Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Fortunes and Glory
Yesterday's Fortune Cookie Fortune: There is a prospect of a thrilling time ahead of you.
Today's Fortune Cookie Fortune: Do not hesitate to tackle to most difficult problems.
Apparently, it's going to be thrilling to tackle problems.
Today's Fortune Cookie Fortune: Do not hesitate to tackle to most difficult problems.
Apparently, it's going to be thrilling to tackle problems.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Conservative Blog Post Recipe
In light of the previous post, I wrote this sometime ago during the Schiavo debacle. Seems like now is a good time to post it.
Ingredients:
1 vaguely homoerotic nickname
3-4 opinions from prominent conservative commentator (may be substituted with one opinion of one’s own repeated loudly and frequently)
3-4 facts, twisted
2 cups exaggeration
1 tablespoon gross exaggeration
Prominent Democrat reference (one for Hilary, two for Bill – may be substituted with 1 reference to Ted Kennedy, 3 references to Nancy Pelosi, or one positive reference to Joe Lieberman)
1-2 Incompetent and/or Liberal Press references (may use more as a substitute for a reference to a prominent Democrat)
Equation of opposition to evil, stupid, or both to taste
Paranoia to taste
Directions:
Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Mix ingredients well, being careful not to let any humor or deference to others you might disagree with accidentally get into the batter. Pour into greased cake pan, place in right side of oven on the uppermost rack. Bake until halfway done. Remove. Serve.
Notes:
Keep ingredients handy (a well-stocked conservative pantry will always have plenty of each).
If you’re using Coulter or Savage as your prominent conservative commentator, you only need to use half as much. Oh, and don’t forget the Powerline!
Feel free to use references to prominent local Democrats or local press outlets!
Ingredients:
1 vaguely homoerotic nickname
3-4 opinions from prominent conservative commentator (may be substituted with one opinion of one’s own repeated loudly and frequently)
3-4 facts, twisted
2 cups exaggeration
1 tablespoon gross exaggeration
Prominent Democrat reference (one for Hilary, two for Bill – may be substituted with 1 reference to Ted Kennedy, 3 references to Nancy Pelosi, or one positive reference to Joe Lieberman)
1-2 Incompetent and/or Liberal Press references (may use more as a substitute for a reference to a prominent Democrat)
Equation of opposition to evil, stupid, or both to taste
Paranoia to taste
Directions:
Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Mix ingredients well, being careful not to let any humor or deference to others you might disagree with accidentally get into the batter. Pour into greased cake pan, place in right side of oven on the uppermost rack. Bake until halfway done. Remove. Serve.
Notes:
Keep ingredients handy (a well-stocked conservative pantry will always have plenty of each).
If you’re using Coulter or Savage as your prominent conservative commentator, you only need to use half as much. Oh, and don’t forget the Powerline!
Feel free to use references to prominent local Democrats or local press outlets!
Fili-busted!
You know, I was all set to dislike the filibuster compromise. After all, anything that potentially allows a Janice “God Trumps The Constitution” Brown or a Priscilla “I Killed Willie Searcy” Owen to sit on a Court is not a good thing. But anything that causes raving lunatics to froth at the mouth like this deal has done can’t be a bad thing. I’d do some linkage, but you can’t swing a dead cat around the Web today without hitting a Conservative In Name Only blogger complaining about how they have been sold out.
Here’s the thoughts of a true conservative, John Cole at Balloon Juice. He’s someone who actually has the temerity to think for himself instead of just drinking the Powerline Kool-Aid and writing posts that mirror what the unholy trio have to say.
First, I have felt that all along that nominees deserve a vote. That just seems fair and appropriate. It does not, however, have any historical foundation in fact.
…
This was nothing more than a brazen power grab by my side, and everyone knows it. Fortunately, we get a few nominees put through, things go back to normal, and the Senate will not shut down. Life will go on.
As usual, the extremists will be screaming for heads. The evil moderates snatched 'defeat from the jaws of victory' (you will see phrase over and over again in the next few days) and they have betrayed the center-right coalition, and must be punished.
…
What Hugh and others fail is that the Republicans won because they wrap themselves up in the moderation of the centrists, presenting themselves as all cozy and warm and as 'compassionate conservatives.'
