Horsley laughed and said, "Just because it's printed in the media, people jump to believe it."
"Is it true?" Colmes asked.
"Hey, Alan, if you want to accuse me of having sex when I was a fool, I did everything that crossed my mind that looked like I..."
Alan Colmes: "You had sex with animals?"
Neal Horsley: "Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule."
AC: "I'm not so sure that that is so."
NH: "You didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?"
AC: "Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?"
NH: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality... Welcome to domestic life on the farm..."
Colmes said he thought there were a lot of people in the audience who grew up on farms, are living on farms now, raising kids on farms and "and I don't think they are dating Elsie right now. You know what I'm saying?"
Horsley said, "You experiment with anything that moves when you are growing up sexually. You're naive. You know better than that... If it's warm and it's damp and it vibrates you might in fact have sex with it."
Wow. I guess the Republicans do have a big tent.
They need it for all the animals…
This exchange between Horsley and Alan Colmes from Colmes’ radio show is priceless:
In the course of the interview, however, Colmes asked Horsley about his background, including a statement that he had admitted to engaging in homosexual and bestiality sex.
At first, Horsley laughed and said, "Just because it's printed in the media, people jump to believe it."
"Is it true?" Colmes asked.
"Hey, Alan, if you want to accuse me of having sex when I was a fool, I did everything that crossed my mind that looked like I..."
Alan Colmes: "You had sex with animals?"
Neal Horsley: "Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule."
AC: "I'm not so sure that that is so."
NH: "You didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?"
AC: "Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?"
NH: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality... Welcome to domestic life on the farm..."
Colmes said he thought there were a lot of people in the audience who grew up on farms, are living on farms now, raising kids on farms and "and I don't think they are dating Elsie right now. You know what I'm saying?"
Horsley said, "You experiment with anything that moves when you are growing up sexually. You're naive. You know better than that... If it's warm and it's damp and it vibrates you might in fact have sex with it."
Wow. I guess the Republicans do have a big tent.
They need it for all the animals…
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Curse You Englert Theatre!
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
More Questions And Answers
Remember how I did the interview thing before? Here are more questions I’ve gotten. These are from Superman.
1. If you had to eliminate either the entire police force in the United States or the entire U.S. Military, which would it be and why?
The police force, because you could use the military as the police, but you couldn’t really use the police as the military. Plus, the firemen would thank you for it.
2. Design a new form of currency. What's the style, amount, and who's on it?
I’d create Government-issued and backed debit cards that you could fill up for free from your bank account. The amount is whatever you want to add to the card from your account. I’d require that banks assess no fees for loading the cards. I’d put a picture of the founding fathers on it. And a founding mother, too.
3. You've just come up with a product idea that is guaranteed to make you a billionaire within a matter of months. The problem is that test markets show that your product is extremely offensive to about 25% of the general population, the other 75% say it's something that can't live without. It will cost you absolutely no money to produce and projections show that you could employ up to 10,000 people at the end of year one, paying each of them enough to be considered middle class. The 25% have already said that they would protest, but legally, you know they have no chance of successfully taking this product off the market. Do you produce it or not?
It would depend on who was protesting. If I alienated the Christian right with the product, I wouldn’t care a bit going ahead. If I alienated a group I cared about, or was a member of, I wouldn’t be so cavalier about going ahead, although I still might. If what I was making would offend me personally, I wouldn’t do it.
4. Same scenario, except this time you're unemployed (and have been for 6 months with no other income)and you can run the new company anonymously. Do you do it?
I’d like to think the answer is exactly the same, but I don’t know. If I went ahead with it even though it offended me, you can bet I’d be doing big time donations to charity.
I wonder if that’s why Gates gives so much?
5. Which do you love more, pistachios or cashews? Mmmm...
Neither? If forced, I would choose cashews.
These are from Matt:
1) What three changes in ICCT would you immediately implement if you had ultimate authority and knew no one would oppose your changes?
A. Go to a four-show season. Saves time, saves money, saves volunteer effort.
B. Change the process by which plays and directors are chosen. Rather than relying on directors to submit shows and then having the Play and Director Selection committee select the show and director as a package, have the committee first select a slate of 5-7 shows, then ask people to submit for those shows and only those shows. Then conduct the interview process to narrow the selection down to four shows and directors (and two alternate shows and directors) to present to the Board for approval. Play selection is one of the most important decisions the theatre makes – the Board needs more input into the process.
C. Create three positions - managing director, artistic director, and technical director - with ultimate responsibility for the day to day management of the theatre. Give these people authority to make decisions for the theatre, reporting to the Board and the membership. Remove direct election of officers from the membership. Add a couple of additional board positions, then elect officers from the members of the Board. Give the directors two-year contracts (even if not paid positions) and give the Board approval over only a few of their decisions.
2) Would you rather have a heart wrenching dramatic role or a fun loving singing role? Why?
There are three parts I would be willing to kill someone to play.. (Well maybe not kill, but at least beat someone up to play.) Cyrano in, well, Cyrano, Harold Hill in Music Man, and Billy Flynn in Chicago. That’s one heart wrenching dramatic role, two fun loving singing roles, which would tend to indicate I’d rather do fun loving singing roles. On the other hand, musicals, especially big musicals, are a pain in the ass time-wasting venture. Great dramatic roles can often be found in small to medium-sized plays. I’ve decided I’m going to be picky and only be in musicals if it is a part I really, really, want. The same restriction does not apply to dramas, which would tend to indicate I’d rather do heart wrenching dramatic roles. On the third hand, I love singing on stage, getting that chance to show off. So let’s go with musicals before I change my mind again.
3) (giving you back one of the questions you gave me) What would you like your sons to know about you? (Not necessarily right now, but when they are older.)
That I considered my life a success even though we may not have had fame or fortune, even though we may have had struggles, and that they can do the same as long as they are willing to define success in terms that have meaning to them and not in terms that are imposed by others. That I am a personal of spiritual faith, if not of religious orthodoxy, and that while that is a more difficult path to tread, it is ultimately more rewarding. That two poems by Robert Frost, Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening and The Road Not Taken, are essential to understanding who I am.
4) You mentioned wishing you had studied film at NYU. What films have had a huge impact on your life?
Mostly older films, films like Casablanca, A Night at the Opera, and Singing in the Rain. Films with heart, that touch you in some way, that don’t speak down to the audience. I don’t really go to movies to be enlightened – that’s why I read mostly nonfiction. I go to be entertained. If there is a message, and it’s presented in an entertaining manner, cool. But I don’t appreciate didactic films. So, the lesson I’ve derived from films is that it’s better to entertain first, educate second. Cause if you go the other way, you’ll lose too many people.
5) What one question do you want me to ask and what is the answer?
Q: Do you want me to tell you when I’m bluffing at poker? A: Yes.
1. If you had to eliminate either the entire police force in the United States or the entire U.S. Military, which would it be and why?
The police force, because you could use the military as the police, but you couldn’t really use the police as the military. Plus, the firemen would thank you for it.
2. Design a new form of currency. What's the style, amount, and who's on it?
I’d create Government-issued and backed debit cards that you could fill up for free from your bank account. The amount is whatever you want to add to the card from your account. I’d require that banks assess no fees for loading the cards. I’d put a picture of the founding fathers on it. And a founding mother, too.
3. You've just come up with a product idea that is guaranteed to make you a billionaire within a matter of months. The problem is that test markets show that your product is extremely offensive to about 25% of the general population, the other 75% say it's something that can't live without. It will cost you absolutely no money to produce and projections show that you could employ up to 10,000 people at the end of year one, paying each of them enough to be considered middle class. The 25% have already said that they would protest, but legally, you know they have no chance of successfully taking this product off the market. Do you produce it or not?
It would depend on who was protesting. If I alienated the Christian right with the product, I wouldn’t care a bit going ahead. If I alienated a group I cared about, or was a member of, I wouldn’t be so cavalier about going ahead, although I still might. If what I was making would offend me personally, I wouldn’t do it.
4. Same scenario, except this time you're unemployed (and have been for 6 months with no other income)and you can run the new company anonymously. Do you do it?
I’d like to think the answer is exactly the same, but I don’t know. If I went ahead with it even though it offended me, you can bet I’d be doing big time donations to charity.
I wonder if that’s why Gates gives so much?
5. Which do you love more, pistachios or cashews? Mmmm...
Neither? If forced, I would choose cashews.
These are from Matt:
1) What three changes in ICCT would you immediately implement if you had ultimate authority and knew no one would oppose your changes?
A. Go to a four-show season. Saves time, saves money, saves volunteer effort.
B. Change the process by which plays and directors are chosen. Rather than relying on directors to submit shows and then having the Play and Director Selection committee select the show and director as a package, have the committee first select a slate of 5-7 shows, then ask people to submit for those shows and only those shows. Then conduct the interview process to narrow the selection down to four shows and directors (and two alternate shows and directors) to present to the Board for approval. Play selection is one of the most important decisions the theatre makes – the Board needs more input into the process.
