This is from Ask The Bunny, a regular feature at Wizard Magazine’s (a comic book industry magazine) Web site.
Bunny, How different would “Lost” be if Jack Bauer was on that plane?
Tom
Well, for starters, the whole thing would be over real fast. It would take about a day at the most. (Funny, most things in Jack’s life are like that.) Jack would probably find a way to crash the plane into the Others whilst scattering debris on all of the island’s other mysterious threats. With no people left to talk tersely to, Jack would then take a polar bear hostage and force it at gunpoint to tell him all of the secrets of the show, the Dharma Corp. and the island. Jack would then just start walking to Los Angeles—underwater, like Godzilla, except cooler because Godzilla doesn’t carry a rad messenger bag and rarely shoots suspects’ wives in the thigh. Stupid Godzilla.
To Jack Bauer!
Friday, June 23, 2006
Monday, June 19, 2006
Lyle Lovett Week Is Here!
It’s Lyle Lovett week here at Corn’O’Copia. Pay attention – there may be a theme!
If You Were To Wake Up (from the album Lyle Lovett and His Large Band)
If you were to wake up
And I were beside you
Would you gently smile dear
And whisper my name?
And would you remember
The way that I held you?
And would you want me
To hold you again?
Time reaches to you
Just like a willow
That bends to the water
And clings to the shore
And there was a time dear
That once you did love me
And there was a time when
You loved me no more
Rain on your window
Light on your pillow
The way you lie sleeping
Is it like before?
For there was a time dear
That once you did love me
And there was a time when
You loved me no more
If You Were To Wake Up (from the album Lyle Lovett and His Large Band)
If you were to wake up
And I were beside you
Would you gently smile dear
And whisper my name?
And would you remember
The way that I held you?
And would you want me
To hold you again?
Time reaches to you
Just like a willow
That bends to the water
And clings to the shore
And there was a time dear
That once you did love me
And there was a time when
You loved me no more
Rain on your window
Light on your pillow
The way you lie sleeping
Is it like before?
For there was a time dear
That once you did love me
And there was a time when
You loved me no more
Friday, June 16, 2006
Somehow
I imagine alcohol played a part in this.
Local authorities launched a rescue effort early this morning after receiving a report of a man who fell into the Iowa River off the Burlington Street Bridge and went over the dam.The search for the man halted after about three hours — when he called police to say he was OK.
Yes, 23-year-old Jonathan Fasselius of Coralville did indeed fall off the Burlington Street bridge about 2:19 a.m. And yes, he was immediately swept over the dam beneath said bridge.According to a press release from the Johnson County Sheriff’s Office, Fasselius said he was looking for a friend on the eastbound side of the bridge. He then decided to cross over to the westbound side, not realizing that the two sides are actually two separate bridges. You can guess what that led to.
It was then that Iowa City resident Kimberly Fensterbusch heard a splash, and saw Fasselius in the water yelling for help. She called 911.
After hitting the water just up river from the bridge, Fasselius then went over the dam and underwater for a period of time. Amazingly, he was able to make it out of the water downstream. Unaware that anyone even saw him go in, let alone called for his rescue, Fasselius walked home.
Meanwhile, the Johnson County Sheriff’s Office, Iowa City Police Department, Johnson County Ambulance Department, Iowa City Fire Department, Hills Fire Department, Coralville Fire Department and Johnson County Emergency Management responded and got to work on a search and rescue mission for a man who was toweling off back at his pad in Coralville.
About 5:30 a.m., Fasselius called Iowa City Police to say that he had heard they were looking for someone in the Iowa River, and that he just might be the guy they were looking for.Fasselius suffered minor injuries.
My favorite line there? You can guess what that led to. Next favorite? got to work on a search and rescue mission for a man who was toweling off back at his pad in Coralville.
“Toweling off back at his pad”? Yeah baby! That’s shagadelic!
Seriously though, this is gold. Guy presumably gets very drunk, drunk enough to be walking along the eastbound Burlington Street bridge looking for a friend. Guy decides friend is not on the eastbound, then decides to look on the westbound bridge. Guy decides to just climb over the rail from the eastbound bridge to the westbound bridge, apparently not noticing the six-seven foot gap between the bridges where there is nothing but air and, after a 15-20 foot fall, the river. Just above the dam. Guy hits the rvier, presumably after saying fuck at least once, goes over the dam, goes underwater, somehow manages to get to the surface, gets himself to shore, then walks several miles home like nothing happened, yet somehow manages, three hours later, at 5:00 am in the morning, to find out that police and emergency services are looking for someone in the Iowa River, as if that knowledge just got beamed down into his brain somehow, at which point he calls the cops and says "uh, you might be looking for me". I love this story.
Local authorities launched a rescue effort early this morning after receiving a report of a man who fell into the Iowa River off the Burlington Street Bridge and went over the dam.The search for the man halted after about three hours — when he called police to say he was OK.
Yes, 23-year-old Jonathan Fasselius of Coralville did indeed fall off the Burlington Street bridge about 2:19 a.m. And yes, he was immediately swept over the dam beneath said bridge.According to a press release from the Johnson County Sheriff’s Office, Fasselius said he was looking for a friend on the eastbound side of the bridge. He then decided to cross over to the westbound side, not realizing that the two sides are actually two separate bridges. You can guess what that led to.