In other words- Bush is President in large part because moderates voted for him. It was Arnold Schwarzanalphabet and Rufy Guiliani and John McCain who were the most effective campaigners for Bush in 2004. I didn't see Dobson speaking at the GOP Convention. Republicans control the Senate and House because of moderate support. Try to organize a Republican leadership without the moderates. It fails.
At any rate, I voted for the Republicans, and all they have done is shit all over me since election day. The bankruptcy bill, the censorship calls, the pandering to the religious right, the new mandatory minimus bill, the Patriot Act II, and so on and so forth. It is about time we gave in to some 'moderation.' What else am I getting out of this coalition that demands my pure loyalty but offers me nothing in return?
The hard-liners don't get it, though. They think because you support them some of the time, you must support them all of the time. They think in terms of permanent lock-step coalitions, not coalitions about ideas or issues. They are wrong.
At any rate, calls for conservative purity should fall on deaf ears. The Republicans are in control of the government in large part because of the moderates, not in spite of them. Go give money to these seven, they are going to get shit on by the extremists for the next few years. You should support them. (emphasis added)
Here’s the thoughts of a true conservative, John Cole at Balloon Juice. He’s someone who actually has the temerity to think for himself instead of just drinking the Powerline Kool-Aid and writing posts that mirror what the unholy trio have to say.
First, I have felt that all along that nominees deserve a vote. That just seems fair and appropriate. It does not, however, have any historical foundation in fact.
…
This was nothing more than a brazen power grab by my side, and everyone knows it. Fortunately, we get a few nominees put through, things go back to normal, and the Senate will not shut down. Life will go on.
As usual, the extremists will be screaming for heads. The evil moderates snatched 'defeat from the jaws of victory' (you will see phrase over and over again in the next few days) and they have betrayed the center-right coalition, and must be punished.
…
What Hugh and others fail is that the Republicans won because they wrap themselves up in the moderation of the centrists, presenting themselves as all cozy and warm and as 'compassionate conservatives.'
In other words- Bush is President in large part because moderates voted for him. It was Arnold Schwarzanalphabet and Rufy Guiliani and John McCain who were the most effective campaigners for Bush in 2004. I didn't see Dobson speaking at the GOP Convention. Republicans control the Senate and House because of moderate support. Try to organize a Republican leadership without the moderates. It fails.
At any rate, I voted for the Republicans, and all they have done is shit all over me since election day. The bankruptcy bill, the censorship calls, the pandering to the religious right, the new mandatory minimus bill, the Patriot Act II, and so on and so forth. It is about time we gave in to some 'moderation.' What else am I getting out of this coalition that demands my pure loyalty but offers me nothing in return?
The hard-liners don't get it, though. They think because you support them some of the time, you must support them all of the time. They think in terms of permanent lock-step coalitions, not coalitions about ideas or issues. They are wrong.
At any rate, calls for conservative purity should fall on deaf ears. The Republicans are in control of the government in large part because of the moderates, not in spite of them. Go give money to these seven, they are going to get shit on by the extremists for the next few years. You should support them. (emphasis added)
Monday, May 23, 2005
Linkage News
More linkage. Added Pooh back, cause she started posting again. Wheeze decided she needed to rename her blog. Put in three more baseball (Cardinal, of course) links. Enjoy!
Ice Machine Update
I know you're all wondering what is up with the ice machine here at my work. Today, this sign was on it:
The Ice Machine is dispensing ice in large sheets. A part is on order.
Whew. I never would have know it was dispensing ice in large sheets without that. Thanks!
Morons.
The Ice Machine is dispensing ice in large sheets. A part is on order.
Whew. I never would have know it was dispensing ice in large sheets without that. Thanks!
Morons.
Friday, May 20, 2005
Scenes From The Mall
I ate lunch at Panera Bread today.
I don’t usually eat lunch at Panera Bread. For one thing, I don’t usually have the car to go to the mall to be able to eat lunch at Panera Bread. For another, I don’t really care for Panera Bread all that much.
But with Lesa out of town, I had the car. I also had to get some stuff at Target, and while I could have waited until tomorrow and taken the boys, then I would have had to spend a half hour in the toy aisle. So I went today.
Further, I had a gift card from Panera Bread that I got from Young Footliters for directing The Poet and the Rent. So, I thought to myself, why not use some of it.
So I did.