C. Create three positions - managing director, artistic director, and technical director - with ultimate responsibility for the day to day management of the theatre. Give these people authority to make decisions for the theatre, reporting to the Board and the membership. Remove direct election of officers from the membership. Add a couple of additional board positions, then elect officers from the members of the Board. Give the directors two-year contracts (even if not paid positions) and give the Board approval over only a few of their decisions.
2) Would you rather have a heart wrenching dramatic role or a fun loving singing role? Why?
There are three parts I would be willing to kill someone to play.. (Well maybe not kill, but at least beat someone up to play.) Cyrano in, well, Cyrano, Harold Hill in Music Man, and Billy Flynn in Chicago. That’s one heart wrenching dramatic role, two fun loving singing roles, which would tend to indicate I’d rather do fun loving singing roles. On the other hand, musicals, especially big musicals, are a pain in the ass time-wasting venture. Great dramatic roles can often be found in small to medium-sized plays. I’ve decided I’m going to be picky and only be in musicals if it is a part I really, really, want. The same restriction does not apply to dramas, which would tend to indicate I’d rather do heart wrenching dramatic roles. On the third hand, I love singing on stage, getting that chance to show off. So let’s go with musicals before I change my mind again.
3) (giving you back one of the questions you gave me) What would you like your sons to know about you? (Not necessarily right now, but when they are older.)
That I considered my life a success even though we may not have had fame or fortune, even though we may have had struggles, and that they can do the same as long as they are willing to define success in terms that have meaning to them and not in terms that are imposed by others. That I am a personal of spiritual faith, if not of religious orthodoxy, and that while that is a more difficult path to tread, it is ultimately more rewarding. That two poems by Robert Frost, Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening and The Road Not Taken, are essential to understanding who I am.
4) You mentioned wishing you had studied film at NYU. What films have had a huge impact on your life?
Mostly older films, films like Casablanca, A Night at the Opera, and Singing in the Rain. Films with heart, that touch you in some way, that don’t speak down to the audience. I don’t really go to movies to be enlightened – that’s why I read mostly nonfiction. I go to be entertained. If there is a message, and it’s presented in an entertaining manner, cool. But I don’t appreciate didactic films. So, the lesson I’ve derived from films is that it’s better to entertain first, educate second. Cause if you go the other way, you’ll lose too many people.
5) What one question do you want me to ask and what is the answer?
Q: Do you want me to tell you when I’m bluffing at poker? A: Yes.
Jesus News
Here’s a great paragraph from today’s Bull Moose post about the prospects of a Hilary Clinton campaign in 2008. He has this to say about the argument that Hilary would be subject to an intense amount of personal attacks if she ran:
The ugly truth is that if Jesus of Nazareth himself returned and dared to run on the Democratic line the righteous right would tar him as a bleeding heart vagabond who couldn't hold a job and that he needed a shave. No doubt a Galilee Fishingboat Veterans for Truth outfit would call into question Jesus' miracle claims - financed with lavish funding from Rove's buddies in Texas and maximum exposure on Fox News. Just imagine the book - "Unfit to Save".
And don’t forget this story on CNN about how Jesus is trying to get a driver’s license in West Virginia. My favorite line:
”Christ is not speaking to the press at this time," Pishevar said.
The ugly truth is that if Jesus of Nazareth himself returned and dared to run on the Democratic line the righteous right would tar him as a bleeding heart vagabond who couldn't hold a job and that he needed a shave. No doubt a Galilee Fishingboat Veterans for Truth outfit would call into question Jesus' miracle claims - financed with lavish funding from Rove's buddies in Texas and maximum exposure on Fox News. Just imagine the book - "Unfit to Save".
And don’t forget this story on CNN about how Jesus is trying to get a driver’s license in West Virginia. My favorite line:
”Christ is not speaking to the press at this time," Pishevar said.
When The Bradman Testifies
As Kris at Random Mentality silently points out, Bradman has announced his candidacy for one of the at-large seats on the Iowa City City Council. Kris and I both met Bradman when we acted with him in ICCT’s production of Harvey a few years back. Bradman was the orderly, whose name escapes me at the present. Brad has a weekly television show on Thursday nights on Public Access TV and is the middle of the day DJ at KCJJ. It’s weird. Brad is basically an intelligent, funny, somewhat sensitive guy, but he has created this whole buffoonish Howard Stern-lite sleazoid personality for his radio and TV gigs. I think he might actually be good on the council, but I also wonder if it isn’t all a joke. It’s an elaborate one if it is, as he has an official Web site and a campaign blog where he discusses issues. On the other hand, check out the totally cheesy picture on this page.
Monday, May 09, 2005
2015 SATs
The Poor Man lists questions from the 2015 SATs. Here’s a question from each portion of the test:
PART A: Science
2. Global temperatures have risen 1 degree F since 2004. This is due to:
A. the greenhouse effect
B. unsound science
C. the Clinton administration
D. gays
PART B: Mathematics
2. If dinosaurs first appeared 250 million years ago, and became extinct 185 million years later, how long ago did they become extinct?
A. 65 million years ago
B. There is no paleontological consensus that dinosaurs ever existed
C. 3500 years ago, during the Flood
D. However long ago it was that they turned gay and lost their moral values
PART C: History
1. The US lost the Vietnam War because:
A. we miscalculated the determination of the enemy.
B. liberals and the media wouldn’t let Rambo do his job.
C. IT WAS A TIE!
D. Clinton made everyone in the Army get gay married.
PART D: Literature
1. What is the greatest book ever written by an American?
A. The Great Gatsby
B. A Charge to Keep
C. Left Behind 2: Tribulation Force
D. The Bible
PART A: Science
2. Global temperatures have risen 1 degree F since 2004. This is due to:
A. the greenhouse effect
B. unsound science
C. the Clinton administration
D. gays
PART B: Mathematics
2. If dinosaurs first appeared 250 million years ago, and became extinct 185 million years later, how long ago did they become extinct?
A. 65 million years ago
B. There is no paleontological consensus that dinosaurs ever existed
C. 3500 years ago, during the Flood
D. However long ago it was that they turned gay and lost their moral values
PART C: History
1. The US lost the Vietnam War because:
A. we miscalculated the determination of the enemy.
B. liberals and the media wouldn’t let Rambo do his job.
C. IT WAS A TIE!
D. Clinton made everyone in the Army get gay married.
PART D: Literature
1. What is the greatest book ever written by an American?
A. The Great Gatsby
B. A Charge to Keep
C. Left Behind 2: Tribulation Force
D. The Bible
Friday, May 06, 2005
Songs For A Crappy Friday
Good Year For The Roses
Elvis Costello
I can hardly bear the sight of lipstick on the cigarettes there in the ashtray
Lyin’ cold the way you left ’em, but at least your lips caressed them while you packed
Or the lip-print on a half-filled cup of coffee that you poured and didn’t drink
But at least you thought you wanted it, that’s so much more than I can say for me
What a good year for the roses
Many blooms still linger there
The lawn could stand another mowin’
Funny I don’t even care
As you turn to walk away
As the door behind you closes
The only thing I have to say
It’s been a good year for the roses
After three full years of marriage, it’s the first time that you haven’t made the bed
I guess the reason we’re not talkin’, there’s so little left to say we haven’t said
While a million thoughts go racin’ through my mind, I find I haven’t said a word
From the bedroom the familiar sound of a baby’s cryin’ goes unheard
What a good year for the roses
Many blooms still linger there
The lawn could stand another mowin’
Funny I don’t even care
As you turn to walk away
As the door behind you closes
The only thing I have to say
It’s been a good year for the roses
Walk Away Renee
Left Bank
And when I see the sign that points one way
The lot we used to pass by every day
Just walk away Renee
You won't see me follow you back home
The empty sidewalks on my block are not the same
You're not to blame
From deep inside the tears I'm forced to cry
From deep inside the pain I chose to hide
Just walk away Renee
You won't see me follow you back home
Now as the rain beats down upon my weary eyes
For me it cries
Your name and mine inside a heart upon a wall
Still find a way to haunt me though they're so small
Just walk away Renee
You won't see me follow you back home
Now as the rain beats down upon my weary eyes
For me it cries
Just walk away Renee
You won't see me follow you back home
The empty sidewalks on my block are not the same
You're not to blame
Elvis Costello
I can hardly bear the sight of lipstick on the cigarettes there in the ashtray
Lyin’ cold the way you left ’em, but at least your lips caressed them while you packed
Or the lip-print on a half-filled cup of coffee that you poured and didn’t drink
But at least you thought you wanted it, that’s so much more than I can say for me
What a good year for the roses
Many blooms still linger there
The lawn could stand another mowin’
Funny I don’t even care
As you turn to walk away
As the door behind you closes
The only thing I have to say
It’s been a good year for the roses
After three full years of marriage, it’s the first time that you haven’t made the bed
I guess the reason we’re not talkin’, there’s so little left to say we haven’t said
While a million thoughts go racin’ through my mind, I find I haven’t said a word
From the bedroom the familiar sound of a baby’s cryin’ goes unheard
What a good year for the roses
Many blooms still linger there
The lawn could stand another mowin’
Funny I don’t even care
As you turn to walk away
As the door behind you closes
The only thing I have to say
It’s been a good year for the roses
Walk Away Renee
Left Bank
And when I see the sign that points one way
The lot we used to pass by every day
Just walk away Renee
You won't see me follow you back home
The empty sidewalks on my block are not the same
You're not to blame
From deep inside the tears I'm forced to cry
From deep inside the pain I chose to hide
Just walk away Renee
You won't see me follow you back home
Now as the rain beats down upon my weary eyes
For me it cries
Your name and mine inside a heart upon a wall
Still find a way to haunt me though they're so small
Just walk away Renee
You won't see me follow you back home
Now as the rain beats down upon my weary eyes
For me it cries
Just walk away Renee
You won't see me follow you back home
The empty sidewalks on my block are not the same
You're not to blame
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Interviews
There’s this whole interview meme going around the blogs I visit. The blogger gets questions from someone else, posts the answers on their blog, and then opens it up to others to ask for questions. (The rules are posted at the bottom of the post.) I asked for questions from both Gothmog and Immunegirl. The first set are from Goth:
1. What theater production (that you were directly involved in) was the most enjoyable experience for you, and why?
I’d say it was playing Mr. Peachum in a production of Brecht’s The Threepenny Opera. Not because of the production as a whole. Oh no. On that production I first learned of Greenman’s “They Won’t Hate Me Theory”. Read the link for the whole thing, but in short the theory says that when the production is going poorly, you can either not care or try your hardest so that even if the audience hates everyone else, they won’t hate you. Perhaps you’ve never considered it before, perhaps you have and just didn’t do so consciously. But you can’t imagine how much audiences like having someone or something to like in a production that otherwise bites.
(This same production had one of the best review lines I’ve ever seen. The man who played the street singer was gay, flamboyantly gay. A reviewer said he was “Full of warm spunk.” Our reaction? “Well of course he is.”)
So no, not because of the greatest of the production. Because of the greatness of the part. Peachum is a truly villainous character who justifies his villainy as being the same thing the wealthy are doing. It’s a big, juicy part, full of great lines. He has four great songs – two solos, a duet, and a trio, as well as a key part in another ensemble. It was a great chance to show a lot of range, range people who didn’t see the production forget I have. I loved it, and would love to do it again.
And yes, they didn’t hate me.
2. You're ahead of your time in your belief that...
The gay rights battles in this country will eventually be looked at as much briefer, and much less bloody, than similar battles over racial and sexual equal rights. Indeed, I think by the time we hit 2020 the vast majority will have no objection to gay marriage, and that most people will look back and think “What? Were we high?”
3. What's your biggest regret from your youth?
That I chose the University of Iowa over New York University. Usually, it’s the small choices in life that have the biggest effect. You make a small decision here, a small decision there, and another and another and eventually you find yourself on a vastly different path. But that there was a huge decision. I can’t imagine what I would be if I had gone to NYU to study film instead of Iowa to study journalism.
4. Who had the most influence in the development of your sense of humor?
My father. As much as I might sometimes think it comes from other places, he had this semi-twisted totally off-kilter sense of humor that is the basis of mine. You can see the same sense of humor in my older and younger sisters.
5. Someone saw you on the street this morning and said "That was you?" What did you do to earn this response?
I would assume the Royal Flush Plumbing commercial where I play the father desperate to get into the bathroom his teenage daughter is using started airing again.
These are from Immunegirl:
1. What is the one thing you know the most about?
Me. I’ve been studying me for almost 45 years now. I’m probably the world’s expert.
2. Which is the one TV character that you would most like to be?
Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law.
3. If you had a million dollars to donate to charity(ies), where would it go?
Easy. $600,000 to the Iowa City Community Theatre, $300,000 to Dreamwell Theatre, and $100,000 to the scholarship fund in my father’s name at my high school.
4. What is the best advice you've ever received?
I keep coming back to my father, but there you have it. Just before I started college he took me aside and said to me:
“There’s a lot of temptations out there. The trick is to know which ones to give into and which ones to avoid. I think we’ve done a good enough job of raising you that you will do well at that.”
Note that it wasn’t “avoid this” or “avoid that”. It was “make wise choices” and then putting his faith in me that I could.
5. If you had an unlimited budget and could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Well, I’ve never been to me.
Wait, that contradicts what I said above. So instead, I’d learn how to sail, buy a good, sturdy boat, and set sail around the world. No particular destinations, no particular agenda. Just sailing towards whatever I find. As an alternative, London.
And now the rules for those of you interested in being interviewed:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions of my choosing.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. If you don't have a blog, you can post your responses in my comments section.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post, following the same rules.
1. What theater production (that you were directly involved in) was the most enjoyable experience for you, and why?
I’d say it was playing Mr. Peachum in a production of Brecht’s The Threepenny Opera. Not because of the production as a whole. Oh no. On that production I first learned of Greenman’s “They Won’t Hate Me Theory”. Read the link for the whole thing, but in short the theory says that when the production is going poorly, you can either not care or try your hardest so that even if the audience hates everyone else, they won’t hate you. Perhaps you’ve never considered it before, perhaps you have and just didn’t do so consciously. But you can’t imagine how much audiences like having someone or something to like in a production that otherwise bites.
(This same production had one of the best review lines I’ve ever seen. The man who played the street singer was gay, flamboyantly gay. A reviewer said he was “Full of warm spunk.” Our reaction? “Well of course he is.”)
So no, not because of the greatest of the production. Because of the greatness of the part. Peachum is a truly villainous character who justifies his villainy as being the same thing the wealthy are doing. It’s a big, juicy part, full of great lines. He has four great songs – two solos, a duet, and a trio, as well as a key part in another ensemble. It was a great chance to show a lot of range, range people who didn’t see the production forget I have. I loved it, and would love to do it again.
And yes, they didn’t hate me.
2. You're ahead of your time in your belief that...
The gay rights battles in this country will eventually be looked at as much briefer, and much less bloody, than similar battles over racial and sexual equal rights. Indeed, I think by the time we hit 2020 the vast majority will have no objection to gay marriage, and that most people will look back and think “What? Were we high?”
3. What's your biggest regret from your youth?
That I chose the University of Iowa over New York University. Usually, it’s the small choices in life that have the biggest effect. You make a small decision here, a small decision there, and another and another and eventually you find yourself on a vastly different path. But that there was a huge decision. I can’t imagine what I would be if I had gone to NYU to study film instead of Iowa to study journalism.
4. Who had the most influence in the development of your sense of humor?
My father. As much as I might sometimes think it comes from other places, he had this semi-twisted totally off-kilter sense of humor that is the basis of mine. You can see the same sense of humor in my older and younger sisters.
5. Someone saw you on the street this morning and said "That was you?" What did you do to earn this response?
I would assume the Royal Flush Plumbing commercial where I play the father desperate to get into the bathroom his teenage daughter is using started airing again.
These are from Immunegirl:
1. What is the one thing you know the most about?
Me. I’ve been studying me for almost 45 years now. I’m probably the world’s expert.
2. Which is the one TV character that you would most like to be?
Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law.
3. If you had a million dollars to donate to charity(ies), where would it go?
Easy. $600,000 to the Iowa City Community Theatre, $300,000 to Dreamwell Theatre, and $100,000 to the scholarship fund in my father’s name at my high school.
4. What is the best advice you've ever received?
I keep coming back to my father, but there you have it. Just before I started college he took me aside and said to me:
“There’s a lot of temptations out there. The trick is to know which ones to give into and which ones to avoid. I think we’ve done a good enough job of raising you that you will do well at that.”
Note that it wasn’t “avoid this” or “avoid that”. It was “make wise choices” and then putting his faith in me that I could.
5. If you had an unlimited budget and could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Well, I’ve never been to me.
Wait, that contradicts what I said above. So instead, I’d learn how to sail, buy a good, sturdy boat, and set sail around the world. No particular destinations, no particular agenda. Just sailing towards whatever I find. As an alternative, London.
And now the rules for those of you interested in being interviewed:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions of my choosing.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. If you don't have a blog, you can post your responses in my comments section.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post, following the same rules.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Two Baseball Stories
Actually, the first is not a baseball story so much as a human interest story involving a major league baseball player. The story is about the player’s parents and it really wouldn’t be much of a story if it weren’t for the fact that his parents are a lesbian couple. (His father left prior to his birth.) The interesting thing about this is the amount of acceptance his parents have received from his friends throughout his baseball career, which, when you consider that he went to college in Alabama, is somewhat surprising. Ultimately, it is testimony to the fact that much of people’s fear of gays stems from lack of knowledge, and that almost always with acquaintance comes acceptance. Someday our current battles over equal rights for gays will be a relic of another day, and it will be in part because of stories like this.