It was then that Iowa City resident Kimberly Fensterbusch heard a splash, and saw Fasselius in the water yelling for help. She called 911.
After hitting the water just up river from the bridge, Fasselius then went over the dam and underwater for a period of time. Amazingly, he was able to make it out of the water downstream. Unaware that anyone even saw him go in, let alone called for his rescue, Fasselius walked home.
Meanwhile, the Johnson County Sheriff’s Office, Iowa City Police Department, Johnson County Ambulance Department, Iowa City Fire Department, Hills Fire Department, Coralville Fire Department and Johnson County Emergency Management responded and got to work on a search and rescue mission for a man who was toweling off back at his pad in Coralville.
About 5:30 a.m., Fasselius called Iowa City Police to say that he had heard they were looking for someone in the Iowa River, and that he just might be the guy they were looking for.Fasselius suffered minor injuries.
My favorite line there? You can guess what that led to. Next favorite? got to work on a search and rescue mission for a man who was toweling off back at his pad in Coralville.
“Toweling off back at his pad”? Yeah baby! That’s shagadelic!
Seriously though, this is gold. Guy presumably gets very drunk, drunk enough to be walking along the eastbound Burlington Street bridge looking for a friend. Guy decides friend is not on the eastbound, then decides to look on the westbound bridge. Guy decides to just climb over the rail from the eastbound bridge to the westbound bridge, apparently not noticing the six-seven foot gap between the bridges where there is nothing but air and, after a 15-20 foot fall, the river. Just above the dam. Guy hits the rvier, presumably after saying fuck at least once, goes over the dam, goes underwater, somehow manages to get to the surface, gets himself to shore, then walks several miles home like nothing happened, yet somehow manages, three hours later, at 5:00 am in the morning, to find out that police and emergency services are looking for someone in the Iowa River, as if that knowledge just got beamed down into his brain somehow, at which point he calls the cops and says "uh, you might be looking for me". I love this story.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Meme Time
I don't usually do the Meme thing, but this was kinda fun. It's courtesy Side Notes, who got it from 2 Hot Chicks, who got it from someplace.
Type “(Your name) Needs” into Google and list the results. Here are some of what I go:
Some are concerned about my health and well being
David needs a liver.
David needs help with his medication
David needs to protect himself
David needs to lose weight and build muscle
David needs a Tylenol
David needs a break
Some are worried about my personal hygiene
David needs a bath
David needs a new makeover and he asks you to help
Some sound like a performance review
David needs to show some evidence to support this
David needs to give more attention to making the team successful
David needs to see if he can get practical support
David needs help in dealing with his difficulties with comprehension
Still others can’t really be classified
David needs a family that would be willing to love and care for David
David needs three
David needs to relax when the music calls for it
David needs lots of attention
David needs to know who you are
David needs to consistently finish in the top five each race
David needs to collect five smooth stones in the stream
But in the end it doesn’t really matter, because as we all know:
David needs no introduction
(Note: I got no results with "Dweeze needs". So I had to go with my real name.)
Type “(Your name) Needs” into Google and list the results. Here are some of what I go:
Some are concerned about my health and well being
David needs a liver.
David needs help with his medication
David needs to protect himself
David needs to lose weight and build muscle
David needs a Tylenol
David needs a break
Some are worried about my personal hygiene
David needs a bath
David needs a new makeover and he asks you to help
Some sound like a performance review
David needs to show some evidence to support this
David needs to give more attention to making the team successful
David needs to see if he can get practical support
David needs help in dealing with his difficulties with comprehension
Still others can’t really be classified
David needs a family that would be willing to love and care for David
David needs three
David needs to relax when the music calls for it
David needs lots of attention
David needs to know who you are
David needs to consistently finish in the top five each race
David needs to collect five smooth stones in the stream
But in the end it doesn’t really matter, because as we all know:
David needs no introduction
(Note: I got no results with "Dweeze needs". So I had to go with my real name.)
OMG
Pete Townsend has a blog. Pete Fucking Townsend has a blog.
You can have the Stones, cheap posers that they are. You can have the Beatles, geniuses that they are. I’ll take the Who any day of the week and twice on Sundays. The only artist higher in my personal music pantheon is Bruce, and long before Bruce became Bruce, Pete and the boys were the Who. Long Live Rock!
You can have the Stones, cheap posers that they are. You can have the Beatles, geniuses that they are. I’ll take the Who any day of the week and twice on Sundays. The only artist higher in my personal music pantheon is Bruce, and long before Bruce became Bruce, Pete and the boys were the Who. Long Live Rock!
Friday, June 09, 2006
Random Stuff
Not enough worthy of a whole post, but hey.
Sad day here in Dweezeland. Drew left this morning to spend the summer at his dad's. That always makes for a depressing first few days, and a sense of loss the entire time he is gone. He is always happy to go, though, which makes it much easier. It's hard to believe he is going to be a third grader when he gets back - I could swear kindergarten was just last week.
