Feed My Ego

Moving my Twitter feed to the top of the blog - I spend much more time there these days than I do here. Follow me! FOLLOW ME!

You Tube Fun Rascal Flatts Edition

Feels Like Today





I'm Movin On





These Days





Bless The Broken Road





Sarabeth





Life Is A Highway

You Tube Fun - Joni Mitchell Version

Circle Game





Free Man In Paris





In France They Kiss On Main Street





Raised On Robbery

More Things You Don't Expect To Hear Rachel Ray Say

"Today I'm going to show you how to create an entire menu based on your nuts."

You Tube Fun - Mostly Delbert McClinton Version

B-Movie Box Car Blues

Giving It Up For Your Love

Two More Bottles of Wine

Never Can Tell

Most Annoying People of 2008

The Buffalo Beast's annual list of the most annoying people has been released. Some samples:

Frank Caliendo

Exhibit A: His TBS vehicle, "Frank TV," is the least amusing thing to appear on television since the morning of September 11, 2001.

Sarah Palin

In the end, Palin had the beneficial effect of splitting her party between her admirers and people who can read.

You Tube Fun - Elvin Bishop Version

Travellin Shoes





Fooled Around and Fell in Love





Struttin My Stuff

You Tube Mood Music

Godspeed

Love Has No Pride

Dimming Of The Day

My Opening Farewell (ignore the video, just listen to the music)

The Last Time I Saw Richard (couldn't find a video)

The last time I saw Richard was Detroit in 68 and he told me

All romantics meet the same fate someday 

Cynical and drunk and boring someone in some dark cafe

You laugh he said you think you're immune 

Go look at your eyes they're full of moon

You like roses and kisses and pretty men to tell you 

All those pretty lies 

Pretty lies

When you gonna realize they're only pretty lies

Only pretty lies 

Just pretty lies

He put a quarter in the Wurlitzer and he pushed three buttons 

And the thing began to whirr 

And a bar maid came by in fishnet stockings and a bow tie

And she said "Drink up now it's gettin' on time to close" 

"Richard, you haven't really changed" I said 

It's just that now you're romanticizing some pain that's in your head 

You got tombs in your eyes but the songs you punched are dreaming

Listen, they sing of love so sweet, 

Love so sweet

When you gonna get yourself back on your feet? 

Oh and love can be so sweet 

Love so sweet

Richard got married to a figure skater and he bought her a dishwasher 

And a coffee percolator 

And he drinks at home now most nights with the TV on 

And all the house lights left up bright

I'm gonna blow this damn candle out

I don't want nobody comin' over to my table

I got nothing to talk to anybody about 

All good dreamers pass this way some day 

Hidin' behind bottles in dark cafes dark cafes 

Only a dark cocoon before I get my gorgeous wings and fly away 

Only a phase these dark cafe days

Bitter Thoughts

I've been home now for about two hours, having flown to Baltimore and back to take the boys home after Christmas break. If I'm being absolutely honest, it hurts more to see E go than to see Andrew go. I love them both, but E spends more time with me, and as such has grown a lot closer to me. It works both ways, too. E clearly feels more pain when we part (and when he and Lesa part, when he comes to be with me) than Andrew does. 

My day began yesterday at 7:30 am, so I'm pushing 30 hours awake. We flew out yesterday afternoon, getting to Baltimore around 11:30 pm. We made our goodbyes, and I returned to the airport. My return flights were scheduled to begin at 6:10 am, and I was hoping to get checked in and back to my gate, but security was closed. So I checked in and wandered around til I found the 24 hour Subway. I got a sandwich, and sat there reading comics for about two hours. I then got up, wandered to a different area, and sat there reading comics til Security opened at 4:00 am. I then made my way back to the gate, waited for my flights, and made it back uneventfully, a nice change from when I got the boys. 

You start thinking some awfully dark thoughts about the direction your life has taken when you're sitting in the 24-hour Subway at BWI at 2:00 in the morning. You start to really feel the pain of your son being gone. But you push it back, cause you don't want it. Not there, not then. 

But it keeps coming back, no matter how hard you push, and at some point you relent. And so now, right now, the pain of E being gone washes over me and the tears flow unashamedly and I hurt, I just hurt so much and it's a pain that doesn't go away, it just eventually gets bearable. Hell, I bet I'm down to crying just twice a day by the end of the week!

I work with people who joke about how they would give their kids away. I'm sure you've heard jokes like that. Maybe you've made them. But I don't laugh, and they know now not to make those jokes around me, because the pain is just 

so 

damn

intense. 

You are supposed to eventually see your children on their way away from you, but you don't expect to have to start doing it when they are 4. And it doesn't get easier. If anything, it gets worse, because each time he's gone he grows a little more, he takes a few more steps down the path to becoming the man he is going to be, and I don't get to see those steps. 

And there are no answers. I think at this point we can safely say that L and I can't live together, no matter how much we might love each other. We just can't live together. And yet, it may take some sort of drastic restructuring of my life to be able to be with him more often. Because as much as I want to, and sometimes do, blame her for us being here, I don't want her to miss out either. 

Fuck, life sucks sometimes. 

(Note: I intentionally turned off comments for this post. I hate when I'm the guest of honor at a pity party, but I needed to say that stuff.)

Adios, Bill

You were a helluva guy, Bill Gerlits. One helluva a crazy old coot. I wonder if I should mention at the memorial service how you used to joke that after you died, you wanted to be stuffed and put in the lobby at ICCT with show programs in your hands.

One quick thing to add to this - community theatres are full of diverse people with diverse personalities, many of whom are unable to get along with each other. I've heard nasty comments about everyone I ever worked with on a show or as President. Everyone, that is, but Bill. Everyone who got to know him liked Bill. Sure, some people found the ring thing a little goofy, although they always still touched the ring. But everyone liked him. I never heard a harsh word from anyone about Bill.