The other baseball story is truly a baseball story. Former Braves pitcher (and former major league pitching coach) Tom House recently gave an interview where he claims that steroid use was widespread among players in the 60s and 70s when he played. Now, one of the things that causes the most hand-wringing among sports columnists when it comes to recent steroid use in baseball is “What shall we do about the records? We don’t know how many homers X would have hit if he hadn’t been on the juice! Course, we don’t know that he was on the juice, but still.” But if it is indeed the case that, as long as there have been being paid to play the game, there have been players looking for an extra edge, then it really doesn’t matter what you do about the records. You can assume that everyone in the past was clean, you can assume that everyone in the past was juiced, you can assume that some were clean and some were juiced. You can assume all sorts of things, but you can’t prove any of them about the past. So let all records stand as they currently are, no asterisks, and move forward from there.
The other baseball story is truly a baseball story. Former Braves pitcher (and former major league pitching coach) Tom House recently gave an interview where he claims that steroid use was widespread among players in the 60s and 70s when he played. Now, one of the things that causes the most hand-wringing among sports columnists when it comes to recent steroid use in baseball is “What shall we do about the records? We don’t know how many homers X would have hit if he hadn’t been on the juice! Course, we don’t know that he was on the juice, but still.” But if it is indeed the case that, as long as there have been being paid to play the game, there have been players looking for an extra edge, then it really doesn’t matter what you do about the records. You can assume that everyone in the past was clean, you can assume that everyone in the past was juiced, you can assume that some were clean and some were juiced. You can assume all sorts of things, but you can’t prove any of them about the past. So let all records stand as they currently are, no asterisks, and move forward from there.
Monday, May 02, 2005
Laughter
We had a good time playing cards Friday night. It was a small group that started the evening: Matt, greenman, Kris, and TanMan. Kris played two games and left. The rest of us played two more. I took a first, a second, and two fourths, though I was in strong position to win a second game and if I hadn’t made a stupid bluff, might have placed in another. So I was happy with the evening.
But that’s not why I’m writing. If I just wanted to write about poker, I would post on our poker blog. I want to write about humor. We said some very funny things Friday night. Indeed, I said something around 2:00 am, when there was just the four of us left, that had us all laughing hard. It was that intense kind of laughter that makes you stand up and walk around and bend over and you still are laughing and you can’t stop and you start to ache and tear up but you just can’t stop. And then, after we had all regained composure, TanMan riffed on what I said with something that made us laugh even harder.
But I can’t share it with you. For one thing, it would take way too long to set-up. What I said was based on something Kris had said five hours earlier. It played off of conversations we had in the intervening five hours. I don’t have the time to recreate five hours of conversation and you have neither the time nor the inclination to read them. For another, if you didn’t know the people involved in the joke (people we all know and have acted and worked backstage with) it wouldn’t be funny. It was genuinely funny to us, and not just in a 2:00 am sort of way. But it wouldn’t share very well. At least not in a manner that would be as intense for a reader of this as it was for us.
And ultimately, isn’t that the case with all humor? Isn’t it the case that the more people that can understand the joke, the less intense the resulting humor is? I’ve been to movies where I laughed very, very hard. But it never has approached the intensity of the laughter I experience in a situation with a small group of friends like what happened Friday night.
But that’s not why I’m writing. If I just wanted to write about poker, I would post on our poker blog. I want to write about humor. We said some very funny things Friday night. Indeed, I said something around 2:00 am, when there was just the four of us left, that had us all laughing hard. It was that intense kind of laughter that makes you stand up and walk around and bend over and you still are laughing and you can’t stop and you start to ache and tear up but you just can’t stop. And then, after we had all regained composure, TanMan riffed on what I said with something that made us laugh even harder.
But I can’t share it with you. For one thing, it would take way too long to set-up. What I said was based on something Kris had said five hours earlier. It played off of conversations we had in the intervening five hours. I don’t have the time to recreate five hours of conversation and you have neither the time nor the inclination to read them. For another, if you didn’t know the people involved in the joke (people we all know and have acted and worked backstage with) it wouldn’t be funny. It was genuinely funny to us, and not just in a 2:00 am sort of way. But it wouldn’t share very well. At least not in a manner that would be as intense for a reader of this as it was for us.
And ultimately, isn’t that the case with all humor? Isn’t it the case that the more people that can understand the joke, the less intense the resulting humor is? I’ve been to movies where I laughed very, very hard. But it never has approached the intensity of the laughter I experience in a situation with a small group of friends like what happened Friday night.
Late Links
Some more housekeeping stuff. Due to popular demand, I've changed my profile so that it is actually my profile. Not sure how the Arabic one got in there, but that wasn't me. Really. I've also added an email account. A brand-spanking new email account that will probably be filled with spam in under an hour. Oh, and two more links: one from Goth at Quips and Quibbles (should have been Quibbles and Bits), and one at Collecting Shards that I think I know who it is but am not saying cause it seems the author wishes to remain private.
And thanks for the comment deleting tips, Goth.
And thanks for the comment deleting tips, Goth.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Poker Tonight
If you're on the poker club email list, you already know we are playing this evening around 8:00 at our place. Pop, chips, and some beer will be provided. With any luck, we'll actually have some posts on the poker blog after this game.
Friday Child Blogging
Ethan is just starting to be able to say his own name. That’s one thing you don’t take into account when you’re naming a baby – how difficult is it to say the name. At least we didn’t take it into account. He’s been saying his brother’s and his mother’s names for some time now, but he’s just now starting to say his. It comes out “E-ten”, but it’s really cute. You’ll hold a picture of him up to him and say “Who’s that?” and he’ll say “E-ten”. We’ll wait a bit to work on his middle name, Wesley.
I used to look longingly at people who were with their children, wanting the relationship they had. I still look at them, but now it’s because they always remind me of my boys. Being a father is one of the best things I’ve ever done. One of the hardest too, for that matter. But definitely one of the best.
My boys. At first, when we got the news that the child Lesa was carrying was going to be a boy, I was disappointed. I had wanted a daughter. I think mothers and sons have a stronger bond than fathers and sons, and fathers and daughters a stronger bond than mothers and daughters. But that disappointment quickly faded (it took all of about five minutes after the pronouncement), and now I’m glad I have sons. I still think mothers and sons have a stronger bond than fathers and sons, and I know that, if Ethan remains as stubborn and hardheaded as he is now, which, to be fair, is as stubborn and hardheaded as I can be, then the two of us will clash heads. A lot. But I think we will still have a good bond – Lesa always says he’s daddy’s boy, and he probably is. Which is nice.
I used to look longingly at people who were with their children, wanting the relationship they had. I still look at them, but now it’s because they always remind me of my boys. Being a father is one of the best things I’ve ever done. One of the hardest too, for that matter. But definitely one of the best.
My boys. At first, when we got the news that the child Lesa was carrying was going to be a boy, I was disappointed. I had wanted a daughter. I think mothers and sons have a stronger bond than fathers and sons, and fathers and daughters a stronger bond than mothers and daughters. But that disappointment quickly faded (it took all of about five minutes after the pronouncement), and now I’m glad I have sons. I still think mothers and sons have a stronger bond than fathers and sons, and I know that, if Ethan remains as stubborn and hardheaded as he is now, which, to be fair, is as stubborn and hardheaded as I can be, then the two of us will clash heads. A lot. But I think we will still have a good bond – Lesa always says he’s daddy’s boy, and he probably is. Which is nice.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Death And The Legislature
There has been a flurry of activity in the Iowa Legislature as a response to the Jetseta Gage tragedy. In brief, she was the young girl who was kidnapped, raped, and murdered by a convicted sex offender. Our legislators are trying to look tough by proposing new laws that will prevent this sort of thing from happening.
Now, it gets a little complicated. Roger Bentley, the man who committed the crime, was able to take her in part because her mother, Trena Gage, had invited him to the family home to work on her car. Trena met Roger through his brother, James. James was Trena’s ex-boyfriend. (And, if you dig far enough into the sordid history, a man that Trena once sued for child support as the father of her son. But DNA testing said he wasn’t.) James also was jailed last November for repeatedly raping Jetseta over a two-year period. Trena claimed she had no knowledge of this, but during the time she was dating James he was arrested for another incident involving inappropriate contact with a minor. I offer none of this as exculpation for Roger Bentley, just as proof of the fact that answers to these problems sometimes can’t be found in legislative action. By that I mean that the easiest way to have prevented Jetseta Gage from being kidnapped, raped, and murdered would have been for her mother to JUST NOT HANG OUT WITH CONVICTED SEX OFFENDERS IN THE FIRST PLACE! Sorry for the all-caps, but Trena’s actions in this case, indeed throughout the lives of her children, are inexcusable. Absolutely inexcusable.
But I digress.
As I mentioned, a lot of new legislation has been proposed. A group of Republicans are trying to start a debate on the death penalty, and are being blocked in the Iowa Senate by the Senate Democratic leader who refuses to let a bill out of committee if it contains the death penalty.