Some happy news for Iowa Citians in general, though. The Randi Rhodes show is coming to KXIC radio. It will be the first Air America syndication in the area. Her show will air right after the Hanity show ends. I'm hoping that once KXIC's current contracts with Hanity expire they will add on more Air America broadcasts. It's strange to say KXIC is my favorite radio listening spot, but I do like the morning show mix of news, weather, sports, and local events; I do like listening to Jim Rome during the noontime hours; and of course, KXIC is the official local home of all Hawkeye sports broadcasts.
Courtesy of MJ's Big Blog, a hilarious bit Idol's Kellie Pickler did for the Tonight Show. I can't get blogger to embed it, so follow through the link at MJ's.
Finally, tangentally Idol related, the Daily Show ended their coverage of Al-Zarqawi with a retrospective of his career put to the Bad Day song Idol uses to close out their show. Priceless!
Sad day here in Dweezeland. Drew left this morning to spend the summer at his dad's. That always makes for a depressing first few days, and a sense of loss the entire time he is gone. He is always happy to go, though, which makes it much easier. It's hard to believe he is going to be a third grader when he gets back - I could swear kindergarten was just last week.
Some happy news for Iowa Citians in general, though. The Randi Rhodes show is coming to KXIC radio. It will be the first Air America syndication in the area. Her show will air right after the Hanity show ends. I'm hoping that once KXIC's current contracts with Hanity expire they will add on more Air America broadcasts. It's strange to say KXIC is my favorite radio listening spot, but I do like the morning show mix of news, weather, sports, and local events; I do like listening to Jim Rome during the noontime hours; and of course, KXIC is the official local home of all Hawkeye sports broadcasts.
Courtesy of MJ's Big Blog, a hilarious bit Idol's Kellie Pickler did for the Tonight Show. I can't get blogger to embed it, so follow through the link at MJ's.
Finally, tangentally Idol related, the Daily Show ended their coverage of Al-Zarqawi with a retrospective of his career put to the Bad Day song Idol uses to close out their show. Priceless!
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Poker In The Back
I know that you, my loyal readers, are wondering how things have been lately pokerwise. Dweeze, you ask, how the cards treating you?
Pretty good, thanks, and is that a new hairdo? It looks nice.
Anyway, played in my first live tourney last week. It was the freeroll at the American Legion, and Greenman, Tanman, Matt, and I entered as something to do before the midnight showing of X3. Ja and Josh, other regulars from our weekly game, showed up as well.
I was a little nervous as I sat down. For one thing, they didn’t identify the chips when they handed them to me. I wasn’t sure what was what amount. For another, I wasn’t sure what it would be like to play face to face against strangers.
The chip thing solved itself immediately. I got an ace when cards were dealt to see who would deal, resulting in me being the first person to deal. Because I wasn’t in the blinds right away, I could see how others were using their chips and figure out the denominations that way.
The second thing was fine, too. I guess I’ve played enough games online against complete strangers to get a quick comfort level. The big difference, of course, is that you can watch and read other people’s reactions. But the basics of play were exactly the same, and I was fine.
There was another area where playing online helped. Because it was a freeroll, with $3 rebuys for the first hour, there were a lot of people pushing, going all in with low pairs or draws on the theory that they could always buy back in. This was similar to what happens in online tourneys, where people push all in with little because it didn’t cost them anything to enter the tourney. What I learned online, to sit back and bide my time, mucking a lot of playable hands yet playing the hands I chose to play aggressively, helped a lot here. In that first hour I only entered three hands when I wasn’t in the blinds and I won all three, taking down another player (who quickly bought back in) each time. Not only did I not have to rebuy, I came out of the first hour with a nice stack of chips.
I continued to build on that stack for awhile until that table got broken up. (After the first hour, as people got busted and the number of people remaining in the tourney shrunk, people were reassigned to other tables so that there were always at least 6-7 people at a table.) At that point I got sent to a table where Greenman and Ja were sitting. I wasn’t the big stack, but I was in okay position. It stayed that way for awhile, but I then hit a streak where I wasn’t able to consistently build on the stack. I ended up calling a couple of all ins that I lost, though I have no regrets about the calls. One time I called a A-10 with A-J and the 10 hit. Another time I had Q-Q and lost to someone who hit their A. So it wasn’t bad calls on my part, just poker. Still, I remained in the game as the number of people dropping out grew.
Our weekly game represented itself well, too. Eighty people started the tourney, six from our game. All six made the final twenty-five. Four of us, including me, made the top ten. And three of us, including me, made the final table. Unfortunately for me, I went out eighth and the tourney only paid six spots. I was on the lower end of the chip count when the final table started, and I couldn’t catch anything. My all in hand was Js, and I was close to doubling up, when the chip leader, the only person to call me, hit her A on the river. The bad thing was, not only was it a river loss, but she was one of the people I had knocked out during the rebuy period. But again, that’s poker. The other two members of the weekly game to reach the final table, Tanman and Greenman, finished fifth and second respectively.
There’s tourneys at the Legion every Tuesday and Thursday, and I may go again tonight. It’s a pay tourney, $10 with no rebuys, but they pay more places. So we’ll see.