Now, I don’t know if there are Panera Breads where you live. And when I say you, I mean my non-Iowa readers. I think it’s primarily a Midwest chain, its origins in either Kansas City or St. Louis. I suppose that’s information I could glean from their Web site, but doing that search would indicate a level of caring about the answer that bears no relation to my actual level of caring about the answer. So I won’t.
But if you don’t have a Panera Bread, you do. It’s your standard upscale deli with fancy-schmancy sandwiches, salads, soups, pastries, and coffees. Panera Bread is the sort of place that has table tents that say things like:
All-natural chicken tastes better because it is raised to taste better. Chickens live stress-free with plenty of fresh air and clean water to help them grow at a more natural pace. With plenty of exercise, they don’t require antibiotics and they develop firm, tender meat.
Like I said, if you don’t have a Panera Bread, you have someplace that has something like that on its table tents. Everyone does. I’m betting even Buggy does, and she lives in Bumfuck, Texas.
(By the way, all that description is missing is something about the intellectual stimulation the chickens receive. And yes, I stole the table tent, thank you very much.)
So that’s why I generally avoid Panera Bread, and why I wouldn’t have gone if I didn’t have the gift card. (Also by the way, if the gift card had been from Best Buy, it wouldn’t have gone unused since the first weekend in March. But I digress.) Because here’s the thing.
Don’t try to sell me your sandwich. Don’t try to craft loving language to entice me. Don’t give me marketing twaddle. Just tell me what’s in it. If it sounds good, I’ll try it. If it tastes good, I’ll get it again. If it’s really good, I’ll say to my friends “Hey you know what’s good? The peppercorn steak sandwich at Panera.” And if it isn’t good, all the flowery language in the world won’t get me to order it again.
Cause that’s what’s important. A recent survey found that 90% of the people who took the survey felt a friend’s recommendation was the most important factor when determining to try a new restaurant. To be fair, the other 10% thought I was “making that up” and that “no actual such survey exists” and “Dweeze is pulling stuff out of his ass again.” But who cares what those losers think?
By the way, if you’re going to Panera? Skip the peppercorn steak sandwich and get something else.
I don’t usually eat lunch at Panera Bread. For one thing, I don’t usually have the car to go to the mall to be able to eat lunch at Panera Bread. For another, I don’t really care for Panera Bread all that much.
But with Lesa out of town, I had the car. I also had to get some stuff at Target, and while I could have waited until tomorrow and taken the boys, then I would have had to spend a half hour in the toy aisle. So I went today.
Further, I had a gift card from Panera Bread that I got from Young Footliters for directing The Poet and the Rent. So, I thought to myself, why not use some of it.
So I did.
Now, I don’t know if there are Panera Breads where you live. And when I say you, I mean my non-Iowa readers. I think it’s primarily a Midwest chain, its origins in either Kansas City or St. Louis. I suppose that’s information I could glean from their Web site, but doing that search would indicate a level of caring about the answer that bears no relation to my actual level of caring about the answer. So I won’t.
But if you don’t have a Panera Bread, you do. It’s your standard upscale deli with fancy-schmancy sandwiches, salads, soups, pastries, and coffees. Panera Bread is the sort of place that has table tents that say things like:
All-natural chicken tastes better because it is raised to taste better. Chickens live stress-free with plenty of fresh air and clean water to help them grow at a more natural pace. With plenty of exercise, they don’t require antibiotics and they develop firm, tender meat.
Like I said, if you don’t have a Panera Bread, you have someplace that has something like that on its table tents. Everyone does. I’m betting even Buggy does, and she lives in Bumfuck, Texas.
(By the way, all that description is missing is something about the intellectual stimulation the chickens receive. And yes, I stole the table tent, thank you very much.)
So that’s why I generally avoid Panera Bread, and why I wouldn’t have gone if I didn’t have the gift card. (Also by the way, if the gift card had been from Best Buy, it wouldn’t have gone unused since the first weekend in March. But I digress.) Because here’s the thing.
Don’t try to sell me your sandwich. Don’t try to craft loving language to entice me. Don’t give me marketing twaddle. Just tell me what’s in it. If it sounds good, I’ll try it. If it tastes good, I’ll get it again. If it’s really good, I’ll say to my friends “Hey you know what’s good? The peppercorn steak sandwich at Panera.” And if it isn’t good, all the flowery language in the world won’t get me to order it again.