Time to digress again. The Iowa Senate is currently tied, 25 Democrats and 25 Republican. The Iowa House is slightly Republican. Prior to this, Republicans had control of both chambers for about 8 years. During that time, they never once brought a bill containing the death penalty to the floor for debate. There weren’t the votes for it to pass, the governor wouldn’t sign it, and a majority of Iowans opposed it. So they didn’t bother.
But now, now they do want it brought to the floor. One of the leaders in the movement is a Republican who, last fall when he was up for election, told voters he did not believe in the death penalty. But now he wants it, because of loopholes in the sex offender law.
Not sure why he doesn’t just want to fix those loopholes, but there you are.
Anyway, to make a long story longer, I am opposed to the death penalty. I won’t go into those reasons now – it’s not the purpose of this. I will say that the only reason that appears to be valid for having it is as a deterrent. And that’s one of the grounds supporters are giving for wanting it. To deter future crimes.
Doesn’t matter that all the statistical evidence shows that the death penalty doesn’t deter violent crime and that, indeed, states with the death penalty are the states with the highest rates of violent crime and, even further, that states that institute the death penalty see their violent crime rates go up. That should matter, but it doesn’t. And it doesn’t matter that a death penalty would not have prevented Roger Bentley from doing what he did. He wasn’t thinking about consequences, anymore than a cat thinks about consequences when it jumps a bird. He was thinking gratification of his immediate needs. He was as an animal, acting in accordance with the twisted way he was hard-wired. No, the death penalty would not have deterred him. That should matter, but it doesn’t.
(Although I will add one more complication to this, something I have wondered about. Did Roger Bentley do what he did in part to help his brother? His brother’s lawyer is saying that tapes made of Jetseta’s depositions should not be allowed in court during James’ trial because he will be unable to face his accuser. I’m not saying that went through Roger’s mind, but more of an instinctual “Hurt girl – help James” thing. We will never know unless Roger says something.)
The supporters are arguing that the death penalty would be a deterrent, and, as such, they want the death penalty for anyone that murders a child. They also want it for anyone who kidnaps a child with intent to do the child harm. And that’s what this long, rambling post is about. Because that sets off my“What? Are you high?” alarm. (Note: Sometimes the most appropriate response to a really insane idea is “What? Are you high?”)
Because it’s like this. If a person is rational enough that they are thinking about the consequences if they get caught, then why make the penalty for kidnapping the same as the penalty for murder? It’s much easier to get away with the kidnapping if you murder the victim. And if the penalty for the kidnapping is the same as the penalty for the murder, then why the hell would you let the victim live? (With the caveat that you are giving some thought to the consequences of being caught and, as such, are susceptible to being deterred, and if you aren’t giving thought to the consequences of being caught then it doesn’t really matter what the punishment is because it could be being drawn and quartered and it wouldn’t deter you) The answer? You wouldn’t. If you’re going to get punished the same for kidnapping you’ve just committed as you are for murdering the victim, you’d go ahead and murder the victim and take your chances that you wouldn’t get caught. In short, passing this law would incent criminals to commit murder.
And I don’t really think that’s a valid goal of our legislative body.
Now, it gets a little complicated. Roger Bentley, the man who committed the crime, was able to take her in part because her mother, Trena Gage, had invited him to the family home to work on her car. Trena met Roger through his brother, James. James was Trena’s ex-boyfriend. (And, if you dig far enough into the sordid history, a man that Trena once sued for child support as the father of her son. But DNA testing said he wasn’t.) James also was jailed last November for repeatedly raping Jetseta over a two-year period. Trena claimed she had no knowledge of this, but during the time she was dating James he was arrested for another incident involving inappropriate contact with a minor. I offer none of this as exculpation for Roger Bentley, just as proof of the fact that answers to these problems sometimes can’t be found in legislative action. By that I mean that the easiest way to have prevented Jetseta Gage from being kidnapped, raped, and murdered would have been for her mother to JUST NOT HANG OUT WITH CONVICTED SEX OFFENDERS IN THE FIRST PLACE! Sorry for the all-caps, but Trena’s actions in this case, indeed throughout the lives of her children, are inexcusable. Absolutely inexcusable.
But I digress.
As I mentioned, a lot of new legislation has been proposed. A group of Republicans are trying to start a debate on the death penalty, and are being blocked in the Iowa Senate by the Senate Democratic leader who refuses to let a bill out of committee if it contains the death penalty.
Time to digress again. The Iowa Senate is currently tied, 25 Democrats and 25 Republican. The Iowa House is slightly Republican. Prior to this, Republicans had control of both chambers for about 8 years. During that time, they never once brought a bill containing the death penalty to the floor for debate. There weren’t the votes for it to pass, the governor wouldn’t sign it, and a majority of Iowans opposed it. So they didn’t bother.
But now, now they do want it brought to the floor. One of the leaders in the movement is a Republican who, last fall when he was up for election, told voters he did not believe in the death penalty. But now he wants it, because of loopholes in the sex offender law.
Not sure why he doesn’t just want to fix those loopholes, but there you are.
Anyway, to make a long story longer, I am opposed to the death penalty. I won’t go into those reasons now – it’s not the purpose of this. I will say that the only reason that appears to be valid for having it is as a deterrent. And that’s one of the grounds supporters are giving for wanting it. To deter future crimes.
Doesn’t matter that all the statistical evidence shows that the death penalty doesn’t deter violent crime and that, indeed, states with the death penalty are the states with the highest rates of violent crime and, even further, that states that institute the death penalty see their violent crime rates go up. That should matter, but it doesn’t. And it doesn’t matter that a death penalty would not have prevented Roger Bentley from doing what he did. He wasn’t thinking about consequences, anymore than a cat thinks about consequences when it jumps a bird. He was thinking gratification of his immediate needs. He was as an animal, acting in accordance with the twisted way he was hard-wired. No, the death penalty would not have deterred him. That should matter, but it doesn’t.
(Although I will add one more complication to this, something I have wondered about. Did Roger Bentley do what he did in part to help his brother? His brother’s lawyer is saying that tapes made of Jetseta’s depositions should not be allowed in court during James’ trial because he will be unable to face his accuser. I’m not saying that went through Roger’s mind, but more of an instinctual “Hurt girl – help James” thing. We will never know unless Roger says something.)
The supporters are arguing that the death penalty would be a deterrent, and, as such, they want the death penalty for anyone that murders a child. They also want it for anyone who kidnaps a child with intent to do the child harm. And that’s what this long, rambling post is about. Because that sets off my“What? Are you high?” alarm. (Note: Sometimes the most appropriate response to a really insane idea is “What? Are you high?”)
Because it’s like this. If a person is rational enough that they are thinking about the consequences if they get caught, then why make the penalty for kidnapping the same as the penalty for murder? It’s much easier to get away with the kidnapping if you murder the victim. And if the penalty for the kidnapping is the same as the penalty for the murder, then why the hell would you let the victim live? (With the caveat that you are giving some thought to the consequences of being caught and, as such, are susceptible to being deterred, and if you aren’t giving thought to the consequences of being caught then it doesn’t really matter what the punishment is because it could be being drawn and quartered and it wouldn’t deter you) The answer? You wouldn’t. If you’re going to get punished the same for kidnapping you’ve just committed as you are for murdering the victim, you’d go ahead and murder the victim and take your chances that you wouldn’t get caught. In short, passing this law would incent criminals to commit murder.
And I don’t really think that’s a valid goal of our legislative body.
The New Glasses Are In! The New Glasses Are In!
And it is tough to adjust to - damn tough. I'm finding it particularly difficult at the computer so far because I can't just move it farther back or up and down. I keep putting my old pair on, but then I say to myself "I need to learn how to use the new ones" and switch, then switch again because it's tough to get anything done. So if posting is slight today, that's why.
Also, I find that I now have to look directly at someone speaking. So tomorrow night at poker, if you think I'm staring, I am. But not in a bad way.
Also, I find that I now have to look directly at someone speaking. So tomorrow night at poker, if you think I'm staring, I am. But not in a bad way.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Link Fest 2005
Bunch of new links, and some rearrangement. The sidebar is now on the left, the text space is wider, the previous posts is gone, and the archives are at the bottom. New links are from all the poker group that have blogs, including Danny, Teresa at Glorious Nonsense, Theresa at 2 Hot Chicks, and the Tanman. From OT come Buggy, Supes, Republican No More and, for a return engagement, Sasha.
And I've added some baseball blogs. Cardinals baseball. The only kind of baseball.
And I've added some baseball blogs. Cardinals baseball. The only kind of baseball.
Bloggers Unite?* Bloggers UNITED!
*”Bloggers Unite!” is the battle cry of bloggers when they seek assistance from another blogger. Also acceptable are “Bloggers Assemble” and “By The Power Of The Blogosphere!” and “Advantage Blogosphere” and “It’s Bloggerin’ Time!”. And yes, there are actual bloggers who actually use one of those.