Another poker story, from playing last night. I don’t believe in bad beats – any cards can come up at any time, no matter the odds against it happening – so any beat is possible. But I do believe in hard beats, and I saw an incredibly hard one last night.
It was at a 10,000 chip 18 person sit and go. These pay four places. It was down to five people left, and the play got very tight because no one wanted to miss the bubble. The chip leader had about 10,000 in chips, second was about 8,000, third about 7,000, I had around 1,500, and the short stack had 500. Blinds were at 250/500, and the short stack was about to hit the big blind. The big stack was small blind, second place the big blind. The big stack called, second stack raised, big stack called.
The flop comes down 8s-Ks-Qh. Big stack acts first, bets about 1,000. Second stack calls. Turn comes down Qd. Big stack checks, second stack bets 2,000, big stack calls. Right now there is about 8,000 in the pot. Turn comes down Js. That makes a flush draw and a straight draw on the board. Big stack checks, second stack goes all in, big stack calls. Second stack shows Q-J, for a full house queens over jacks. Big stack shows a K-Q, for a full house queens over kings, knocking the second stack out and putting the rest of us in the money.
Think about that. There you are, thinking you have the best hand (at least from the turn forward), then making your boat only to discover that you never had the best hand, you were behind from the start, and the person with more chips than you not only had a bigger boat, but they had it a card earlier. That’s a hard beat.
Pretty good, thanks, and is that a new hairdo? It looks nice.
Anyway, played in my first live tourney last week. It was the freeroll at the American Legion, and Greenman, Tanman, Matt, and I entered as something to do before the midnight showing of X3. Ja and Josh, other regulars from our weekly game, showed up as well.
I was a little nervous as I sat down. For one thing, they didn’t identify the chips when they handed them to me. I wasn’t sure what was what amount. For another, I wasn’t sure what it would be like to play face to face against strangers.
The chip thing solved itself immediately. I got an ace when cards were dealt to see who would deal, resulting in me being the first person to deal. Because I wasn’t in the blinds right away, I could see how others were using their chips and figure out the denominations that way.
The second thing was fine, too. I guess I’ve played enough games online against complete strangers to get a quick comfort level. The big difference, of course, is that you can watch and read other people’s reactions. But the basics of play were exactly the same, and I was fine.
There was another area where playing online helped. Because it was a freeroll, with $3 rebuys for the first hour, there were a lot of people pushing, going all in with low pairs or draws on the theory that they could always buy back in. This was similar to what happens in online tourneys, where people push all in with little because it didn’t cost them anything to enter the tourney. What I learned online, to sit back and bide my time, mucking a lot of playable hands yet playing the hands I chose to play aggressively, helped a lot here. In that first hour I only entered three hands when I wasn’t in the blinds and I won all three, taking down another player (who quickly bought back in) each time. Not only did I not have to rebuy, I came out of the first hour with a nice stack of chips.
I continued to build on that stack for awhile until that table got broken up. (After the first hour, as people got busted and the number of people remaining in the tourney shrunk, people were reassigned to other tables so that there were always at least 6-7 people at a table.) At that point I got sent to a table where Greenman and Ja were sitting. I wasn’t the big stack, but I was in okay position. It stayed that way for awhile, but I then hit a streak where I wasn’t able to consistently build on the stack. I ended up calling a couple of all ins that I lost, though I have no regrets about the calls. One time I called a A-10 with A-J and the 10 hit. Another time I had Q-Q and lost to someone who hit their A. So it wasn’t bad calls on my part, just poker. Still, I remained in the game as the number of people dropping out grew.
Our weekly game represented itself well, too. Eighty people started the tourney, six from our game. All six made the final twenty-five. Four of us, including me, made the top ten. And three of us, including me, made the final table. Unfortunately for me, I went out eighth and the tourney only paid six spots. I was on the lower end of the chip count when the final table started, and I couldn’t catch anything. My all in hand was Js, and I was close to doubling up, when the chip leader, the only person to call me, hit her A on the river. The bad thing was, not only was it a river loss, but she was one of the people I had knocked out during the rebuy period. But again, that’s poker. The other two members of the weekly game to reach the final table, Tanman and Greenman, finished fifth and second respectively.
There’s tourneys at the Legion every Tuesday and Thursday, and I may go again tonight. It’s a pay tourney, $10 with no rebuys, but they pay more places. So we’ll see.
Another poker story, from playing last night. I don’t believe in bad beats – any cards can come up at any time, no matter the odds against it happening – so any beat is possible. But I do believe in hard beats, and I saw an incredibly hard one last night.
It was at a 10,000 chip 18 person sit and go. These pay four places. It was down to five people left, and the play got very tight because no one wanted to miss the bubble. The chip leader had about 10,000 in chips, second was about 8,000, third about 7,000, I had around 1,500, and the short stack had 500. Blinds were at 250/500, and the short stack was about to hit the big blind. The big stack was small blind, second place the big blind. The big stack called, second stack raised, big stack called.