Cause that’s what’s important. A recent survey found that 90% of the people who took the survey felt a friend’s recommendation was the most important factor when determining to try a new restaurant. To be fair, the other 10% thought I was “making that up” and that “no actual such survey exists” and “Dweeze is pulling stuff out of his ass again.” But who cares what those losers think?
By the way, if you’re going to Panera? Skip the peppercorn steak sandwich and get something else.
Still More Questions
From Talia at Collecting Shards.
1. Who is the best living playwright?
Tough one. For me, it’s either Mamet or Albee. Of the two, Albee wrote the best play (Virginia Wolff), but I think Mamet’s overall body of work is both more impressive and shows a wider range of ability. So I’ll go with Mamet.
2. You will lose one of your senses, but you may select the one you will do without. Which one is it and, of course, why that one?
Smell, by the process of elimination. Sight and sound are the two most important to me – I wouldn’t want to go the rest of my life without being able to see or hear my family. Taste is the second tier. I love food too much, the diversity that can be found within food, to lose it. Which leaves touch and smell, and of those, feeling the warmth of another person, or the fur of a dog, or the feel of grass beneath bare feet, trumps the value from smell.
3. Underwear has suddenly disappeared from the universe. How are you affected?
Less laundry. More chafing.
4. Why does the Iowa caucus matter? (For all you voyeurs, this is a conversation I wish I could spend 6 hours having with the weasel. Feel free to move along.)
This is also a conversation I could spend six hours writing about. If you don’t mind, I’m going to do a whole post on this one. Look for it early next week.
5. Outside of your family, who most influenced the parts of you that you like?
Perhaps the toughest of the questions for me. I don’t have that one teacher many people seem to have, that person who was inspirational, who showed me things within me that I didn’t know were there, who believed in me, etc. Those people were my family. Generally speaking, I got “Why don’t you work harder” speeches from teachers.
So to answer, I’ll think about the parts of me I like the most. And one of those is my writing. I’m pretty proud of my writing talent. I’d like to think that some of personal voice is present in everything I write. Even the work stuff, the dry stuff, I think you can see me in it. And for that I owe all credit to Hunter S. Thompson. HST showed that you can put yourself into what you write, no matter what you are writing. He showed that ultimately it was all personal, and that wasn’t a bad thing. He’s been the greatest influence on me as a writer, and I owe him tons for that.
1. Who is the best living playwright?
Tough one. For me, it’s either Mamet or Albee. Of the two, Albee wrote the best play (Virginia Wolff), but I think Mamet’s overall body of work is both more impressive and shows a wider range of ability. So I’ll go with Mamet.
2. You will lose one of your senses, but you may select the one you will do without. Which one is it and, of course, why that one?
Smell, by the process of elimination. Sight and sound are the two most important to me – I wouldn’t want to go the rest of my life without being able to see or hear my family. Taste is the second tier. I love food too much, the diversity that can be found within food, to lose it. Which leaves touch and smell, and of those, feeling the warmth of another person, or the fur of a dog, or the feel of grass beneath bare feet, trumps the value from smell.
3. Underwear has suddenly disappeared from the universe. How are you affected?
Less laundry. More chafing.
4. Why does the Iowa caucus matter? (For all you voyeurs, this is a conversation I wish I could spend 6 hours having with the weasel. Feel free to move along.)
This is also a conversation I could spend six hours writing about. If you don’t mind, I’m going to do a whole post on this one. Look for it early next week.
5. Outside of your family, who most influenced the parts of you that you like?
Perhaps the toughest of the questions for me. I don’t have that one teacher many people seem to have, that person who was inspirational, who showed me things within me that I didn’t know were there, who believed in me, etc. Those people were my family. Generally speaking, I got “Why don’t you work harder” speeches from teachers.
So to answer, I’ll think about the parts of me I like the most. And one of those is my writing. I’m pretty proud of my writing talent. I’d like to think that some of personal voice is present in everything I write. Even the work stuff, the dry stuff, I think you can see me in it. And for that I owe all credit to Hunter S. Thompson. HST showed that you can put yourself into what you write, no matter what you are writing. He showed that ultimately it was all personal, and that wasn’t a bad thing. He’s been the greatest influence on me as a writer, and I owe him tons for that.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Remember When?
Remember when the ice in the ice machine here at work came out in cubes instead of book-sized sheets? Good times. Gooood times.
So what ultimately-totally-irrelevant thing is annoying you in your world today?
So what ultimately-totally-irrelevant thing is annoying you in your world today?