Savage Love
I love Dan Savage. For those not in the know, he is a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist. That doesn’t go far enough to describe – you just need to read him. His most recent column is dedicated to offering advice to horny 15 year old girls. The column was prompted by a letter from a horny fifteen year old girl who wrote after Savage wrote a column for of advice for a horny fifteen year old boy. Now before you climb on a high horse or get overly aroused (as the case may be), what Savage did was ask his female readers to send in advice they would give to their fifteen year old selves if they could. (This is the same thing he did with the earlier column – ask his male readers to send in advice they would give to their fifteen year old selves.) Which is an interesting idea by itself – what would you tell yourself at fifteen about relating to the opposite sex? Considering that in eight years or so I’ll be giving a fifteen year old boy advice on relating to the opposite sex, it is a relevant question for me. Maybe I’ll post more on that later.
But that’s not what prompted this post. What prompted this post was this list from a reader:
The 15 Things I Wish I Had Known When I Was 15:
1) Confidence is sexier than big boobs, a tiny waist, or long blond hair will ever be.
2) Medicated face wash will save your life.
3) 15-year-old guys are just as shy around girls as girls are around them. Beware the 15-year-old guys who can kick game.
4) Making the first move is no longer taboo.
5) Chances are, he is not picking up on the subtle "I like you" signals you're sending out. A smile here and a "Hi" there will not be enough for him to know you like him; you may have to tackle him in the hallway with a note that spells it all out, in no confusing terms.
6) At 15, three weeks constitutes a long-term relationship.
7) Rejection is not the end of the world, unless you make it that way.
8) You have the boobs; you make the rules.
9) That being said, having the power of the boobs is like having the force; be careful how and when you use it.
10) Not all guys are created equal.
11) Your mom is right; that outfit does make you look like a whore.
12) There will be rumors.
13) Being fun and funny will get you further than being catty and bitchy.
14) He's not as great as you think he is.
15) The most popular, pretty girl in school is just as awkward and confused as you are. —Adrienne H.
I can’t tell you how upset I am that this woman passed on numbers 8 and 9. That’s been the male secret for years! If women have this knowledge given to them, we’re hosed. Big time.
So if there are any fifteen year old girls reading this, or women in general, I want to say that 8 and 9 are a lie. A complete lie. We men have the you know what, we make the rules. And pay no attention to where my eyes are looking.
And yes, that outfit does make you look like a whore.
But that’s not what prompted this post. What prompted this post was this list from a reader:
The 15 Things I Wish I Had Known When I Was 15:
1) Confidence is sexier than big boobs, a tiny waist, or long blond hair will ever be.
2) Medicated face wash will save your life.
3) 15-year-old guys are just as shy around girls as girls are around them. Beware the 15-year-old guys who can kick game.
4) Making the first move is no longer taboo.
5) Chances are, he is not picking up on the subtle "I like you" signals you're sending out. A smile here and a "Hi" there will not be enough for him to know you like him; you may have to tackle him in the hallway with a note that spells it all out, in no confusing terms.
6) At 15, three weeks constitutes a long-term relationship.
7) Rejection is not the end of the world, unless you make it that way.
8) You have the boobs; you make the rules.
9) That being said, having the power of the boobs is like having the force; be careful how and when you use it.
10) Not all guys are created equal.
11) Your mom is right; that outfit does make you look like a whore.
12) There will be rumors.
13) Being fun and funny will get you further than being catty and bitchy.
14) He's not as great as you think he is.
15) The most popular, pretty girl in school is just as awkward and confused as you are. —Adrienne H.
I can’t tell you how upset I am that this woman passed on numbers 8 and 9. That’s been the male secret for years! If women have this knowledge given to them, we’re hosed. Big time.
So if there are any fifteen year old girls reading this, or women in general, I want to say that 8 and 9 are a lie. A complete lie. We men have the you know what, we make the rules. And pay no attention to where my eyes are looking.
And yes, that outfit does make you look like a whore.
Englert and ICCT News
Those in Iowa City (or who just like to look at the Press Citizen online) may have seen this article announcing that a contract has been signed between ICCT and the Englert Civic Theatre. Our productions of Fiddler on the Roof and My Fair Lady will take place there next season. We’ll also have a fundraiser this summer. So that’s good news. The bad? The deal is just for one year at this point. The really bad? Our beloved president can’t (or won’t) do a good job of selling ICCT to the press. Check these graphs out:
Early on in the Englert renovation project, Buddin said community theater members were told that they would just have to pay a small fee for performances because of the group's large contribution of $50,000.
Some leaders in the initial grassroots effort to restore the Englert even told members that they would have partial ownership, she said.
There isn’t a true statement in either sentence. We weren’t told we would pay a small fee – in fact, the deal as negotiated is probably a lesser charge than what we had negotiated before. The key there is that a deal was negotiated before, and the current board wasn’t willing to honor it and we weren’t willing to do what we had to do to get them to honor it. And nothing was ever said about partial ownership. Nothing. Jeebus, I was there for almost every meeting for close to a year and a half. You think I would know if anyone would.
Early on in the Englert renovation project, Buddin said community theater members were told that they would just have to pay a small fee for performances because of the group's large contribution of $50,000.
Some leaders in the initial grassroots effort to restore the Englert even told members that they would have partial ownership, she said.
There isn’t a true statement in either sentence. We weren’t told we would pay a small fee – in fact, the deal as negotiated is probably a lesser charge than what we had negotiated before. The key there is that a deal was negotiated before, and the current board wasn’t willing to honor it and we weren’t willing to do what we had to do to get them to honor it. And nothing was ever said about partial ownership. Nothing. Jeebus, I was there for almost every meeting for close to a year and a half. You think I would know if anyone would.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Note To Self
The two-day-old microwave reheated Turkey Loaf is substantially worse than the freshly cooked Turkey Loaf which, truth be told, wasn’t that great to begin with when we had it Sunday night. Since I selected, and prepared, said Turkey Loaf, perhaps I need to look in a different direction for my future turkey needs.
World’s Most Dangerous Jobs (TV Division)
The Fictional Character Occupational Health and Safety Administration (FCOSHA) announced the results of it’s latest occupational hazard survey. The survey, conducted once every three years, reviews the data to determine which fictional occupations are the most hazardous. In a stunning turn of events, the post which has held the top spot since the survey was implemented in the 1960s, Star Trek Away Team Member, has dropped to the number two position. The top spot is now held by CTU Los Angeles Field Ops Team Member. While going out in large groups of CTU Los Angeles Field Ops Team Agents is generally fairly safe, going out in a party of one or two, especially in the company of a lead CTU Agent such as Jack Bauer or Tony Almeda (or even, as was shown last night, Chloe O’Brien) is likely to prove fatal. A spokesman for the agent’s union said “We all dread getting the call to go out with Jack. I mean, the guy hacked off his daughter’s boyfriend’s hand! Who wants to partner with a guy like that?” Agent Bauer was unavailable for comment.
Monday, April 25, 2005
Callings
Jo at Major Disaster asks why, if Cardinal Ratzinger didn't want to be Pope (see article here) didn't he (Cardinal Ratzinger) just say no. Well, when God calls, you can't say "No". I think the best you can manage is to say you aren't there or you're busy and you'll call back later, but if you do that, God eventually calls back and sooner or later you'll wind up talking to him. I mean, God can make any name show up on your caller ID, so you can't avoid him that way. The phone will ring, and the caller ID will show "Salma Hayek", and you'll answer the phone, and a voice sounding just like Salma's will ask for you by name, and you'll say "This is he" and then the voice will switch to God's and he'll say "Punk'd" and "I knew you were home" and "You guys playing cards tonight?" and "You want to be Pope?" and you'll end up inviting him over to play poker even though you don't want to and then he'll lecture you about your card play but lose and not think twice about the irony of that. So yeah, you might as well just answer God when he calls and agree to be Pope and let him play cards and hope he goes out early.
Friday, April 22, 2005
Fun With Keebler
Lesser-known animals* found in Ernie’s** Animal Round-Up, the hidden word puzzle on the back of my package of Keebler Frosted Animal Cookies:
Xurd
Fenoy
Bers
Robbletmar
Alice
*The clue says the only animals there are bear, gorilla, seal, sheep, hippopotamus, lion, horse, ram, elephant, buffalo, and rhinoceros. But the clue lies. Oh yes. The clue lies.
**What self-respecting Elf names their son “Ernie”?
Xurd
Fenoy
Bers
Robbletmar
Alice
*The clue says the only animals there are bear, gorilla, seal, sheep, hippopotamus, lion, horse, ram, elephant, buffalo, and rhinoceros. But the clue lies. Oh yes. The clue lies.
**What self-respecting Elf names their son “Ernie”?
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
In A Week Or So, I'll Be Bi
Focaled, that is. I went to the opthamaloogist, oppthemalogist, eye doctor yesterday and he said I need bifocals. They’ll be ready in about a week. I’m getting progressives, so no one can look at them and tell they are bifocals. Cool new frames, too, and a slight tint to the lenses. The whole thing is only costing me $100, thanks to the Vision Service Plan. Go VSP!