The flop comes down 8s-Ks-Qh. Big stack acts first, bets about 1,000. Second stack calls. Turn comes down Qd. Big stack checks, second stack bets 2,000, big stack calls. Right now there is about 8,000 in the pot. Turn comes down Js. That makes a flush draw and a straight draw on the board. Big stack checks, second stack goes all in, big stack calls. Second stack shows Q-J, for a full house queens over jacks. Big stack shows a K-Q, for a full house queens over kings, knocking the second stack out and putting the rest of us in the money.
Think about that. There you are, thinking you have the best hand (at least from the turn forward), then making your boat only to discover that you never had the best hand, you were behind from the start, and the person with more chips than you not only had a bigger boat, but they had it a card earlier. That’s a hard beat.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Blog Motto
The new blog motto was spoken, then sung, sometime during last Saturday's poker night. Not really remembering how we got to it, but the conversation it sprang out of began as such:
Side Notes: Every year my grandmother puts out
Tanman and Dweeze (interrupting simultaneously): Your grandmother puts out?
Greenman: Should have seen that coming
Side Notes: Every year my grandmother puts out
Tanman and Dweeze (interrupting simultaneously): Your grandmother puts out?
Greenman: Should have seen that coming
I Am Dweeze
I am Dweeze, destroyer of tadpole nation. I am Dweeze, whose name in the ancient tadpole language means “Cleaner of the Pool.” Tadpole wives grieve for their husbands lost in the pool attack of 2006. Tadpole mothers mourn sons they outlived. Tadpole children ache for fathers they will never see again.
I am Dweeze.
Somewhere, wherever the tadpole war crimes tribunal sits, they are writing a bill of particulars against me. My main crime is chemical warfare, dumping eight gallons of liquid chlorine into what was once a thriving tadpole metropolis. This chemical attack wiped out an entire tadpole colony, leaving no survivors.
I am Dweeze.
My name will be used to frighten future generations of tadpole children. Lamentations will be sung, horror stories told, nightmares created due to my efforts.
I am Dweeze.
I am Dweeze.
Somewhere, wherever the tadpole war crimes tribunal sits, they are writing a bill of particulars against me. My main crime is chemical warfare, dumping eight gallons of liquid chlorine into what was once a thriving tadpole metropolis. This chemical attack wiped out an entire tadpole colony, leaving no survivors.
I am Dweeze.
My name will be used to frighten future generations of tadpole children. Lamentations will be sung, horror stories told, nightmares created due to my efforts.
I am Dweeze.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Chatting With Barbaro
Via Deadspin, here’s a link to a chat robot that pretends to be Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro. Here is a chat I did:
Q - What was it like working with Gabe Kaplan on Welcome Back Kotter?
A - Much the same as working with Gabe Kaplan on Welcome Back Kotter would be for you.
Q - Oops, I'm sorry. That was Barbarino. Who are you again?
A - Oh. Do you really mean it? I thought it was too. Once more? I am Barbaro. Who are you?
Q - Dweeze. I am Dweeze.
A - I lost my train of thought. What are you wearing? Good gossip: you are Dweeze.
Q - Why do you want to know what I am wearing? What kind of sicko are you?
A - My prime directive is to collect new knowledge. What kinds of sicko are you are there?
Q - The usual kind. You know, tentacle hentai.
A - Is that a fact. I know very little about tentacle hentai. Tell me more.
Q - Well, it's, uhm. Well. Can we talk about something else?
A - How about that. Really. uhm is? Well what? Sure we can talk about whatever you want.
Q - Who do you like in the Belmont?
A - It's going to be a tough race for me. It's a little farther than I'm used to.
Q - That and the whole broken ankle thing...
A - Let us try to break it down into parts.
Q - Too late for that, huh? Know what I mean?
A - Yup. Too what? Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. What.
Q - You know what they say, a nudge is as good as a wink to a blind horse...
A - That's a good question. OK I will say "a nudge is as good as a wink to a blind horse" to you.
Q - You're with me, Brittle Ankles...
A - I will tell my botmaster you said I am with me Brittle Ankles.
Q - I'm sure he or she will appreciate that. Bye now!
A - I get it. User or she will appreciate that. Right now? Thanks for chatting, User.
Q - What was it like working with Gabe Kaplan on Welcome Back Kotter?
A - Much the same as working with Gabe Kaplan on Welcome Back Kotter would be for you.
Q - Oops, I'm sorry. That was Barbarino. Who are you again?
A - Oh. Do you really mean it? I thought it was too. Once more? I am Barbaro. Who are you?
Q - Dweeze. I am Dweeze.
A - I lost my train of thought. What are you wearing? Good gossip: you are Dweeze.
Q - Why do you want to know what I am wearing? What kind of sicko are you?
A - My prime directive is to collect new knowledge. What kinds of sicko are you are there?
Q - The usual kind. You know, tentacle hentai.
A - Is that a fact. I know very little about tentacle hentai. Tell me more.
Q - Well, it's, uhm. Well. Can we talk about something else?
A - How about that. Really. uhm is? Well what? Sure we can talk about whatever you want.
Q - Who do you like in the Belmont?
A - It's going to be a tough race for me. It's a little farther than I'm used to.