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Curse You, Activist Massachusetts Judges!
Kris has this post about a love affair gone bad that ended up in the courts.
Well, technically, there isn’t anything there indicating that love was involved. Here’s the, uhm, money graffs:
The plaintiff and the defendant were in a long-term committed relationship. Early in the morning of September 24, 1994, they were engaged in consensual sexual intercourse. The plaintiff was lying on his back while the defendant was on top of him. The defendant's body was secured in this position by the interlocking of her legs and the plaintiff's legs. At some point, the defendant unilaterally decided to unlock her legs and place her feet on either side of the plaintiff's abdomen for the purpose of increasing her stimulation. When the defendant changed her position, she did not think about the possibility of injury to the plaintiff. Shortly after taking this new position, the defendant landed awkwardly on the plaintiff, thereby causing him to suffer a penile fracture.
Penile fracture, though sounding extremely unpleasant, is fun to say. Penile fracture! Penile fracture!
Although this was generally a position the couple had used before without incident, the defendant did vary slightly the position previously used, without prior specific discussion and without the explicit prior consent of the plaintiff. It is this variation that the plaintiff claims caused his injury. While the couple had practiced what the defendant described as "light bondage" during their intimate relations, there was no evidence of "light bondage" on this occasion. The plaintiff's injuries were serious and required emergency surgery. He has endured a painful and lengthy recovery. He has suffered from sexual dysfunction that neither medication nor counseling have been able to treat effectively.
You know, maybe if he wouldn’t sue a woman (apparently an extremely limber woman), who inadvertently injured him during sex (and, presumably, he could have said “Take it easy Olga Korbut – that hurts”) thus rendering him an unfit sexual partner for both paid and unpaid prospective partners ("No way, penile fracture boy"), he wouldn’t be suffering from what I am assuming is severe depression over the extreme unlikelihood that he will ever enjoy sexual congress (as opposed to sexual Congress, which none of us want to consider) again.
Well, technically, there isn’t anything there indicating that love was involved. Here’s the, uhm, money graffs:
The plaintiff and the defendant were in a long-term committed relationship. Early in the morning of September 24, 1994, they were engaged in consensual sexual intercourse. The plaintiff was lying on his back while the defendant was on top of him. The defendant's body was secured in this position by the interlocking of her legs and the plaintiff's legs. At some point, the defendant unilaterally decided to unlock her legs and place her feet on either side of the plaintiff's abdomen for the purpose of increasing her stimulation. When the defendant changed her position, she did not think about the possibility of injury to the plaintiff. Shortly after taking this new position, the defendant landed awkwardly on the plaintiff, thereby causing him to suffer a penile fracture.
Penile fracture, though sounding extremely unpleasant, is fun to say. Penile fracture! Penile fracture!
Although this was generally a position the couple had used before without incident, the defendant did vary slightly the position previously used, without prior specific discussion and without the explicit prior consent of the plaintiff. It is this variation that the plaintiff claims caused his injury. While the couple had practiced what the defendant described as "light bondage" during their intimate relations, there was no evidence of "light bondage" on this occasion. The plaintiff's injuries were serious and required emergency surgery. He has endured a painful and lengthy recovery. He has suffered from sexual dysfunction that neither medication nor counseling have been able to treat effectively.
You know, maybe if he wouldn’t sue a woman (apparently an extremely limber woman), who inadvertently injured him during sex (and, presumably, he could have said “Take it easy Olga Korbut – that hurts”) thus rendering him an unfit sexual partner for both paid and unpaid prospective partners ("No way, penile fracture boy"), he wouldn’t be suffering from what I am assuming is severe depression over the extreme unlikelihood that he will ever enjoy sexual congress (as opposed to sexual Congress, which none of us want to consider) again.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Not That You Care, But
Having 24 on Monday night really throws me off because after three years of it being a Tuesday evening staple, I'm conditioned to think it's Tuesday when I watch it and, hence that the next day, in this case, today, is Wednesday, which means the work week is half over, but it's not, it's only about 40% over.
Which bites.
And they better damn well not kill Tony. I know we've got a major recurring male character set to die yet this season, but it better not be Tony. Kill David Palmer. As long as he's alive, people will want to keep having him come back in future seasons, and as this season shows, it's tough as hell to work him in. Tony, on the other hand, is easy to work in. I'd even settle for Michelle being offed if it kept Tony alive.