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
If It's Tuesday, There Must Be A New Pope
Because the new Pope gets a new name, were I to become Pope, I would thereafter be known as (wait for it)
Pope N'Fresh
Pope N'Fresh
Monday, April 18, 2005
More Theatre Thoughts
Kris had this post up awhile back regarding a PC article about theatre finances. I sent the following letter to the PC, but they didn’t publish it. I wonder why?
Thanks for the interesting article on the struggles of local theatres to survive. While the article mentions several things that have led to this struggle, I would like to comment on one thing that is not mentioned.
I am currently the Past President of the Iowa City Community Theatre (ICCT). For the four years prior to this, I served as President of ICCT. During that time I noted that there was a definite difference in attendance for productions that were well covered in the local papers and productions that received little or no coverage. Productions that received a nice article, with a picture or two, in the Go Section of the Press Citizen were always better attended than productions that received nothing. And productions that were reviewed almost always got an attendance boost from that review.
Unfortunately, during my time as President, the amount of coverage we received from the Press Citizen and other media outlets dropped. It’s been close to four years since the Press Citizen provided a review for an ICCT production. Were the Press-Citizen to devote a few more of its resources to covering local theatres and reviewing local theatres productions, there would, based on past experience, be greater attendance at those same productions. How much of an attendance boost would occur is open to debate. But I think it’s safe to say that for all our local theatres, at this time any attendance boost, no matter how small, would be a wonderful thing.
Think it hit too close to home?
Thanks for the interesting article on the struggles of local theatres to survive. While the article mentions several things that have led to this struggle, I would like to comment on one thing that is not mentioned.
I am currently the Past President of the Iowa City Community Theatre (ICCT). For the four years prior to this, I served as President of ICCT. During that time I noted that there was a definite difference in attendance for productions that were well covered in the local papers and productions that received little or no coverage. Productions that received a nice article, with a picture or two, in the Go Section of the Press Citizen were always better attended than productions that received nothing. And productions that were reviewed almost always got an attendance boost from that review.
Unfortunately, during my time as President, the amount of coverage we received from the Press Citizen and other media outlets dropped. It’s been close to four years since the Press Citizen provided a review for an ICCT production. Were the Press-Citizen to devote a few more of its resources to covering local theatres and reviewing local theatres productions, there would, based on past experience, be greater attendance at those same productions. How much of an attendance boost would occur is open to debate. But I think it’s safe to say that for all our local theatres, at this time any attendance boost, no matter how small, would be a wonderful thing.
Think it hit too close to home?
A Lawn Again, Naturally
I’m one of those people who think a nicely mown lawn is a piece of art. I’m also one of those who like to do the mowing themselves. (I think a nicely shoveled driveway is also a piece of art, but I’d rather not be the one doing the shoveling. I figure that with Andrew hitting the age of ten in three years, and Ethan hitting it five years after that, I’ll have a good 13 year period where I don’t need to shovel snow.) I know that the first mowing of the year always looks a little rough, and you need a follow-up mowing shortly after (but not right away) to get it to look good. I know a lot about mowing. But what I didn’t know, what I found out after Lesa turned me on to the fact that I am actually a dog person, is that the freshly-mown lawn is the golden toilet of the canine world. Apparently, there is no better crapping in the world than crapping on a freshly-mown lawn. The dogs literally can’t wait until I get done mowing – there have been times where they are crapping on part of the lawn I just mowed even before I finish the entire thing. The bad thing about this is that I had to scoop crap before I mowed, and now there is more dog crap to scoop. The good thing is that it’s incredibly easy to find.
So how was your weekend?
So how was your weekend?
Friday, April 15, 2005
Colonel? Dead. Perdue? Dead. Revolución!
A truck transporting chickens for slaughter “accidentally” crashed in Kentucky, freeing over 5,000 chickens. Accidentally. That’s just what the chickens want us to think. I? I suspect fowl play...
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Englert Bookings
Doofus Doolittle, Branson’s Funniest Fiddler, is coming to the Englert. (Here’s how you need to say that name to get the full effect. Draw out the “Doofus Doolittle”, taking a full two seconds to get it out. Take the volume up a notch on the “Branson’s”, then spit out “Funniest Fiddler” as fast as you can. Like this. Doo-fus Doo-lit-tle, Branson’s FunniestFiddler.) Now, I imagine if you had told the community that one of the acts brought to town in the Englert’s first season would be Doo-fus Doo-lit-tle, Branson’s FunniestFiddler, I – well, I can’t imagine what the response would have been.
Fun Fact 1: Doo-fus Doo-lit-tle, Branson’s FunniestFiddler, is the great-grandson of Eliza Doolittle and the son of James Doolittle. According to his bio, exposure to the Fat Man (or was it Little Boy?) warped James Doolittle’s DNA, making Doofus a Doofus. And a funny fiddler. Fun Fact 2: None of that is true.
Not that I have anything against Branson. We spent a week in Branson last summer with my mom and my older sister’s family and my younger sister’s family, and we had a blast. Branson has some great theme parks, and I loves the theme parks. Seriously. I love theme parks. And there’s good boating, fishing, swimming, hiking, and lots of rural arts and crafts to be found. And some fine food. But the worst part of Branson are the stage acts – thankfully, Ethan wouldn’t sit still when we went to see Ray Stevens and Lesa and I were able to book out early. So although there are many good things about Branson, the stage shows aren’t one of them. You see all of them advertised as you drive up and down the main strip, big billboards and big theatres for all of Branson’s stars.
Although now that I mention it, I never saw one for Doo-fus Doo-lit-tle, Branson’s FunniestFiddler. So maybe he isn’t really Branson’s FunniestFiddler. Maybe he’s a fraud, and the reason he plays shows outside of Branson is because Branson’s real FunniestFiddler, whoever that might be, won’t let him show his lying doofus face around Branson. Something to think about.
In other Englert bookings, Steve Jepson performed there last weekend. Now the people who saw him probably thought of him as a decent baritone with many appearances in many operas around the world. But anyone who was in the Hawkeye Marching Band from 1978-1981 or so (like I was) know him as one of the most annoying human beings ever to grace the planet. They (like I), know him as an egotistical twit, the sort of guy who probably Googles his name once a day to see what people are saying about him. (Hi Steve!) Why the Englert booked him I’ll never know – probably just another sign that Kerchner had no clue what Iowa City was about. (And Steve, if you are reading this - all those times when the saxophone section would yell "Shut Up, Jepson"? That wasn't done in playful fun. We really wanted you to shut up. But you never did.) As for Doo-fus Doo-lit-tle, Branson’s FunniestFiddler – that was probably another of Kerchner’s little farewell presents to Iowa City.
In the interest of fairness, the Del McCoury Band is playing at the Englert this (Thursday, April 14th) evening. If you like bluegrass, and I’m probably the only one reading or writing here that does, and you don’t have family obligations preventing you from going to see a concert at the last minute, you should see Del McCoury. He’s great.
Fun Fact 1: Doo-fus Doo-lit-tle, Branson’s FunniestFiddler, is the great-grandson of Eliza Doolittle and the son of James Doolittle. According to his bio, exposure to the Fat Man (or was it Little Boy?) warped James Doolittle’s DNA, making Doofus a Doofus. And a funny fiddler. Fun Fact 2: None of that is true.
Not that I have anything against Branson. We spent a week in Branson last summer with my mom and my older sister’s family and my younger sister’s family, and we had a blast. Branson has some great theme parks, and I loves the theme parks. Seriously. I love theme parks. And there’s good boating, fishing, swimming, hiking, and lots of rural arts and crafts to be found. And some fine food. But the worst part of Branson are the stage acts – thankfully, Ethan wouldn’t sit still when we went to see Ray Stevens and Lesa and I were able to book out early. So although there are many good things about Branson, the stage shows aren’t one of them. You see all of them advertised as you drive up and down the main strip, big billboards and big theatres for all of Branson’s stars.
Although now that I mention it, I never saw one for Doo-fus Doo-lit-tle, Branson’s FunniestFiddler. So maybe he isn’t really Branson’s FunniestFiddler. Maybe he’s a fraud, and the reason he plays shows outside of Branson is because Branson’s real FunniestFiddler, whoever that might be, won’t let him show his lying doofus face around Branson. Something to think about.
In other Englert bookings, Steve Jepson performed there last weekend. Now the people who saw him probably thought of him as a decent baritone with many appearances in many operas around the world. But anyone who was in the Hawkeye Marching Band from 1978-1981 or so (like I was) know him as one of the most annoying human beings ever to grace the planet. They (like I), know him as an egotistical twit, the sort of guy who probably Googles his name once a day to see what people are saying about him. (Hi Steve!) Why the Englert booked him I’ll never know – probably just another sign that Kerchner had no clue what Iowa City was about. (And Steve, if you are reading this - all those times when the saxophone section would yell "Shut Up, Jepson"? That wasn't done in playful fun. We really wanted you to shut up. But you never did.) As for Doo-fus Doo-lit-tle, Branson’s FunniestFiddler – that was probably another of Kerchner’s little farewell presents to Iowa City.