Q - That and the whole broken ankle thing...
A - Let us try to break it down into parts.
Q - Too late for that, huh? Know what I mean?
A - Yup. Too what? Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. What.
Q - You know what they say, a nudge is as good as a wink to a blind horse...
A - That's a good question. OK I will say "a nudge is as good as a wink to a blind horse" to you.
Q - You're with me, Brittle Ankles...
A - I will tell my botmaster you said I am with me Brittle Ankles.
Q - I'm sure he or she will appreciate that. Bye now!
A - I get it. User or she will appreciate that. Right now? Thanks for chatting, User.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Chicks Coming Home To Roost
The new Dixie Chicks cd, Taking The Long Way, was released today. Buy it. You'll be glad you did. Pick up the Wreckers Stand Still - Look Pretty too, while you're at it.
Chicks Coming Home To Roost
The new Dixie Chicks cd, Taking The Long Way, was released today. Buy it. You'll be glad you did. Pick up the Wreckers Stand Still - Look Pretty too, while you're at it.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Chickens Coming Home To Roost
You know, the chickenhawk line really seems to work young conservatives up. The following is a transcript of a conversation between Randi Rhodes and Ben Ferguson, a young conservative pundit.
RHODES: Listen, you should be in Iraq. You’re 22. When I was 22, I was in the military. Why aren’t you there?
FERGUSON: I’m 24 years old.
RHODES: Why aren’t you there? Then go.
FERGUSON: And just because I support something doesn’t mean I have to always go fight.
RHODES: You go. You go. Go ahead. You go and then you come back because you know what happens when we come back?
FERGUSON: I support the Yankees doesn’t mean I wear their uniform.
Here’s what I would have said back. First, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he meant to say “Just because I support the Yankees doesn’t mean I wear their uniform.”
Here’s the thing. You can’t join the New York Yankees. You can’t. There isn’t a local New York Yankees recruiting office where you can go, fill out the paperwork, take a physical, pass the intelligence tests, and then join the Yankees.
On the other hand, you can join the Army. Or the Navy. Or any of the other divisions of the Armed Services. If you are of the proper age range for military service, there is a local recruiting office where you can go, fill out the paperwork, take the physical, pass the intelligence tests, and then join the military. Now I can understand why the physical and the intelligence tests might scare you off. I understand that completely. But they are getting pretty lenient about that stuff these days. Hell, there was an episode in Oregon recently where a recruiter got an autistic kid to sign up and then, when his parents complained, the recruiter refused to release him from the commitment. So, if they will take an autistic kid, I’m sure they will take you.
Here’s the further thing, the reason for the chickenhawk appellation. If you truly believe that the threat posed by Islamofascism is the greatest threat facing our country, and you are of proper age to serve in the military, and you choose not to do so, you choose not to face the greatest threat posed to our country, then, well, the word that comes to mind first is coward.
RHODES: Listen, you should be in Iraq. You’re 22. When I was 22, I was in the military. Why aren’t you there?
FERGUSON: I’m 24 years old.
RHODES: Why aren’t you there? Then go.
FERGUSON: And just because I support something doesn’t mean I have to always go fight.
RHODES: You go. You go. Go ahead. You go and then you come back because you know what happens when we come back?
FERGUSON: I support the Yankees doesn’t mean I wear their uniform.
Here’s what I would have said back. First, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he meant to say “Just because I support the Yankees doesn’t mean I wear their uniform.”
Here’s the thing. You can’t join the New York Yankees. You can’t. There isn’t a local New York Yankees recruiting office where you can go, fill out the paperwork, take a physical, pass the intelligence tests, and then join the Yankees.
On the other hand, you can join the Army. Or the Navy. Or any of the other divisions of the Armed Services. If you are of the proper age range for military service, there is a local recruiting office where you can go, fill out the paperwork, take the physical, pass the intelligence tests, and then join the military. Now I can understand why the physical and the intelligence tests might scare you off. I understand that completely. But they are getting pretty lenient about that stuff these days. Hell, there was an episode in Oregon recently where a recruiter got an autistic kid to sign up and then, when his parents complained, the recruiter refused to release him from the commitment. So, if they will take an autistic kid, I’m sure they will take you.
Here’s the further thing, the reason for the chickenhawk appellation. If you truly believe that the threat posed by Islamofascism is the greatest threat facing our country, and you are of proper age to serve in the military, and you choose not to do so, you choose not to face the greatest threat posed to our country, then, well, the word that comes to mind first is coward.
Quote Of The Day
From the Rude Pundit:
Watching the President is a little like watching the last marathon runner at the Special Olympics. Gosh and darn, you want the limping fella to make it to the finish line, but mostly we just want him to give up so we can go home and get on with our lives.
Watching the President is a little like watching the last marathon runner at the Special Olympics. Gosh and darn, you want the limping fella to make it to the finish line, but mostly we just want him to give up so we can go home and get on with our lives.
Strange Days Indeed
So I'm driving home at noon the other day, going down Front Street. In the distance I can see a woman pushing a stroller and walking an animal on a leash. As I get closer, I can tell that she is older, somewhat heavyset, and that the animal on the leash is a cat. As I get even closer, I can tell that there are two more cats in the stroller. And as I drive past her, I see she is wearing a bay carrier with a fourth cat in it.