Remember, you read it hear first. Tony Almeida, Private Eye. It'd be a great show, and it's not like Fox couldn't use another great show or two.
Which bites.
And they better damn well not kill Tony. I know we've got a major recurring male character set to die yet this season, but it better not be Tony. Kill David Palmer. As long as he's alive, people will want to keep having him come back in future seasons, and as this season shows, it's tough as hell to work him in. Tony, on the other hand, is easy to work in. I'd even settle for Michelle being offed if it kept Tony alive.
Remember, you read it hear first. Tony Almeida, Private Eye. It'd be a great show, and it's not like Fox couldn't use another great show or two.
More Questions
This time from Wheezy. See rules in prior posts.
1. What is one major news story or world event that you recall clearly from your childhood, and how did it affect you?
I remember the Kennedy assassination, because coverage of it pre-empted the Saturday morning Bugs Bunny cartoons.
Hey. I was four.
2. Deep down, are you more like Tom or Ian?
I was going to say Tom because I’m 40, not early 20s, but even at Ian’s age I wouldn’t have let Tom and Kate send me on the guilt trip that Ian let them send him on. So Tom it is.
3. What is your opinion on body piercing?
Mine? No way. Lesa? Ears are okay, but it’s her choice. My kids? When they’re older, if that’s what they want, okay. Anyone else? It’s okay if that’s what you want.
4. I overheard a conversation recently. Two people, both of whom were disgusted with Republicans and Democrats, suggested that maybe it was time for a third political party in America. How would you respond to this suggestion?
Did you vote? Do you take part in the political process otherwise, by contacting party leaders or taking part in party meetings? Cause perhaps it would be better to attempt to influence the existing parties instead of creating something new. Oh, and finally, how can you really compare what the Republican party is doing with the Democratic party? The leadership of the Republican party (not Republicans themselves, mind you, but the leadership) is attempting to subrogate all the rights and responsibilities we have had since the founding of the country. The Democratic party is one of the few things standing in their way preventing the establishment of a theocracy.
5. What would you consider to be the most dreadful occupation in the world, and why?
Dog costume photographer.
1. What is one major news story or world event that you recall clearly from your childhood, and how did it affect you?
I remember the Kennedy assassination, because coverage of it pre-empted the Saturday morning Bugs Bunny cartoons.
Hey. I was four.
2. Deep down, are you more like Tom or Ian?
I was going to say Tom because I’m 40, not early 20s, but even at Ian’s age I wouldn’t have let Tom and Kate send me on the guilt trip that Ian let them send him on. So Tom it is.
3. What is your opinion on body piercing?
Mine? No way. Lesa? Ears are okay, but it’s her choice. My kids? When they’re older, if that’s what they want, okay. Anyone else? It’s okay if that’s what you want.
4. I overheard a conversation recently. Two people, both of whom were disgusted with Republicans and Democrats, suggested that maybe it was time for a third political party in America. How would you respond to this suggestion?
Did you vote? Do you take part in the political process otherwise, by contacting party leaders or taking part in party meetings? Cause perhaps it would be better to attempt to influence the existing parties instead of creating something new. Oh, and finally, how can you really compare what the Republican party is doing with the Democratic party? The leadership of the Republican party (not Republicans themselves, mind you, but the leadership) is attempting to subrogate all the rights and responsibilities we have had since the founding of the country. The Democratic party is one of the few things standing in their way preventing the establishment of a theocracy.
5. What would you consider to be the most dreadful occupation in the world, and why?
Dog costume photographer.
Costumed Dogs: The Sequel
I realize I should also have linked to this. Remember – friends don’t let friends get their dogs stoned…
Monday, May 16, 2005
Some Like It Ruff
Comics Funnies. Or Is That Funnies Funnies?
Some days you've just got nothing, so here is some funny from other folks: Superman Is A Dick (courtesy of Glorious Nonsense), and Seanbaby's page of Hostess Cupcake Comic Ads. If you read comics in the 70s and 80s you know what I'm talking about. Otherwise, you don't. Sorry.
Friday, May 13, 2005
Waiter, There's A Finger In My Chili
Authorities have finally identified the source of the finger that the woman in California put in the Wendy’s chili. Film at eleven, story at Yahoo.
The finger that a woman said she found in a bowl of Wendy's chili came from an associate of her husband who lost the digit in an industrial accident, police said Friday.