In the interest of fairness, the Del McCoury Band is playing at the Englert this (Thursday, April 14th) evening. If you like bluegrass, and I’m probably the only one reading or writing here that does, and you don’t have family obligations preventing you from going to see a concert at the last minute, you should see Del McCoury. He’s great.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
In Comic Strip News
This piece on the Press Citizen’s editorial page today mentions that some people felt that a BC comic strip that ran last week was offensive towards Native Americans. This naturally prompts the following thought: People still read BC? Seriously? That thing hasn’t been funny for the last 20 years. Judge Parker is more entertaining. What was once a snarky, sarcastic strip has become saccharine and maudlin since Hart was born again. Why the hell would anyone do more than glance at it as they are moving from Dilbert at the top of the comics page to Doonesbury at the bottom?
Monday, April 11, 2005
This Post Has No Title
I hate the Rod Stewart song Broken Arrow. I’ve never understood the line “Who else is going to bring you a broken arrow?” I mean, isn’t the correct answer to that one “Hopefully no one”. Who wants a broken arrow? But a thought occurred to me over the weekend. Perhaps the broken arrow isn’t really a broken arrow, but a metaphor for all those little things we like or dislike that nobody but the person closest to us knows about. Maybe the person being sung to really likes broken arrows for some reason, and the singer discovered that by chance, and so when he says “Who else is going to bring you a broken arrow?” what he’s really saying is “Who else is going to do the little things you love to have done that no one knows about?” That makes the song much deeper and much sadder, cause it seems like maybe the broken arrow recipient doesn’t appreciate the singer or is considering leaving the singer but in either event it seems that there is trouble in the relationship and the singer is trying to convey the message that he really does know the broken arrow recipient. But maybe he should just come out and say that instead of couching things in code terms like “broken arrow” or “a bottle of rain” that just make the broken arrow recipient go “WTF?” I think if the singer did that, these two crazy kids just might have a chance.
And don’t get me started on the relationship problems of the couple in the Pina Colada Song...
And don’t get me started on the relationship problems of the couple in the Pina Colada Song...
Thursday, April 07, 2005
So. Where Were We?
Terri died. The Pope died. Frank Perdue had the bad sense of timing to die between the two of them, so the only people who know he died are obsessive news junkies, his family, illegal immigrants, and the world’s chicken population, the latter group throwing a party the likes of which hasn’t been seen since Colonel Sanders shuffled off this mortal coil. Saul Bellow and Prince Rainer died. True fact number one: I didn’t realize either were still alive. True fact number two: I had the biggest crush on Princess Caroline when I was in high school. She was slightly older, beautiful, had a hot body, rich, and a Princess. What’s not to crush on? Johnny Cochran died, prompting writer Peter David to comment on his blog “If Johnny don’t breathe, you must bequeath.” That one was for the lawyers, as is this, my favorite lawyer joke: Lawyer dies and goes to hell. Satan says “Wow, you lived to be 115!” Lawyer says “You must have me mistaken for someone else. I died at 73.” Satan replies “Not according to your billable hours.” None of these people who died were in my dead pool. Joe Namath, my out on the limb dead pool pick, went into rehab to get cleaned up. Bastard.
Speaking of the Pope, WTF? Flags are at half-mast for the Pope? The Pope? He’s still just a religious leader, right? And even though Catholicism is the world’s largest denomination, Protestants still outnumber Catholics in the world and the United States. So why flags at half mast? Why round the clock coverage? Why dominating the news cycle? And at some level, isn’t all this idolatry of the Pope somewhat unchristian? And am I the only one somewhat infuriated by the fact that every news story about the Pope’s death mentioned how good it was the he was able to die in the manner he chose while at the same time the Pope’s spokesmen (and it had to be them – he couldn’t carry on a conversation at that point) issued statements about how wrong it would be to pull the tube on Terri?
But enough about death. What about sports and entertainment? Let’s see. God has some beef with the PGA Tour. Baseball started, and the Cardinals are 1-1. The NBA is winding down, and the Lakers have missed the playoffs (for the first time in eleven years), which gives Kobe Bryant a lot more time for ass-fucking white chicks. I suck at poker. Scott Savol is apparently going to have to beat up some girl on stage to get voted out of American Idol. Sin City led the box office last week on the day the Pope died. (There’s an American Pie parody in there somewhere.) Lost rocks. So does 24. Did I mention I suck at poker? My friend Bob turned 50, which means I am only five years away from the same milestone. DC Comics have decided to remove every trace of humor from the DC universe, retconning out stories that didn’t take themselves seriously and replacing them with stories that take themselves very seriously. Very, very seriously. Very, very seriously, and very proud of their seriousness. Ponderously, over-pompously, seriously.
In the world of politics, the Republican Terri Schiavo Talking Points memo, which the asshats at Powerline, among others, claimed was a forgery done by Democrats, was proven to be real yesterday when Senator Mel Martinez (R–FLA) admitted the memo was created and distributed by a member of his staff. This after Senator Martinez had spent a couple of weeks denying that the memo was created and distributed by a member of his staff. Chances of Powerline et al ever admitting they were wrong? Normally I would say none, but Michelle Malkin of all people has come out and admitted she was fooled. And then there’s Tom Delay, who after forcing his face into prominence during the Terri affair, has found an almost constant stream of revelations of past misconduct working their way into the press. The Wall Street Journal editorial board, among others, have suggested that perhaps it’s time for Delay to step down. So has Senator Lindsay Graham (R-SC), although Delay has marshaled the Republican side of the House to stand by him. Democrats are torn – on the one hand, it would be nice for Delay to remain in power and as a prominent symbol of Republican greed and corruption. On the other hand… Wait. There is no other hand. You go Tom! Hang in there! Stick around until at least the fall of 2006! Oh, and in the Iowa Legislature Senators and Representatives are scrambling all over one another to overreact to a crime that would have been prevented if the mother of the victim just didn't hang out with sex offenders.
So that was the past 10 days or so. Whew! I guess there’s a reason why I need to post everyday.
Speaking of the Pope, WTF? Flags are at half-mast for the Pope? The Pope? He’s still just a religious leader, right? And even though Catholicism is the world’s largest denomination, Protestants still outnumber Catholics in the world and the United States. So why flags at half mast? Why round the clock coverage? Why dominating the news cycle? And at some level, isn’t all this idolatry of the Pope somewhat unchristian? And am I the only one somewhat infuriated by the fact that every news story about the Pope’s death mentioned how good it was the he was able to die in the manner he chose while at the same time the Pope’s spokesmen (and it had to be them – he couldn’t carry on a conversation at that point) issued statements about how wrong it would be to pull the tube on Terri?
But enough about death. What about sports and entertainment? Let’s see. God has some beef with the PGA Tour. Baseball started, and the Cardinals are 1-1. The NBA is winding down, and the Lakers have missed the playoffs (for the first time in eleven years), which gives Kobe Bryant a lot more time for ass-fucking white chicks. I suck at poker. Scott Savol is apparently going to have to beat up some girl on stage to get voted out of American Idol. Sin City led the box office last week on the day the Pope died. (There’s an American Pie parody in there somewhere.) Lost rocks. So does 24. Did I mention I suck at poker? My friend Bob turned 50, which means I am only five years away from the same milestone. DC Comics have decided to remove every trace of humor from the DC universe, retconning out stories that didn’t take themselves seriously and replacing them with stories that take themselves very seriously. Very, very seriously. Very, very seriously, and very proud of their seriousness. Ponderously, over-pompously, seriously.
In the world of politics, the Republican Terri Schiavo Talking Points memo, which the asshats at Powerline, among others, claimed was a forgery done by Democrats, was proven to be real yesterday when Senator Mel Martinez (R–FLA) admitted the memo was created and distributed by a member of his staff. This after Senator Martinez had spent a couple of weeks denying that the memo was created and distributed by a member of his staff. Chances of Powerline et al ever admitting they were wrong? Normally I would say none, but Michelle Malkin of all people has come out and admitted she was fooled. And then there’s Tom Delay, who after forcing his face into prominence during the Terri affair, has found an almost constant stream of revelations of past misconduct working their way into the press. The Wall Street Journal editorial board, among others, have suggested that perhaps it’s time for Delay to step down. So has Senator Lindsay Graham (R-SC), although Delay has marshaled the Republican side of the House to stand by him. Democrats are torn – on the one hand, it would be nice for Delay to remain in power and as a prominent symbol of Republican greed and corruption. On the other hand… Wait. There is no other hand. You go Tom! Hang in there! Stick around until at least the fall of 2006! Oh, and in the Iowa Legislature Senators and Representatives are scrambling all over one another to overreact to a crime that would have been prevented if the mother of the victim just didn't hang out with sex offenders.
So that was the past 10 days or so. Whew! I guess there’s a reason why I need to post everyday.
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