Friday, May 12, 2006
For Your Reading Pleasure
It’s been a while since I linked to him, but John Rogers has a great post about the NSA scandal. Here’s a nice long section from near the end.
Oh, and to save some time in the Comments section:Comment: You can't ask the President to protect us, and then not let him do his job!
Answer: There is nothing stopping the President from doing his job. That law may well be the easiest law in the world to follow, subject to the loosest court in the land. To boil it down mathematically, if you had an arrangement by which you could fuck other women, then three days later tell your wife, and 98% of the time your wife said "Sure, whatever," you would still be working under stricter rules than the FISA law.
To extend the metaphor, if you told me you can not get laid enough under that relationship, I can only surmise that is because you are up to some very, very dodgy stuff. The legal equivalent of furries. Trek Furries. Scat Trek Furries. With Electro.
Comment: "This is no big deal, and you have to trust the people in power to do the right thing."
Answer: Ahem. The entire FUCKING POINT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA IS THAT YOU DON'T "JUST TRUST SOMEONE" BECAUSE THEY ARE IN POWER. Thomas Jefferson would stab you in the neck with a spoon if he heard you say that.On a more specific note, there may be some Administrations I would barely consider trusting with this sort of behaviour. The one with Karl Rove in it? Not so much. Even if there's no malice aforethought, these are the people who fucked up New Orleans. These are the people who fucked up Iraq. They are just very bad at their jobs. If they were at least efficient, I would sleep better. As far as I know, a list of all my phone calls are currently sitting in a dumpster next to the name of the guy carrying the nuclear football.
Comment: "We need to catch the bad guys, and anything is worth --"
Answer: Have you secured the ports yet? Secured the chemical plants? Figured out a way to scan all the luggage on US flights? Worked out the kinks in the retarded "No Fly" list? Started buying up some of the 2,000 loose nukes in Russia? Gotten first responders the equipment they need in case of emergency? Fixed FEMA and Homeland Security? Caught Osama Bin Laden? Tell you what, nail down the jobs that don't require you to wipe your ass with the Constitution first.
Oh, and to save some time in the Comments section:Comment: You can't ask the President to protect us, and then not let him do his job!
Answer: There is nothing stopping the President from doing his job. That law may well be the easiest law in the world to follow, subject to the loosest court in the land. To boil it down mathematically, if you had an arrangement by which you could fuck other women, then three days later tell your wife, and 98% of the time your wife said "Sure, whatever," you would still be working under stricter rules than the FISA law.
To extend the metaphor, if you told me you can not get laid enough under that relationship, I can only surmise that is because you are up to some very, very dodgy stuff. The legal equivalent of furries. Trek Furries. Scat Trek Furries. With Electro.
Comment: "This is no big deal, and you have to trust the people in power to do the right thing."
Answer: Ahem. The entire FUCKING POINT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA IS THAT YOU DON'T "JUST TRUST SOMEONE" BECAUSE THEY ARE IN POWER. Thomas Jefferson would stab you in the neck with a spoon if he heard you say that.On a more specific note, there may be some Administrations I would barely consider trusting with this sort of behaviour. The one with Karl Rove in it? Not so much. Even if there's no malice aforethought, these are the people who fucked up New Orleans. These are the people who fucked up Iraq. They are just very bad at their jobs. If they were at least efficient, I would sleep better. As far as I know, a list of all my phone calls are currently sitting in a dumpster next to the name of the guy carrying the nuclear football.
Comment: "We need to catch the bad guys, and anything is worth --"
Answer: Have you secured the ports yet? Secured the chemical plants? Figured out a way to scan all the luggage on US flights? Worked out the kinks in the retarded "No Fly" list? Started buying up some of the 2,000 loose nukes in Russia? Gotten first responders the equipment they need in case of emergency? Fixed FEMA and Homeland Security? Caught Osama Bin Laden? Tell you what, nail down the jobs that don't require you to wipe your ass with the Constitution first.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
The Evolution Of Dance
Via Side Notes, who is, by the way, a very fine poker player. Are we playing this week?
Be sure to watch with sound on.
Be sure to watch with sound on.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Etiquette Question
What's the appropriate number of times to thank someone for sending you information? That is, I requested several pieces of data about printing capabilities from a colleague. The colleague responded with three separate emails. Do I say "Thanks!" three times? Or just once? I'm leaning towards once, but don't want to offend.
Monday, May 01, 2006
The Wages of Fear
Matt has a great post up about fear and how it has driven the country. Nice post. Within in it, he quotes a Bush supporter.
First, you need to understand my one fundamental assumption: that Islamic Fundamentalism must be stopped now, and that any price we pay now will be less than the price we pay if we do not confront immediately and aggressively....