"The jig is up. The puzzle pieces are beginning to fall into place, and the truth is being exposed," Police Chief Rob Davis said.
The man is from Nevada and lost a part of his finger in an accident last December, Davis said. His identity was traced through a tip made to Wendy's hot line, he said.
He said authorities "positively confirmed that this subject was in fact the source of the fingertip."
…
The man who lost the finger, whose name was not released, had given the finger fragment to Plascencia, Davis said. Davis would not disclose details of the investigation but said the man was cooperating.
Well, that was certainly nice of him to lend a hand…
The finger that a woman said she found in a bowl of Wendy's chili came from an associate of her husband who lost the digit in an industrial accident, police said Friday.
"The jig is up. The puzzle pieces are beginning to fall into place, and the truth is being exposed," Police Chief Rob Davis said.
The man is from Nevada and lost a part of his finger in an accident last December, Davis said. His identity was traced through a tip made to Wendy's hot line, he said.
He said authorities "positively confirmed that this subject was in fact the source of the fingertip."
…
The man who lost the finger, whose name was not released, had given the finger fragment to Plascencia, Davis said. Davis would not disclose details of the investigation but said the man was cooperating.
Well, that was certainly nice of him to lend a hand…
Satan Gets A Blog
Added a link for the Devil’s own.
Okay, it’s just a cartoon. He’s not really Satan. And if my real life friends don't know who I'm talking about, just know that it's another one of my online friends.
Okay, it’s just a cartoon. He’s not really Satan. And if my real life friends don't know who I'm talking about, just know that it's another one of my online friends.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Rebuild Them!
Keith Olbermann doesn’t blog often, but when he hits it, he hits it. See this post on what should go up on the site of the World Trade Center.
Republican Sex Junkies
The Rude Pundit (caution: rudeness ahead) has a wonderful round-up of Republican kink, from bestiality (anti-abortion extremist Neal Horsley), homosexuality (former Spokane Mayor Jim West), buggery/anal rape (W. David Hager, a Bush appointee to the FDA advisor committee on reproductive health drugs) to forced wife swapping and group sex (John Bolton).
This exchange between Horsley and Alan Colmes from Colmes’ radio show is priceless:
In the course of the interview, however, Colmes asked Horsley about his background, including a statement that he had admitted to engaging in homosexual and bestiality sex.
At first, Horsley laughed and said, "Just because it's printed in the media, people jump to believe it."
"Is it true?" Colmes asked.
"Hey, Alan, if you want to accuse me of having sex when I was a fool, I did everything that crossed my mind that looked like I..."
Alan Colmes: "You had sex with animals?"
Neal Horsley: "Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule."
AC: "I'm not so sure that that is so."
NH: "You didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?"
AC: "Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?"
NH: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality... Welcome to domestic life on the farm..."
Colmes said he thought there were a lot of people in the audience who grew up on farms, are living on farms now, raising kids on farms and "and I don't think they are dating Elsie right now. You know what I'm saying?"
Horsley said, "You experiment with anything that moves when you are growing up sexually. You're naive. You know better than that... If it's warm and it's damp and it vibrates you might in fact have sex with it."
Wow. I guess the Republicans do have a big tent.
They need it for all the animals…
This exchange between Horsley and Alan Colmes from Colmes’ radio show is priceless:
In the course of the interview, however, Colmes asked Horsley about his background, including a statement that he had admitted to engaging in homosexual and bestiality sex.
At first, Horsley laughed and said, "Just because it's printed in the media, people jump to believe it."
"Is it true?" Colmes asked.
"Hey, Alan, if you want to accuse me of having sex when I was a fool, I did everything that crossed my mind that looked like I..."
Alan Colmes: "You had sex with animals?"
Neal Horsley: "Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule."
AC: "I'm not so sure that that is so."
NH: "You didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?"
AC: "Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?"
NH: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality... Welcome to domestic life on the farm..."
Colmes said he thought there were a lot of people in the audience who grew up on farms, are living on farms now, raising kids on farms and "and I don't think they are dating Elsie right now. You know what I'm saying?"
Horsley said, "You experiment with anything that moves when you are growing up sexually. You're naive. You know better than that... If it's warm and it's damp and it vibrates you might in fact have sex with it."
Wow. I guess the Republicans do have a big tent.
They need it for all the animals…
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Curse You Englert Theatre!
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