Going back to my fundamental assumption, you have to understand that I feel we're in a time where we may have to do a great many shitty things to come out of this alive. You're worried about moral high ground, and I'm worried about Americans everywhere still being able to suck oxygen.Any temporal, ethical, or spiritual price we pay will be terrible, but it will be infinitely less terrible than the price we have to pay if we continue to ignore the wolves at our door. All in all, it would seem that my willingness to do the exact opposite of what I was taught would make me a pretty poor Christian. I'm not happy about that, but I accept it. If it means that the next generation can finally have a chance to grow up in an era without fear, then I'll support any number of ruthless deeds without hesitation.
Two problems here. First, this shows a basic misunderstanding of Islam and the threat posed by Bin Laden and his forces. Simply put, there is no monolithic Islamic threat looking to tear down the west. None. Never has been. Our actions, including torture and abuse, have done far more to grow the size of the threat against us than anything Bin Laden ever did. W. is the single biggest recruiter for Islamic terrorism in the history of the world. He couldn't have done more to create and incite an enemy against us if he had tried.
Second, the statement shows a glaring lack of knowledge of U.S. history. There has never been a generation to grow up without fear, and there will never be a generation to grow up without fear. Further, the threat we currently face is nowhere near as significant as threats we have faced in the past, and yet we didn't have to resort to these sorts of measures (at least not on this scale) to prevail. There are no wolves at the door, at least not any wolves more dangerous or more frightening than the wolves that have been at the door in the past. For just one example, no one with any sense or knowledge of history can reasonably claim that the threat from Islamic terrorist is greater than the threat of nuclear destruction posed during the Cold War. And yet we didn’t completely abandon our principles and freedoms to fight that threat. We didn’t need to; we don’t need to now.
Further, it’s not just that going against what you were taught is proper conduct makes you a bad Christian, it also makes you a bad American. The freedoms and rights in the U.S. Constitution don’t just make America different from other nations – these are the things that make us the greatest of all nations. How can one sell out these freedoms and rights and still make a claim to being an American? There is no America without them.
Shortly after 9-11, the popular statement was that the terrorists hated us for our freedoms. It's not true, obviously not true. It was our actions, not our beliefs, that made us a target. (Let me insert the mandatory disclaimer that our actions around the globe did not justify the attacks on 9-11.) The past few years have shown that the people who truly hate our freedoms are the Administration and their supporters. But if the terrorists truly hated us for our freedoms, wouldn't we want to do all we can to support and celebrate and encourage and protect those freedoms? If they truly hate us for our freedoms, isn't restricting or eliminating those freedoms actually a form of caving in to the terrorists?
First, you need to understand my one fundamental assumption: that Islamic Fundamentalism must be stopped now, and that any price we pay now will be less than the price we pay if we do not confront immediately and aggressively....
Going back to my fundamental assumption, you have to understand that I feel we're in a time where we may have to do a great many shitty things to come out of this alive. You're worried about moral high ground, and I'm worried about Americans everywhere still being able to suck oxygen.Any temporal, ethical, or spiritual price we pay will be terrible, but it will be infinitely less terrible than the price we have to pay if we continue to ignore the wolves at our door. All in all, it would seem that my willingness to do the exact opposite of what I was taught would make me a pretty poor Christian. I'm not happy about that, but I accept it. If it means that the next generation can finally have a chance to grow up in an era without fear, then I'll support any number of ruthless deeds without hesitation.
Two problems here. First, this shows a basic misunderstanding of Islam and the threat posed by Bin Laden and his forces. Simply put, there is no monolithic Islamic threat looking to tear down the west. None. Never has been. Our actions, including torture and abuse, have done far more to grow the size of the threat against us than anything Bin Laden ever did. W. is the single biggest recruiter for Islamic terrorism in the history of the world. He couldn't have done more to create and incite an enemy against us if he had tried.
Second, the statement shows a glaring lack of knowledge of U.S. history. There has never been a generation to grow up without fear, and there will never be a generation to grow up without fear. Further, the threat we currently face is nowhere near as significant as threats we have faced in the past, and yet we didn't have to resort to these sorts of measures (at least not on this scale) to prevail. There are no wolves at the door, at least not any wolves more dangerous or more frightening than the wolves that have been at the door in the past. For just one example, no one with any sense or knowledge of history can reasonably claim that the threat from Islamic terrorist is greater than the threat of nuclear destruction posed during the Cold War. And yet we didn’t completely abandon our principles and freedoms to fight that threat. We didn’t need to; we don’t need to now.
Further, it’s not just that going against what you were taught is proper conduct makes you a bad Christian, it also makes you a bad American. The freedoms and rights in the U.S. Constitution don’t just make America different from other nations – these are the things that make us the greatest of all nations. How can one sell out these freedoms and rights and still make a claim to being an American? There is no America without them.
Shortly after 9-11, the popular statement was that the terrorists hated us for our freedoms. It's not true, obviously not true. It was our actions, not our beliefs, that made us a target. (Let me insert the mandatory disclaimer that our actions around the globe did not justify the attacks on 9-11.) The past few years have shown that the people who truly hate our freedoms are the Administration and their supporters. But if the terrorists truly hated us for our freedoms, wouldn't we want to do all we can to support and celebrate and encourage and protect those freedoms? If they truly hate us for our freedoms, isn't restricting or eliminating those freedoms actually a form of caving in to the terrorists?
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